Character: Jaemin x Jeno (Nomin/Jaeno)
You know that feeling when you are so happy , but then have a sudden rush of selfishness take over your mind and body? And you are just so mad at yourself for feeling like that ,but you cant control it?
Well that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now…
I hate myself for feeling like this , but just the thought of not living in the same dorm as him is killing me. And yes, I’m talking about that beautiful boy with even more beautiful smile who managed to steal my heart from the second I saw him . Lee Jeno.
He is soon to be too old to fit into the age range of NCT Dream. And at first I was so happy that he was going to be in new unit, because I know talented he is and because I know how much he deserves to be more known in this industry. I can’t explain how mad I’m at myself because I’m just so…so selfish. And no, I don’t mean selfish as that I want to be in his place. I mean selfish as I don’t want him to leave this unit, because I feel by him leaving this unit he’s also going to leave me…
We’ve been together even before we debuted and I just never felt what it is like to be far away from him. I know I sound like such a possessive person right now , but I can’t help myself. I just want him close.
I didn’t even notice I was crying until I heard knocking on my door. I quickly wiped away my tears and sat up on my bed ,trying to say „come in“ without my voice breaking.
A well-known brown head peeked into my room with a small smile.
„Dinner is ready Nana.“ Renjun said happily. But ,as soon as I looked him in the eyes ,his expression changed.
„Have you been crying? What’s wrong?“ He bombarded me with questions and I just couldn’t answer a single one. My hand were gripping at my bed cover trying not to let any more tears stream down my cheeks.
„Is it because of Jeno..?“
As soon as that name left his mouth I couldn’t hold it in anymore.Tears were pouring down my face and had no intentions on stopping anytime soon.The only thing that could be heard ,in the room ,was the sound of me sobbing. I felt Renjuns hand on my back trying to calm me down ,but it just wasn’t working.
„He’s going to leave soon and I know he’s going to forget me. I don’t want him to forget me Renjun…“ I managed to say in between all the sobbing.
„He’s not going to forget you. Don’t be silly. He loves you as much as you love him. Trust me on this one ,please.“
But ,I couldn’t trust him.I wanted to, so badly. But I just knew it was not the truth. Because the moment he takes the last step out of the dorm…everything will change.
No more good morning kisses.
No more goodnight kisses.
No more morning breakfasts.
No more waking up on his chest.
No more staying up late talking about everything and anything.
No more cuddling at any time of the day.
I know it sounds so dramatic ,but I just hate it. Hate the idea of him not being close to me. Renjun comforted me for a while until I finally had no tears left. I collected myself a bit and finally walk out of my room into the dinning room, where everyone has been waiting for us.
Oh dammit. I forgot that I sat next to Jeno .He is so going to notice my puffy eyes.And as I thought as soon as I sat down I felt his hand on my knee and felt his stare on me. But ,I ignored him. The whole time while we were eating I just completely ignored the fct that he was looking at me. I wanted to look at those chocolate-brown eyes .But, I knew as soon as I would look at them, I would break down in tears.So, as painful as it was to ignore him, I managed somehow.
The finished eating and ,once again, I ignored Jeno’s voice calling me.I stormed in my room and jumped in my bed. The tears couldn’t be stopped anymore and ,as soon as my face hit the soft pillows ,they started pouring. I ,once again, turned into a sobbing mess. I didn’t even notice that I had forgotten to lock the door or that someone has walked inside. It was only when I felt someone touching my hair that I realized that I wasn’t not alone.
Oh that voice that used to make me smile every time I heard it, only made me cry even harder now.
„Please tell me what’s wrong…It’s killing me to see you hurting.“ Jeno added with small voice.
I finally gathered up the courage to look at him.And as soon as I sat up I felt his strong arms around my neck pulling me into his chest.I kept apologizing feeling so bad for making him worry about me when I was jus being an idiot who couldn’t even be happy for his boyfriend.
„Can you please tell me whats wrong?“ He said cupping my cheek making me look him in the eyes.
I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down while he kept whispering „its okay“.
„I’m sorry. It’s dumb like really dumb.“ I finally said.
„It’s okay tell me.I will listen.“ He answered with a smile.
„I’m just..I just ahh I hate that you’re moving out and I’m just scared what’s going to happen to us since I feel like it’s going to change a lot of things between us and I just hate it so much but at the same time I’m just so mad at myself for feeling like this because I should just shut up and be a goo boyfriend and be happy for you but I-.“
He cut me off by placing his lips. I could feel him smile into the kiss and it made me smile ,because in that moment everything felt like it was back to normal. But, as soon as the kiss finished I was still in the same room and he is still leaving tomorrow.
„You’re such an idiot you know that?“ He said while chuckling a bit. I gave him a confused face since I didn’t understand what was funny about this whole thing. And I guess he understood and continued.
„It won’t change anything between us ,baby. I can promise you that. We could live in different planets and I would still love you as much. Please don’t worry about it okay?I love you. So so so much. And us not living in the same place or not being in the same unit is not going to make me love you any less.“
I felt like a huge rock has been lifted from my chest when I heard him say that.
„You..you promise?“ I tried to say but hiccups were stopping me.
He laughed a bit and with a big smile said „yes, I promise.“
He cupped my cheeks once again and gave me a little peck and when he wanted to deepen the kiss my hiccups interrupted us making us both laugh.
„See!! No one could ever make me as happy as you make me.Even your dumb hiccups make me fall in love with you even more.“ He said with our foreheads touching.
I smiled at him ,finally feeling truly happy for the first time today.
He pulled me down on my bed and he just held me.We talked about everything and anything just like we always do. I nuzzled my nose into his neck and he pulled me closer if that was even possible. I was finally relieved. I now know that on one can take him away from me.He is mine sunshine and I’m his paranoid idiot. But, I would want it any other way.
The picture is not mine so the credit goes to the rightful owner.
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