This is my rant/review for Baby Reindeer. I binged it all today.
(It's currently like 1 and I'm running on dr. pepper and skittles. I didn't edit this, don't came at me lmao)
It goes without saying that spoilers, SA (sexual abuse), stalking, and more are mentioned in the series and here as well.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Being based off a true story and being dark, I had to see what I was missing. It's autobiographical and that's part of why I think it's so well done.
I definitely recommend watching some interviews afterwards. This one is the first I saw. And this was the second.
It's all so surreal.
This is hands down, one of the best shows of all time.
First off, it's not here to exploit money or more seasons out of anyone, unlike endless series today.
It's to share their stories. Yup, I said their stories. If it were all about him, it wouldn't show other people, would it?
Second, it's a series that took ten years of his life to put together.
He's a brilliant guy and one quote that's stuck with me, "I think my fear of making disingenuous art is greater than people judging me."
I've read some of the one-star reviews, and full offense; It's gone over heads. Some people go so far as to say he deserved it...
I don't have a response for them other than, did you watch the same show I did?
There are countless people who have been groomed and raped and abused by their partners and strangers alike. And some people still say "they deserved it."
They revolt me.
He didn't make it for him to be the victim. He made it to be honest.
(This is where some of the rant comes in)
Think of it like this: you find comfort and solace in this person. They help you in your dream job, dream everything, they're a dream. They give you all you want and more, who are you to say no. You want to pay them back in anyway you can, but it isn't questioned until abuse or something similar happens. That's the only way you can pay them back, you hate yourself and your very skin and you want to clean every inch of you but you can't scrub that deep. So you keep going back to them because they give you comfort and everything you want. Until, in most cases, you've been broken.
That's what being groomed is.
Bullshit to all the one star reviewers, "Gross I hated the fourth episode"
That's the fucking point you single-celled-organism.
You're not supposed to like it. It's supposed to be gross and filthy because it is. Grooming and raping another being is disgusting and abhorrent. It's not supposed to be enjoyable. It's supposed to show how nauseated and how confused he felt.
It deals with hard-to-talk-about topics and carries you through them like a rollercoaster. Because that's what SA is. It just happens and you can't control it.
How it portrayed a bunch of feelings and things that don't get talked about enough is phenomenal.
It's dark in the way that life is. Aggressive and passive, his feelings of struggling to cope with being a victim of rape, grooming, and stalking. It all crumples together. He never said it out loud until that moment on stage.
The acting, the script, and the filming are amazing!
I will be honest, the first episode started so slowly, and I was wondering if that was going to be the whole series; I've seen a few that have been exactly that.
It was a bit cringey and bite the lip embarrassing, but it was an honest to god hook.
I got hooked on the second episode. And things started falling into place; the story and how it was done were amazing.
Third episode, you understand just how out of hand it could get and the weight of it.
Until episode 4.
It takes us through before he was being stalked and I was not at all prepared for this episode.
There is a warning on it, not on any other episodes and that stood out to me, when it's dark and only one episode has a warning on it, it's going to be DARK.
He is mentally struggling with all of it sitting in his head. He can't even describe it to others until he breaks down and it all spills out.
We don't get to see any of the past yet until it is all revealed at the end.
That's why it's so beautiful in filming. It shows hardships and things people can't talk about.
It's beyond words for me; it was gorgeous.
It all felt so real and that we were truly there with him. We were the audience, listening to his story, it took my breath away a few times.
After his breakdown, he goes and gets his dream gigs and people actually want to listen to his stuff.
Then when everything feels just right, he gets a call from his stalker, "how fucking dare you" "you're a fucking pig" a bunch of other insults and we sit in how scary it is, after months(?) of not being stalked to everything in under hours is overwhelming. She says something that really strikes him and he can't stand the thought of her going to his parents and telling them his deepest secrets.
He then goes and sits down with his parents, and he needs to tell them before anyone else does. The way Gadd portrays the feelings and raw emotion. Holy shit.
"-I didn't want you to think of me as less of me. you know, as a man-"
"I just feel less of one, having let something like that happen to me."
