hawkeye

this looks bad... it feels worse .

[awclintno]

Clint Barton: the world's greatest sharpshooter

And biggest futzing dumbass

basics:

age: 38

he/him, cis male

birthday: september 1, 1984

height: 5'9"

weight: 181 pounds

scars: various and sundry, he’s a mess 

likes: arrows, dogs, pizza, coffee

dislikes: tracksuits, decaf, animal abusers, the circus

occupation: avenger?? somehow??? and accidental landlord

short bio: 

clint barton is a certified human disaster. he escaped his abusive home in iowa and joined a circus, but it was a criminal front. he was taught archery and various other skills, but in the end clint wound up taking the fall for a major job. luckily, instead of jail he was given the opportunity to join SHIELD. when the avengers were formed, he was assigned to them. he doesn’t know why, they’re gods and scientists and super soldiers. and he’s… just a guy. but he’s trying his best? 

important stuff to know:

clint wanted to pet a dog, and this led to him owning his apartment building. he is accidental landlord and not very good at it

he owns the dog now! lucky is one-eyed and yellow and his breed is wonderful

he's hard of hearing due to an injury as a child. he wears hearing aids but sometimes takes them out due to discomfort. he can read lips and sign, but he usually just doesn't because he is embarassed

he's very sweet and kind hearted, but also prone to bouts of depression. he struggles with self-worth a lot, but you wouldn't know it looking at him. he's very good at covering it up with a joke and a laugh, but deep down he wonders if anyone would notice if he disappeared

[cptcvrter]

Peggy laughed as she gathered up the paperwork scattered across her desk. “Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, love,” she began, stacking the papers into a neat pile, “but if revenge is what you’re after, you’ll be disappointed. People with accents like ours get away with saying odd things because everything we say somehow still sounds elegant.” She looked up at him with a teasing smile. That was when Peggy noticed something was off. She was about to ask him if he was okay, knowing the mission hadn’t gone exactly as planned, but Clint’s attention had shifted elsewhere. “Hm?” she murmured, her brow furrowing as she followed his gaze towards the window. “Oh, yes. Courtesy of Morgan, actually. She made the pot—so I’m glad they don’t need watering often, because I’m not sure the pot will survive it,” she said with a smirk, sitting on the edge of her desk. “Do I want to know what he said?”

[awclintno]

"No, you sound elegant. He sounds like a pompous jack-off," Clint said, but the crooked grin on his face betrayed the affection in the name-calling. For a second, he thought he might be able to keep it together -- Morgan was a safe topic, basically Peggy's granddaughter, they could talk for hours about the kid. But he was Clint Barton, his own worst enemy at all times. Why are you this way? he berated himself, but aloud he just shrugged, tried to laugh it off. His hand came up to fiddle with his earlobe. "I mean, it's it-- absolutely bananas, completely crazy, I don't know where he-- Or how--" He stopped, clearing his throat. Looked up at Peggy, like she was a life raft that would save him from drowning. If it was anyone else, this would've been easy to laugh about. Or dismiss. But it was Peggy. Angel Eyes, staring back at him in that way of hers. Like he was made of tissue paper and she could see right through him. He wanted to tell her. Wanted to explain that the words had been tumbling around his head since Loki first said them. Slowly at first, barely noticeable, but now it felt like they had wrapped around him, constricting his chest and making it hard to breathe. He couldn't detangle himself, couldn't get away from them, and when his thoughts became that kind of snake-like, he always came to her. So of course he wanted to tell her -- he wanted her to explain it to him. "He called you my girlfriend. So high school, right? And I didn't even get to high school, and I know that, so. Yeah."

[glcriouspvrpose]

"God of mischief," he replied with a smile, tilting his head to the side. "I might be able to fix you, but I never claimed to be a benevolent god." Loki was on his way down when he heard an ungraceful thud behind him. He glanced back to see the result of Clint's attempt to get behind him and rolled his eyes, making his way to the waiting car. With thirty seconds to spare. "Please. The look on your face is nauseating."

