backdoor socialism

don't threaten me with a good time

[johnny-depp-is-loved]

20 minute standing ovation at Cannes

Source

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

The thing that gets me right now about Buddie is that. There was a post I saw over a year ago that said something like, "Buck knows he's queer but not that he's in love with his best friend and Eddie knows he's in love with his best friend but not that he's queer," and how. just. that's what's tearing them both up inside.

Buck wants to be in love with Taylor, with Natalia, with Tommy. He's so happy to be out and aware that he's bi. But he's in love with Eddie. And that's horrible because that's his best friend. He can't ruin their friendship - the best thing in his life - by telling Eddie he's in love with him. He wants so badly to be in love with someone else so that he can have Eddie the way he thinks Eddie wants him - best friendship - and he can also have the romance and partner he craves.

And Eddie can't be in love with Buck. Because being in love with Buck means facing a part of him that will, in his mind, make his life messier and more complicated and oh JFC don't even get him started on his parents. You know that he wishes like anything that his best friend was a woman so that he could fall in love with Buck while also not having to look at that part of himself.

But the thing is - the fact that Eddie is Buck's best friend, and the fact that Buck is a man - is why they're in love.

Eddie thinks he has to be perfect and have it all under control to the point where he consistently makes life choices without consulting the people affected (Shannon, Chris, Buck, etc) because he thinks that's his job as Man of the House, as Father, as Husband, and he can't show the messy parts of himself. The crux of his issues with Ana and Marisol is that he never, ever, ever let them get in close. He'll fuck them, he'll play house with them, but he will never actually let them in. If Buck was a woman, Eddie would never have let Buck get in close. He never would have let Buck step in with Chris, with his breakdown, with all of it. But because it was wrapped up in the nebulous 'best friendship' umbrella and Buck wasn't someone Eddie thought he could (or should) want sexually/romantically, he did. He doesn't need to provide, take care of, or play a heternormative role for Buck, and that's how Buck snuck in there.

Of course you fell in love with your best friend who's a man, Eddie. It was never going to be any other way.

And Buck thinks that falling in love with his best friend means he's constantly on the edge of ruining his life and Eddie's life and he wishes so badly to fall in love with someone else and doesn't realize that it's Eddie being his best friend that has him so deeply in love. Buck never performed for Eddie. Because he didn't see Eddie as a romantic option he didn't do any of the over the top things he tends to do for his romances, and he didn't hide the parts of himself out of fear that partner won't like them. Buck just stepped inside with Eddie and supported him. He had no expectations, no plans, so he just let the relationship - the love - grow naturally. Buck is so fucking desperate to be loved and to have a partner, to have the relationships he sees the rest of his family having, and it means he'll chop off pieces of himself, he'll put himself last, he'll do anything to be what he thinks the other person wants and needs, and he'll rush WAY too fast into intimacy and generally just. make a mess. But Eddie's just Eddie. He's the best friend. So Buck pushes Eddie when Eddie needs it. He's patient. He lets Eddie see all of himself, and he calls Eddie out when Eddie's done something that hurts Buck, and apologizes in turn. He had no expectations. He didn't hide.

Of course you fell in love with your best friend, Buck. It was never going to be any other way.

And they are both so fucking convinced they are in a tragedy. Wanting the one person they can't have. Can't be with a man, this will fuck up my entire life, and why would he want me anyway. Can't be with my best friend, this will fuck up my entire life, and he couldn't want me anyway. They have no idea what genre they're really in.

They think they're in a tragedy, but they're in a romance, and they do say your partner should be your best friend.

[griefbespoke]

keep thinking about those screenshots of buck's house after bobby died. no flowers. no one sent him flowers because it wasn't his dad who died, not really. just like chris leaving wasn't his son leaving, not really. eddie going to texas wasn't his partner leaving, not really. buck occupies all of these spaces unofficially and he knows who he is to them but when they leave he's always, always left with nothing. again. most important relationships of his life and he's empty-handed and wondering if he'd imagined it all in the first place.

[backdoor-socialism]

Why would you do this to me?

[chiguybri-deactivated20221103]

[backdoor-socialism]

Wait, is porn fair game again on Tumblr? The things I miss when I'm away for 5 years

[backdoor-socialism]

Are you with him because you love him and feel so lucky to be with him?

Or because you feel unlovable, and live in quiet terror of admitting you don't love him because you've grown to like being in a relationship* and worry you won't be lucky enough to find another guy willing to love your unlovable self?

