Farewell Perfection! The Beast Is Here Revealed!!

This is the personal blog of GD a.k.a. tumblr user baal-pit. If you need a trigger tagged, please message me and I will do so. I generally do not follow back. See my About for more information.

[jennifersoftpawz]

we've constructed a network of endless noise generating rivers, laying them throughout the land in a way that is both unpleasantly obstructive, and inefficiently hostile to the surrounding environment and its inhabitants. this is to ensure that "sound" is being produced as close to 24 hours a day, every day of the week, as physically possible. this "sound" is generated via a stream of metal constructs passing through the irrigation channels at a high velocity. thanks to our devastating acts of environmental destruction, one can enjoy hearing sound outside at all times of the day all of the time no matter what. we thank you for listening.

[bobacupcake]

leylines burger

[toskarin]

I hate to tell you kid, but ALL of us are planning to seize the reins of empire

[toskarin]

"I was thinking I might take flight on the flames" and you're thinking of starting a movie podcast with your funny friends too

[chilewithcarnage]

I'm entomologically evil. Im bad and I'ms bugs.

[wispstalk]

if ur gonna be pressed into service by your liege lord, u want to be the swiftest rider. get good at horses, because they're always sending the swiftest rider off to do some other shit that is, crucially, away from the battlefield. I'm telling u. when ur forces are outnumbered and the enemy legions show up with some unexpected advantage, someone in command is gonna say, "send the swiftest rider to alert the queen!!!" that's u. u want to be that guy

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

[yuriartillery]

an itinerant warrior of the midlands has announced he will be defying the starmer government's sword hunt and has begun martialing the dispossessed under the banner of "the sword-saint of birmingham"

[fagstaynight]

Getting too addicted to using my chain lightning orb. I’m not even using it on goblins anymore i’m like out with friends and i start zapping people with chain lightning in olive garden. Sometimes there isn’t even a big crowd it’s just like one or two enemies. It just feels so good to use. I need to pace myself. Go back to the classics. Just magic missiles and fireballs for a bit. I don’t like who i’m becoming

[iapislazuli]

had a dream the new online buzzword was "qualityslop". people would say things like "you're only enjoying it because it's good"

[charl0ttan]

i told a spider about hatred and it spun a web that clearly conveyed a sense of betrayal and dissolutionment at the world

[statboosts]

Charlotte's Web but she just writes "SHIT'S FUCKED MAN"

[dt75artblog]

i think squishable is leaving money on the table with a dark souls collab. do you know how much i would pay for chaos eater plushie.

[casawio]

didnt realize this was an ad at first so i just assumed that was somebody's advice. no1 art tip... hunt monsters...

[preyanimal]

new phrase "wife-sized", it's like "life-sized", but a fun play on words. for when something is the size that your wife is. depends on the size that your wife is.

[vixensdungeon]

I'd like to get into tabletop RPGs but I'm not sure if there's a game for the specific type of experience I want: I'd like a game that centers around adventurers going into dangerous underground places to fight monsters and seek treasure and perhaps grow stronger in the process. Not sure if such a thing exists.

I'm pretty sure you can homebrew Vampire: The Masquerade to accomplish this.

[machine-saint]

yeah so the world has these massive reservoirs of lifefluid surrounding all the land masses, but it's actually poisonous. you drink it and you wind up dying of lifefluid deprivation.

no, it's not an industrial accident or a wizard's curse. it's just like that because it contains too much keepstuff.

[sunderwight]

Twirling my hair sighing dreamily because my evil shixiong who is jealous of my superior talent (universe just gave it to my idek why) keeps trying to sabotage my cultivation and ruin my reputation but he's sooo bad at it that it backfires every time. Kicking my feet and giggling because he's gonna spend the weekend trying to get me disqualified from the upcoming tournament and that means we get to spend time together!

[sunderwight]

Shixiong tried to make it look like I was unfilial and desecrated the memorial tablets of the sect founders. But then I ended up just finding the secret entrance to the sect's buried library under the ancestral hall that the elders have spend decades searching for. There were all kinds of things in there idk I'm not good with old dusty tomes and alchemy and stuff, but Shifu says with this we can finally pay off some of the sect's crippling debts!