[awclintno]

"You're nauseating," Clint hissed as they slid into the backseat. The intern who was driving gave them both a very confused, very eager look, but wisely said nothing. They put the partition up and Clint loosened his tie as the car started moving. "And I'm pretty sure you made up that 'God of mischief' thing just to get away with stuff. Peggy's a friend. I mean, a good friend, sure. Probably one of my closes-- just shut up. Don't even look at me, go back to hating my existence, that was better."

[awclintno]

@cptcvrter

"Hey, if we have to one of those hearing-things about this one, then I want Loki to have to talk at it. I want him to have to say shrimp balls out loud, into a microphone for all of SHIELD's top brass." When Clint didn't know what to say -- or when he had something he was trying not to say, one strategy he used was to just babble. About anything and everything. And right now, Clint was desperately trying not to say, 'Hey Angel-Eyes, wanna know the crazy thing my best buddy said to me today? About you and me?' Because he had a feeling it just wouldn't come out right. No matter how he said it. So he drummed his fingers on his knees and glanced around Peggy's office while she set up for the debrief. "Is that a new succulent in the window? Looks pointy," he said, nodding towards the plant. "For the record, my cover was only almost blown. We probably would've been fine if not for how pissy Loki got in the closet. Hey, wanna know what he said? About you and me?" Well, futz.

[glcriouspvrpose]

One would think, considering he'd technically been the one to control Clint, that the other man would have flinched back when Loki raised a glowing hand to place against the side of his head. Loki wasn't surprised when he didn't. "Didn't think I could do what? Fix you? I mean, I took away the effects of whatever the hell you ingested, but your brain's still fucked up. I can't fix that. I'm not a miracle worker." Loki fixed his suit jacket when they came out of the small closet and if that didn't look weird. He glanced back behind him when Clint spoke up, instructions that hadn't come through his earpiece and only Clint's. He nodded, the corner of his lip quirking upwards. "I was just stuck in a small, confined space with you for twenty minutes. I'm never laughing about this." Loki checked his watch and started down the stairs. "I know you're short as fuck, but I'm not waiting for you if you take longer than two minutes. Also," from where he was halfway down the stairs already, Loki looked up with a small smirk. "Tell your girlfriend thanks."

[awclintno]

"What kind of god are you then?" Clint asked, wrinkling up his nose. "Besides," he added, falling into step beside him. "There was once a time when you would've begged to be in a small confined space with me for twenty minutes. Don't think I've forgotten that." He gave his friend a crooked grin. When they reached the stairwell and Loki taunted him -- both with words and with his futzing longer legs -- Clint stopped. He grabbed a railing and vaulted over the side of it without thinking too too long about it. He landed a step or two behind Loki, in an all right pose, though his knee whined and creaked in a concerning way. "What girlfriend?" he asked, eager to distract from his less than stellar landing, standing up as quickly as he could. "You mean Peggy? That's hysterical, yeah."

[dcys-i-hcte-myself]

Bucky felt like he was being dragged back to reality when he heard a familiar voice, blinking a couple of times before turning to look at Clint. He forced a small smile on his lips, hoping that he wouldn’t ask too much. “Sorry, man.” He stepped away from the coffee pot, not really remembering when he had moved there. “Uh, yeah, just one of those days.”

[awclintno]

Clint nodded soberly, pouring his coffee into a thermos. "You know what I do on those days?" he asked. "Nothing. Like, not the cute, funsy, millennial-type of nothing." He took a slow sip of the coffee, and despite the burn, swallowed it down. "Like, an actual nothing. A 'lay on my couch and stare at the ceiling' kind of nothing. 'Watch the shadows go by on the wall' kind of nothing. On those kind of days, I don't even make it to the office, dude, so... you're doing all right." He tilted his thermos towards Barnes, a sort of mock salute. "Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?"

[dcys-i-hcte-myself]

he’s staring off. nightmares were bad last night and he just can’t seem to shake them off.

