this is the first time ive opened this app since march. I guess I accidentally migrated to twitter for my exo content? and ive kinda just been enjoying kpop on my own terms and at my own pace (delight fucking SLAPS btw) and it's been better for my health or whatever. also i have a fulltime job now and am exhausted frequently so it's been hard to balance that with feeling like a "shitty fan" or whatever for not keeping up 1000% of the time with everything. and that change was (...is) very hard to adjust to and to accept because there have been so many insane changes the last 7-8 months, but it's not a negative or positive change. it's just a neutral change. plus, a lot of people are shifting to other groups bc exo is all enl*sting :( but for me... exo is my last idol group. exo and shinee and red velvet. but mostly exo. so if they're less active, I am too. I love them and am so so so proud of them and I keep up with everything at my own pace. but tumblr isnt the place for me right now? or maybe ever again? I dunno. a lot of stuff has happened in my life recently and i feel like that'll be true for awhile. lots of changes. lots of anxiety. but lots of good things too.
I used to read posts like this from my fave blogs when I was 17-20 years old and feel anxious bc i "didnt want to end up like that", less (publicly) excited and enthusiastic about exo, but I get it now. it's more of a personal thing now, and I dont feel the need to share it with other people, I guess? not to this degree anyway. im just enjoying it how I want to, when I want to, and it makes me feel happy when I do, bc I love exo and they bring me such joy! but I have a better balance now. I have all my albums out on a shelf in my living room, but none of my posters are up bc I still feel weirdly awkward about putting them up. and I jam out on my commute to exo and shinee and red velvet and whatnot, and I watch the reality shows that come out, and its great! no pressure to hop on tumblr, which always gave me a strange sense of anxiety before I opened the app.
idk what this post is about or who it's for, cuz I doubt any of yall care, but yeah. we'll see what the future holds, and I may or may not end up back on this hell-site.
