The Baron

For the longer tweets

[icespicebooty]

btw you’re missing someone who knows exactly how to contact you

[lizclimo]

[charl0ttan]

horses cant scratch themselves but humans cant go fast. we support this legandary partnership

[loveridden1999]

rule of thumb is you do not think about your life on a sunday. that is the devil talking

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[wetheurban]

Grateful to be alive, to have another day, another chance.

[cyphir-spacerobot]

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

[koiagain]

[ceruleanheaven]

religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women

[barongreenback]

Attempt #1976 to fix my life.

[stuckinapril]

Best brain hack is taking “this too shall pass” and applying it in the micro. The panic you feel from an argument with a friend, wanting to get on your phone when you should be studying, the absolute obsession with someone you’re crushing on, pain from rejection, utter hopelessness at a situation that is not entirely hopeless. Heavy on situations that induce panic and incentivize you to act out of turn, maybe to send a text you shouldn’t be sending or to blow up at someone or whatever it is. The antidote to knee jerk reactions is literally just “this too shall pass” and allowing yourself to feel the physical manifestation of your extreme emotion. Literally just ride it out. Even for things that can’t immediately be resolved, it makes such a big difference and prevents you from reacting in ways that you would undoubtedly regret down the line.

[disgustinggf]

not ignoring you not replying to you but a secret third thing

[cryptotheism]

Adam: Your older brother. Abel. He's dead.

Adams third child, Seth: What is that?

Adam: I don't know. This is new for me too.

[cryptotheism]

Eve: I think "dead" is what happens to dinnerbeasts.

Seth:

Eve: We might have to dinner him.

[avidcollectorofdust]

Really glad predictive text exists. Should i bring my own parking lot

[maswartz]

[grilledpeachh]

[mattpresents]

How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I’m getting ads telling me to replace live porch flowers with plastic ones because the plastic ones don’t die and buddy I can tell you from personal experience that those flowers will fade until they look like they’ve achieved a new kind of death