How do we know they are more than just best friends?
Someone asked me this the other day. After watching their latest joint live or parts of it:
"How do we know they are actually a couple? How do we know they are more than just best friends? Isn't that just the usual banter between friends?"
And I was thinking to myself: "how do I answer this?"
How do I explain how they are just so much more than best friends.
Is it that I recognize the signs being in a loving and healthy long term relationship for over 30 years? And others that might not have had the good fortune of experiencing this kind of relationship just can't see the signs? Is it about them being 2 men that makes it harder to reconcile with their behaviours and assigning them to it being couple behaviours? Is it because of their fame or looks or opportunities or maybe because they are so young that people find it hard to accept that they have been in a committed long term relationship for years and are each other's "THE ONE" for life? Is it the intensity of it all? How can they be a couple and behave the same consistent way for close to a decade now? How is it possible that they are acting as attracted as they were to each other 10 years ago? That doesn't make sense, so that must mean that maybe we are reading it incorrectly and it's not attraction, they aren't a couple, because how can someone look as in love as they were 10 years ago with that same person?
And though I have written many posts in the past, which can be found on my masterlist, I feel like there has been an uptick in this attitude - Jikook are best friends and not a couple, so I thought I should address this.
This will be about what I believe. What I see. What I recognize.
Also, for those who are all about "maybe they were together but aren't anymore" or something similar, I will ask: if that's true how is it that absolutely nothing changed with them. The behaviour. The interactions. The intensity. It's a constant throughout the years. It's not about them changing or the nature of their relationship changing. It's about if they are visible to us, if we are 'allowed' to see it. Whenever they show up together they are the same. And this is something I have on repeat on my blog: not seeing them means absolutely NOTHING. Not seeing them most definitely does not mean they are not together.
So, following that intro, I will try to put into words why it is, based on the content they give us, that I was so sure and still am that JM and JK are a couple in a loving healthy long term relationship and not just best friends.
I guess that there is no better way than to start with the basics.
A healthy loving long term relationship is based on being first and utmost each other's best friend. Knowing each other thru and thru, at their best and at their worst, and still loving them.
Yes, best friends love one another. As friends. On a platonic level. And being a couple usually, mostly, has the added sexual attraction and relations added to that base (usually and mostly because there are always exceptions). But the sexual aspect of being a couple isn't the only thing that separates best friends from loving partners. It might be the initial addition of said attraction (that btw is way stronger and long lasting when the relationship is built on friendship first), but from that, many times, stems a level of intimacy that surpasses any kind of friendship, as close as it may be. The level of intimacy of course, the level of trust, the level of need (for the other, to be with them, to touch them, to hold them, to feel their affection physically and emotionally, to get their input, to comfort them, to just BE with them) is just BEYOND.
So, of course there will be best friend energies recognizable in a couple's interactions. But it will be on a different level. It will include other recognizable couple behaviours.
The level of intimacy will be higher. The behaviour will be flirtatious, at times with sexual innuendos (yes, JM talking about JK's "precious" is part of that, JK worried that JM is once again mentioning his "member" is another). It's the flirting about having to discipline JK. The tone, the behaviour while saying it. Talk about innuendos. Not even going down the eating ramen mentioning discussion, even more so with us knowing the others were out at the time (or maybe I am seeing that I put it down on paper, figuratively that is).
And when you see all of these you cannot disconnect them from previous moments, things they have done and said in the past. So obvious and loud. This here is only a continuation of those actions, those words.
Before I continue I wanted to add something that just came up in a discussion I had with a very close friend of mine. Why it is that it seems so many Jikookers have suddenly backflipped on this. That they are back to "maybe they are just best friends", and she said something so profoundly true. That maybe people have become desensitised. With their loud moments over the years and AYS, that somehow seeing them together being themselves without the grand gestures or loud moments is just another Monday. No wows or gasps. Them being them, as couplie as their behaviour might be, is just something we got used to. So much so, that many stopped recognizing just how couplie that behaviour is. To that I will add that the level of expectation of them, the need of some Jikookers for them to 'prove' to us they are a couple is also a thing. All while forgetting, again, that they are still a closeted queer couple and there are things that we just cannot expect of them as such. Definitely not on a regular basis (that in itself is actually something that really frustrates me, as they do not owe us a thing, and somewhat demanding this of them is beyond entitled). They still have to live within the realm of deniability. And I do think that their hard work from 2019 thru to 2021 in stretching those boundaries has done it's job. Because if a fandom can see a dude sucking his 'bro's' ear or proudly strutting around with a hickey his 'bro' left on him and still call them "friends" or "brothers", then whatever they did in their live a couple of days ago, including talking about the other's member, will fly right under the radar as "bros being bros". Apparently, including for some Jikookers.
