A/N: Hey guys! Because of recent things that have happened to me, I want to make a big post about a serious topic: heteronormativity. This post might be triggering to some people. I tried to stay as sfw as I could. TW: Homophobia, Discussion of kinks, stereotypical portrayal of lgbt+ relationships.
It would be amazing if you could spread it around since this is really important to me and I want to reach as many people as possible. Thank you!
What is heteronormativity?
It could also be the point of view that in a same sex relationship, heteronormative standards need to apply. I.E. One person needs to be “the man” the other “the woman” of the relationship, one is “the bottom” judged by physical traits, the other “the top”
Because - surprise, surprise - same sex couples aren’t heteronormative. The whole damn point is that no one’s “the woman” or “the man”.
They’re who they identify to be, regardless of their appearance. Of course, in the lgbt+ community, there’s people who like to appear a certain way, like to act a certain way.
Butch or femme lesbians for example, or gay guys who like to be very flamboyant. And that’s completely ok! As long as no one gets forced to be a certain way, everything is good.
Why is this a problem in fandom?
We probably all know about “shipping”. About fanfiction and fanart, bringing two people together in a more or less romantic or sexual relationship. Often, a ship is a gay couple, two men in love.
Why do people ship? Most of the time probably, because they like it. It’s exciting or arousing, a sexual preference. A kink. Nothing more, nothing less. (Of course there are lgbt+ shippers who want to make themselves a platform or create. They’re very valid but this post is mostly about non-male, non-gay shippers.)
Now, a kink is nothing bad, nothing to be ashamed of as long as it doesn’t harm anybody. And here is where the problem lies:
People DO harm other people with their shipping behavior sometimes. Gay couples suddenly only matter in ships, are only valid in theory and need to be heteronormative. This overthrows actual, real life gay couples and their voices because it’s not about them or their rights but about the sexual preference of someone else.
Let’s say we go for K-Pop. Chanbaek (EXO’s Chanyeol and Baekhyun) is a giant ship loved by many.
Chanyeol, in the eyes of many shippers, is a big man, tall and more often than not with a strong physical appearance. Baekhyun on the other hand is pretty small in comparison to Chanyeol, looks more “traditionally feminine” and acts a bit more “flamboyant”.
Now, I had to read comments like “Chanyeol has to be the top, look at him”, “Baekhyun as a top is cringey”, “Baekhyun is such a bottom b**** haha.” with my own two eyes. These are quotes, things that people have said.
This is a problem because: Chanyeol and Baekhyun can do whatever they want. They can prefer whatever sexual position they like, completely seperated from their looks or personality. They both have the right equipment for topping or bottoming and their physical appearance doesn’t determine who likes to stick their dick in who. Also: switching is a thing. There is no assigned top and once he’s it, he’s it forever. That’s just not how that works. Of course, some gay couples might fit into the stereotypical picture and that’s OK. As long as they are that way because they want to.
And then today, someone said to me “I don’t believe in gay couples, I read fanfic for fun.”
Do you see the problem? People act like lgbt+ relationships are only there for their own enjoyment. They act like gay people aren’t valid, are even homophobic while they use gay people for their fetish.
The same person also said: “There are no gay idols and don’t try to bring up that attention seeking boy. Tell me gay idols if you’re so sure they exist.”
And boy, was it hard to stay calm. The problem: Of course there are gay idols. But since the societal standpoint on lgbt+ people in korea isn’t very good, most probably choose not to be out. They would face dangerous behaviour, death threats, attacks and abuse. They would put their career in danger and those of the people around them. So of course people are staying in the closet. But it is almost impossible that all idols are non-lgbt+.
Also: Don’t even try to come for Holland. He is wonderful and brave and faces a lot of hardships just for showing who he is. Get your homophobic ass out of here.
If you want to discuss this further with me, feel free to send me a message or reply to this. I am part of the lgbt+ community myself but I’m not a gay male so if you would like to educate me about something relevant, please don’t hesitate to do that.
PSA: GAY PEOPLE ARE REAL AND VALID AND NOT JUST THERE FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT. THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT AND DON’T NEED TO ADHERE TO YOUR STEREOTYPES.
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