*an unhealthy one, but a relationship nonetheless

[backdoor-socialism]

But really, I'd love some advice on how to:

End a 7 year relationship

Find a good therapist

Learn how to be alone again

Buy a good dildo

[backdoor-socialism]

Are you with him because you love him and feel so lucky to be with him?

Or because you feel unlovable, and live in quiet terror of admitting you don't love him because you've grown to like being in a relationship* and worry you won't be lucky enough to find another guy willing to love your unlovable self?

*an unhealthy one, but a relationship nonetheless

[lazenby]

List of shibboleth names

by which the privileged judge their inferiors

A

Abbe Suger (French pronunciation: syoo-zheh, British: soo-gehr)

Chinua Achebe (chin-oo-ah ah-chay-bae)

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (chim-ah-man-da nnnn-go-zeh ah-dee-che)

James Agee (a-jee)

Anna Akhmatova (onna ock-mah-taugh-vah)

Louis Althusser (lou-wee al-too-sair)

Jerzy Andrzejewski (yer-zhay ahn-zhay-ev-ski)

Roger Angell (angel)

Jean Anouilh (~ahn’oo-ee)

Diane Arbus (dee-ann)

Hannah Arendt (hahn-ah ahr-ent)

Martha Argerich (mar-tah herr-each)

Eugène Atget (oo-zhenne at-zhey)

Augustine of Hippo (aw-gus-tin)

Autechre (aw-tekk-er)

Richard Ayoade (eye-oh-wah-dee)

B

Angelo Badalamenti (bottle-ah-menti)

Walter Bagehot (badget)

Balliol College (bay-lee-uhl)

Donald/Frederick Barthelme (barth-uhl-me)

Karl Barth (bart)

Roland Barthes (bart)

Tom Beauchamp (beachum)

Walter Benjamin (ben-yameen)

John Berger (berdger)

Bishop Berkeley (barkley)

Hans Bethe (beta)

John Betjeman (betch-uh-mun)

Joseph Beuys (boyz)

Hieronymus Bosch (Flemish pronunciation: heer-rone-nee-mohse boss)

Tadeusz Borowski (tah-de-yoosh borr-off-ski)

Anthony Boucher (rhymes with voucher)

Tycho Brahe (Danish pronunciation: too-ghoh brahhh)

Marcel Breuer (broy-er)

Broad Art Museum (brode)

Hermann Broch (~hair-monn brohhh)

Burgundy Street, New Orleans (burr-gun-dee)

Steve Buscemi (boo-semm-ee)

Bowdoin College (boh-din)

C

Gonville and Caius College (keys)

Menzies Campbell (ming-iss)

Thomas Carew (carey)

Vija Celmins (vee-yah tell-midge)

Michael Chabon (shay-bonn)

Jan Czochralski (yann choh-h’ral-ski)

J.C. Chandor (shann-door)

Dan Chaon (shawn)

Chyron (kai-rawn or kai-run)

Cimabue (chee-ma-boo-ee)

Karel Čapek (kah-rell chap-eck)

Michael Cimino (chee-me-noh)

Emil Cioran (chore-ahn)

Ta-Nehisi Coates (tah-nuh-hah-see)

Alexander/Andrew/Patrick Cockburn (coburn)

Paulo Coelho (~pow-lu kuh-whey.l-you.)1

J.M. Coetzee (koot-see)

Robert Campin (com-pin)

William Cowper (cooper)

Cré na Cille, Máirtín Ó Cadhain book (~kreh neh kill-eh)

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (me-high cheek-sent-me-high)

Countee Cullen (cown-tay)

Marie Skłodowska-Curie (skwoh-doaf-ska)

Alfonso/Jonás/Carlo Cuarón (al-fone-so/ho-nas kwah-roan)

Holger Czukay (hole-gerr shoe-kai) 

D

Gerard David (Flemish pronunciation: ~hhheer-ahrd dahh-fidd)

The Dalles, Oregon (the dolls)

Guy Debord (ghee du-borrh)

Louis De Broglie (duh broy)

Giorgio De Chirico (Italian pronunciation: ~dee kee-ree-koh)

Richard Dedekind (between day-dah-kin and day-dah-kint)

Wilhelm Dilthey (dill-tai)

Alfred Döblin (deu-bleen)

Don Juan, Byron character (jew-un)

Gerrit/Gerard Dou (dow)

W.E.B. DuBois (duh-boyz)

Andre Dubus (duh-byoose)

E

Chiwetel Ejiofor (choo-we-tell edge-ee-oh-for)

Cary Elwes (ell-wiss)

Paul Erdős (~pal ehr-deush)

John Scotus Eriugena (era-jee-nah)

Leonhard Euler (oiler)

