Autistic Out Loud

My experience with autism. Late diagnosed female. This is my autism blog Take back my life blog Prove I'm alright blog

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When people find out I'm autistic they seem to only choose one of these 2 to say to me

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For those of you that know what it's like to start a day with no energy (no spoons) and not be able to do even simple things.

If you did even 1 thing today - maybe you had a shower, or made a phone call you needed to or walked your dog.

I'm proud of you. I know how much that can take sometimes.

We autistic people use so much energy alp the time trying to be "normal" and od normal things and been over stimulated and such, sometimes you need a day when you do nothing but recharge - if you need to do it, do it, and don't feel shit about it because you deserve it

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Positive vibes #2

I still take childlike joy in things. My inner child is strong

I dragged my friend into a chemist the other day because as we were walking past I spotted an aquarium at the back so in we went to look.

And it was amazing and my friend was glad I took her. Had Dory fish and crustaceans and even an eel!

I also look at the world around me a lot more than others, and I spot thing they miss (like birds nests and lizards)

I even do things that you couldn't wait to do as an adult, like I bought myself an ice cream cake! It wasn't my birthday or anything like that but I wanted it and I deserved it and no one could stop me!

The other day I skipped through the grass when walking my dog and it was amazing!

So many people grow up and loose touch with the child inside them and that wonder

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SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!!

Credit: neurowild

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Contrary to popular belief, autistic people are very aware of their issues and behaviour.

We know when we are over thinking

We know when we are stimming

We know when we're being paranoid

We even generally know when we did something awkward or not very socially acceptable (we usually realise just as we are doing it or after)

The list goes on

The thing is, we are exposed to it often, and we've had it pointed out to us for a long time. We've had people tell us we are doing something (eg. Being paranoid) all the time.

So we are very aware of it.

And a lot of the time, for me at least, when people think I'm being something, I'm not, or I'm not doing it in the over-the-top way they think I am.

I ended up staying in a job where I was severely bullied because every time I tried to bring it up with my boss they'd just say I was being paranoid or looking into it too much.

So I ended up taking notes of all the things and giving my boss the notes after resigning and they were all like "why didn't you come to me about this earlier?" And were very taken aback and a bit ashamed when I reminded them I had tried, on multiple occasions.

So just don't.

Don't think we aren't aware or don't know.

Be supportive not judgemental

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I'd rather be treated like a child than treated like people currently treat me like

Make people treat us weirdly thanks to preconceived notions of what autism is and how "negative" it is. I've had people decide I couldn't do things that I obviously could do, I've had people talk down to me, it's weird.

But if you want an idea in your head of what an autistic person is like, remove the one you have thanks to pop culture/tv shows/movies and instead, this will sound weird, but think of us like a child you've just met. Because we have a lot in common with small children (no matter where we are "on the spectrum"):

We can be very naive

Unsure of social etiquette

Have big emotions/sometimes get overwhelmed.

Get distracted easily

Afraid of jump scares and loud noises

Have comfort items

Weird interests

Our conversations can go on magical journeys that don't seem to connect to others

We have weird interests

Our bodies are constantly moving

Sometimes we struggle to communicate

Don't talk down to us, even children hate that. But if you had just met a kid and they did weird movements like twisting their leg, and talked a lot about trains or something, you wouldn't hold that against them would you? You'd also be more understanding if they struggled with communication or do something not "socially acceptable"

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Positive Vibe #1

I can pretty much learn to do, and be fairly good at, anything, very quickly. I pick up skills like a horder.

Like I've done dancing, sports (netball, sailing, rock climbing, tennis, cricket and more), maths, science, IT, music, learning new languages, acting, singing, clowning, arts and crafts (face painting, sewing, painting, mock rocks), haircuts (human and animal), photography, video games, the list goes on....

I pick up most things so easy and generally am decent at it very quickly - I gave my dad a haircut during covid lockdown and while I took a while the first time it was actually quite good and the second time I was quicker at it and now I do his haircuts.

The only time I've ever found something I can't do well or easily is writing. I can write if I have to but I'm better at communicating through speech. The best writing I ever do is when I'm super pissed off and I have a rant. Lol.

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stupid ass people..

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YES. I need to know the answers to why things are the way they are. And why we don’t change/fix things.

