Unrequited crush, Oikawa Tohru
Welp, this was gonna be full blown angst.
Became... 3295 words... rollercoaster?
I need to write more about Oikawa, honestly.
One would think that watching the person you love being with someone else would eventually de-sanitize you to numbness. Not being noticed, not being acknowledged in that manner. The years of being in that position had done that, enabling you to keep smiling and acting like usual.
Without him noticing a single thing.
“You’re a fool,” Iwaizumi Hajime told you one evening, when the two of you walked home after Oikawa Tohru ditched you guys for a date. Again. You all knew it was a relationship that wouldn’t last, cause he’d put volleyball over the needs of his girlfriend, but you couldn’t help but wince inwardly as you listened to Oikawa bragging about his girlfriend.
The way he looked and sparkled, it was like he was talking about volleyball. It didn’t help that the girl hated you with a passion, you’d seen the glare sent your way when Oikawa wasn’t watching, You knew she orchestrated the bullying in methods that weren't noticeable to Oikawa.
You endured it, fought back when necessary. Sometimes, you reminded to those girls who stayed when they left. But you knew that if you were one of them, you’d probably also walk away because it’s painful to know a sport is more important than a relationship with you. Than you.
Ironically, you weren’t in a position to even experience what they could.
You glanced at Iwa-chan, a tiniest smile on your lips. Not reaching your eyes, not quite. “Can’t help it,” you replied to your childhood friend.
The three of you - Oikawa, Iwaizumi and You - had grown up together, living in close quarters had ensured of that. And over the years, You’d fallen helplessly in love with Oikawa Tohru.
Only to be seen by him as a little sister, not as an opposite sex.
The nights you’d spent crying, the unsent letters of confessing your love sat hidden in your secret compartment within the wardrobe. At the very bottom of it, somewhere the boys would never look at. The hours spent with Iwaizumi, talking about it - him trying to make you give up, trying to make you see sense and you being unable to do it.
It all made Iwaizumi very protective of you, being painfully aware of the complexity of the situation, pitying you even. Encouraging you to accept the occasional confessions from other boys, watching your dates crumbling apart faster than a season of volleyball game. Sometimes, Iwaizumi thought they’d been too mean to ask you to be their team’s manager, as it meant being in close proximity and in constant reminder of Oikawa, but every time You surprised him by being able to keep your cool and calm despite everything.
Despite being another of Oikawa’s fangirls. Despite being in love with him in a painfully obvious way that even the Coaches had noticed it.
And yet, you kept it professional as a team’s manager.
You went along with whenever Yahaba flirted with you, watching you being all bashful and batting your eyes, before Oikawa managed to easily steal your attention. Leaving Yahaba scowling, muttering something incoherent. You kept Kindaichi and Kunimi on toes, in check - scolded them for what happened with Kageyama, before telling them such behaviour was not allowed here. You talked with Watari, talking about classes and casual chat. You butted heads with Kyotani, showing your fiery and feisty side that only Iwaizumi and Oikawa were aware of the most.
You chilled with Matsukawa and Hanamaki, often walking with them whenever Oikawa was busy with girls. Whenever you wanted peace from the glares sent your way. You dragged Iwaizumi with you, refusing to let him suffer the girls’ wrath as well. You shared ideas with the Coaches, listened to them and what they wanted you to do as a manager.
You were protective of the boys, like a hawk - watching over them. Even if you weren’t passionate about volleyball like some of the members were, you only joined cause Oikawa wanted you to see him play.
Your feelings towards Oikawa wasn’t a secret to the boys, they’d figured it out pretty quickly and out of respect for you, they kept it quiet. They’d guide you out of sketchy situations, step in if needed.
“Can’t or won’t?” Iwaizumi scoffed, looking you square in the eyes. You knew why he brought this up, you’d seen Oikawa kissing his girlfriend before Iwaizumi covered your eyes and pulled you away, whispering not to watch.
You’d seen that very girl confessing to Oikawa too, having been on the way to refill the bottles for the boys. You’d done your job, barely able to keep your emotions in check as Oikawa accepted it with a smile. You’d thought that he’d focus on the Nationals but no, he’d chosen to try and do both. He hadn’t even told you, you’d seen it and it had been Matsukawa and Hanamaki who told you later.