F

Nuruddin Farah (Somali pronunciation: ~nour-oo-deen farr-ah)

Colm Feore (column fury)

Ferdydurke (fair-deh-dure-kuh)

Paul Feyerabend (fire-ah-bent)

Johann Gottlieb Fichte (feesh-tuh)3

Ralph/Ranulph/Sophie/Joseph/Magnus/Martha Fiennes (rayf finezzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Gustave Flaubert (flow-bear)

William Foege (fay-ghee)

Lee Fang (fong)

Michel Foucault (~foo-coh)

Gottlob Frege (got-lobe free-geh)

James Frey (fry)

Fritiof Fryxell (freet-joff frix-ell)

G

Gallaudet University (gal-uh-debt)

Mary Gauthier (goh-shay)

George Gamow (gamm-awve) 

Clifford Geertz (gurtz)

Alberto Giacometti (Swiss pronunciation: yah-coh-mett-ee)2

André Gide (zheed)

Giotto (jhott-oh)

H.R. Giger (ghee-guh)

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (~ger-tuh)

Nikolai Gogol (goggle)

Witold Gombrowicz (vee-told gomm-broh-vitch)

Jan Gossaert (~yann ho-sight) aka ‘Mabuse’ (mah-buu-zuh)

Philip Gourevitch (guh-ray-vitch)

Antonio Gramsci (gromm-she)

Matt Groening (graining)

Alexander Grothendieck (groat-enn-deek)

David Guetta (gay-tah)

H

Vaclav Havel (vott-slav hah-vell)

Michael Haneke (hanukkah)

Margaret H’Doubler (dough-blur)

Seamus Heaney (shay-muss hee-knee)

Aleksandar Hemon (between heh-monn and heh-mown)

Heorot (hay-uh-rot)

Zbigniew Herbert (z’beeg-nyeff herr-behrt)

John Hersey (hearse-ey)

Hesiod (he-see-uhd)

Hermann Hesse (~hair-monn heh-seh)

Guy Hocquenghem (ghee ock-en-g’yem)

homo sacer, Agamben concept (Italian pronunciation: oh-moh satch-air)

Houston Street, Manhattan (house-ton)

Joris-Karl Huysmans (zhour-ris karl weese-moss)4

Bohumil Hrabal (boh-who-meal h’rah-ball)

Alfred Hrdlička (German pronunciation: ~hairt-litch-kah)

I

Iceni (aye-kay-nee)

Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres (angh)

Eugène Ionesco (Romanian pronunciation: ~yoh-ness-koh)

Luce Irigaray (loose ear-ee-garr-eh)

J

Roman Jakobson (jacob-son)

Jacques, Shakespeare character (jay-kwiss)

Erica Jong (zhong)

Seu Jorge (~sewe zhawzhe)1

Carl Jung (yoong)

K

Frigyes Karinthy (free-gesh car-inn-tee)

Keble College (keeble)

Kelis Rogers (kuh-leece)

Imre Kertész (imm-reh kare-tace)

John Maynard Keynes (kanes)

Omar Khayyam (high-yahm)

Krzysztof Kieślowski (krish-toff keesh-loff-skee)

Q'orianka/Xihuaru Kilcher (core-i-an-ka/see-wahr-oo)

Danilo Kiš (dann-eel-oh keesh)

Paul Klee (powell clay)

Stephen Cole Kleene (cleany)

Phil Klay (kligh)

Karl Ove Knausgård (Norwegian pronunciation: ~kahl oo-veh kuh-nauss-gahd)

Zoltán Kodály (zohwl-tahn koh-die)

Sarah Koenig (kay-nig)

Alexandre Kojève (koh-zhevv)

Jiří Kolář (year-ee collage)

Tadeusz Konwicki (tah-de-yoosh konn-vitz-ski)

Jerzy Kosiński (yer-zhay koh-shin-ski)

Alexandre Koyré (kwah-ray)

Saul Kripke (crip-key)

Thomas Kuhn (coon)

Milan Kundera (Czech pronunciation: mill-ahn koon-der-uh)

L

Carl Laemmle (lemm-lee)

Dorothea Lange (lang)

Henri Lefebvre (luh-fevv-ruh)

Stanisław Lem (stan-ni-swaf lemm)

Jonathan Lethem (leeth-um)

Jared Leto (let -oh)

Primo Levi (leh-vee)

Marina Lewycka (leh-vitz-kah)

Sophus Lie / Lie Algebra (lee)

Mario Vargas Llosa (yoh-sah)

Peter Lorre (laura)

John Lukacs (Hungarian pronunciation: loo-katch but Americanized to lucas)

