My relationships are going nowhere and I feel like my wings are being clipped. I feel like I'm holding onto a dead hope over nothing.
Maybe love was just never for me.
I meet someone, I get to know them, and then they suddenly say that we "never really knew each other". Whatever happened to love at first sight?
And then comes the worst part: My brain abandoning them before they could abandon me, as if we really didn't ever know each other in the first place.
It's not like I wanted to discuss our future in the first conversation, like I did with my fourth ex. That almost never happens.
I've been hoping to find someone that will catch my heart and keep it, someone who really will make me plan my future with them in the first conversation.
Sadly, that's probably not going to happen.
I want to leave Angelica behind and I want to leave Brianna behind. Angelica, I don't feel a connection with anymore. Sure, we talked about Ralph Bakshi's work, and had some honest conversations about our days so far, but I don't feel that spark with her anymore. And Brianna, she's a 19 year old baby and she still lives with her parents. Total mama's girl. Yet she still keeps on talking with me, as if the hopes for an in-person date have long since been crushed, because, apparently, dating an entire 22 year old adult, someone three entire years older than her, doesn't scare her off.
I honestly feel like Angelica and Brianna are clipping my wings. I'm at a dead end with both of them, but I'm still trying to create a spark with Angelica as if that spark hasn't been long put out with a fucking fire extinguisher. I want to like Angelica, but I'm not feeling a connection with her.
Also, I miss what I had with Star. Sure, there was no hope for the relationship, but at least we had chemistry.