Anyway Shixiong had already run off to avoid being implicated in the vandalism of the memorial tablets so he wasn't there when the library entrance opened (I tripped into it), so now I'm getting an award and he's suuuuper pissed. His eyes look so pretty when they flash with barely-concealed hatred. Shifu thinks the damage to the tablets was an unfortunate accident but it's okay because we can get new ones now!

[sunderwight]

Shifu says it's vital I represent the sect at the tournament so we can show that our techniques are still good even if we've fallen on hard times. LOL I mean he's probably right I do win like all of my fights but idk seems pretty cringe to have a whole sect's reputation riding on the youngest disciple? Like how does that show off our techniques I don't even study I'm just like blessed by the gods or something.

Shixiong tried to my poison my millet porridge this morning. So fun to have something zesty to taste. ❤❤❤

[sunderwight]

OMG but like. Yeah I won the tournament. But Shixiong was so cool you guys like his actual martial arts techniques are frankly garbage I'm pretty sure, everyone else had these flashy cool abilities that were summoning like spirit animals and lightning and wind and Shixiong can't do any of that (I can but idk how actually it just sort of happens), but he figured out this poison that he put on his blade that sapped his enemies abilities and like six of them fainted. But then he got caught breaking rules. :( :( :(

He's sooo clever and dreamy. He looked sexy when he was being disqualified. We made eye contact the whole time! He tried to frame me for cheating instead but it didn't work but his plan was really elaborate! He even had to make an antidote for himself because he accidentally poisoned himself a bunch too. Now he's resting.

I'm going to sit at his bedside and watch him sleep!

[sunderwight]

Shifu is so annoying. He was going to expel Shixiong from the sect! But dw I talked him out of it. :)

[sunderwight]

I got a mysterious message telling me to meet someone by the waterfall. It was Shixiong! Out on the mountain in the beautiful night air! He was wearing a mask but I would recognize him anywhere lol no one else in the sect has those narrow glittering eyes or an ass that flat. ❤

It was amazing. The rush of the waterfall roaring in the dark, his gaze so hot even though the wind was so cold, the way his blade slashed through the folds of my uniform, he spent hours just paying attention to me! Heehee! He wanted to know why I wouldn't just die! Silly Shixiong, I don't know either, but I let him push me under the falls. It seemed like he needed it, y'know?

Plus it was a nice swim. Walking back to the sect rn to surprise him!

[sunderwight]

I love my shixiong he's the best worst most evil and pretty I bet the other sects evil shixiongs can't compare #myshixiong

[sunderwight]

Aw beans. Bad news, I got sidetracked on my way back to the sect. There was another sect's disciple and she was being harassed so like I was just gonna go around but then I slipped and one of the bandits(?) tried to fight me so I just, obliterated them all and yeah then the girl noticed me and blah blah blah long boring story short I had to go do another quest.

Silver lining, apparently the shimei I rescued is my shixiong's betrothed! Yeah so now she's got this really obvious crush on me and Shixiong is probably going to be furious. I'm swooning just thinking about it. I bet he'll do that thing where he clenches his fist and rips his gaze away just to stare ominously into the middle distance. ❤❤

[sunderwight]

First I gotta get back to the sect though. But bs keeps happening and getting in the way. 🙄

[sunderwight]

Don't understand why Shixiong's gf isn't also anxious to get back to him. I've been telling her all about him but she says she has "reservations" like??? For a restaurant??? Shouldn't she want to get back even more then???

[sunderwight]

Guys when it is appropriate to ask a girl if she'd mind if you continued your homoerotically charged situationship with her man after they get married? I've been tryna figure out how to broach the subject but she seems kinda booksmart but not like. Smart-smart? But she's def into me so maybe a throuple situation?? I don't like women though I mean I don't mean I don't like women I'm #feministally but I only want Shixiong to stab me over candlelit dinners. We could still do other stuff though! Hang out, fight monsters back to back but like, without swearing to kill each other after it's over I guess?

[sunderwight]

Good news! We made it back to the sect!

Shixiong was really surprised oh the look on his face! They were having a funeral for me so they for sure thought I was dead haha. It's funny because I don't think I actually even can die?