[awclintno]

Clint gently, but deliberately tapped the toe of his shoe against Barnes'. "Earth to Barnes. Hello. Hell-ooooo," he drawled. "You're in front of the coffee pot. Normally I wouldn't interrupt a man's daydreams, but... caffeine." He smirked, a little crooked, his eyes peering a little too intently at the other man. "And they didn't exactly look like pleasant memories you were reliving there."

[glcriouspvrpose]

Loki just looked at Clint for a beat. "I'm being punished," he finally said, tone completely serious. "I actually died in the battle and I'm in hell now. I just know it." He dropped his head back against the wall and glared at the ceiling before Clint kept going. "Oh my god, stop fucking saying shrimp balls." Loki snapped his gaze back to Clint, his eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "I will literally throw up. On you." He rolled his eyes and placed his hand on the side of Clint's head. A cloud of green shimmers enveloped Clint for a moment, hopefully counteracting the effects of the drugged shrimp balls. "There," Loki lowered his hand. "Asshole." Pushing himself off the wall, he added, "We're also leaving because I decided I'm now claustrophobic." He moved Clint out of the way and took hold of the doorknob, easily pulling it from its hinges. "I didn't use my magic." He too-pleasantly smiled before walking out, trying to get a signal on his earpiece, too. "I'm not waiting for the others. If someone shoots at me or something, it's whatever. I'll use you as a shield."

[awclintno]

Clint saw Loki's hand coming towards his head, and made the choice to let it land. Instantly, quietly, certaintly -- there was never a question about Loki. There was a trust between them that ran deep, a connection forged in a hell that few else could even begin to grasp. He was still confused as futz when the green mist popped in front of his eyes. One second his every muscle went tense and braced itself for -- for something. The something turned out to be reality, slamming back into Clint at about a thousand miles an hour. His head ached. His limbs felt heavy. But he could think -- and speak -- at a normal speed again. "I didn't think you could actually do that,' he said, blinking over at Loki. He walked out after him into the hall, easily sliding the earpiece in correctly this time, and now he heard Peggy's call in his ear. "South exit has a car for us to use. It'll be quiet and quick, but we only have two minutes to get down there," he explained. "Thanks A-E," he directed towards Peggy under his breath. "We'd be lost without ya." They started for the south entrance, and Clint nudged Loki's arm again. "Told ya. We're fine. We can laugh about this now, right?"

[cptcvrter]

"Unfortunately," she said, still smiling. Her face softened somewhat when he explained why he could read her so well. Ever since she had gone to recruit him, for want of a better word, she and Clint had connected in a way she hadn't quite managed with the other agents and Avengers. Or since him, which is something she wasn't really ready to dissect. Lost in that thought for a moment, she realized she was still looking at Clint. Blinking, she snapped her attention back to the present and laughed at his suggestion. "You know, I'm inclined to let you," Peggy turned back to look at him and nodded. "You have my permission. I'll deny it if anyone asks, though." She smirked. "Do your worst."

[awclintno]

"Oh, I have permission. Now it's just not as much fun," Clint beamed, crooked grin on his face. He led her to the edge of the crowd, ducking out into a hallway. "Lucky for you, my worst is so so good," he said, walking right over to the utility closet he'd spotted on their way in. It was locked, but she had a hairpin. "Carnies and thieves are honestly the best lockpickers in the world," Clint whispered, as he opened the door with a flick of his wrist. "Guys who taught me were both!" They ducked inside, and in the corner was exactly the electrical box he'd been hoping to find. "See, Tony's not the only one who knows his way around a fuse box," he joked, grinning at her while he went to work. A few moments later, he slammed it shut. "In about two minutes, the whole sprinkler system is going to fail. Wanna go watch up close?"