Ok, point made, I will go back to what makes them more than just best friends. Let's get back on track.
The touches. Friends touch. They hug, they hang over each other. We saw that with Tae yesterday in the live. But seeing that, you could also recognize the clear difference. And it's not about it being a different level of friendship. It's, once again, about the level of intimacy and need to touch the other. It's JM's little touches on JK's nape, his playing with JK's hoops (which I am still thinking were his gift to JK for Silver day). It's JK's constant touching JM, groping JM basically. His chest, his necklace (at least twice - again, his Silver day gift to JM?), his hand, under his shirt.
It's the way they react to each other's touches. Not always visible, but definitely on occasion it's clear as day that this isn't a friendly reaction to the other's touch (re: JK's visible problem first day of BV4 at the lodge while playing footsies with JM). At times leaning into it. At times trying to avoid it, not because they don't want that touch (because they themselves initiate it with the other), but because in the moment they need to be guarded, perhaps worried of the effect it might have on them, or on how it might be perceived by others.
And the hug. Of course friends hug. But there are hugs and there are hugs. And we know JM gives the best hugs. JK told us that himself. But just like all the other things I mentioned, this hug is different than that hug with your best friend, as big and encompassing that it might be. JK's expression. The closing of the eyes. Contentment. Peace. Safety.
A reminder of this moment too.
JM is JK's safe place. Always has been always will be. On the highest level possible. The one person that knows him thru and thru and that he trusts and can rely on fully in his highs and his lows.
It's also the knowing what the other is feeling, what they want, what they want to tell you without the other having to even say one word. It's an expression, an eyebrow lift, a look, a twist of the mouth, a gesture, and sometimes not even any of those. Just knowing the other on such a deep level that you know what they are thinking and feeling in that situation!!!
Knowing someone on that deep of a level is so much more than just being a friend. This is what a couple in a loving long term relationship looks like.
The way they look at each other. Again, this is beyond how even the best of friends look at each other. I guess my word of the day is "beyond", because basically that's what it's all about. Beyond and more. It's the need to see everything the other does, clock it in, every funny expression they make, even if they aren't in your line of view, making that effort to see them anyway. It's love, it's adoration, it's admiration, it's lust, it's all of the above compiled into one.
This next point is not really about their behaviour during the live, but more about choices we've seen them make over the years and clearly over the past couple of years, and that's the choice they make to spend their spare time with that one person over any other, when possible. Even after working through the days together. Even when on leave after being together on base the whole time and spending their spare time there together. Even after they are discharged. Even when they are now back working as ot7 in LA and could clearly be spending time with the others.
Seeking out each other, including when sleeping, and documenting every single thing they do, cute, funny, weird, awake or sleeping... Can you even imagine how many Terabytes of JM pics and videos JK has stored away on a cloud or memory drive? Same to be said about JM, btw. You don't do that with a friend. Not on that level. And that's my point exactly.
This is a relationship built on deep friendship, trust, mutual support, affection on levels beyond anything you can call friendship. Their reliance emotionally on each other, each being the other's "person" who they will turn to for support when they are down and in need. Again, this is beyond being a good friend. A best friend.
And do I have to remind you of Like crazy and Letter?????
You have to be blind and in denial not to get that JM is referencing JK in both of those songs!!! That is not friendship he's talking about there.
What about the dates and numbers? What about the matching outfits? What about the wearing each other's clothes? Including JM wearing JK's sweaty sweatshirt to bed. Yeah, not something even a best friend would do. What about going to sleep with the other's piece of clothing in bed with you (either because they can't be or because they spent the night with you and left it behind).
And did we forget about the "I promised to go to the moon with JK"? The ear sucking, hickey making, crotch footsie events? The sexy couple dancing boner moment? The ass grabbing and squeezing, the chest pinching, too? The congratulatory couple gift sending? Not to mention JM talking about JK's "precious" member, his jewels. I guess if anyone knows it's in good working shape that would be JM.
