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ellievsbear
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
ojovivo
h

shark vs the universe
Sade Olutola
Game of Thrones Daily
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
YOU ARE THE REASON
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$LAYYYTER

â
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Keni
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

blake kathryn
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

if i look back, i am lost
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@rissani
youknow when kittens meow and their eyes get a bit smaller cos theur faces r so little they cant have their mouth and eyes all the way open at the same time I think about it so muxh
THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey OP!
THATS IT!!!
ALWAYS REBLOG
Itâs Christmas time and I havenât reblogged this yet. What a crime.
omfg
Merry Christmas everyone :)
For all my Xmas celebrating friends
So Iâm in the middle of training for a new job (bar tending and cocktail) and my trainer at the end of the night was like, âWhat day IS today?â
And I couldnât help myself. âOh. OH! Itâs December 23rd! You shouldnât forget today!â
âWhat? Why...â he responded, understandably confused.
âItâs Christmas Adam! Donât you know about Christmas Adam?â
âNoooo?â
âIt comes before Christmas Eve and is generally unsatisfying.â
I had to chase him back to the bar because he wouldnât slow down for me after that.
And then I told the bar manager the joke who thought it was so hilarious she made me tell the general manager before I clocked out. đ¤Ł
ok but if bruce wayne somehow came upon zuko fresh out of banishment he would lose his mind.
black hair? check. bad parent(s)? check. trauma? double check.
bruce: howâd you get your scar?
zuko: my dad got mad at me for saying that killing people is wrong so he lit my face on fire and banished me.
bruce, vibrating with excitement, already pulling adoption papers from his utilility: thatâs terrible. how do you feel about capes.
Zuko: Do you mind if I wear this blue demon mask?
Bruce: *sniff, tear in his eye* Not at all.
*Zuko fighting the Joker*
J: "wan na kno w h ow i go t thes e sc ar s"
Z: *rips off mask* i don't give a fuck
Iâm still stuck at the âbatman has adoption papers in his utility beltâ.
âQuick, itâs time to use the Bat-adoption papers!â
Bat-option papers
Okay, but youâre missing the best part of this.
Alfred and Iroh complimenting each other on tea while they discuss their overly dramatic children.
iroh: once, i told zuko that he needs to work on his inter turmoil. he screamed at me that he had no such inner turmoil, and then proceeded to go to a cliff during a thunderstorm to scream at God to strike him with lightning
alfred: master bruce and i have that interaction at least three times per week.
@absentlyabbieâ
I see your "Alfred and Iroh as tea bros" and raise you "Alfred and Iroh as tea rivals"
Consider
Iroh: you too must learn patience. Boiling the water ruins the delicate flavor of the white jade
Alfred: oh I'm dreadfully sorry - for some reason I expected this tea to have TEA in it
(later)
Alfred: *aggressively laying out full tea service with milk, lemon, sugar, and, just to drive his point in, jam*
Iroh: *dying inside*
excellent addition
hey bruce spent a lot of his bat-study abroad in the far east and has kind of a weeb weapon collection so proposal, what if Bruce appreciates Irohâs tea
while Zuko is enthusiastic about cream and sugar
further fueling their dad-figuresâ passive-aggressive rivalry?
You had me at Zuko vs. Joker, I was crying by the Eastern vs. Western tea service
Wait a minute. Batman and Zuko have the same arch-nemesis.
Mark Hamill
Saw the last comment and my brain would not rest until it happened
this post has everything
By petting this cat you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not petting them on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see weâre all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
Can haz snackytreat
(source)
Source
world heritage post
recently learned about a horticultural technique called Espalier, itâs the funniest goddamn thing iâve ever seen.
Espalier allows trees to be trained into 2-dimensions, by tying the branches to a flat surface as the tree grows. They literally flatten the tree. They make the tree flat. Flat tree!!!
Look at this. This is objectively hilarious:
And people get fancy about it. Look at this nonsense:
(the first oneâs called a Belgian Fence, and can be used as an actual fence)
Espalier is actually a very useful technique for
increasing fruit yield
gardening is small spaces
maximizing or minimizing sunlight (since the branches all face the same direction) and therefore extending the growing season
Like. this is a legitimately practical gardening method. but it looks like they squished a tree between the pages of a book. just squashed it flat like a sad little dried flower! i could use these trees as a bookmark!!!
But yes, it is also a healthy and clever way to grow lots of fruit in small spaces, in climates they might not otherwise be suited for. Iâm still going to make fun of it, but it honestly looks delightful and delicious.
Espalier!
i showed this to my cousin and she said âjust cause itâs flat doesnât mean itâs 2dâ and, with a completely straight face, said âitâs tree-dâ anyway im crying
please tell your cousin she made the author of this post cry
Michaela Coel on Twitter
You were once the demon king. âDefeatedâ by the hero, you went into hiding to pursue a simpler life. Today the âheroâ has appeared, threatening you family to pay tribute, not realizing who you actually are. Today you show them what happens when you have something worth fighting to protect.
You are told at seven that you wonât ever do anything good in your life. You grow up knowing that it doesnât matter that you help your younger sister make her letters properly or that youâre the one who stays up late with mother when too many custom orders come through the tailor shop. It doesnât matter that you donât want to hurt anyone or control anyone or anything of the sort. It doesnât matter that your name means Light in your motherâs native language because as soon as they realize that youâre the Demon King, no one ever calls your name again.
You are chased out of your village the moment your powers bloom at fifteen years old, and the skies turn black with your fear. A rock hits you between your shoulder blades just as you make it to the main road and you stumble, falling to your knees in a mud puddle at the very moment the skies open up.
âSheâs cursing us!â the midwife who delivered you screams over the thunder. âSheâs damning us with her!â
Your mother is crying, but she doesnât raise a hand to help you. She did everything she could, keeping your Role a secret all these years. She wonât risk anymore with another little girl to take care of.
