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My last year in my 20s was such a turning point. Some of my long-delayed, unanswered prayers came true—getting married and finally having the right man to be my co-adulting partner, moving out from my parents’ home and live independently from them, watching IU’s concert in person.

In a nutshell—It’s liberating, empowering, and unhurried.

I ended my 20s chapter feeling grounded and grateful for every delay that taught me that the timing has its own magic. What once felt like a long, unfamiliar detour turned out to be a gentle reminder that life unfolds perfectly, even when it doesn’t follow my plans. After all, I’m just a mere human: limited, unknowing, still learning and growing.

And perhaps, above all, this final chapter taught me the essence of legowo: finding freedom not in control, but in acceptance.

She had always been a flame that burned brightly.

She was luminous — large yet unsteady — flickering whenever the wind blew, even the gentlest breeze causing her spark to waver.

She was visibly bright, a burning red, a kind that dazzled those who happened to be near her.

Years passed, she’s gradually transforming into a calmer presence, settling into a soft, warm glow that fills its surroundings without overwhelming them.

The flickering has ceased, replaced by a steady flame that dances gently. She no longer fight against the wind, but let it shape her flame.

She is grateful, as the change doesn’t dim her brightness. The fiery red of her past has evolved into shades of amber and gold.

She now finds comfort in this quiet glow — she’s embracing the stillness that comes with it.

She’s becoming a source of warmth for herself; and hopefully for the people she cherishes too.

We took the long way to get here… The route that seemed impossible, we’re taking it now.

Years passed but we’re still holding on, even stronger and better.

When no one’s around, for once more, we lost and found each other.

P.S. More than happy to put our wefie here. Cheers to more wefie(s) in the future, be it silly or sweet or weird or anything, I’d like them all.

Cardigan always hits me right in the feels when it’s playing on my Spotify.

I remember a couple years ago thinking I were the Betty and you were the James — that someday when the time was right and James was old enough to see, he’d realize how sincere Betty’s love for him was and come back to her.

Now listening to it still makes me emotional because after years have passed, you are in my life again. I hope this time it’s everlasting.

Dear K,

I want to tell you that to me, you are a perfect fit for “handsome, you’re a mansion with a view” lyrics.

You always radiate that kind of campfire warmth I want to hang around on a cold night — you know how bad I am at handling cold, right? :p

Hehe, thank you so much for being my greatest comfort!

Xoxo, 💎

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. 🙋‍♀️

Never meant to make a stupid, embarrassing mistake but yes me and my consciousness know all too well that the problem is me.

Update:

I finally did what I believe to be right though I had to swallow my pride in explaining my stupidity and apologizing for the inconvenience. My bad, I know. I am sincerely sorry and thankful for the forgiveness.

But really, I was lost for words by the time that person told me about what to do and to believe in a know-it-all sort of way.

Gurl, I know my person well you don’t even need to give any testimonial. :)

Leaving trace of one of my happiest moments in 2023. I am so happy and I can’t thank you enough. You know who you are.

And along with this view, there was a Taylor Swift's song playing in my head

This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen I searched aurora borealis green I've never seen someone lit from within Blurring out my periphery

And it's like snow at the beach Weird but fuckin' beautiful

P.S. I wish you happiness so please be happy, okay! :D

They say I’m a nice person. Indeed I am nice. But being nice is never enough. They always emphasize about how nice I am — too nice even — when they are about to walk away.

I acted unbothered. I started out new love(s). But that never changes the fact that I have always had a soft spot for that one specific person, that I always checked in on him from time to time, and that there is a certain room in my heart belongs to him.

Taken some bits of SZA’s song lyrics — I’m so devoted and always keep my arms open for you.

Hehe lagi lucu banget hidupku di awal umur 28 tahun ini.

3 bulan lalu aku kenalan lagi sama temen lama. Awal impresi orangya nyenengin dalam banyak hal, sampe aku yakin buat bawa dia di doa-doaku biar kali ini beneran selesai penantian panjangku di umur 27.