Jan Łukasiewicz (yann wu-kah-shey-vitch)

M

Magdalen College, Oxford/Cambridge (mawd-lin)

Mannes College of Music (mannis)

Quentin Matsys/Quinten Matsijs (Flemish pronunciation: kvinn-tin mott-sayse)

Somerset Maugham (mawm)

Kazimir Malevich (may-lay-vich)

Thomas Mann (toe-mahs mahn)

Don Marquis (mar-kwiss)

Olivier Messiaen (oh-leev-yay meh-syonh)

Joel Meyerowitz (my-yer-uh-wits)

John Michell (mitchell) 

Czesław Miłosz (chess-waff me-woahsh)

Joan Miró (zhwamn me-roh)

László Moholy-Nagy (~lass-low moh-holy noidge-eh)

Robert Moog (mogue)

George Mosse (mossy)

Sławomir Mrożek (swah-voh-meer m’roh-zhek)

Ron Mueck (myoo-ick)

Harry Mulisch (mool-ish)

Edvard Munch (ed-vart moonk)

Robert Musil (moo-zeal/moo-seal)

Eadweard Muybridge (edward my-bridge)

N

Nacogdoches, Texas (nack-uh-dough-chis)

Natchitoches, Louisiana (nack-uh-tush)

Otto Neurath (noi-raht)

Bill Nighy (nye)

Anaïs Nin (ah-nayh-ees ninn)

Emmy Noether (neur-tuh)

Cees Nooteboom (sayze note-uh-bome)

Lupita Nyong'o (~nnnnn yong-oh)

O

Obergefell v. Hodges (oh-burr-geh-fell)

Máirtín Ó Cadhain (marr-teen oh kai-un)

Adepero Oduye (add-uh-pair-oh oh-doo-yay)

Jenny Offill (oh-full)

Claes Oldenburg (kloss)

Michael Ondaatje (awn-datch-ee)

The River Ouse (ooze)

David Oyelowo (oh-yell-uh-whoah)

P

Chuck Palahniuk (paul-uh-nik)

Octavio Paz (Mexican Spanish: pahss)

Wolfgang Pauli (pow-lee)

Charles Sanders Peirce (purse)

Krzysztof Penderecki (creesh-toff pen-duh-ret-ski)

Samuel Pepys (peeps)

Jodi Picoult (pee-coe)

Max Planck (plonk)

Plotinus (ploh-tine-us)

Anthony Powell (po-uhl)

John Cowper Powys (cooper poh-iss)

Principia Mathematica (prin-kipp-ee-yah)

Annie Proulx (proo)

Marcel Proust (proost)

Joseph Pulitzer (puh-litz-ur)

Q

Qatar (cutter/gutter)5

Quinnipiac University (kwinn-uh-pea-ack)

R

Ayn Rand (well-fare recipient)

Sławomir Rawicz (swah-voh-meer rahh-vitch)

Satyajit Ray (Bengali pronunciation: ~shut-uh-jeet rye)

Steve Reich (raish)

Tom Regan (ray-gun)

ricercar (Italian pronunciation: ~reach-ur-car)

Rainer Maria Rilke (rhine-er mahr-ee-a reel-kuh)

Nicolas Roeg (rogue)

Theodore Roethke (ret-key)

Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen/Roentgen (vill-helm rhont-gn)

Klaus Roth (roath)

Mary Ruefle (roo-full)

Ed Ruscha (roo-shay)

S

Edward Said (sigh-eed)

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (sanh-eks-oo-pear-ee)

Luc Sante (sahnt)

Leonardo Sciascia (shah-shah)

Schlumberger (slumber-zhay)

Bruno Schulz (schooltz)

Martin Scorsese (score-sess-ee)

Henry Scrope, Shakespeare character (scroop)

W.G. Sebald (zay-bald)

Chloë Sevigny (sevv-un-ee)

Choire Sicha (corey seeka)

Charles Simić (Serbian pronunciation: simm-itch, but often called simmick)

Victor Sjöström (Swedish pronunciation: veek-torr hhhwhere-strome)

Theda Skocpol (scotch-pole)

Josef Škvorecký (yoh-zeff shkvore-etz-ski)

William Smellie (smiley)

Todd Solondz (suh-lawnz)

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (saul-zhuh-neat-sin)

Léon Spilliaert (Dutch pronunciation: lay-on spilly-art)

Strange, barony (strang)

Edward Steichen (shtike-inn)

William Stukeley (stoo-key)

Larissa Szporluk - (shpoor-luck)

Wisława Szymborska (vee-swa-va shim-bor-ska)

