He’s a “If I fits, I sits” hall of famer
“I WILL FITS”
Claire Keane
Cosmic Funnies

ellievsbear
tumblr dot com
Sade Olutola
Xuebing Du
i don't do bad sauce passes
Sweet Seals For You, Always
styofa doing anything
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
wallacepolsom
Mike Driver
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

roma★

titsay

oozey mess
NASA
Misplaced Lens Cap
Jules of Nature

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@avivelevovi
He’s a “If I fits, I sits” hall of famer
“I WILL FITS”
Nutella Pizza with Strawberries
½ Cup Low Fat Milk ½ Cup Water 2 ¼ Teaspoons Instant Yeast ¼ Cup Sugar 1 Egg 3 Tablespoons Plain Greek Yogurt 2 Teaspoons Sea Salt 2 Cup All-Purpose Flour 2 Cups Cake Flour 1 Tablespoon of water Nutella Strawberries Warm the milk and water in the microwave. Do not use hot water. If it gets to hot let it cool a touch. Add the sugar and yeast and let proof (let it get all foamy and puffy). I realize you don’t need to with instant yeast, but I do anyway. This should take about 10 minutes. In a large bowl add the egg, yogurt, and salt. Whisk to combine. Once the yeast has proofed, add it to the large bowl with the other ingredients and stir until smooth. Add the flour and mix until the dough begins to come together. Begin to knead the dough, until you produce a smooth ball. I almost always need one additional tablespoon of water. However, I have occasionally skipped it. If you are struggling to get a smooth dough, go ahead and add it. Place the dough in a lightly oiled (olive oil) bowl, cover and let rise in a warm place, for 30-60 minutes. Heat the grill to medium high. Using a lightly oiled paper towel, wipe down the grill so the bread wont stick. Place the dough on a lightly floured surface and cut in half, and then into thirds. Roll each dough piece out (no need to make it even), about ¼-½" thick. Place on the grill and cook for a few minutes per side or until grill marks begin to appear. Do not over cook, or it will be quite dry and cardboard like. Flip to the other side and cook for a minute or two and then spread a good heaping of nutella over the top. Remove from the grill and top with fresh berries. Serve immediately.
Heather Buchanan
In Love with these scene ***
k why is this gif the funniest shit i’ve ever seen it makes me feel like i’m entering another plane of reality
ok guys I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this gif since I saw it and I just need to unpack its various elements for a second:
1. the central tension of this scene, obviously, which is thor realizing jeff goldblum dicked down his kid brother
2. the fact that jeff goldblum either apparently never learned how to wink OR is trying and failing to bat his eyelashes
3. the way loki opens his mouth as if to try to explain himself to thor and then looks back at jeff goldblum and decides, nah, we’re good, there’s no coming back from this one
4. the fact that whoever made this gif decided this scene wasn’t hysterical enough on its own and added dramatic telenovela zooms
5. the combined effect of all of these elements being that not only can I not stop thinking about this gif but also I hear the kill bill siren whenever I look at it
David Harbour Promises Justice for Barb in Stranger Things
PETA being shredded renews my life.
this is either the dumbest thing I’ve ever made or the culmination
Me: “How can I help you today, ma'am?” Client: “Is e-mail internet”? Me: “I beg your pardon?” Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?” Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.” Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.” Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?” Client: “Open what?” Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?” Client: “My…my…?” Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?” Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.” Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?” Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?” Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?” Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.” Me: “No, ma'am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?” Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?” Me: “We…okay, ma'am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?” Client: “My what?” Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?” Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.” Me: “An error message?” Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.” Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?” Client: “Yes.”
Me: “Move it for me.” Client: “Move it?” Me: “Yes. Move it.” Client: “My e-mail!”
This post gave me a fucking ulcer.
You meet people like this at the library. People who have been coming in every day for YEARS to use the computers and monopolize your time with conversations like this, that seem to go out of their way to avoid listening to anything you try to teach them because they’d rather you just do it for them.
So one day, this tiny, frail little woman comes to the desk with a huge folder of papers under her arm. She says “I need to use one of the computers,” and I’m like “alright, I’ll set you up with a guest account.”
And then she says “I’ll also need you to show me how to use a computer. I’m 97 years old and I’ve never even touched one before, but I need to file my health information and they told me I needed to do it using this,” and she holds out a little scrap of paper with a url scrawled on it in a shaky hand.