"But you didn't let it happen. You weren't to blame."
His father's expression is still and his voice soft, "Would you see me as less of one?"
Made me sob violently.
The conflicting feelings it ended on describes life perfectly. We're all fucked up.
This is my rant/review for Baby Reindeer. I binged it all today.
(It's currently like 1 and I'm running on dr. pepper and skittles. I didn't edit this, don't came at me lmao)
It goes without saying that spoilers, SA (sexual abuse), stalking, and more are mentioned in the series and here as well.
Viewer discretion is advised.
Being based off a true story and being dark, I had to see what I was missing. It's autobiographical and that's part of why I think it's so well done.
I definitely recommend watching some interviews afterwards. This one is the first I saw. And this was the second.
It's all so surreal.
This is hands down, one of the best shows of all time.
First off, it's not here to exploit money or more seasons out of anyone, unlike endless series today.
It's to share their stories. Yup, I said their stories. If it were all about him, it wouldn't show other people, would it?
Second, it's a series that took ten years of his life to put together.
He's a brilliant guy and one quote that's stuck with me, "I think my fear of making disingenuous art is greater than people judging me."
I've read some of the one-star reviews, and full offense; It's gone over heads. Some people go so far as to say he deserved it...
I don't have a response for them other than, did you watch the same show I did?
There are countless people who have been groomed and raped and abused by their partners and strangers alike. And some people still say "they deserved it."
They revolt me.
He didn't make it for him to be the victim. He made it to be honest.
(This is where some of the rant comes in)
Think of it like this: you find comfort and solace in this person. They help you in your dream job, dream everything, they're a dream. They give you all you want and more, who are you to say no. You want to pay them back in anyway you can, but it isn't questioned until abuse or something similar happens. That's the only way you can pay them back, you hate yourself and your very skin and you want to clean every inch of you but you can't scrub that deep. So you keep going back to them because they give you comfort and everything you want. Until, in most cases, you've been broken.
That's what being groomed is.
Bullshit to all the one star reviewers, "Gross I hated the fourth episode"
That's the fucking point you single-celled-organism.
You're not supposed to like it. It's supposed to be gross and filthy because it is. Grooming and raping another being is disgusting and abhorrent. It's not supposed to be enjoyable. It's supposed to show how nauseated and how confused he felt.
It deals with hard-to-talk-about topics and carries you through them like a rollercoaster. Because that's what SA is. It just happens and you can't control it.
How it portrayed a bunch of feelings and things that don't get talked about enough is phenomenal.
It's dark in the way that life is. Aggressive and passive, his feelings of struggling to cope with being a victim of rape, grooming, and stalking. It all crumples together. He never said it out loud until that moment on stage.
The acting, the script, and the filming are amazing!
I will be honest, the first episode started so slowly, and I was wondering if that was going to be the whole series; I've seen a few that have been exactly that.
It was a bit cringey and bite the lip embarrassing, but it was an honest to god hook.
I got hooked on the second episode. And things started falling into place; the story and how it was done were amazing.
Third episode, you understand just how out of hand it could get and the weight of it.
Until episode 4.
It takes us through before he was being stalked and I was not at all prepared for this episode.
There is a warning on it, not on any other episodes and that stood out to me, when it's dark and only one episode has a warning on it, it's going to be DARK.
He is mentally struggling with all of it sitting in his head. He can't even describe it to others until he breaks down and it all spills out.
We don't get to see any of the past yet until it is all revealed at the end.
That's why it's so beautiful in filming. It shows hardships and things people can't talk about.
It's beyond words for me; it was gorgeous.
It all felt so real and that we were truly there with him. We were the audience, listening to his story, it took my breath away a few times.
After his breakdown, he goes and gets his dream gigs and people actually want to listen to his stuff.
Then when everything feels just right, he gets a call from his stalker, "how fucking dare you" "you're a fucking pig" a bunch of other insults and we sit in how scary it is, after months(?) of not being stalked to everything in under hours is overwhelming. She says something that really strikes him and he can't stand the thought of her going to his parents and telling them his deepest secrets.
