Avoidant Tomato

a personal blog to dump complaining and such. send messages via Ask unless you don't mind waiting for a reply (i use mobile browser a lot). co-admin of avpd community.

[avoidanttomato]

Almost didn't go to the doctor today couldn't be fucked but I just scraped enough energy so now I'm starting antidepressant #2. Let's see if this one works.

[bp-done]

I hate when I get mad or upset because I literally have no idea if I’m overreacting or not anymore.

Even when I’m sure I’m in the right I hold myself back because what if I’m not? what if I’m being manipulative?

well, hey, at least if I let everyone walk all over me they won’t leave, right?

[mae0x]

i have to throw up emotionally

[avoidanttomato]

Okay I deleted Tumblr a few weeks ago to like encourage myself to get into the real world and it worked but holy shit I am having a really tough time rn and I am a hairs width away from a frustration breakdown so I need to get this shit off my chest

I have been in an unbreakable rut for over a month nothing helps I don’t enjoy anything I am forcing myself to do shit I like and I don’t like it

I hate my work it’s never ending and not challenging and I struggle to get there everyday I accomplish nothing there for pennies

I’m feeling so lonely BC my mum has moved away, the (first) guy I’m “dating” wants distance and I’m not coping or accepting that I know hes not feeling it and I snapped at my best friend/roomate the other day and she says she’s not mad but I have barely seen her since

And now to top it off, I have not had semi-satisfying sex in a month, either he didn’t wanna see me or it was one sided, and I was holding to the chance I might get it this weekend and my calender just notified me that I am due for my period any fucking day now, completely eliminating the small hope I was hanging onto

Literally NEED some intimacy and pleasure and NOW I CANT GET IT words cannot describe how hungry I am for some decent damn company

Ever since I moved out of home I have forgotten how to be alone I got a taste of what it’s like to be wanted and now anything less feels like a personal attack and I get lonely as shit

Thank you

[avoidanttomato]

Alright had my pity party spent the whole morning in bed but I rescheduled a missed therapy app and booked to see the doc for more antidepressants tomorrow

[exxos-von-steamboldt]

[stormchildknight]

A

[mugwomps]

A Bird of Humour

[elodieunderglass]

I can’t believe OP downvoted this

[thetypewriterdaily]

instagram : thetypewriterdaily

[avoidanttomato]

Okay I deleted Tumblr a few weeks ago to like encourage myself to get into the real world and it worked but holy shit I am having a really tough time rn and I am a hairs width away from a frustration breakdown so I need to get this shit off my chest

I have been in an unbreakable rut for over a month nothing helps I don't enjoy anything I am forcing myself to do shit I like and I don't like it

I hate my work it's never ending and not challenging and I struggle to get there everyday I accomplish nothing there for pennies

I'm feeling so lonely BC my mum has moved away, the (first) guy I'm "dating" wants distance and I'm not coping or accepting that I know hes not feeling it and I snapped at my best friend/roomate the other day and she says she's not mad but I have barely seen her since

And now to top it off, I have not had semi-satisfying sex in a month, either he didn't wanna see me or it was one sided, and I was holding to the chance I might get it this weekend and my calender just notified me that I am due for my period any fucking day now, completely eliminating the small hope I was hanging onto

Literally NEED some intimacy and pleasure and NOW I CANT GET IT words cannot describe how hungry I am for some decent damn company

Ever since I moved out of home I have forgotten how to be alone I got a taste of what it's like to be wanted and now anything less feels like a personal attack and I get lonely as shit

Thank you

[avoidanttomato]

Okay I waited it out and I feel better. I'm just trying to find ways to pass the time as quick as possible so my roomate comes home sooner (even though it's another week...)

For real I've gone from being with her almost 24/7 calling her on every break at work sleeping in her bed more than my own

to barely hearing her voice in three days and I don't wanna be annoying but like I just wanna chat with her

[avoidanttomato]

I want to die and all I want is my roomate but she's 6 hours away and with her family and I don't want to ruin her trip BC I already have but I need her

[kyleehenke]

hey do you have a tumblr

no sorry

[randomsplashes]

[hemaphobe]

someone: hey how are you

me: moderate to severe

[maureen2musings]

[i-can-only-bliss-out-deactivate]

insanity

[smexytroll-deactivated20180826]

If i lived here I would have to stay inside most of the time because going outside would cause my heart to explode and i think i speak on behlaf of most people too

[ghostcop]

started from the bottom and i am currently still at the bottom

[knifepadme]

i didnt shovel enough driveways as a kid so i didnt build enough character and thats why im the way that i am 

[ferretrade]

i have never had to mow a lawn and you can tell

[avoidanttomato]

Decided I’m not gonna taper off my meds I’m just doing cold turkey BC I’ve only been on them two and half months give or take and I’m on the lowest dose u can get so

[avoidanttomato]

Day five. Was a bad idea. Feel terrible. Energy up, but mood down.

[avoidanttomato]

Day six. Cried. Felt like actually legit killing myself for a minute. Scared myself. Had a bath. Took a pill.

Don't do cold turkey kids. Just don't.

[luxurylearry]