Castiel may have spent years with the Winchesters, but he was no better at reading people than he had been in the past. He still wished people were just clear and open about how they felt, because it would make it so much easier for him… but also because he knew it would even the playing field. He had never been too good at hiding his own emotions. Hiding, yes. Secrets, yes. But emotions? They were the dead give away every time.
Balthazar was no exception. Though Castiel would have sworn that there was a flicker of something in the other Angel’s eyes, it was gone before he could even think about blinking. He contemplated just walking away, but he had never been too fond of running away from his problems. Even if he did want to, Balthazar kept him grounded, cupping both sides of his face. Their eyes met, and Castiel found himself staring.
I forgive you. Those were three words that Castiel never felt like he deserved and yet… how many times had he received forgiveness from the Winchester’s? From God? He couldn’t help but wonder how he had gotten so fortunate, that even his close friend- who he had killed- would forgive him?
He parted his lips, eager to deny any forgiveness sent his way, but the longer he looked into Balthazar’s eyes, the more he found himself actually believing the other. Maybe, just maybe. Another minute passed, and Castiel leaned into Balthazar’s touch. “Thank you,” he said, softly.
Balthazar was sure that if he had waited any longer then Castiel would have eschewed his forgiveness with a firm hand. If he hadn't spoken so boldly (as much as it had pained him) then his brother in arms might have turned trench-coat and ran. There were a lot of 'what ifs' and every one of them ran through his mind as he waited for Cas to respond. Years, decades, millennia could have passed in that moment they shared but Balthazar did not dare look away. Did he feel bitterness? Was he resentful that he had been killed? Honestly... The longer he looked into Cas' eyes, the answer became blindingly clear: no.
He wasn't angry. He did forgive him. The only heaviness in his heart came from the fact that he had- no matter the noble reason of trying to save his friend- betrayed Cas in some way. Even if he realised now that hadn't been what Balt had wanted, in that moment, Cas had been betrayed. Balthazar had never wanted that, had never wanted to be the cause of his friend's pain or doubt. But apologies caught in the back of his throat.
Finally, Castiel spoke and the world continued to spin. He felt it the second Castiel decided to believe him because he leaned ever so slightly into his touch and for that, Balthazar was grateful. It was as if he was finally able to breathe again should he have had to do such a thing. With a nod, he held his gaze and face a moment longer. “Well hey, let's try to not be so bloody miserable then. Yes?” he said in a voice much hoarser than he'd expected, his hand gently tapping Cas' cheek. “We have so much to do.”