Well if I can, I'm sure Shixiong will be the one to figure it out! He's a genius and he never gives up. ❤❤❤

Bad news is that now Shixiong is spending time with his GF and Shifu says I need to leave them be. :( Shifu won't stop asking what happened at the waterfall either like I'm sure Shixiong already told him a cover story, nosy old man, mind ur business please! 🙄

[sunderwight]

Dejectedly kicking rocks into the sacred pond because I went on two whole stupid adventures for the sect and Shixiong wasn't in EITHER. Worst week ever. I unlocked some sacred power or something but I had to fight this bs dude who like killed my father or whatever it was soooo boooring. Miserable. Miserable. Miserable.

[sunderwight]

All life is grey and stupid and hollow. Stupid sect. Stupid Shifu.

[sunderwight]

Siiiiigh.

[sunderwight]

Yayayay Shixiong came out to try and kill me again!!! I'm sooo glad that was just the worst, like first I had to do all the stuff away from the sect and then Shifu kept sending me on missions and everyone was like, Shidi you should keep away from him, he's suspicious, which okay that happens a lot but usually everyone drops it after a week but uuuuggghhh they were sooooo annoying about it this time for some reason.

But then I found out that Shixiong's gf was going back to her family Shifu thought I should like escort her or something so we went and she's not marrying Shixiong anymore?? She seemed rly upset too. I would also be upset if I was gonna marry Shixiong and he dumped me but it seems almost like she broke up with him? Which can't be right like. That's ridiculous.

But anyway none of that's important because Shixiong cut us off at the pass! He was on horseback and he looked so dashing and cool, and then he tried to drop a whole landslide on me. Not even the whole party just me! Right in front of everyone else even!

I'm so excited!!! I can't wait to see what he's gonna do next!

[sunderwight]

Emotionally devastated. This is the worst.

Shifu expelled Shixiong from the sect!!!! 😰😭😭😭

I don't even get what Shifu was thinking?? He said it was because of what happened at the pass but when we were at the pass Shixiong gave this really emotional speech about how he'd given everything for the sect, and stuff, it was really good and super touching. He was on horseback for most of it and the light caught in his hair, and then he demonstrated this totally cool super secret technique he actually figured out from some forbidden scrolls!!! That's so smart!!! So why would Shifu expel him after that? Just because he said everyone was ungrateful? I think he was right! Shifu should have just said sorry!

Nobody cares more about this stupid sect than Shixiong does! I definitely don't! If Shixiong's not gonna be here then maybe I'll just leave too. 😤

[sunderwight]

Not leaving the sect yet but only because Shixiong doesn't have location on and idk where he went. Luckily Shifu put out guards who are supposed to alert everyone if he comes back here!

[sunderwight]

OMG you guys! Shixiong killed Shifu!!

It was SO COOL!!!

He used all the secret knowledge of our sect to get into the ancestral shrine and ambushed Shifu while he was praying! I didn't get to see the whole fight -- super sad about that rn -- but by the time I got there he had Shifu trapped in this like, really cool array?? Idk how he figured that out (hes so smart) but it was like, sucking all the living energy out of the surrounding grove of trees! They were just withering on the spot!

Also Shixiong's eyes glow like embers now it's the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life. After he killed Shifu we fought and he told me it was my fault and he gave this like, other slightly different version of the speech he gave at the pass, about how he was going to bring the cultivation world to its knees. I'm pretty sure he can do it! I believe in you Shixiong! He kept up with me the best he ever has.

And he gave me a really cool scar!!! It's so pretty, like a starburst right in my palm where I caught his new spiritual weapon. The energy coursing through me felt like I was caught in some dark and fathomless storm. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get back out again but I could feel Shixiong in there, with me, around me, like our essences were mingling in the bright chaos of his desperate new power, it was so hot. I could have stayed in there forever but Shixiong got tired and then he ran away. :(

Anyway I still don't know where he went so I'll probs stay at the sect so he knows where to find me again! I bet he'll show up at Shifu's funeral to at least lurk in the shadows. He's pretty filial that way.

[sunderwight]

Oh RIP to Shifu though. We had our differences but like, that's still sad. In the next life may you git gud so you don't get your ass handed to you after a century of cultivating by a twenty-two-year-old who you barely taught shit. 🙏

[prokopetz]

You know, of all the fandom discourse I was expecting to see on my dashboard for the month of August, "a kink meme whose content guidelines are so restrictive that a shot-for-shot remake of a sex scene which appears in its ostensible source material would be against the rules" genuinely wasn't on my bingo card.