This is where I want to mention another point, and that's for us non Korean Jikookers. There is so much we don't see or don't understand while watching these interactions, even when they are translated. The choice of songs they will sing in a certain situation;
The wording they will use, like the whole "precious" innuendo we were clueless about;
It's the way they talk to each other, something only Koreans will catch onto. The usage of formal and informal; The flirtatious tones of it all. These are things that we as outsiders can't initially catch onto. We can see the obvious. The looks, the touches, the facial expressions, and some of the translated interactions, but there is so much more to it that we initially can't see. Things that are uncovered as days go by. As translations come out. As cultural explanations are posted.
It's about those little inside jokes that the Korean side of the fandom might just understand (or not if they are inside inside jokes, and they do have many of those too).
And the last couple of points I wanted to make:
First is they themselves not putting a title to what they are. For years not framing it for us. With Vmin there was zero problem calling them soulmates. Jihope best friends. And Jikook nothing. Even though it's been clear to those who see them that at the very least since 2016 the two have been literally attached at the hip. But not once have they addressed it, nor have the other members - not by name. Why? Because they can't. Because they aren't just best friends. They aren't just soulmates. They are more. A more that can't be named.
What about the other members? The way they too do not address it. Once in a while we hear from them about the two being off together. Where is JM? He's with JK, and vise versa. We get a snide remark about them looking like or acting like they are a couple or dating. The way they constantly and clearly consider the two as a unit (not working unit). It's always about JM and JK as if they are one. They will talk about the one and automatically mention the other in the same context. Where they talk about the one the other is to follow. It's how they get mixed up between the two, even visually. It's about their reactions to the two and their interactions. It's NJ's frowns and making sure he's there to stop them from going too far, even running across the stage to stand as a wall between them. It's Hobi's ear to ear smile when they are on with their shenanigans. It's Jin's small and short endeared grin when they get up to their shit.
This isn't about the others seeing 2 good friends misbehaving. It's about the others seeing this beautiful love as it grew from a mutual crush into a blooming strong long lasting once in a lifetime love. And their need to protect them, many times from themselves, lol. Just ask NJ.
I'm 100% sure I've forgotten something. Just me being me. But if you are up to it my masterlist is filled with posts explaining why I believe they are a couple and not just friends.
Oh wait, one more little thing. If all they are is friends why didn't they tell us back in JK's 2020 birthday live that they were together when the #1 billboard landed? Why was it ok for Tae to say he wanted JM to come over without it being clarified that JM was with JK, on his birthday eve? If they are just friends. And why was it such a big deal for JM to tell us in the interview the next day that he was with JK? And JK's huge ass smile as he is revealing that piece of information? If they are just friends!! And if they are just best friends, something that is clearly long lasting and not something that started the minute they enlisted together. Something that made them supposedly decide to enlist together, how is it, as clearly the 2 closest members of BTS, we saw close to nothing of them together in public or in BTS content during chapter 2, while they were on their break or during their solo activities? Why was that content of just the 2 of them cut to almost zero? Why weren't we allowed to see them together? Not even in a campaign to promote Busan???? The two Busan princes!! If it was only a couple of good friends why was there such an obvious attempt to distance them (not in real life but in the public eye). While on break in 2022, the two best friends were the only ones that didn't interact, even once on their public SM. Not once. They weren't seen in public in events. They didn't show up to each other's promotions. The one time JK was seen at JM's rehearsals we don't see him arriving and we get approx. 60 seconds of interaction. They were distanced so much that even Jikookers fell for the anti campaign against JK in Sep. 2023 and were full on surprised to find out the joint enlistment. But I stress this again, this was just in the public eye, all while they continued to stay as close as ever (trying to adapt to the solo era and their different super intensive separate schedules).
And when you take ALL of those components, look at them as pieces of a puzzle that just fit together so perfectly only to reveal the full picture. It's never been about a moment, a touch, a comment. It's about the entirety of it all. Years and years of consistent behaviour. What they say, what they do, and the reactions of those that surround them. That big picture is loud and clear.
They are a loving couple in a beautifully healthy long term relationship.
So, best friends? Most definitley.
But only best friends? No.
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