Both of them wearing expressions of concern, before they dragged you out for a night to get away from Oikawa and his new girlfriend. Matsukawa had stolen your phone, refusing to let you answer Oikawa’s calls, typing only responses to Iwaizumi (who later joined your trio) while Hanamaki kept you distracted and busy. You’d dealt with a pouting Oikawa the next day, on your way to school. Saying some bullshite lie that appeared to satisfy Oikawa.
“Liking someone isn’t rational,” You said with a sigh, skipping on the stones as you two walked, passing the Ramen spot the team liked to frequent. It was packed with people and for a moment you thought you heard a familiar laughter before opting to ignore it.
Iwaizumi snorted, “I’m well aware of that,” he didn’t like to see you like this. He treasured you, maybe a bit more than he should but watching someone he cared about being hurt twisted something in his heart.
You both knew that realistically Oikawa Tohru would never love anyone more than he loved volleyball. He wouldn’t be satisfied with a life without volleyball in it. Whoever ended up with him, would have to know that and accept this part of their friend. Which was why, Iwaizumi hoped you’d find someone better.
Someone who’d be able to focus on You, give You the love he thought you deserved after everything. It just wouldn’t be Oikawa.
“It’s not easy, Iwa-chan,” you said, letting Iwaizumi take your bag as you walked on the edge of the street barrier, holding up your hands like a child. He glanced behind you, no cars in sight.
“Tell me about it,” he grumbled, recalling every night you’d laid on his bed whenever Oikawa managed to break your heart even more. He recalled the conversation between him, Matsukawa and Hanamaki, the one where they told him that they preferred You to fall for him - Iwaizumi instead. Because he wouldn’t hurt you.
Iwaizumi preferred that too, even though he knew it would never happen.
You refused to use him to get over that Shittykawa, even when they offered you that option. You refused to use anyone. Even Matsukawa or Hanamaki, thanking them with a grateful smile. They’d even offered her to date Yahaba, which you refused before launching your pillow at them. You loved them, they were your pipeline and rock.
“You don’t think I haven’t tried it?” You jumped to Iwaizumi’s side, taking back your schoolbag and clasped your hands together. Your skirt twirled around you, your long hair dancing without its usual ponytail restriction. “The past few dates and relationships…in the end, I think that as long as we’re in close proximity…getting over Oikawa Tohru will be impossible.”
Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head, looking displeased and annoyed. He wanted you both to be happy, heck he hated seeing you in such a state. Crying over a volleyball loving idiot like that. It might be a reason why his punches were a tad stronger than usual, because you’ve cried the night before. He wasn’t sure if Oikawa had an inkling of your feelings towards him, if he knew then he was good at hiding it.
And shittier for not addressing it, for flaunting his relationships around you.
“You’ll understand it, the day you fall for someone like this,” you giggled at the face Iwaizumi made at your words. “You’ll realise that girls and volleyball aren’t the same.”
“OI! DON’T FUCKING LUMP ME TOGETHER WITH THAT SHITTYKAWA!” You burst into a laughter at Iwaizumi’s outburst, seeing the vein popping on his forehead as he went red in his face and tried to smack you for even suggesting such a thing.
As you, rather playfully, kept running and dodging from the Ace of Seijoh’s volleyball boy’s team, you could hear him sputtering some nonsense about not needing TWO Shittykawa. About how he knew the differences and then some incoherent words muttered under his breath.
He waved you off at your house’s gates, telling you to text him if you needed something and stalked off towards his home. Two houses down the street. Oikawa’s was next to his.
You knew what was awaiting you in your room, in the darkness when you tried to fall asleep - you’d be thinking about the years spent in an unrequited love towards Oikawa Tohru. The twisting pain whenever he introduced you as his sister, not by blood. Maybe Iwa-chan was right - you were a fool. A hopeless fool who should know better.
He’d introduced you to the Karasuno team members as “my amazing sister and our manager” as well, making Kageyama blink. Hinata had actually believed you two to be siblings before you corrected it, saying it’s a nonsense Shittykawa likes to say. You’d smacked him after he taunted the crows, bowing in an apology and said you’re looking forward to an official match before walking back to the rest of the team. With Oikawa trailing after you, whining about cruel and evil treatment. You’d waved and winked at Kageyama, who’d blushed in confusion.