[glcriouspvrpose]

Loki too-calmly darted his eyes over to Clint as he started off on a tangent, inhaling and exhaling rather deep. Clint nudged him as he dropped his head back against the wall. Slowly, he tilted his head to look at him. "Did you take a breath at all in the last three minutes?" Loki questioned, before giving him a look. "Well, she has ten minutes tops or I'll risk blowing our cover more by magicking us out of here," which he'd been given orders not to do, but whatever. It was that or murder the other man at this rate and he was trying to keep his no homicide streak. "Also, never say shrimp balls again. That sounds disgusting and should have never gone in your mouth." He lifted his head to better look at him. "Like, if you died over that, you deserved it." Loki took a finger and kept poking him until he moved away. "And stop breathing on me. Your breath fucking smells like it."

[awclintno]

"Did I? I don't honestly know. Hang on." Clint stopped, put a hand on his own chest. His heart rate was beating extraordinarily fast, could hearts normally beat that fast? He was about to ask Loki and then he remembered he was supposed to be thinking about something. Right. Breathing. He took a breath. Oh, that helped. He took another. "I didn't expect them to stash the drugs in shrimp balls," he hissed, sitting back. "Who drugs shrimp balls? Shrimp balls, god that is a really stupid futzing word." He tapped his earpiece, but heard only painful static. "You try calling for extraction," he said, nudging Loki's foot with his foot. "My earpiece is all busted up and stuff. Or magic it better. Magic me better, this is not fun by the way. Well, okay." He snickered. "It's a little fun. But only because you're so grumpy."

[cptcvrter]

"You have my permission. As long as it does not require me to do paperwork." She looked up at him and smiled, hand sliding down his arm to wrap around it as they walked towards the crowd. Once inside, Peggy made pleasantries and mingled all with Clint, thankfully, at her side. Because these things really did get exhausting and she was glad to have him there with her. "Can you tell I hate almost every person I've talked to?" She questioned a while later, once they were finally able to sit at a table by themselves. Sliding into the seat beside Clint, she added, "Don't answer that. Despite years of training, you can read me like a book." Peggy wrinkled her nose, distastefully. "And you know I get after being surrounded by toxic masculinity," she gestured vaguely around the room and smirked, turning to look back at Clint. "I think it's emergency time. What are our choices tonight?"

[awclintno]

"But the best ideas always require you to do paperwork," Clint replied, with a smirk that just begged to smacked. How hard depended on just how much the other person liked him, and how annoying he was being at the time. But Peggy either had endless patience, or genuinely enjoyed his antics because she never did seem to get annoyed by him. "It's the years more than the training," he admitted, shrugging a shoulder. "I know you outside of this, so I know what the real you looks like... And what it looks like when you have to force a smile at another one of those 'thinly veiled insult-as-a-joke' thing that all these futzheads do." His gaze followed her gesture, scanning the crowd, the people, the room around them. His eyes lingered on something on the ceiling. "I could set off the sprinklers. Always easy to mess with those systems, and it'd be really really fun. Plus, it'll probably get blamed on faulty wiring and no one will even know it was us. No paperwork!"

[glcriouspvrpose]

"Seeing as we're stuck here for the unforeseeable future, don't make a sound if you want to survive the night."

[awclintno]

"Dude, this doesn't even touch the top three 'Worst Places to be Stuck' for me. For one thing, it's not hot. Dry heat is something else, seriously. Budapest, now that's a shitty place to be stuck. Tiny closet in a shitty Budapest hotel, in the middle of a heat wave -- now that sucks." Clint smirked over at Loki, nudging his shoulder. "Peggy will get us extracted from this mess in like ten minutes, tops. She's got a special radar for when 'Clint blows his cover,' so relax. Also, sorry for blowing my cover. But in my defense -- shrimp balls suck."

[cptcvrter]

"Hi." She smiled when she saw him waiting for her and immediately looped her arm around his, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "Thanks for coming with me. You know I hate these things." Peggy's smile turned into a teasing smirk as she pulled back. "If you want to stage a pretend emergency in about a half hour, I won't protest."