And I’m just mentally like ‘oh no,’ but I say of course I can help her. So I sit her down and sign her in, and she stops me to ask basically what the mouse is, and I explain it, but I’m just thinking that this is going to take a million years. But I start doing a quick and dirty run down of the parts of the computer, the programs, the desktop, what a url is and what the Internet is, what a search engine is, what websites are, and so on.
She doesn’t interrupt or ask any questions or anything, and then I’m like ‘okay let’s go to this url’ and it’s an interactive, multi-page form that she needs to put all that info in her folder into and submit, and I’m just terrified as I’m explaining it that I’m going to spend all day with this woman.
But she’s just like “alright. I think I’ve got it.” And she must have had a secretary job back in the typewriter days, because she just *whips* through the first page of the form and submits and goes on to the next, and tells me she’ll find me if she needs me.
She came over once to tell me she needed an email address and wanted to know how to set one up - I told her about her options and she picked Gmail and went back to the computer and set it up all by herself, and got her information all filed properly in about an hour and a half – and she’d NEVER used a computer before in her LIFE.
When she was done, she came over to ask me how to turn it off and I showed her and she thanked me for being so patient, and I told her quite honestly that I’d NEVER seen a novice adult pick up using a computer so fast.
And she said “oh, but it’s so simple! And so useful! My grandkids made it sound so difficult, but I’m going to pick up my own computer tomorrow!”
And I think she must have, because I never saw her in the library again.
Anyway I hope I’m that quick when I’m 97.
my parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying
you know how much pressure there is on girls to be good at every video game they play, because if they fuck up once there’s going to be a heck of a lot of people saying how girls suck and how they shouldn’t play video games
THIS THIS THIS THIS THING RIGHT HERE IS DA SHIT MAN
Tumblr: *rolls out “best stuff first”*
My blog:
on the one hand this is a joke post because lol i have never made a good post in my life, but also, if i hadn’t made the connection between this update and my sudden nosedive in activity, i would have been really fucking discouraged about all the shit i’ve been working on lately. i guarantee there are people on tumblr right now who haven’t made that connection, and who are trying to figure out why suddenly no one likes anything they’ve made. and that fucking sucks.
Samsung threw all the damn shade at IPhone. These bitches are shaking the table
I have iPhone but this video is so true. Kick that dumb wig off samsung
samsung said everybody with a iphone got a fucked up hairline
Hairline look like a usb charger
Our favorite Stranger Things mums *__*
(via RyanAbe)
IT’S NOT ‘PEEKED’ MY INTEREST
OR ‘PEAKED’
BUT PIQUED
‘PIQUED MY INTEREST’
THIS HAS BEEN A CAPSLOCK PSA
THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY USEFUL THANK YOU
ADDITIONALLY:
YOU ARE NOT ‘PHASED’. YOU ARE ‘FAZED.’
IF IT HAS BEEN A VERY LONG DAY, YOU ARE ‘WEARY’. IF SOMEONE IS ACTING IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU SUSPICIOUS, YOU ARE ‘WARY’.
ALL IN ‘DUE’ TIME, NOT ‘DO’ TIME
‘PER SE’ NOT ‘PER SAY’
THANK YOU
BREATHE - THE VERB FORM IN PRESENT TENSE
BREATH - THE NOUN FORM
THEY ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE
WANDER - TO WALK ABOUT AIMLESSLY
WONDER - TO THINK OF IN A DREAMLIKE AND/OR WISTFUL MANNER
THEY ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE (but one’s mind can wander)
DEFIANT - RESISTANT DEFINITE - CERTAIN
WANTON - DELIBERATE AND UNPROVOKED ACTION (ALSO AN ARCHAIC TERM FOR A PROMISCUOUS WOMAN)
WONTON - IT’S A DUMPLING THAT’S ALL IT IS IT’S A FUCKING DUMPLING
BAWL- TO SOB/CRY
BALL- A FUCKING BALL
YOU CANNOT “BALL” YOUR EYES OUT
AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE, IT’S NOT “SIKE”; IT’S “PSYCH”. AS IN “I PSYCHED YOU OUT”; BECAUSE YOU MOMENTARILY MADE SOMEONE BELIEVE SOMETHING THAT WASN’T TRUE.
THANK YOU.
*slams reblog*
IT’S ‘MIGHT AS WELL’. ‘MIND AS WELL’ DOES NOT MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE.
SLEIGHT - DEXTERITY, ARTIFICE, CRAFT (FROM ‘SLY’) SLIGHT - VERY LITTLE, FRAIL, DELICATE
IT’S ‘SLEIGHT OF HAND’.
DISCRETE - SEPARATE, DISTINCT, PARTED
DISCREET - SUBTLE, STEALTHY, DIPLOMATIC
AND TO CONTINUE THE OP’S THEME
IT’S SNEAK PEEK
NOT SNEAK PEAK
A SNEAK PEAK WOULD BE A MOUNTAIN ENGAGED IN ESPIONAGE
THEY ARE VERY LARGE AND WOULD FIND THIS GENERALLY DIFFICULT
THANK
(OH AND ONE OTHER THING
BULLION = PRECIOUS METAL
BOUILLON = STOCK, FROM THE FRENCH “BOUILLER,” TO BOIL)
SHUDDER:
SHUTTER:
NOT SAME NOT SAME
sleight of hand: magic tricks slight of hand: President-Elect
I love this post so much oh my god 😂
“A MOUNTAIN ENGAGED IN ESPIONAGE” I’m losing my shit
To my followers who speak & write in English as a second language: the caps locks and the frustration might come across as scary or even personally pointed, but all the information is valuable, even (and lbr ESPECIALLY) to native English speakers & writers!
do any of you regularly think “FUCKKK i started talking about myself again im so conceited” while having a normal conversation with someone
I’M JUST TRYING TO BE RELATABLE TO HELP EASE YOUR PAIN: a novel
Is your dad Ron Swanson? (via blooper2112)
this is the money axe of good fortune, reblog to receive money and axes