The Future Is Now Thanks To Science

Former Child

[chazkuangshi]

“I’ve NEVER. Eaten a DONUT. In my ENTIRE LIFE. And I’m NOT. About to start NOW.”

-Crazy customer I had today, upon being offered a complimentary donut

[ephemeral-lightning]

Why is this a real thing that happened in the real world what’s the meaning of this

[chazkuangshi]

I’m just gonna copy paste the story here from discord because honestly the whole story is worth hearing

so lady comes through drive thru. “Hi what can I get for you?” “A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese.” “A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese, sure no problem, can I get you anything else today?” “No” “Alright, you can pull up” and I just hear this quiet disgrunted “ ‘Please’ ?” I’m like uhhhhh, was that even directed at me, I don’t know, I don’t know how to respond to that so I just ignore it like I didn’t hear it. I go up to the window and see this woman, which she honestly looked like a tomato with messy gray hair. Before I have the window halfway open I see her roll her eyes at me so I’m like oh boy here we go, time to put on the stupid sweet customer voice “Hi how are you today?” She hands me the money for her bagel and goes “Just a tip. It’s ‘Please pull up to the window.’ not ‘pull up.’ I found that incredibly rude.” I go “I’m sorry about that, I didn’t intend for that to be rude, I just meant that it was okay to pull up to the window now.” “I know what you meant. But it was rude.” “Well, I apologize. Here’s your bagel, have a great day.” She goes “I’m a MYSTERY SHOPPER.” (If you don’t have Mystery shoppers where you are, it’s kind of like undercover boss where the store owner hires someone through the Mystery shopper program and they place a regular order just to make sure people are following policy) I’m like “… ok” So I’m about to tell my boss and coworker what just happened when she comes in. And I jump to the front counter because no way I’m letting her talk to my boss before I do. “Hi, can I help you?” “Yes. This bagel was supposed to be NOT toasted. You toasted it.” “Ohh, I’m so sorry about that! I didn’t hear that. I’ll make you a new one right now.” Coworker beats me to the bagel and I say “A little extra cream cheese on that.” She looks at my boss “She just said a LITTLE cream cheese. I wanted EXTRA cream cheese.” Boss goes “Oh, she said a little extra cream cheese.” “Oh” Boss goes into kiss ass mode as well and says, “I’m sorry about the mistake, would you like a donut?” Lady goes “I’ve never. Eaten a donut. In my ENTIRE LIFE. and I’m NOT. About to start NOW.” Boss is like “… ok” and we’re all internally going sdhakgsdgkja?

So we get the bagel out and she says to my boss “And I have one more thing to say.” She leans in with a sneer. “Mystery shopper.” boss goes “We don’t do that here.” “yea you do.” “No we don’t.” “yea you do.” “Have a good day.”

Basically we’re pretty sure the lady was crazy and she was absolutely lying because Mystery shoppers are not allowed to tell you that they’re mystery shoppers, and they aren’t allowed to coach you. And even if she was, “please” is not one of the things they look for. They look for a Greeting, whether or not you repeated the order and the price back, and whether or not you upsold. We haven’t participated in the program in over 7 years.

[lizardvvizard]

[machine-saint]

writing a callout post for our cat:

invading queer spaces (the dining room table)

refusing to listen to queer voices (us telling her to get off the dining room table)

harming queer bodies (puts her claws out when you pick her up)

[rosavaya]

“Many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, ‘What do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.’ Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope.”

— Vincent Van Gogh

[anarchistmemedistro]

[mentalhealthmemesofficial]

[notthegrouch]

“If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning.” 

- Vincent van Gogh

[marinememes]

I've been collecting these for a few weeks and I NEED MORE

[silver-words-and-inky-secrets]

There is. quite a lot of betrayal in the first half of Inkheart XD

[overlyspecificmcrmemes]

who wore it better?

