Taking Off with the Wright Bros
A life of airplanes and suspicious brotherly love.
Orville Wright, famous printer/editor, bicycle retailer/manufacturer, airplane inventor/manufacturer, and pilot trainer, was once quoted saying “I’m too drunk to fly this fuckin’ plane.” Orville and his older brother, Wilbur, were monumental contributors to what is now the fifth most popular way of transportation across the globe, according to wiki.answers.com. Though the Wright brothers are credited with throwing open the doors for travel, communication, and international commerce, they have a much deeper history very few actually are aware of.
The Wright Brothers were born and raised in Dayton, Ohio, now home of the mechanical pencil as well as the incredibly innovative cat seatbelt. Born in 1867, Wilbur was four years Orville’s senior, and from day one, the two were inseparable. At the ages of 6 and 10, Wilbur and Orville completed their first marathon together, but yearned for something more. At ages 12 and 8, the pair decided they would dedicate their entire lives to find new ways to travel about other than running, and riding their mule Mary-Anne Louise. By the time the two completed college, where they both received degrees in E-Commerce Marketing from ITT Technical Institute, their minds were far from online sales. On a hot July morning, Orville woke up, rolled over and said to his dear brother “Today is the day.” In less than 4 hours, the Wright Brothers had constructed their first airplane and successfully flew it around the pasture.
Many people may call the iconic pair heroes, but they have been quoted saying quite the contrary, “I believe I’m just an everyday citizen, all I want to do is build cool shit with my bro.” On this very same day, the Wright Brothers invented what is now known as the fist pound, and used it as a staple to their success. As the years went on, Orville and Wilbur decided to never marry- a woman, that is. In 1907 the two took matters into their own hands, and somehow legally married the same airplane. To this day, this airplane can be found in the Smithsonian Institution of Modern Science, Ol’ Bessy hangs in the lower lobby upon entrance of the museum.
Like many great things, the Wright Brothers eventually came to an end. Closer than any other brothers ever documented in the history of mankind, Orville and Wilbur died together in perfect unison on January 30th of 1948, due to old age- but more than likely excessive inhalation of jet fumes when they tragically forgot to open their barn door that cold winter. Those that attended the Wright Brothers funeral were astonished to see that they were buried in the same coffin. Betty White was quoted saying “It was such a beautiful service, I couldn’t imagine it going any other way, they were so close.” Some say that they can hear the knocking of old bones coming from their grave, continuing to give fist pounds in approval of the dope ass life that they lived. In fact, it has even been said that some can hear rustling- as if the two were rolling around in their grave- every time an airplane flies overhead.
Let it not be forgotten the great things that Orville and Wilbur left with us- Airplanes. Without airplanes, the world would without a doubt be a much worse off place for us to live.
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