; @awclintno

[awclintno]

He had a quip all prepared -- no, I had no idea, you hide it so well, especially from the guy's whose one thing is noticing stuff. But the kiss to his cheek stopped him, and all he could do was smile crookedly at her. "You're in luck," he said, when his tongue caught back up to his brain. "I probably won't have to stage it. I am uniquely talented at causing emergencies whether I want to or not." They stepped inside, Clint allowing her to take the lead with ease as they made their way into the crowd. "Except now I can say I have permission. Thanks, Angel Eyes, that'll save me a ton of blame later."

[glcriouspvrpose]

"I mean, had you asked me that year ago when I didn't have a ring on my finger..." Loki trailed off, still able to give him a teasing look despite how he was feeling. He sighed a moment later, nodding when Clint said they should step out. "I thought I could handle this, but I really can't. He's not able to hold a conversation without inserting some passive-aggressive insult."

[awclintno]

Clint snapped his fingers, sighing overdramatically. Loki was... well, about how Clint expected him to be. Down, but not out. Not by a long shot. The cracks were only visible if you knew where to look for them, but Clint had that pesky ability to see right through his best friend. "Shocking," he deadpanned, arching a brow. He put a hand on Loki's shoulder, squeezed gently. "Even if the guy had two working eyes -- he's like the world's shittiest pirate, by the way -- he wouldn't be able to see you for who you actually are. But he's not a mirror, he's just an asshole. All he's got are passive-aggressive insults, because anything more than that and Thor will definitely take his other eyeball."

[cptcvrter]

"I'd appreciate that," she replied, resting her hand around his arm as they walked. "As I believe somehow those incident reports would make their way to me." Peggy looked up at him and smiled, shaking her head lightly as they made their way outside. "I'm glad he has you, though. An army of supportive people around him. God only knows he needs that after going through what he did." She leaned her head on his shoulder and continued, "If you take the king out of the equation, it's not that terrible of a party, though."

[awclintno]

"I'd hate for you to have to get stuck working late on my account. You know... again," he teased. His eyes swept around them, doing a quick sweep of the area the way he always did. But once his gaze landed on her, he was snagged. He smiled, despite the seriousness of the topic at hand. "Shitty dads leave a real deep mark. Can't let my best buddy deal with his all alone." Clint glanced in the windows. Saw Loki and Ed across the room, heading for another balcony. That was good, a good call. He nudged Peggy so she would clock it too, then turned to her. "We could try to make the most of it," he offered, holding up a hand. "Wanna see how many olive pits I can toss in Odin's drink before the night is over?" He snickered. "We might have to dance a few times, so I can get into a close enough position. Are you up for that mission, Agent Carter?"

[caseyjcnesx]

"You know what never gets old? Being told to not 'be a dick, Dick,'" with a short laugh, he fell into his chair, coffee in hand. "Kids these days have no imagination. Did they really think I'd never heard that before?"

[awclintno]

"Well... have you tried not being a Dick, Dick?" Clint quipped, crooked grin on his face. He plopped a bag of donuts down between them. "Kids are great. Teenagers are terrible. I seem to recall an old MCR song that warned me about just this topic."

[cptcvrter]

"Moral quandary, hm? Seems a bit early in the evening for one of those, love." Peggy turned to him with a small smirk, taking the glass he offered her. Her dark-eyed gaze followed Clint's nod. "Well, I believe it would be most improper to be on your worst behavior in our guest of honor's presence. Having said that," her eyes found Clint's again, "said guest of honor is a gigantic pain in the ass." She slid her free hand around Clint's arm, giving a gentle tug towards the door. "Let's step out? Get some air before you start an inter-realm war. Lord knows we don't need another one of those."

[awclintno]

Clint made a face and let out a groan, as if he was really being dragged outside. The reality was that her softest touch was a magnetic pull for him. Always had been, as natural as gravity itself. The cool air felt good against his skin, a relief from all the oppressive heat inside that came from the press of bodies and egos pushed too close together. The evening was young, the sky pale blue and pink and orange. And Peggy's hand was looped around his arm. "I'll compromise," he declared, meeting her gaze with a crooked smile. "I'll cause enough chaos to irritate King A-hole, but not enough to make you have to write up any incident reports. Sound fair?"