@stalling - Tumblr Blog

POV my knee while I drive

#or sit in the parking lot cuz I don’t like getting out of the car #gpoy

.,:,.

#I’m sitting at lunch by myself as I normally do. eating my microwave burger from the vending machine #and this guy comes up to me ‘where’s your friends?’ …. huh? I look up and it’s Kyle. remember him?#so he sits down with me for lunch. it’s his first day back.#he’s like Yeah I saw you before the shift but you walk too fast so I couldn’t say hey #and when I got up to go back to work he says ‘good to see you’. :’)#like idc if it means nothing. idk if ppl realize that sometimes I rly don’t care if it means Nothing beyond full platonicism.#when a boy who has a code name treats me like I’m more than just a random person?? I love that. that does mean something.#someone saying ‘good to see you’ before I say it? thats nice.#and comparing our schedules he says ‘so I’m never gonna see you’ I go ‘Yeah on Tuesdays’ and he says ‘just one day..’#bro #ty

Finished the Boroughs and I thought I was seeing a lot about how amazingly amazing it is and it …. Is not

#but then I immediately scrolled past something for Widows Bay #and I think that’s what I was thinking of #now idk if I saw positive things for the boroughs or just general advertising for it #if you’re debating about watching it I would suggest skipping it #but I could be wrong 🤷‍♂️ make your own decisions

I bet it feels so good to just go full crazy. salty nutzo. just completely let go of reality and not have to keep swimming back down and grabbing onto something grounded

#they should invent something you can eat that lets you do that

Is this pitcrew in question: https://www.instagram.com/javentinoo/ ?

That’s the one. He’s got a nice face on him.

Whoooooooo is that new mustachioed pit crew?

Eating grapes and drinking beer and trying to watch tv over the loud fan in my window because it’s 72° out and me and my cats are dying

absolutely going though it and I haven’t even had a multivitamin for like two weeks like wtf

#so ready to go Home #at least the shift is half way over #and then it’s tomorrow and we start it all again

#current mood #gpoy

The way he was in love with this girl and she goes “hey I have something to tell you…. I’m putting in my 2 weeks” .. that was the scariest part of the movie

#like mannn trauma after trauma

Obsession was a good movie but damn, one of those movies that feels too pointed at me.

#on today of all days -.-#after making that last post #multiple emotions coming at me already #and then a movie throwing them all right back at me #………..#I actually was triggered #spoiler #spoiler spoiler #obsession spoiler #ahead #spoiler spoiler spoiler #so stop if you haven’t seen it #……#when he tried leaving and she goes into her monologue about how she’s going to kill herself slowly #how he’s going to leave her alone and she’s going to slowly sink into death .. in such a morbid way of talking about it #I’m literally sitting there like 🤦🏻‍♂️😮‍💨#the moments of clarity and harm and taking it back and the whiplash of going back and forth #the inescapability of it #like …… trauma mama #add on how loud it was and how horrible the sound system is that it was just literally painful …#it was became a rough movie to watch .. but it was a good movie I’d recommend it #kinda hilarious. kinda fucked up. kind of a love story kind of not at all……..#…… oh that’s why she said at the beginning It’s a story about love. and he’s like Romance. and she’s like No.#and he’s like Those the same thing? …. no.#anyway I’m sitting in my car while the thought of buying a pack passes cuz I already thought I would earlier and that made it worse #but I don’t want to start smoking again. the last pack I bought was a one off and that’s good that it was.#so this would be too I’m sure but if you keep saying This is a One Off then eventually you’re back on your habit #so I’ll take the large popcorn that I hardly ate which wasn’t very good and I’ll introduce it to the beers in my fridge #and either fall asleep or watch another movie on my own #because we hung out just to see a movie that’s it.

10 to 6 or 9 to 5. Trying, dying to survive

#built up the energy to finally go to the liquor store #‘leave the apartment to by alcohol”#putting on the new aesthetic… will you notice?#idk man #the curse has been lifted but symptoms still remain #and it’s been better #for a while it was great #until it wasn’t #and I can’t help but find a pattern still and wonder if the curse is ever really over #the demons of my past have been coming back. not the same. changed.#in a way that’s not as scary but stronger #it sharpened its arrowheads and they penetrate much deeper and more specific #you can’t turn back time. you can’t take it back.#you carry a wound that never heals #and you walk down your usual path and slowly then all at once you have to catch your breath #try to swallow the lump in your throat. and stop the flood from your eyes.#I don’t know if it’s the path I’m walking on or if I’d break down anywhere #considering I break down everywhere I don’t think it matters where I walk #but this is the same path I started taking immediately after things got real dark on the 10th anniversary #when I had a flash of …… just 3 seconds of peace. nothings scarier than sudden absolute silence in the darkest of the shadows #so I shaved my head. clung onto a life preserver. went on regular walks down this path #is the sidewalk paved with trauma? or are the trees whispering their blessings for they know who I am #….#I said I wanna get better. and I did.#but the flavor fades fast and it gets difficult to chew.#nothing lasts forever. but the darkness will remain #ANYWAY…. walks almost done and I gotta piss so bad #Spotify

moodgorning

#gpoy

I will love you til the end of time.

stalling

I just slept 12 hours straight and you want me to be a functioning part of society?? Jkjkjk I didn’t sleep 12 hours straight. 6am-6pm is 12 hours. I slept until 8pm. I slept 14 hours straight!

stalling

And just now I woke up like “shit how fucking long did I just sleep?” and I check to make sure I didn’t miss my alarm. . . 2 hours -.-

I just slept 12 hours straight and you want me to be a functioning part of society?? Jkjkjk I didn’t sleep 12 hours straight. 6am-6pm is 12 hours. I slept until 8pm. I slept 14 hours straight!

#I thought it’d be a long nap (or a nap in my case) cuz I napped a few hours prior #and maybe id take a walk since its been getting nicer out #nope…

The way my brain just keeps looping “I swore my loyalty to me, myself, and I right before you lit my sky up. All that time you’ve got a thunderbird my daddy had one too, not very pretty but we sure know how to run things” is actually clinical insanity.

#im on my 6th 10 hour day in a row at work so….#only 10 minutes late today compared to 2 yesterday #hours*

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