Autism

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Everyone should question why something is the way it is.

Firstly it helps people understand and remember

Secondly it makes sure we adapt and change things as we adapt and change. Things shouldn't be the way they were in the 1900s just because they always have been!

I feel like Autistic people are just so on top of this. For example, training people in one of my old jobs we had to clean out the animals water containers daily - some had rocks in the containers. I would explain to people the rocks were in the plastic containers so if any insects or little lizards or mice or anything (we were in the bush) fell in they could climb out, as wet plastic is too slippery. All the people I trained remembered this and all waters that needed to have rocks in them did - and the rocks were to the size and out of the water so they could be of use> Those who didn't ask or get trained by me assumed the rocks were to stop the animals tipping the water over and didn't do the rocks properly.

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Autistic people are handy

This won't be for everyone but sometimes I hear or see or read about something, and usually something that causes conflict and I think, we should have Autistic people mediate and respond to this.

Couple of reasons:

1st; most Autistic people have experience trying to fit in and having to change the way they do things for other people and such so we know how to look at things from different perspectives

2nd; if we don't know about something we research it, and research it good.

3rd; I have really high empathy (as do a lot of autistics, especially women) and are good at hearing people's side of the story and listening to opposing arguments

4th; We have a strong sense of justice. We know what's right and what's wrong - legally and morally - we understand context can affect the situation and also that the punishment should fit the crime. We are huge supporters of those being maligned, dismissed, ignored, etc.

5th; we are honest, like almost to the point of being brutal sometimes. I don't have time for bullshit. I can barely function while remembering the truth let alone trying to come up with and remember lies and such.

So for example, at the moment a lot of people are discussing Australia Day and on both sides people are getting all uppity and argumentative (I want to stress that I don't think EVERYONE is, but a lot of people are getting really passionate about this)

To me it seems simple. Fact: Australia day is on the 26th of January Fact: We celebrate it on the 26th January because that's the day the British Flag was raised when the First Fleet (who arrived in Botany Bay on the 18th) moved to Port Jackson Fact: For many Years Australia Day was celebrated as the day white people came to Australia and made it Australia Fact: Aboriginal People were forced to re-enact the arrival of the First Fleet on Australia Day for many many years. Fact: The British claiming Australia as theirs (by raising the flag on the 26th) was the start of many decades of horror for Aboriginal Australians; attacks, rape, massacres, stealing their children, plagues, stealing their land, poisonings, the list of atrocities is long and disgusting

Fact: In today's world we use Australia Day to celebrate being Australian, instead of the arrival of the first fleet. Fact: The date 26th January is a day of mourning for Aboriginal Australians and is not a time to celebrate, no matter what we are celebrating.

As I see it we should change the date, because, if it is how a lot of people who are against changing the date say it is - that the focus is on celebrating Australia, being Australian and coming together - then we shouldn't have it on a date that is so negative for a large population of Australians. I've seen the 8th May suggested as a new date, and honestly that's awesome because it's may-eight (mate) day.

We need to acknowledge that that date is a horrible one for many and just because it's in the past shouldn't mean we just forget about it. Just because it's always been that way doesn't make it ok. To move forward we need to acknowledge this, let 26th January become a proper day of mourning. Use it as a day to get education about Aboriginal history out there - it's only but acknowledging the past that we can build a better future, you can't just pretend it didn't happen. And then have a separate day, one we can all enjoy, mark Australia Day.

Let's break it down: 1 side wants to celebrate Australia day as it is, and ignore what's happened in the past and that it hurts people. The other side, doesn't want to stop us celebrating Australia day, just wants us to change the date and acknowledge what happened in the past. Seems simple to me - why is everyone arguing so much?! And it's probably going to be a bit difficult to find a new date, as there will be other things on that date or near that date, but we should be able to find one that is better than what we have. Then we can all move forward TOGETHER

It's like asking Jews to celebrate something on the 20th May - the day Auschwitz concentration camps were established. That's just wrong.

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Representation matters

We are finally getting some better, human representation but it's still VERY stereotyped and such.

But it's getting there.

Meanwhile I want to be a wombat.

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Labels are a double edged sword

So while most agree that the labels "mild" and "high functioning" are both ridiculous and offensive labels can also be a good thing.

Hear me out.