No one tells you that you have a choice. No kind stranger drags you out of the rain and into the warmth of their home where a wise sage tells you it is not how we are born, but what choices we make.
Instead, you take the little pack your mother hid for you in the depths of the forest and sling it over your shoulder. Thereâs money, provisions, and more wraps to cover the evil mark on your left bicep.
âYour destiny will find you,â your mother told you only hours ago. âI forgive you for it.â
She meant the words as a comfort, but you only heard condemnation in it. Without having killed so much as a fly, she is already blessing you with forgiveness.
Keep reading
Japanese child actress Mana Ashida (little Mako) was embarrassed that she couldnât pronounce Guillermo Del Toroâs name so he gave her special permission to call him âTotoro-sanâ instead.
My Neighbor Guillermo Del Toro.
If I donât reblog this, assume Iâm dead.
Guillermo del Totoro
#WEARAMASK
Ksenia Svincova  -  https://vk.com/irenhorrors  -  https://www.facebook.com/irenhorrorsart  -  https://www.instagram.com/irenhorrors  -  https://society6.com/irenhorrors  -  https://plus.google.com/100440316946465518927  -  https://www.redbubble.com/es/people/irenhorrors
Iâve seen a lot of videos going around of urban-dwelling critters coming to humans for help with various problems, ranging from boxes stuck on their heads to young trapped down a storm drain, and itâs gotten me to thinking:
On the one hand, itâs kind of fascinating that they know to do that.
On the other hand, setting any questions of how this sort of behaviour must have arisen aside for the nonce, does it ever strike you how weird it is that weâve got a whole collection of prey species whose basic problem-solving script ends with the step âif all else fails, go bother one of the local apex predators and maybe theyâll fix the problem for no reasonâ?
well, come to think of it, weâre at the top of the food chain but we almost exclusively hunt and kill prey out in the country.Â
raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because theyâre opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we donât want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but thereâs a number of situations where humans feed whoeverâs bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. âa human got me but nothing bad happenedâ is a much more frequent thing than âa human got me and tried to eat meâ. Â
anyway like, weâre masters of our environment, we make weird shit happen all the time, we have lots of great food and sometimes we share, and we almost never eat someone. it makes sense for urban animals, over the last century or so, to just keep an eye out for opportunities to use us, and to pass the habit on to their kids.Â
It really is a weird, funny thing. Like yeah, technically theyâre predators, and they get pretty screamy, especially if you try to take any of their stuff⌠but given the chance it seems like theyâd rather help us out and sometimes theyâll just randomly give you food, so???
I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths weâve got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life, but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So itâs not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really⌠Itâs just that, yâknow, we canât actually go make a deal with the faeries when thereâs something we canât figure out.
(Which brings me to an interesting thought about the ubiquitous rule about never eating the faery food lest you find yourself forever unsatisfied with anything in the human world - and the potential parallels to the dangers of feeding wildlife human food lest they become addicted and too tame and dependent to be safe for either themselves or us. Hmm.)
Okay, but that last bit with the FaeâŚmakes almost perfect sense.
Of the stories Iâve read, the food of the Fae, its origins and effects, are often strange and/or obscure.- Just like our food to most animals.
The Fae are strange beings that seem to know weird things that give them power or an edge over us.- Just like us to animals.
The Fae work and live by strange rules also often nonsensical or obscure to us.- Just like us to animals.
The Fae can easily obtain vast amounts of things we consider rare/precious/desireable, and have no problem with dishing it out wantonly for no other reason than amusement.- Just like us to animals.
The Fae sometimes are amused by having us around, but only on their terms and IF it amuses/intrigues them.- Just like us to animals.
GUYS, I SENSE A PATTERNâŚ.
-they have arcane social conventions and the punishment for not paying the correct respects right is banishment, if youâre lucky, and death if youâre not.
-they have wild and unexpected parties where youâd least expect to find them, but if youâre bold enough to entertain them theyâll feed you and caress you and play with you all night.
-time runs strangely in their realm. their homes are summerlands: warm and bright, no matter the season. there is always fruit on their tables. but not everyone who comes in from the cold is let back out again. Â
-their games are cruel and complex and unfair, but if you can beat them by their own rules you will access riches beyond imagining.
-sometimes they just fucking fuck with you, the fuckheads.
-they will absolutely steal your children away. when your children returnâ if they ever doâ they will come back strange. they will have magic earrings or necklaces or bracelets. they will know things they shouldnât. they wonât know things that they should. your strange children might survive, might even prosper, might take wives and husbands and have children of their own. but they will always be marked by their time away from your world.
-the price for pissing them off is always death. sometimes just you. sometimes your whole community.Â
-if you are very good, and very smart, and very brave, they will grant your wish.
This actually provides a good explanation for why you have such inconsistency about whether their wish granting is benign or perversely twisted. They canât fully understand you or your attempts to communicate either. They grant wishes the way you would grant a squirrelâs wishes: with lots of guesswork, assumptions, and projection.
And like that trope where they grant a wish perversely and then get mad at you or punish you for being ungrateful? Looks a lot less like utterly asinine unreceptivity to criticism and a lot more like how you might react if you try to help a wild animal and it bites or claws you.
@zamboni-whisperer
Hereâs the new 24 hour comic I drew this year! This one is called THE KINGâS FOREST. cw: blood, violence
How the fuck did you make that last panel say so many things without using any words at all thatâs so fucking cool.