[sapphicshart]

they both wore it gayly and now they're gonna make out

[whitehairedanimeboyfriend]

Why's everyone always gotta pit two bad bitches against one another

[piedude]

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

Frodo: Sam hates Gollum, but that is what I shall become once I have lost myself to the ring… he’ll despise me… 

Sam if Frodo did turn into a Gollum: That’s a very nice fish you caught with your bare hands, Mr. Frodo, and its very smart of you to eat it raw, saves us the trouble of starting a fire. I knitted you a sweater in case you get cold running around in that loincloth of yours. Is the sun hurting your eyes? I’ll kill it if it’s bothering you. I’ll kill the sun

[whetstonefires]

the best part of this is that it presumes either frodo did an incredible gollumization speedrun or sam just casually lived to be hundreds of years old because he had to look after mister frodo.

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Why does this read like an insult

[anais-ninja-bitch]

wouldn't you like to know, brunch boy? you sandwich-eating so-and-so.

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

[nyxwoven]

[slowspinningredemption]

think one of the things that defines pop culture in the early 2010s for me is definitely the very first time i was hosting a radio show and my colleague, who was supposed to be showing me how to do it, got so upset while telling me some intricate glee plotpoints during the songs that she started crying and had to go wait outside until she'd calmed down, leaving me alone in the station (we had the very late night/early morning slot so it was literally just me in the entire building) and I didn't want to risk fucking around with the equipment too much so I just came on air, said "sorry." and then played gangnam style on repeat until she came back

[penandinkprincess]

tiktok has me STRESSED with their “cleaning aesthetic” vids, so here’s some things you should NOT mix when cleaning, and keep in mind that these can be components in cleaners that should not be mixed (for example, windex usually has ammonia in it and thus should be treated the same way):

bleach and vinegar: creates chlorine gas

bleach and ammonia: creates chloramine gas

bleach and rubbing alcohol: creates chloroform, hydrochloric acid, and chloroacetone

bleach and toilet bowl cleaner: if you’re using an acid-based toilet bowl cleaner, combining it with bleach will create chlorine gas 

bleach and mold or mildew stain removers: acid-based stain remover=same as above

bleach and oven cleaners: many oven cleaners contain sodium hydroxide, which creates chlorine gas when combined with bleach

bleach and lysol: chlorine gas once again

(really just never mix bleach with anything other than water) (please stop fucking around with bleach)

drain cleaners: if you use one drain cleaner, do NOT follow it up with another. follow package directions on the one you’re using. you could cause an explosion that could also blind you if it gets in your eyes. 

hydrogen peroxide and vinegar: you can spray these on the same surface and wipe down in between and make sure it’s dry before applying the other, but don’t combine them in one container bc you’re going to make peracetic acid. 

surface cleaning powders: products based on oxalic acid-based cleaners (Bar Keepers Friend) and products based on trichloroisocyanuric acid (Ajax/Comet powders) create chlorine gas

source 1

source 2

source 3

source 4

source 5

good rule of thumb: always stick to one cleaner per surface/item that you’re cleaning to avoid interactions

[penandinkprincess]

i don’t vibe with the energy of some of the tags on this, so i wanted to clarify that this is not at ALL written in the spirit of “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T KNOW THIS, IDIOT”

you don’t know what you don’t know until you learn it

if you didn’t know this before, now you do! that’s great!

[ralfmaximus]

I once moved into a cheap apartment where the previous owner must’ve had a cat because one corner of one bedroom reeked of old cat pee. I decided to fix the stench by dumping a bunch of bleach in that corner.

What I didn’t know is that concentrated cat urine is basically ammonia, which when mixed with bleach produces chlorine gas: the same chemical warfare stuff that killed soldiers in WWI.

I’m a pretty smart guy, but in my ignorance I nearly gassed myself to death.

