Off brand Yuki (Plural) @babubabiyuki - Tumblr Blog

I wanted to rant again, like my own diary for people to look at if im gone.

I wanna do art and I wanna make music and poems. I dont have natural talent and Ive been hating my art, My addictions and space have been shit and all i can think of is taking it out on myself.

Im so selfish despite doing everything just to let people walk over me. Why am I suddenly the asshole for speaking my mind. No one deserves the judgement we give them, no one thinks in graidents.

If everything was black and white the world would be divided. If I stuck to what the world, my thoughts, and my demons id be in the same place as that man. I have never wish to be haunting in this way and the way my life is doing I cant help but fear if im disgusting. I might be a fucking degenerate but I wont allow someone to tell me im too far gone to help myself.

I wanna die, I wanna hurt myself and Im scared in this world someones gonna take that right away from me. Theres sick gut wrenching people out there that get called human. We as a race arent human. If we lack the one thing that unites us a people this world is doomed. We all have empathy, if you lack it, you lose youe humanity.

I dont see myself as human, yet as someone on the outside I can feel and ask questions none of yall niggas wanna is fucking insane. You preach to look and care for someone, yet once they show something you cant fuckinf coddle its disgusting.

I will love, comfort, teach, and learn for the disturbed no matter what. If they want me to help and let me help I will, I dont care if im disgusting I dont care if people will hate me for helping. I love humanity, I love their flaws, I love how no one can be the same, I love how pathetic we can be and I love it how everyone has the option to become something beautiful. We are beautiful, its those who cant learn the way god made us, to change and to adapt, that are wrong ones. They lack compassion and they lack that human love we have for others.

Looking at someone struggling and not feeling guilt isnt human, and Its okay to feel bad, its okay to feel disgusting. Thats the part of you to love. Thay humanity and feeling, do what will help you and help others. You are human, you arent a villian, you're flawed and you can be helped. You just have to listen. Set backs will happen and you'll feel like giving up, but you cant let the people hoping you fail win. Do your best to prove them wrong and dont be afraid to open up.

I truely love everyone, and I know most people arent past the way of no return. We are all people, either you'll become something depressing and leach like, or you'll be beautiful.

// Writing rant

TW : Csa & SA in general

(Sorry this isnt my usual posting.)

To start this rant, I've been thinking about this since I've came to terms about my own trauma and how I cope with writing things about my childhood and mindset. Im a victim of CSA being passed down by other children in my close family and out. This will contain spoliers for the books I use as examples.

Books: Shounen no kyoukai, Bongchon bride, and Walk on water.

This rant started from my hobby of reading. I love pyschological books and BL such as Shounen no Kyoukai and Bongchon bride. The reason this this so important to me is the protrayal of Child on child SA and Victims creating victims. Its a hard topic in Yaoi and BL communities since rape and SA is constantly excused because of "jealousy" and self control.

As a victim I think its important to cover these things in media. The thing is that how romanticized and how its written off as just another showing of love to the extreme is saddening. In Shounen no Kyoukai, the lead omega is assaulted in school on the roof top by his fated mate and their group of friends. The lead alpha saves him by marking him and in the future they meet him. I bring this up because he betters himself, he doesnt excuse his actions and still feels guilty up in their adult good. Their actions were never covered up by instict, the whole book is against that instict thing so many omegaverse authors ride off of. I do view it as a good political standing point, the fact that a omegaverse mpreg story can be so sensitive and aware of rapeculture and the stool men put themselves in is telling.

The other book, Bongchon bride, is more of a grey area. Where Shounen shows how their middle-high school boys grow into real mature adults, Bongchon bride shows characters struggling yet growing despite everything. The character that fits with this rant is Pilgyeon. This isnt a piece to defend him because what he did is disgusting. Pilgyeon is pathetic. He is a sorry excuse of a human and I cant help but feel pity to him, its clear he is mentally ill and cant understand why his brother hates him so much. I personally think that with how much he depended on his brother and his father lack of parenting he watched and learned wrongly how to love his family member. Do I think its justitfied? No, and it never will be. But I do think he could have gotten help. I honestly believe he needed mental help which in the time from what I know wasnt possible. Readers of that book wanted him to die which his brother didnt even want, because he still cares for his younger sibling. Pilgyeon is a example of time, neglect, and mental illness and I wish he could have gotten that help, but if you read the book you'd know why it was too late towards the end.

To my final and extreme example which I personally hate is how topics of rape, CSA, and sex work is either protrayed or viewed by the audience. Walk on Water pisses me off and I geninuely cannot stand its fans. Gwen is in the wrong, full stop. This man had done so much and hurt people around him then got mad about it. He's hurt, yes, he made a disgusting mistake, yes, but it doesnt matter. The fact he had a victim roleplay a rape scene of a (in universe) rapist is fucking insane. The fact people defend him, the character, is insane. The apology in the manhwa wasnt even a real apology scene, and the whole ending patching up scenes look so half assed.

Beside Gwen's redemption arc over all being irriating and tiring for me, Chang as a character is distraughting to me. Knowing Chang touched Ed like that while seeing him as his younger brother makes me sick. Yeah, Ed shouldnt have pretended to be his brother in the first place but he's a child. He was a stupid kid with no family nor support system and its easy to feel bad for him. Whats not easy is stomaching how Chang treats him, its completely understandable to get mad but for that man to touch that little boy like that is so disturbing. I cant feel sympathy for him and I really dont think I ever will.

Overall, as a victim of alot of things I just want some justic. Authors like Harada do a amazingly destressing way of showing the reality of victims and I will continue to defend his works. Due to the nature of his topics of books and deeo understanding of the mindsets of his victims and people around him it is so realistic that it hurts. Even with Happy Shitty Life the laughing stolk of one kf his mainleads is his assault and harassement from the agressor who is horribly in his own head. The fact that this comedy is so grim yet shows graphically how SA is constantly a laughing matter in sitcoms is telling. The harsh reality is that in that small town they believe or baby the agressor for being family or being a man UNTIL IT HAPPENS TI THEM is so real it hurts but I do think its a very telling of Harada's mindset and how society, maybe not where you live but somewhere that thinks like them.

Anyways thanks for listening to my tedtalk, you can write victims and still have it be good. And you can write agressors and not constantly dick-ride them because they're hot.