He then goes and sits down with his parents, and he needs to tell them before anyone else does. The way Gadd portrays the feelings and raw emotion. Holy shit.
"-I didn't want you to think of me as less of me. you know, as a man-"
"I just feel less of one, having let something like that happen to me."
"But you didn't let it happen. You weren't to blame."
His father's expression is still and his voice soft, "Would you see me as less of one?"
Made me sob violently.
The conflicting feelings it ended on describes life perfectly. We're all fucked up.
I'm working out, and feel like I'm getting somewhere with that at least. I'm trying to read more, sometimes it's hard to get into it. I want to write better but to write I want to read, to read I have to be invested and it's infuriating.
I keep comparing myself to others. Body, mind, status, life goals, more probably. There was one person whose done more than 800 stories easily, they're been here longer than I have, they've written down more than I have and where have I been? What have I been doing?
I love to write, it's all I do and yet I don't have shit to show for it... I don't have that great of a vocabulary. I don't have a lot of things actually. And it makes me self loath. Seething with anger and jealousy but at myself for not being able to do any of those things and it's crushing.
I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone, they know your grandparents and their first pet.
Where religion is pretty much everything, glue and post.
Typical small town.
Most of my extended family lived there their entire lives as well as I.
We all grew up together.
At my time of living there, our biggest thing was the bowling alley, climbing to our letter and a few select restaurants. One is just out of town and people come from all over, it really is quite delicious. Then they just put in a carwash. Though when I moved they renovated the high school, just when I was going into high school. They even added a McDonalds.
Anyway, I had one school peer at the time that went by Sam, though that wasn't the name that was on their school forms, I believe.
They were the first transgender representation in my life.
I hope they're doing well and I think about them often.
They were bold and taught me a lot of things before I understood what more then 3/4s of it meant.
They told me how their mother wasn't supportive and how their dad was and how he was trying to help them.
I believe they were wearing binders but I didn't pay much attention, I knew I understood their feelings and how much I resonated with them.
I wish we could exchange stories now.
How much I've been through alone.
How much we've been through.
I wish I had more trans friends but don't want to interact with people, it's an odd face to face problem.
But I always try to wear a bracelet or necklace or even earrings that say, "HEY, I'm gay :D"
I consider all trans people my kin anyway, it doesn't matter what's happened or what's been said, I'll treat you just like a sibling as long as you a decent human being.
This is for past me who never would have guessed I made it to twenty but we did.
When we totally didn't expect to make it past 16 let alone 18 and yet here I am. I'm alive and well and working on myself.
But this is also for trans people who probably don't hear it enough, if not at all.
I support you even if I don't quite understand.
I respect you and who you are and how you identify.
You are a breath-taking and intelligent human being.
You're ravishing and amazing.
And I am so proud of how far you've come.
It’s so weird watching cis women flip from seeing me as a women, to seeing me as a man, to seeing me as something weird and other in real time depending on if they want to infantilize me, demonize me, or dehumanize me.
Also one of the parts that's really weird about being transmasc is that I'm not invited to girls night anymore and it's really weird because obviously they validate me as a man/guy/masc person which is great but I like doing makeup and painting nails and watching stupid films and just talking sometimes but I don't have that anymore?
Or since transitioning I don't get compliments like I used to when I was perceived as a fem person and it's REALLY sad and interesting at the same time, I am perceived as a cis-white-male to strangers and I get it I'm also terrified of white guys so it's weird lmao
There's thousands upon millions and possibly trillions of stories that I will never experience and that's deeply saddening.
Same with much of my stuff will probably never see the light of day and how thousands of people, like me, nothing like me; have the same 'problem', will have the same 'problem'. So many stories will never be read by another human's eyes and that's painful to me.
Every time you KNOW It's gonna be a good fic, is if they start and or state that English isn't their first language.
It makes it ten times better than it already is. Every fucking time.
English is my first language and half the time I have to look up what words mean.
Not shooting down all the people who don't have a vocabulary (I am always working on mine) but when authors-who's-first-language-isn't-English write something it's pretty much always a banger.
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