You knew there were some amazing volleyball players, but you’d never seen a quick attack similar to what Kageyama and Hinata had shown them during the practice match. You stood there rooted, watching them with shock and awe, completely ignoring any attempts from Oikawa to catch your attention. You ignored how his spikes were a tad stronger, keeping your eyes on Kageyama and Hinata instead.
You couldn’t help but be proud of your kouhai, seeing Kageyama growing up and learning to work in and with a team that accepted him. It made you recall seeing his previous team abandoning him, and when you later accidentally happened to overhear Kindaichi and Kunimi talking with Kageyama, was that an apology there? It made your heart swell with pride for the boys.
The quick attack also made you look forward to seeing it more.
Little by little, your attention started to move from Oikawa’s spikes to the weird attack combo from the duo. You wanted to understand it, be ready and possibly help your boys destroy it. You’d speculated about it with the Coaches, with Iwaizumi, not noticing their looks of surprise as you sparkled.
Your hurt had clouded you in ways you hadn’t quite realised.
You didn’t notice Oikawa’s expression change, you didn’t hear him and Iwaizumi arguing about it. Something about it made you re-think your future career, it made you think if there was something else you might want to do instead. The chance to be surprised by another similar move. The chance to see more amazing attacks and combinations from different players.
Before it all, You’d planned to leave the volleyball world, possibly to try and avoid Oikawa as much as possible, without being forced to give an explanation that would eventually lead you revealing your unrequited feelings. Iwaizumi knew about it, so did Matsukawa and Hanamaki.
However, three single matches against the Karasuno team had changed it all.
“...I don’t like this!” Oikawa grumbled, when he noticed your reading about the possible attacks it could be, narrowing his eyes when he saw Kageyama’s name scribbled on the page. He ignored Hinata’s.
You looked up at him, blinking. Not missing the bitter tone, they’d just lost a chance to get to the Nationals for one last time - a chance to possibly defeat Ushiwaka. You, Iwaizumi and Oikawa had settled in Iwa’s room, with your notes sprawled around and mumbling about Kageyama and Hinata.
Iwaizumi had popped out for a quick shower, having let you two go first. Your hair was still slightly dripping on Iwaizumi’s blanket.
“You being so focused on Tobio-chan!” Oikawa snapped, pointing a finger at your notebook. There it was, the familiar face whenever someone even so much as mentioned either Ushijima or Kageyama. You knew his insecurities when it came to those two but failed to properly understand it.
The door cracked open, and something flew at Oikawa’s head. It landed with a loud thud and yelp from the boy, you glanced at annoyed Iwaizumi.
“She’s trying to help us by figuring that weird combo out, you dumbass!”
“You didn’t have to throw a shampoo bottle at me, Iwa-chan!”
“It’s not like she’s being taken away by Kageyama, so keep that shit to yourself!”
“She didn’t look at me during the match!”
You sighed, opting to ignore their bickering, writing down one final remark and pulling them back into your bag. Oikawa was now running around the room, trying to avoid being kicked by Iwaizumi, the sight of it made you pull out your phone and record it. You snorted at the stupid insults and throwbacks, dodging whenever Oikawa tried to use you as a shield.
The evening ended with you on the bed, and boys sprawled on the floor on the futons. You fell asleep, listening to Oikawa talking about volleyball, a smile on your lips.
It hadn’t been long since the loss, since seeing Karasuno win against Shiratorizawa - against Ushijima Wakatoshi. You knew Oikawa wasn’t happy, knew he was sulking. Even more when his girlfriend ended up dumping him before the games. It hadn’t prevented him from being at the top of his games, but you did see him somewhat less energetic.
Iwaizumi had suggested a sleep over, knowing things like that would be scarce in the coming months, especially once you guys graduated. He and Oikawa had already left the volleyball team, you decided to stay but not full time. You’d go, interact with the remaining members and help them when needed. You knew Oikawa kept practising, playing whenever he could. Spending more time now that he was single, once again.
When you guys talked about the future, you knew nothing would be the same, again. Iwaizumi wanted to visit the US, maybe study there. Oikawa would be going to Brazil. And you’d stay behind.
