a/n: I just wanted to combine 2 of my most favorite bands. So here’s each stray kids member with a song that represents them!
if you like this please check out my masterlist
It started as a way to cope. a way to distract from the crushing pressure to always be perfect, always be the leader, always be the one to fix mistakes. all that would break anyone. making it to the top came with a price. and that price was his sanity.
sleeping was hard again. his mind just wouldn’t stop. continuously making beats better, composing better lyrics, meticulously making everything better. insomnia just wouldn’t let him rest. sleep wouldn’t come naturally anymore. not without popping a few pills
it couldn’t get better. taking just one dose… it could erase the thoughts swirling around. it would help, because nothing made him feel more normal. nothing except her.
her, being their manager. she always tried to lighten the load for him. she understood how hard it was to be the foundation. the one that held everything up, and fought to keep it from crumbling.
when he was with her, the thoughts plaguing his mind, the ones that tormented with fears of failure, were suddenly dulled when he looked into her eyes. years of pressure and weight were lifted off as she held his hand and reassured him that everything would be alright. because everything was alright when she said it to him. she was his drug.
she found him in the backseat of the van. looking like a mess with his head in his hands and his mind shattered on the floor somewhere.
no mask. no stage lights, or practiced perfection. just a man unraveling under the weight of expectations placed on him. “ you don’t need to carry everything alone. we’re here for you chan.” he looked up with tired eyes and a defeated look that came with years of being the pillar. “ needing help doesn’t make you weak, or a bad leader. you’re the best leader here chan. but that doesn’t make you superhuman. we are all here to help you. only thing you need to do is accept it.”
she didn’t just give him advice. she gave him her hand. and to a man that felt he was drowning in expectations, that was everything.
waking up on his couch with her, it was the first time he had fallen asleep without pills since debut. just being next to her quieted the voices in his head. she was a drug in her own right. not the kind that numbed the pain, the kind that distracted from it. as he fell asleep with her in his arms, he realized that she grounded him. washed away the thoughts without drowning the man inside of it. and that’s what made her an addictive drug in her own right.
the storm raged outside. a representation of how chan felt. the weight of this week work was slowly crushing him from inside out. instead of turning to drugs to numb the pain, he turned to you. hugging you, with his face buried in your neck. “ do you ever feel scared of what will happen if you fail? if you fail all the people who count on you everyday?”. “everyday”
he looks up and his eyes hold exhaustion, and something else. not quite desire, but need. need for you. for the calm you brought to his mind. for the way you smoothed out all the sharp edges and made him whole again.
when he kissed you it wasn’t with desire. he kissed you like the only thing keeping him sane was your voice, your touch, your presence.
when he enters you, it was slow, careful and hesitant. he finds your hand, and interlaces your fingers. “ do you really think i deserve this? you?”. “more than anything. no one deserves this more than you chan”. with that, he buries his face into your neck, and started moving. the noises leaving his mouth weren’t just those of pleasure. they were proof that he treasured you as much as you did him.
you cup his face into your hands and kiss him like you mean it. like he’s your whole world, and you’re willing to keep it from imploding with him. and for the first time, he feels his defenses, his perfect mask slipping away, and all that’s left is him.
you were the balance to eachother. a drug that took away all the pain. he fell apart and pressed his forehead to yours. while looking into his eyes, he flops onto the comforter right beside you. spent and breathless, he still clutches your hand like something might steal his respite away.
you curled into his chest, feeling his heartbeat speed up at the touch. “ you’re still here.” he murmured. “ i’m not going anywhere. i’m always going to be right here for you chan”.
outside the rain softens, and he sleeps. for the first time in a while. it want because the thoughts and pressure had went away. it was because he finally had someone to share it with.
please lmk if u want to be a part of the taglist
izzy806
theartofmadeline
baratheonpilled
vaporwave
titsay
