“You need to learn to love yourself.” They say, so easily to my face without telling me what it is I need to love of myself.
Am I pretty? Am I smart? Am I funny or kind? I don’t know, I’ve heard far too many reasons and excuses but they all seem like false praise when they walk away from me in the end. What is there to love when no one wants to show me what it is? To be truthful to me.
“You shouldn’t validate yourself in others eyes.” He says and yet, he looks at me with a tired expression. Like he’s tired of needing to deal with me, when I need someone to hear me out, even if I get a bit ridiculous at times. Am I that bad? Are you okay? Are you having a bad day too? Why don’t you just tell me? I want you to like me, I need you to like me because otherwise…
“You’re stronger than you think.” She says, not knowing that I can see the way she looks at me. How she interacts with others around her far more brighter than when I greet her with a simple hello. How much it hurts to see and yet, I nod with a smile because I don’t want them to know. I don’t want to be the one to break this illusion we live in, where everything is suppose to be fine.
But it’s not, it hurts all the same. Or is it worse?
I don’t know, much like with everything else in life. I don’t know how to act with other people I know slowly grow annoyed with me whilst trying to tell me the things they do. I don’t know if they understand how I can’t learn to love myself if I find that there’s nothing to love.
I’m growing older and yet, over these long years, I still cannot find what it is they tell me to love.
I know what I need but what they want from me, can I? Is it that simple?
There is only so much self-love someone can have until that love runs dry and all you’re left is dust as everyone around simply leaves because they believe they’ve gave you all you need.
I cannot love what isn’t there…
vaporwave
sugurugetos
stormborns
kianamaiart
blakekathryn