Oikawa watched you sleeping quietly, ignoring Iwa-chan’s slight snore. A part of him detested Kageyama even more, knowing what had caught your attention so much, why you weren’t trailing after him anymore instead focusing on something else. He was almost going to ask you to come with him to Brazil, not wanting you to stay behind and maybe, potentially, be in a situation where he’d one day hear news of you and Kageyama dating.
No matter how ridiculous that thought was.
Kageyama had already taken a lot from him, he wouldn’t let him take You too.
“Shittykawa,” Iwa-chan mumbled, barely audible as he kept his voice to minimum to avoid waking you up. Oikawa’s eyes snapped to his best-friend, who could somehow tell what he was thinking.
“...When are you gonna stop calling me that?” He grumbled, pouting.
“When you stop being one,” Iwaizumi responded.
Oikawa grumbled something.
“Let her do what she wants,” Iwaizumi added before he could say anything. His eyes snapped at the sleeping You, looking so serene and peaceful. He could feel Iwa-chan narrowing his eyes at him. There was a warning in his friend’s voice.
“Not letting Tobio-chan take her,” Oikawa mumbled as if that explained everything, remembering the way You had cheered, probably the loudest, after Karasuno won against Shiratorizawa. The looks the crows had sent your way upon hearing your voice.
His words earned him a glare. “She’s not yours.”
“I’ll never accept it if she ends up with either Tobio-chan or Ushiwaka.”
“Even if it’s her choice?”
“Never,” Oikawa glared at Iwa-chan, wanting his best-friend to understand why he’d never let one of them take You as well.
Iwa-chan sighed, “You’ll rue the day she walks away if you keep acting like that.”
“I’d rather see her with you, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa admitted, running a hand through his brown hair. Iwaizumi blinked at him. “I want to see her happy, with someone who can give her what she needs.”
You never heard the conversation nor were you ever told about it, even when you watched Oikawa and Iwaizumi leaving the country. One by one, when you hugged them and promised to keep in touch. You didn’t know about the promise Oikawa had forced on both Matsukawa and Hanamaki, to keep an eye on you and not to let you get too friendly with Kageyama and Ushijima.
You passed your entrance exams better than expected, landing yourself a spot in the university. The one that was your last minute change, taking a step closer to becoming someone involved in the volleyball world. You kept watching Oikawa play whenever you could, kept an eye out for Kageyama and Ushijima and heard from the gossip mill that Hinata had left for Brazil after his own graduation two years later.
Over the years, your unrequited love towards Oikawa Tohru diminished, the distance allowing you not to see him as much - not to be in his vicinity, hearing and smelling and touching him. It helped you to move on, something Iwaizumi had treated you to lunch for, once he got back from the States. He told you about his travels, about meeting with Ushijima and how the man, he’d been looking for, turned out to be Ushijima’s father.
Your friendships with Hanamaki, Matsukawa and Iwaizumi were still as strong as ever, even if you guys couldn’t see each other as often as you did at school. It hadn’t broken. It hadn’t crumbled. You’d eventually stopped crying over Oikawa, having spent too long crying after he left the country. After you’d turned down his offer for you to go with him, knowing it would never end in a way you desired.
It took you almost four years when you finally realised you could look at Oikawa Tohru and not feel a twinge in your heart, knowing you’d grown up and gotten over of that foolish crush on him.
You could finally accept being called his sister, not by blood but chosen one, without feeling as though someone was crushing your heart.
You could finally start looking at someone else…in ways he deserved.
It wouldn’t be Kageyama nor Ushijima, you knew that much. Despite Oikawa’s fears, despite him telling you not to get taken away by one of them. The first time you’d heard such an accusation, you’d straight up laughed. Laughed until your stomach hurt and you cried. He hadn’t been pleased, had pouted.
This time, your smiles would be directed at this person instead of Oikawa. The attention and swelling of your heart, that flutter in your stomach whenever he was with you. This time, you knew it wouldn’t be an unrequited love, not when you caught him looking at you with longing.
This time, you wouldn’t be spending nights crying over him.
This time, Iwaizumi Hajime got the girl he’d been pining over for years without letting you know.
