Suffocating

scattered thoughts in the form of writing

[i-wrotethisforme]

The boy I liked in college would always invite me over at night to do homework or play video games or make grilled cheese, it was always something different. And sometimes I’d lay with him while he watched videos for his biology class and play with his hair. And he’d always complain when the videos were long but I was genuinely always so happy when they were, because I just liked being with him. And for the length of those videos it was just me and him with the lights off not even talking at all. But then they’d end and it’d be late and he would call his girlfriend to say goodnight and I would walk home to my apartment downstairs. Because reality is a lot messier than a 20 minute video about cells.

[repressedpoetry-deactivated2019]

If You’re Remembering

I had this dream the other night

I was begging at your doorstep

“Let me in, let me sleep in our bed

I take back everything that’s in my head”

Daily now, I need self affirmations

That I made the right decision

Because I’m remembering how you held on

And I fall apart, want this all to stop

If only you’d held on like that

During these past five years, any of them

Tonight’s our anniversary

And I’m tempted to ask if you’ve forgotten

I was the one full of sentiment

You were the one always having to fake it

But if you’re remembering that it’s been five years

I hope you’re okay; I hope solace is near

M

[skeletime]

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[oliverswinford-deactivated20190]

If you have something to say

Say it before I go away (via oliverswinford)

[wordsnquotes]

The one thing I don’t want to be is a burden to anyone.

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood  (via lucyquin)

[aleewrites]

Three years I had let you fill my thoughts, With whatever romantic bullshit you wanted. And that was okay, because I had agreed to it. But it’s not fair that you’re allowed here still. It’s been a year since your lease expired, And we are far past an eviction notice. You already destroyed my heart, Don’t take my mind too.

to the tenant who knows my lips too well (via aleewrites)

[barely-breathing-anymore]

I’ve lingered too long It’s time for me to pack up my memories And everything in between To set off on a new journey

I’ve got a new adventure to embark It’s time for me to shed the old, weathered skin And add another shell To set myself up with protection

I’ve got people to lose It’s time for me to leave myself behind And everyone else as well To set myself straight one last time

If everything seems too vague And perhaps mysterious Let me leave this last thought with you People are best revered once dead

[barely-breathing-anymore]

Space

I remember walking up two steps to be by your side

My fingers ached to find solace in the space between yours

But I didn't allow it to happen. I wouldn't have even tried

All the words are stuck in my heart and turn to knives

I didn't want to show you a shred of my reality

What I need from you is far from what could be

It would cause an unnecessary relationship fatality

I know trying to meld us together is wrong

Like chemistry, we would likely combust

As if I would rip your wings to shreds from the faintest touch

Staining your skin with blood and dust

Hands like mine would only cause damage

I don't want to cause you any trouble

I'd lose you in an instant; just like that

I'll let my mind wrestle with its own power struggle

That's what's right,

right?

[strikezilla01-deactivated202308]

Six Words #150

When did ignorance ever become acceptable?

[barely-breathing-anymore]

Tiny

Little do you know how you've invaded everything How consumed I am of you How little I matter too Little do you know that I've craved you And how much I needed your warm skin And how badly I wished to let you in Did you know me at all?

[barely-breathing-anymore]

Hell

I could have sworn I felt you in my arms But that was to keep you from harms way You looked straight into my soul and said, “Come here I want to protect you instead.” And I nodded and complied without much resistance I mean this was the closest we’d ever been in distance My head rest on one arm, the other arm wrapped tightly Our legs intertwined that it shifted more weight on I ever so slightly It felt easy, it felt natural, it felt right I turned to face you and held your hand with all my might You picked me up and so I sat on your lap You asked, “If I ask you one thing, do you promise not to slap?” I gave you a smile so dreamily, and wrapped my arms around your neck “Would it be alright for me to give you a peck?” I stared back incredulous, “What are you trying to tell me?” You sighed and laughed, “I’m asking if we’re a possibility.” I blushed and shyly answered with a quiet “yes” You slowly kissed me and pulled back a few tresses I woke up and thought what had happened was real But it wasn’t. What the hell

[barely-breathing-anymore]

Don't

don't touch the fire they said

you'll burn yourself they said

but the amber glow is quite enticing no?

don't touch the glass they said

you'll cut yourself they said

but the gleam of the shatter is appealing no?

don't talk so loudly they said

you'll wake up other voices they said

but the sound of my voice is already a soft whisper

don't you dare fall in love they said

you'll hurt yourself too much they said

but the pounding of my heart has already halted

[thegirlwhocrieswolf]

My new book Lullabies is now available via Amazon, BN.com + The Book Depository and bookstores worldwide.

[oliverswinford-deactivated20190]

I feel like I don’t matter.

(via oliverswinford)

[lucyquin]

things I could never say to your face, in the shade of the shirt you wore on our first date #0f4352

[barely-breathing-anymore]

Last Thought

all that is done to carve at my flesh lies messily behind the complex mesh the organ beating furiously so; is the one responsible for my idiocy though i wonder if you’ll see as i do but the chances are not in my favour, quite few you know what you’ve done i congratulate you, thanks a ton there are things you can and cannot break and what is this? Broken or unbroken, that’s why i’m awake take my soul, leave me bare but to tell? i wouldn’t dare

[barely-breathing-anymore]

poetry recitation today terrified but i did it!