"The tears you didn't shed"
SUMMARY: How the Weak Hero Class boys react to discovering you self-harm.
PAIRINGS: Yeon Sieun, Ahn Suho, Oh Beomseok.
GENRE: Very angsty (especially Beomseok’s part).
TW: Depiction of self-harm (burning, cutting), depressed feelings.
WORD COUNT: 1.3 K.
DISCLAIMER: If you ever feel like hurting yourself, or you’re stuck relapsing, please reach to someone. It is not something to be ashamed of, you are strong and beautiful—everything about you is. You deserve love and care, and if you ever need, I’d be proud to be the one to help. Message me or a friend, seek for help, not because you want it but because you deserve it, and you’re capable of it. Remember that asking for help—in any situation—isn’t weakness. It’s strenght, and proof that you’re still here. With us. Just like you should be.
I love you.
— 𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐔𝐍
Yeon Sieun had always been the quiet type. The one to sit alone, earphones in to shut off the rest of the world, doing his own thing and asking for nothing except to be left alone. He wasn’t born like that, though he might try to convince you otherwise, and his parents’ treatments towards him sure were part of the problem. But he just shrugged it off, because what could he do? Why did it even matter? He had friends now. Suho, Baku, Gotak, Juntae. He had you.
When he first caught glimpse of the burn marks on your skin, he almost ignored it. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, but he couldn’t get it. Why would you do this? What possibly hurt you this much? He didn’t understand, won’t ever unless you explain it to him. But he’s Sieun. And he won’t beg for explanations.
No, instead, he’ll sit besides you, and see the hurt behind the brightest of your smiles. He’ll be calm, quiet, like he is with everything. But you can see it in his eyes; he cares, more than anything. You’re his first love, first person he feels so damn drawn too. He loves you.
Yeon Sieun will be your anchor, your calm in the storm of thoughts and pain. He’ll stay quiet and only talk if you ask him to, though he might not know what to say. He knows it isn’t easy, gosh he knows it so well, and he won’t push or pressure you. Just be there, always, waiting for you even if it takes years. He’s not going anywhere, because he loves you more than anything. And when you finally speak up, he’ll listen. For hours on end. And after that, he’ll take you in his arms—slow, gentle. He might whisper a few quiet words in your ear, but he’ll hold you for as long as you need.
And through every struggle, every crisis, every relapse, he’ll be here. Always.
— 𝐀𝐇𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐇𝐎
Ahn Suho had always been a lonely boy. He lived with his grandmother his whole life and quickly knew school wasnt’ for him. He liked running, doing sports, playing around—not sit for hours on end in a classroom that barely taught him anything he’d need later on in life. What was the point anyway? He and his grandma had never been rich—studies wouldn’t help. What they did need, was money. So he worked. Part-time jobs here and there, busying himself even when it meant running shifts all night. He could just sleep in class the next day anyway. For money—but really for his grandma’s smile—, he sacrificed his teen years, making deliveries instead of hanging out with friends. He didn’t have any anyway.
Or that, was until he met you. Suho was an easygoing guy, extroverted enough to become close to Sieun and the others within no time. But you, were different. You were the one to call him out when he was obviously overworking himself, the one who bought yourself a helmet so he’d stop putting himself in danger whenever he wanted to ride you somewhere—and that happened often. The one who put a smile on his face before he could realize it, the one he was thinking about when his boss scolded him for being distracted at work—"you're usually so focused I wonder what's on your mind". Whatever it was, it always came back to you.
The first time he noticed, the both of you were hanging out as it’d became routine. The second his gaze met the reddened scars on your wrist—thank your damn urge to stretch—he went silent. He grabbed your arm suddenly, not aggressive but firmly enough so you wouldn’t pull away, and rolled up your sleeve himself. When he saw the constellations of self injured marks on your skin, he froze. And when he looked up at you, his eyes were full with all the pain one body couldn’t handle.
Suho will want to know why. To understand. Just so he can prove to you how wrong whatever thoughts lead you to this are. But he also gets it. It’s not that easy. And it doesn’t stop in a snap of fingers.
He wouldn’t take away your blade, not when he sees the panic in your eyes as he mentions it. But he won’t ever let you a second to do it anymore. From then on, though he was already with you a lot, he’s attached to you by the hip. He rides you anywhere, talks to you even if you don’t feel like answering, laughs and do the stupidest things until he manages to make you smile. And he always does. He believes in distractions, so he’ll take you anywhere. With him on deliveries, to hangouts with friends, on late night rides, you name it—he’ll ride to the other side of the world if it means finding a place where the world feels less heavy on your shoulders, and he’ll never leave your side.
When you’ll be ready to talk, he’ll listen. He’ll become this part of him you don’t get to see that much; the quiet, sincere Suho. If hands need to be thrown, he won’t hold back—and you might need to stop him from becoming a wanted teen murderer—, but when he realizes the ache is deeper than that, he’ll just be there. Even when you scream, cry, relapse, breakdown and smile again—he’ll be with you through it all.
That’s just how much he loves you.
— 𝐎𝐇 𝐁𝐄𝐎𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐊
Oh Beomseok has always been abused. At home, in school—he’s always been the punching bag, the kid people laugh and point at. He’s been beat up, yelled and mocked at, pushed away and then even farther. All he ever asked for was to be seen, loved, understood. And that was all you.
You saw him like no one did. You cared enough to sit with him, stay around even when he broke, when he screamed, when he hurt and pushed the world away—including you. That’s how he knew he loved you. He never had a doubt about it, because how could he? You were and are the embodiment of what he always needed—love, care, safety. A person full of those beautiful and genuine feelings for him and him only. He loved you more than himself, more than anything.
His heart knew before his brain dared imagining it. Beomseok knew how it worked, recognized the patterns—but he wouldn’t believe it. You’d always been so strong, so nice to him, how could you possibly be hurting this bad? This weak? He doesn’t want to call you it but he’s been told and taught pain was weakness. So how could you not be when you were suffering this much? He won’t talk about it, he’ll stay quiet, bottle things up like he always did until he explodes at the wrong moment, in the wrong way.
He yelled at you, spat out words he never meant, because he didn’t know how to handle this. You, oh so precious you, suffering like this. Was it his fault? Had he not been good enough? He hated himself as much as he thought he hated you at this moment. He took him awhile to calm down, to steady his heartbeat and breathing. And when he saw you, still there, still with him despite the tears streaming down your cheeks—his chest caved.
He pulled you in his arms, sobbed with you as he apologized again and again for saying all this, for being so stupid—which he had been. You reassured him softly, muttered words in his ears as you cried too. Softly, like a secret only between the two of you, he promised to do better and help you through whatever was troubling you. And in a trembling movement, you nodded as he reminded you he loved you.
Two broken messes tangled in each other’s arms, breaking on the floor with their hearts split open and pouring everywhere—but loving each other nonetheless, now and forever.
AN: I’m locking in guys trust. I kinda hate everything about my account right now so there will be a lot of aesthetics changes and I’ll try to write more—it might not mean more posts because I’m so long at writing and I often don’t have time/run out of ideas but I’ll try. Love everyone of you for being here and reading this.
Also there will be a second part of this with Park Humin, Go Hyuntak and Seo Juntae, I might post it tomorrow if I managed to write them. Comment ☆ if you want to be tagged :)
