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@aweirdkitty
Turns out that adulthood is basically a long series of conversations about how tired you are, interspersed with smiling sympathetically as someone else tells you how tired they are (but youāre thinking they are not nearly as tired as you).
I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life
Imagine one of those vampires that spent a few decades napping and now theyāre trying to catch up as best they can so theyāre in a library looking through years of old magazines and overhear some middle-schooler discussing her project about the moon-landing and theyāre like āWHAT!!!ā
āYou have to tell me everything about this!!!ā
A confused but enthusiastic sixth-grader unfolds her trifold poster board and tells an absolutely captivated 3000 year old man-eater about the space race.
More like āI LITERALLY HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN THROUGH THE RECONSTRUCTION ERA PLEASE TAG SPOILERSā
IāM!!
āHave you gotten to Franz Ferdinand being shot yet?ā An Austrian Vampire, angrily looking up from a ninth-grade history book: āare you FUCKING KIDDING ME??ā
āyeah you knowā¦lincoln doesnt get reelectedā Vampire: āwell why NOT he seems perfectly capable and ooohā¦ohā¦ā
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
āSo, you know pluto isnāt a planet, right?ā
*Vampire chucks astronomy book written in 1994 at the person*
Imagine the vampire asking people who killed JFK and theyāre all likeĀ āno one knowsā and the vampire just sighs and saysĀ āok I know I said no spoilers but this is just getting ridiculous. someone tell me.ā
imagine a vampire whoās absolutely mad about having missed a very specific moment and not really caring about the big picture searching for the one history nerd who might know when that outrageous lipstick they loved was put out of commerce, what happened to that minor theatre company debut, a forgetten artistās they loved fate, if their friends ever did marry, what happened to that family lineage/where are the heirs now, /what happened to that one small hungarian village who was basically only some houses and mud where the heck did my village go/
this is my favorite vampire post
I love this on so many levels. Also @yetanotherramblingfangirl you need it.
IF A CREEP WANTS YOUR NUMBER
A series of fake numbers to leave behind.
1-888-447-5594 - Easter egg number for finishing God of War, contains a dramatic speech. Personal favorite.
605-475-6968 - Rejection hotline, politely explains that whoever gave you this number turned ya down, buddy
888-276-6760 - The 24-hour Klu Klux Klanline where you can get a FREE INFORMATION BOOKLET!!!!1!
866-740-4531 - Only responds withĀ āI am Grootā
206-569-5829 - Seattle radio stationĀ āLoser Lineā. If they leave a weird voicemail, it could get broadcast over the airwaves.
Stay safe, people.
Donāt forget about 515-808-2362, the number that rings and then plays the John Cena thing.
309-889-0497 plays the evangelation theme
Evangelation
Thereās also 855-523-9386 which will respond to the caller with a robot beat boxing Kornās āFreak on a Leashā.
Who knew so many weird almost useless phone numbers existed?
This is wonderful
person: *insults my coping mechanisms*
me:
I was trying to leave this cursed site behind.......
but theres always something here.. calling.
*raises fist* HoW dare you, Tumblr.hell!
Tits out for Aphrodite
Cameos featuring detailed profiles of Black men and women in precious metals and jewels were popular in many European countries. The ones above date circa 1600-1800. Some art historians relate the style above to depictions of the goddess Diana, others relate them to the association of Blackness and wealth that came though trade in the Middle ages and Renaissance.
You can read more about cameos like these in Black Africans in Renaissance Europe By K. J. P. Lowe, p. 204-206, and Early Modern Visual Culture: Representation, Race, and Empire in Renaissance England By Peter Erickson & Clark Hulse, p. 193-198.
I donāt hang out with white dudes who use mustache wax anymore bc itās only a matter of time b4 they fall in love with me and find out Iām gay and write a song on theirā¦idk..their fuckin harpsichord or banjo or ukulele about the girl from the forest who broke their heart but also they donāt even like hiking
i know this seems oddly specific & thatās bc it is
people keep asking me to link the songs and the fact that yāall think these dudes have soundcloud or recording equipment or even the intent to put in any work is already giving them too much credit. this type of man specifically performs this song to you, without warning, at a small get-together with friends, maybe even in public, making sure you are absolutely cornered, when theyāre day-drunk on craft beers.
That.. actually sounds terrifying
This is literally the most heart warming story I have read on Twitter so far. I think this is exactly what friends should do, and I feel everyone deserves people like this.
The rare book library at Yale University has no windows because the walls are made of translucent marble.
Source
*Heavy breathing*
because direct unfiltered sunlight may damage the older books and age them more quickly
*EXTREME HEAVY BREATHING*
IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR LIBRARIES
Is this real life
Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other personās love language.
Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?
And I was like āi donāt mind waitingā cause I never want to run
But they said they wanted every minute they could get because Iām so busy usually
Which is when it clicked that I didnāt get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didnāt see MY signs of affection in them and went ācool! Casual buds it is.ā But now that Iām seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.
Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!
Fyi- just in case you didnāt know.
TOUCH got a bro that likes to give high fives? Back slaps? Are they a hugger? Do they not blink an eye at cuddles?
QUALITY TIME this bro will (as op stated) sprint to spend every minute possible with you. Every second that you guys are together is a declaration of affection.
WORDS does your bro tell you how amazing and great and fantastic and wonderful you are all the time? Guess whatā¦?
GIFTS do they buy you coffee? Snacks, energy drinks, spot you at the restaurant? Did that one key chain removed you of them? Ding ding!
ACTS are they always doing things for you? Ie: Nah bro, I got this, I can do that, need me to get anything for you, I can help withā¦?
PRO TIP - The way people show love is often how they receive love as well.
I reblogged this recently but it got better and ive been thinking and learning a lot abt love languages so
(Twitter)
President Velveeta plagiarized his inauguration cake.
A. Cake.
This is real life.
They took the manās cake design like they are so low down
EVERYONE IS MISSING THE BEST GOSH DANG PART OF THIS STORY
THEY DONATED ALL THE PROFITS TO HRC!!
itās cool that the bakery also gave a shoutout to the original cake designer
like they absolutely knew how shady this whole thing was and managed to handle it in the best way possible
Update on #cakegate.
Omg this is madness
2008 was a better timeā¦
That one time the whole nation got rickrolled but no one was mad about it bless
#I KEEP TELLING PEOPLE THIS HAPPENED#AND THEY NEVER BELIEVE M E
OH YES this was BEAUTIFUL
Happy 8-year anniversary to the Macyās Thanksgiving Parade that got Rickrolled
Oh my god I totally forgot this happened-!!
(Twitter)
President Velveeta plagiarized his inauguration cake.
A. Cake.
This is real life.
They took the manās cake design like they are so low down
EVERYONE IS MISSING THE BEST GOSH DANG PART OF THIS STORY
THEY DONATED ALL THE PROFITS TO HRC!!
itās cool that the bakery also gave a shoutout to the original cake designer
like they absolutely knew how shady this whole thing was and managed to handle it in the best way possible
Update on #cakegate.
Omg this is madness
I have a headcanon that Hermione insists her children attend some primary muggle schooling before Hogwarts, just as she had done. Now, imagine Arthur Weasley attending his grandchildās science fair, being the ultra proud grandfatherā¦.and yet also completely geeking out over absolutely EVERYTHING.
Canon
āThat is a volcano, that is a VERY SMALL VOLCANO, how - young lady, how did you make this? Baking soda and food coloring? MARVELOUS!ā
the kids would love him.
POSITIVE