Sampe akhirnya beberapa minggu lalu dapat kejutan. Sedih gak? Iya. Denial gak? Iya. Tapi perlahan, aku mencoba untuk accepting. Accepting pun ternyata gak mudah dan masih berlangsung hingga post ini dibuat, tapi aku bisa bilang seru banget prosesnya.

Dari yang tadinya sering nangis di waktu-waktu random jadi sedih sesekali aja.

Dari yang cuma dengerin lagu-lagu galau di Spotify jadi rutin nyelipin murottal sebelum tidur sampe akhirnya bikin playlist khusus.

Dari yang tadinya tiap doa sebut nama dan isi doanya kurang lebih harus dia, sekarang jadi “Ya Allah, tolong aturin aja yang terbaik buatku. Kemarin-kemarin berusaha sendiri ternyata hasilnya belum ada yang baik.”

Dari yang demot ngapa-ngapain, perlahan-lahan mulai melakukan berbagai aktivitas yang menyenangkan lagi — ngajak adik nyobain hal baru, ngajak keluarga makan enak, ngerawat diri (nyalon & facial), nonton Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 bareng sobi, dandan dan dress up dgn color coordinated clothes tiap pergi, fangirling dan binge-watching drakor, dll.

Pokonya semoga apapun hal yang terjadi di umur 28 tahunku ini bisa bikin aku lebih strong, lebih wise dan tentunya makin dekat sama Allah. Aamiin.

A vulnerable confession: on marriage

There is this one dream I have always desired since young age: getting married to being a wife and a mum to a beautiful family of mine.

A dream that used to be so vivid back then when I was so naive thinking that marriage is the end game of every adult’s relationship.

A dream that I once gave up on after the guy I trusted for years suddenly confessed that he did not really want marriage and eventually chose to leave.

A dream that took me tons of courage to believe again, and to take on new relationships because it is the only way to realize it.

A dream that always gets me vulnerable and insecure because it has never been easy to find the one who is brave and ready to take the journey with me.

A dream that lately seems to almost come true and gets my hopes up but turns out it is not what it really is.

A dream that got me crying in my prayer tonight. A dream that I surrender to Allah, whatever is best for me.

Few days left before I’m officially signing out from twenty-seven and here I am writing down my lessons!

having people — especially my mum! love you! — whose role and existence remain familiar in my life is a blessing I should always count.

sticking up for what I believe in and following through with my values means I have self-respect.

working on myself is gonna take forever but it will be worth all the effort. I will thank myself sooner or later.

I am worth more than the bare minimum and I am never too much — all this time, I just have not found someone who aligns.

reconnecting with old friends is not a bad idea at all!

There is this kind of platonic relationship where you would once think it has the potential to go further, but the truth is it does not even stand a single chance. Let the platonic stay platonic for good. I will not let this feeling grow.

Gotta play this on repeat 💜💜💜

#Spotify

Banyak lucunya ya hidupku minggu ini.

Tiba-tiba jadi kang rombak report sampe mata siwer bacain notes, kata per kata. Padahal project sendiri juga sedang berlangsung.

Tiba-tiba kena batu — akhirnya si manusia satu ini, yang sering nyuekin chat orang, dicuekin balik. Untung masih dapat dua centang biru.

Tiba-tiba lambung rewel sampai tetangga sekitar rumah mengira Mama hamil lagi karena beberapa hari terakhir selalu terdengar suara orang muntah-muntah dari rumahku. Padahal itu respon tubuhku terhadap asam lambung yang sedang naik, mungkin salah satu protes tubuhku karena (siapa suruh) aku abusive ke diri sendiri dengan minum kopi setiap hari dan makan semaunya.

Dan “tiba-tiba” lainnya yang remeh-temeh, tapi cukup menambah kelucuan minggu ini.

Untung kotak tawaku masih baik-baik saja, setidaknya kelucuan-kelucuan minggu ini masih bisa kurespon dengan tawa (masam).

To a friend,

One of a few close friends I treasure and have always enjoyed having a long conversation with.

For all those past midnight random talks you shared with me,

thank you.

Your company has made many of my wide awake moments safe and sound since December.

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