T

Gay Talese (tuh-leeze)

Chief Justice Roger Taney (tawny)

Nahum Tate (neigh-m)

Tchoupitoulas Street, New Orleans (chop-uh-too-luss)

Wayne Thiebaud (tee-bo)

Uwe Timm (ooh-veh)

Tzvetan Todorov (tsveh-tahn toh-duh-roff)

Colm Tóibín (~column toh-been)

Trendelenburg position (trenn-dell-in-berg)

Ernst Troeltsch (trolch)

Edward Tufte (tuff-tee)

Tulane University (too-lane)

Ivan Turgenev (yvonne turr-gain-yevv)

George W. S. Trow (like ’grow’)

V

Michel Houllebecq (he doesn’t care)

Ludvík Vaculík (lood-veek vatz-oo-leek)

Joos van Cleve (yohss fon clay-vuh)

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe (meez fonn der roh-uh)

Rogier van der Weyden (~ro-kheer fon dur vay-dun)

Arnoldus Vanderhorst, ultimate namesake of Luther (vandross)

Vincent van Gogh (Dutch pronunciation: ~finch-ant fan hawh)

Antonie van Leeuwenhoek (ahn-toe-nee fon lay-when-hook)

Rembrandt van Rijn (remm-brondt fon rain)

Townes van Zandt (towns)

Johannes Vermeer (yo-hann-iss furr-meer)

Jones Very (jonas veery)

Vladimir Voinovich (vlah-dee-meer voy-noh-vitch)

Ludwig von Mises (fonn meez-ess)

Jakob von Uexküll (jah-cubb fon ooks-kool)

Georg Henrik von Wright (fon vrikt)

W

Ayelet Waldman (eye-yell-it)

Quvenzhané Wallis (kwuh-ven-zhuh-nay)

Robert Walser (valzer)

Jean-Antoine Watteau (French pronunciation: ~vah-teau)

Evelyn St. John Waugh (eve-linn sin-jun wahh)

Max Weber (veigh-burr)

Simone Weil (zee-moan veigh)

Elie Wiesel (eel-ee vee-zell)

Garry Winogrand (win-uh-grand)

Ludwig Wittgenstein (vitt-genn-shtein)

Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (wood-house)

David Wojnarowicz (voy-nah-roh-vitch)

William Hyde Wollaston (wool-uh-stun)

Hermann Wouk (woke)

Woyzeck, Büchner play (voight-zikk)

Joseph Wright of Derby (right of dahr-bee)

Y

William Butler Yeats (yates)

Yerkes Observatory (yer-keys)

Yoknapatawpha County, Faulkner setting (yolk-nuh-pah-taw-fa)

Z

Robert Zajonc (zai-unts)

Slavoj Žižek (slah-voi zhee-zhek)

Andrzej Żuławski (ahn-drey zhu-wavv-ski)

1 Portuguese has a much more complicated phonetics than English & so these are especially approximate.

2 Because Giacometti was from the Italian-speaking part of Switzerland a kind of second order snobbishness has descended on the pronunciation of his name. Most people who would judge you pronounce it as you would in Italian (jah-coh-mett-ee) but an inner-inner circle insist on correcting even these people with the Swiss-Italian pronunciation listed here.

3 The pronunciation of the -ch as soft instead of hard, unlike every other instance in German, was contrived after the philosopher’s death to avoid a near-homophony with that language’s word for ‘fuck.’

4 The last syllable doesn’t have an English equivalent but rhymes with the French pronunciation of Jean’s.

5 The first letter (qaf/qof/ق) has no equivalent in English or any other Western language and is more glottal than either of the sounds starting these approximations.

More? Better phonetic versions?

[backdoor-socialism]

[acecroft]

“Computers love me.“

[backdoor-socialism]

The best rebound after a particularly painful ghosting is:

1/ go on a date with a stranger

2/ realize you're so incompatible but he's so into you that you'll be ghosting him soon

3/ contemplate the absurdity of life and the vicious circle we all find ourselves in

4/ probably get your dick sucked anyway

5/ 👻

[to-forget-list]

[backdoor-socialism]

Stalactite Starry Night. #nofilter #cuevasdeldrach (at Majorca)

[backdoor-socialism]

History.

The Dark Ages lasted approximately 1000 years, between the 6th and 14th centuries. See you on the other side, folks.

[henrycavillworld]

[fuks]

[backdoor-socialism]

Mood.

[backdoor-socialism]

Don't want to settle for the wrong life Don't want to hurt until I cave I reason constantly, and question why I once cared

[backdoor-socialism]

at Alexanderplatz Berlin