I am sincerely sorry but I have enough. I'm fed up. That's it. I cannot take it anymore.
You see, I have a friend. She's sweet, kind, beautiful. She's like a little sis' to me, really. And she's going through a difficult phase, maybe even a depression episode. I genuinely love her and I appreciate when my friends are concerned about her because she deserves it, she deserves to be listened to and helped by people she likes. Even more than that bc she is kind of scarifying herself (not really to blood but she has a lot of scratches she made herself).
But the truth is, I am angry. I'm angry and sad and in pain and everyone, every fucking person, every friend I have seems to not care, because they already care about her and I just– I just can't take it right now.
I have depression, anxiety, insomnia, have already been hospitalized because of that, my family's members are bullshit and growl at me, insult me, mock me every time I do something they don't like, I feel so bad I want to die, I feel like nobody would even like me for what I am, that I am not enough, will never be enough, I am head over heels for a boy that see me as only a friend, I'm burning myself with matches for exteriorasing the pain in an other way than the one she does and I just – I need some freaking help, too.
I smile and laugh because I don't want to be a burden to them but also because I feel like they would not care as much as they do with her. I'm so sorry to feel this way because I love her and I don't want to be jealous, she's a good girl, but I am drowning again and I just. need someone, for fuck sake.
I feel they care more about her because she is more pretty, more smart, more sexy, more girly, maybe more funny and I just feel even more shitty every damn time I see my freaking best friend worrying about her because she doesn't smile for a sec when I, I didn't smile for a whole hour because I'm a the edge of destroying myself and he didn't cared, not even a bit worried when I answer a weak "yeah, yeah" to his "are you okay ?".
I am broken and the glue that is sticking me as a person is starting to break too. My skin is covered in burning scars wherever nobody can't see this. Help me, for fuke sake. Help me too. Don't let me become a envious and jealous bitch, please.
I know I'm being childish right know. I'm sorry for that. I just needed to say that without being rejected or judged. Have a good day and be happy, please. You deserve this.