It felt like I was the one in the painting
I have been clean for years now. Though my mind still isn't over the things I've experienced in the past, and the thoughts that keep haunting me especially when I'm shattered.
The girl in this painting didn't seem to mind her wounds, deep or not, as long as the thing she was holding is safe and... whole.
As soon as I made a final glance at it when I finished this painting, I realized that I'm just like her; hurt for too many times, but didn't seem to mind because she protected something.
I know I had to protect myself, too. That's why I understand, deep down, what she was doing.
And then another realization hit me; she was looking to the eyes of someone.
I... I'm reminded of the days when I used to do everything to please the people around me. I would do anything, anything, just to get their sympathy. Just for them to love me.
But now it felt so wrong it made me feel disgusted.
Fortunately, I now know better than that.
Now, I'm taking care of myself. I'm doing what my doctor keeps telling me to do, same with my counselor. I talk to my friends, my boyfriend, and I try to be kind with others, all of those in order for me to be kind to myself once more.
I just started my journey of healing. Of loving myself again. Of living life like I used to when I was a child full of hopes and dreams.
I'm doing everything I can, and will do anything, to give myself the life I deserve, and so desperately asked for from others.
titsay
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