2017 has kicked my ass, to be completely frank. I’m exhausted, mentally & physically. But I have grown so much & I could not be more proud of myself than I am right this moment. In April, I finally got myself out of a toxic 6-year-long relationship that I thought was “love.” I didn’t look back after that. I cut all contact and have remained absolutely strong in that. Shortly thereafter, I began reconnecting with old friends I was forced to get rid of during the relationship I was in. I reconnected with an old flame and we started hanging out nonstop. In august we decided to to give a relationship a try, and at the same time I was noticing some major changes to my body/health. I turned 21 in August (woo!) and got about a week of fun before I realized I couldn’t avoid my health problems anymore. I dropped out of school to get my shit together and I struggled for about a month before finally getting answers. I spent a LOT of time in the hospital and came home only able to lay in bed all day. Originally, doctors thought i had bladder cancer. After multiple specialists reviewing all of my tests and scans, I was diagnosed with eosinophilic cystitis, an extremely rare bladder disease. There’s slim to none research done on it, so I’ve been a guinea pig as far as treatment goes. From the beginning of October to the end, I had lost ability to keep food down & ended up losing 24 pounds, putting me at 5'6" and under 100 pounds. The attempted relationship fell apart pretty fast. I hated the way I looked, I couldn’t leave my house, I was miserable to say the least. The end of the relationship seemed to be going perfectly civilly for a short time, and then he switched. For the first time in my life, no matter how stressed it makes me, I’m able to move past the drama. I’m used to having an ex boyfriend running my name thru the dirt, and I’m not letting it break me again. I’m not letting an illness I can’t control take over, and I’m certainly not letting a guy who couldn’t handle me in that state bring me down. I’ve gained my weight back, I’m able to eat normal amounts again, my health is slowly improving, and I’m able to be optimistic. No one is gonna ruin this for me, and I’m gonna make damn sure 2018 starts well, because it’s gonna be in MY control this time. I’m enjoying the holidays with my family & im looking forward to what comes next. I’m DONE settling, in every way. Here’s to the past for making me strong 🍻
areudirty
andulkaphoto
origamiaround
janainaart
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
