Imperfect Perfectionist

I dump thoughts, tidbits, perspectives from my personal life and my career in surgery. I'm not perfect, no one is..so come hangout with me on this adventure, internet friend. 

[thepowerwithin]

Do not develop a fear of the unknown, but an anticipation. You have no idea how many great things it may hold.

Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

[purplebuddhaquotes]

I wonder how much of what weighs me down is not mine to carry.

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[averageperfectionist-blog]

02/25/19 - Souffle

Im having a great Monday so far, I went to the gym in the morning and had a nice relaxing breakfast at Panera. I tried the souffle for the first time ever and thought it was okay. The cheese in the middle definitely tasted familiar but not something I loved. Clinic all day today, the attending I’m with is rather speedy and efficient though so hopefully it will pass by quickly! Have a great Monday everyone!

[averageperfectionist-blog]

02/22/2019 Balance

I’ve made it to Friday, and it has been a very interesting week both personally and professionally. I find myself exhausted in a good way. Personally, I had a date with the preschool teacher I am casually dating. She brought an early dinner over and we spent some time together for the first time in 5 weeks. All in all lots of laughing and relaxing.

Professionally, I’ve gotten a chance to see several surgeries and think that the work some of these surgeons do is amazing. Literally removed cancer and gave women a chance at a longer life. I was allowed to suture a little bit in the operating room and it has motivated me to practice suturing at home. It’s a little intimidating but I think just starting and doing it are things that can help me on my way. I spent the morning at Panera organizing and getting the next week in order. 

[thepowerwithin]

Are you able to go for a whole day without any form of negative judgement? Try it. It’s astounding have magnificent of a change it may make.

Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

[averageperfectionist-blog]

This is one of my goals. No negativity.

[thefugitivesaint]

Edoardo Gioja (1862-1937), ‘Four Seasons’’, “The Studio”, #21, 1901 Source

[averageperfectionist-blog]

really pretty depiction

[averageperfectionist-blog]

02/17/2019 Sunday

Never underestimate the power of caffeine regardless of your tolerance. I stopped caffeine intake around noon yesterday and slept like a baby. Compare this with two nights ago when I had a white chocolate mocha at starbucks around 4pm and had a very difficult time sleeping and woke up unrested the next morning. 

Best meme of the week: “Reminder to stay hydrated, and not give a fuck what people think. I’m going to be productive for a few hours. Last day of vacation as I have to start working again.

[averageperfectionist-blog]

02/16/2019

Today started on a great note, I made banana pancakes had a cup of coffee and now I can sit down and be productive all afternoon. I have decided that my office although dangerous is a good spot for studying as everything is within reach and I am comfortable I will limit my coffee shop exposure until I am fully healed.

[averageperfectionist-blog]

02152019 - Sleep is Life

When I was dating the graduate biology student, I slept really soundly in her room. I never sleep soundly outside of my bed, I suspect the reason for this is the dohm classic white noise machine that she had. Even if I woke up at night, I’d soundly go right back to sleep as the noise of the machine lulled me back to sleep. I saw it on slickdeals and bought it today...I really hope it isnt a waste of money. Today should be an interesting day:

>  I had my doctors appointment

>  Got my car’s oil changed

>  Haircut for my new shift on Monday

[purplebuddhaquotes]

One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Do it now.

Paulo Coelho (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[averageperfectionist-blog]

02/14/2019 - Singles Awareness Day

I’ve been meaning to type something here everyday as a form of self reflection. Something that can pull me out of the depression, ease the anxiety, and give me something to look forward to. It’s hard to talk to people about whats going on because they are either subjective, objective or dont care. Everybody wants to talk but nobody wants to listen. And as someone who is always a listener I need a medium in which I can say what I want to say, and talk about whatever I want to talk about. So if you’re reading this and decide to follow on this journey....I promise...we are going to have a very interesting adventure together.

[findingfitnessover50-deactivate]

[averageperfectionist-blog]

11/25/2018 routines

The past month I have not been responsible for my health and stopped going to the gym. In a sequence if events my depression got worse, I stopped working out, I ate unhealthy and excessively->made me feel worse so I put my self in a ditch. To alleviate this from ever happening again, I have set routines for the morning and afternoon. I feel like I am slowly getting back in the swing of things.

It has also occurred to me that I might have been burned out after 4 months of constant work and grinding without any break. I need to get better at that now that mandatory evaluations and examinations are complete.

Logically if I schedule right, I should get ny work done and have time for guilt free, stress relieving play times. 

[averageperfectionist-blog]

11/13/18

Over the past few weeks, my depression seemed to have taken over and I took a few steps backward. However, I sought help...from my psychiatrist, and am planning on reimplementing things that have helped pull me out of this depression. I reinstated my gym membership, bought a bright light therapy lamp, and am trying to work on my diet.

I don't know where I will be this time of year next year and I feel that uncertainty is what has been throwing me off. There is nothing I can do anymore as my application for work has been submitted. Maybe it’s that feeling of not being able to do anything and no positive results are what caused me to feel that way.

I have a few weeks off of work to recollect myself and get ready for the next several months. I have to not worry, whatever happens, I will have a job next year. I put this pressure on myself for no reason. I know that no matter what I kept trying and gave it my best. With this career that’s all, I can do. I am resilient and will continue to be so no matter how hard or impossible things get.