[girlactionfigure]

[cowoscare]

This looks so wholesome but I’m lacking the context needed to identify why-

[imsopopfly]

Jewish people don’t celebrate Christmas, to them it’s just another day. So they often would want to go out to eat, but a lot of restaurants here in the US close on Christmas. Chinese restaurants are usually open on Christmas though and they usually have a lot of kosher options, making them one of the prime eating out options. So we started going to Chinese restaurants on Christmas out of convenience and it evolved into a tradition :)

[chasingcoyotes]

I didn't realize how disgusting light bulbs were till I had to dump THOUSANDS of them into a gaylord. I am now dingey and smell like grandmas ashes

[flagellant]

Pardon me?

[chasingcoyotes]

i forgor not everyone knows what gaylords r but it's these big bitches watermelons and shit come in, we use em to store paint and bulbs lmao

[flagellant]

You mean a box???

[5dmom]

In every single one of my past lives I was a horse who bit someone and got put down

[detectivehole]

[detectivehole]

[deez-nut-free-zone]

They met a gregorian monk attempting not to commit the sin of gluttony

[fair-itself]

That's your takeaway? I was gonna say a wizard split Mr. Bean in two and that was the evil half

[duskdragonxiii]

Playing pokemon today and had a nice little picnic and I left it running for 5 minutes when I went to pee, and I came back to 6 fucking eggs in my basket. This is my party.

They are all male except my goddamn houndoom. I have 6 houndour eggs from when I looked away for a couple of minutes, and as someone with no idea about egg groups I have no idea who the father is.

Slut Shame Her.

[ghastlight-gravedig-ghoulboss]

God forbid women do anything

[the-tree-line]

instead of putting my mental illnesses in my bio (stupid. unsafe. a trend that needs running into the ground) i like to spinkle a little bit of it into all of my posts for my followers to discover like a crossword puzzle (fun. sense of mystery and discovery. privacy retained)

[the-tree-line]

[orcboxer]

[cator99]

I was so weird about lesbian sex for a long time because when I was 15 I hooked up with an older girl at bible camp and suddenly got my period during it and I was so embarassed but she didn't care so we kept going and then I suddenly got a severe nosebleed for no reason while I was on top of her kissing her and you can imagine how that went so there was my blood everywhere all over both of us and this sounds like I'm making shit up but it was insane and k i was panicking but she was like all about it so we just kept going and like it was too late, there was already blood on both of us! Like all over us. and I thought it was kind of powerful. so I let myself get blood all over the cabin. we were feverish. At first I just let my nosebleed drip on the floor and we both laughed like fuck this place yeah lets get blood everywhere. And we did. This is just what makes us girls. We had this cabin entirely to ourselves too for 3 whole nights!! They didn't check on us in there even once!!! Not even the counselors wanted to be near us- we had wanted to be alone and not participate in the religious activities so we told everyone we were sick, however the absolutely insane family who single-handedly ran the camp (the mom was rarely seen of course but the dad was this freaky cult-leader type preacher named Greg, and they had ummmm I think 15 kids or something, most of whom were adults, so they had no issue running this camp on an acreage they owned with very little outsider involvement) genuinely thought we were just posessed by demons, and in response they gave us our own cabin in order to ensure that we were kept away from the other kids there. Major oversight on their part and also sounds illegal but I could tell they were scared shitless of me (weird hair I cut and dyed myself, 3 lip piercings, septum ring, mid kandi kid phase so I had rainbow bracelets up past my elbows) and the girl (who had a jugalette tattoo and was the only black girl at the camp, I think ever)... I ended up getting banned from bible camp for other reasons... lesbian sex blood rituals aside....... (a kid saw me smoking something in a pipe and snitched, and they thought it was weed but it was so obviously just mint tea...) yeah after that I was like "was god punishing me for being a lesbian by making me bleed everywhere during sex oh god I'm going to hell forever and ever waaah" because even though I didn't believe in that shit in any real way at all I still had raging paranoia about being punished for being gay... regardless I came to the conclusion that if all that bloodshed was the price of homosexuality then I'd just have to learn to enjoy it. And I was so right for that . But yeah when I did have sex again after that I was like Ok hellooooo God where is the blood are u there God...???

[benzohoarder]