While we have gotten rid of idiot savant and aspergers we are all put under the one umbrella ASD - autism spectrum disorder This is a label and when I finally was diagnosed, being able to have a word what all the stuff I was going through, and had been through and all my quirks and such was a relief, and even though a lot of people see autism as a negative, still, being able to say "I have autism" did usually lead to a little more understanding sent my way.

We can all agree that no 2 people experience autism the same (no-one really experiences anything the same, lets be real)

The second type of labelling we have is the levels. I fully agree "mild" and "high functioning" are ridiculous, as they don't encompass the full experience we have and our needs, and make it sound like we are always ok and are just being snowflakes. It's also offensive to those not considered mild or high functioning as it makes them seem unintelligent and lesser.

The levels are much better as they address our NEEDS.

Don't get me wrong, they aren't perfect but we do need labels. Why? because we need a way to easily communicate where we are at and what we need and help NTs understand us better.

These labels are used to access support and services (in Australia, what level you are diagnosed with directly relates to how much NDIS funding you get)

But they also help us navigate each other. I saw a story about how someone's kid met another in a playground and they were both autistic and one kid asked the other what level they are and from there they helped each other. It was a super sweet story.

The labels aren't perfect but they are getting better and better, and that's all we can really ask for. I look at it as a way to educate and move forward to better labels, better understanding and a better future.

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"Can't you just be more normal?"

Autistic people, especially those considered "mild" or "high functioning" (I talk about labels in another post) are often told to "try harder" to fit in and be "more normal"

And it's super fucking offensive and complete bullshit. Because person A being aware that person B has a disability but fully expects that only person B should have to change the way they do anything and Person A can just keep going and not help out at all.

Let me put it this way

You're in a room with someone who can't walk. Over to the side is a wheelchair. You can either: a.) Ask them if the need help - maybe you move the wheelchair closer, maybe you take them to the wheelchair. Always ask how you can help, don't assume you know what help the need or b.) You can tell them to try harder to fit in and be more normal.

Most people would think the choice is obvious, and for those with visible disabilities society does tend to be more aware of what to do. But for those with invisible disabilities people expect us to do all the work. We have things that we do for disabilities that are social acceptable, like disabled parking spots, wheelchair ramps, sensitive/quiet business hours, but a lot of abled people don't seem to understand or know what to do unless it's already a thing. Most of the time they just don't think. Society needs to be less selfish in general - it would make everyone's lives better.

and really, if we were all the same society wouldn't work. We all have different strengths and weaknesses and lets be real, if we were all the same it'd be boring AF.

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Maybe it's just me

People seem to think that some things are ok, if they are little things, or if the person did good or something. Like you can break or bend the rules if they are little rules or if you make up for it in some other way.

I get that there's context - speeding because you have someone bleeding out in your car or something- but some people really frustrate me when they act like it's not a big deal - when it is.

For example, people who read and follow the bible but are against things like gay marriage, because of the bible, but are ok with things like adultery. Like that's in the 12 commandments, so a big deal, gay marriage isn't but some people will hold so tight against it!

People who are against speed cameras, because they are just revenue raisers or whatever. In my local area (in NSW Australia) there are so many people who speed in areas they really shouldn't and I see them get caught and they complain, but bitch you knew it was wrong, you put people's lives at risk. You did the crime, you do the time. And on that show "you can't ask that" when they talked to people who had killed someone a lot of them wished they hadn't thought what they were doing was ok because it was a once off or they thought they were fine (in regards to drink driving or speeding).

I got caught jaywalking once, JAYWALKING, (talk about minor crime) still I copped it and I paid the fine, because, yeah, I did it and it's against the law. Doesn't matter that there were no cars around or anything.

Like people who make out someone was a hero who did a lot for animals, and yet they also did dodgy stuff with those animals, and people are like "Yeah but they did SO MUCH good" Oh so like those priests who diddled children should have gotten away with it because they also did good. People don't like it when I make that comparison.

But here's the thing. Rules are there for a reason - in some instances they can be broken, very rarely - but understand that if you break them you may have to pay the consequences.

And DON'T be one of those people who says one thing and does another, or sticks to one rule but not other similar ones. I know someone who hates people who speed through school zones but will legit do 80km/hr in a 50km/hr zone in a suburban home area where there are kids about