Found out today that there was actually a bit of tension surrounding the christening.
Apparently A always wanted me as godmother, but M said he would only do it if L was godmother. A last ditch attempt to bring them together, save their marriage or whatever. I had no idea.
So L was asked. Then things went from bad to worse, & M said he'd be godfather, because he didn't want to miss out just because L was leaving him.
So then I was asked.
A says it was always me. M told me on the day she's so glad it was me. Not knowing the context of what had happened behind the scenes, I kind of took it with a grain of salt. Now..
I want to believe them. I want to believe that L was only asked because they were trying to be politically correct. I desperately want to.
I just..
There's always reasons. You live too far away, so you can do the music instead. I'm only having X amount of bridesmaids, so you can be the witness. I wanted you to do that speech, but I asked him instead because he might not get a chance to do it for his own kids. Normally X would babysit but they're out of town & I thought you'd like to do it. I'm the second choice. The third choice. Even the fourth.. but never the first.
Being the reliable friend has its pros and cons.
Youâre the one they call when they need a ride from the airport, youâre also the one they call when their boyfriend is being an idiot. You're the same person they text for advice about a work dilemma. You're the one they come to for help. And that should be a compliment. In a way, I guess it is.
But it also makes you analyse things. The time they asked you for that extra small favour. When you put yourself last to make sure they're happy.
It makes you question, that if the roles were reversed, would they do the same thing for you?
Living life as the safe dependable one who if you've nothing else on you give a call, or if you are stuck or in trouble you rely on but otherwise..
It's not that they hate me, they don't. I know they love me. When I'm physically there, in their presence, I know it. But I also know that if I didn't make the first move, if I wasn't the one to make contact or the effort to see them.. it wouldn't happen.
I just inspire indifference in people.
And I'm not sure how to handle that.
snowghoul
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
dailybridgerton
