a mighty flame

"Stupidity combined with arrogance and a huge ego will get you a long way." { indie APH molossia blog }

[paralianprince]

[ Only about eight sentences in, and Peter is already caught in a bit of a giggle fit, which says nothing about the inevitable little bubbles of laughter (and occasionally outright cackling) that would come with such a brilliant and epic tale. ]

[ By the end, he bursts into applause, freckled smile wide and bright. ]

Oh, brill! Tha’ is absolute quali’y, tha’ is! Good lord, look’t you!

[ He clasps his hands, bubbling over with energy, bouncing on the balls of his feet and just… generally looking very excitable. ]

You brought evryone souvenirs, right? —Or jus’ me, since I am your fav’rite? I won’t tell! ‘onest! Cross me ‘eart!

[barrenhomeland]

[/ A weak chuckle is let out of Benny's mouth. He's almost embarrassed by the other kid's exuberance. on the other hand, he's pretty proud of the crazy story he just spat out. Benny can only slap a proud smile on his face. ] 

---Souvenirs? Of course, yeah, just gimme a sec...

[/That smile of his turns into a look of slight panic. Souvenirs isn't something he thought he'd run into. He starts digging through the pockets of his coat, his pants and everything he's wearing that has a pocket.] 

[/Surprisingly, he finds something. Though, its nothing close to special. Just a few odd shaped rocks and a sliver button.] 

Here. For you. It's stuff I found in the jungle.

Since "yer my favorite", you gotta PROMISE not to tell the others about this. None of it. Ya understand? If ya do, I swear I'll...do something crazy or somethin'. I swear. 

[paralianprince]

  [ PETER’S ENTIRE VAST HEART JUST LIGHTS THE HECK UP BECAUSE ADVENTURE AND HE LETS GO IMMEDIATELY AND steps back and folds his hands behind his back in the most polite way he can manage. Aye. ]

… Go on, then! I am the ‘ell off yer arm! —Now tell us wot ‘appened!

[barrenhomeland]

[/He takes a moment to clear up his throat and think for a second. This story has to be good enough for Peter to believe in. Then again it's PETER. he'll probably believe in anything. ] 

Okay, so me and some of my buds decided "Hey lets go on a freakin' adventure!" Of course I said Hell yeah. I mean, who wouldn't right? The next day I find myself in the Amazon, surrounded by jungle and beasts and all that shit. 

[/Benny's starting to get into this. You can hear the excitement in his voice. He's even making it more dramatic by making motions with his hands.]

And we're walkin' and walkin' and I decide to take a break 'cuz the Amazons a pretty tough place. Only for badasses like me but badasses have to take breaks too ya know. Anyway, my fuckin' group LEAVES me behind. Can you believe that? 

Anyway, here I am right, cursin' and screamin' in the middle of the GODDAMN jungle. Flippin off birds like: 

'FUCK YOU BIRDS STOP CHIRPIN' I'M LOST AND THIS IS BULLSHIT!' 

So I decide to keep on going. I was gonna find my group even if it KILLED me... 

[/He rambles on with his outrageous tale for about another grueling half hour until it finally reaches it's end. Although, Benny isn't showing any signs of tiredness. This story is gonna rock till the end. ] 

...AND THE TIGERS AND LEOPARDS COME FLYIN' OUT OF THE FOREST AND I KNOCK 'EM ALL OUT WITH ONE PUNCH. "DUMBASS CATS!!!" I YELLED. 

That was went I magically stumbled upon the camp we made. Turns out I was only a few feet away from it in the first place. 

Crazy shit, right? 

[barrenhomeland]

How's the war with East Germany going?

You really wanna know? 

Well… 

I don’t really know how to put this into terms people like you can understand. 

Basically we’re OWNING those bitches. That’s all that needs to be said, I think. 

[barrenhomeland]

[ *Eminem voice* ]

Guess who’s back? Back again,

Benny’s back…

Tell a motherfuckin’ friend. 

[paralianprince]

[ RISES UP OMINOUSLY FROM BENEATH THE SANDS AND WRAPS AROUND HIS ARM. ]

Mate! Oh, bloody ‘ell where’ve you been? Did you ‘ave an adventure? You must’ve!

[barrenhomeland]

I-- WHA-- EXCUSE YOU, YA LITTLE SHIT. 

[/tries to shake him off his arm with no avail or effort, really.]

Who do ya think ya are? My mom? I don't gotta tell you where I've been!! 

[/takes a long, almost awkward pause. the word adventure has sparked an idea in that creative mind of his.]

But, I will if you get the hell off my arm.

[/He can't help but smirk.]  I had a wicked adventure that I'm sure ya die without hearin' it. So seriously, get the fuck offa me, sit down and listen. 

[barrenhomeland]

[ *Eminem voice* ]

Guess who's back? Back again,

Benny's back...

Tell a motherfuckin' friend. 

[nehriee-blog]

no but seriously its actually a thing for sale

[doreenchartreuse]

i will never be able to draw molossia this attractive again

[barrenhomeland]

Birthday present

exmunicipalisvincit submitted: 

Molossia would awake to find that some asshole had left a large box at his door. What the fuck. Standing next to it, the lid came up to his bellybutton, and when he extended his arms, he discovered that that was how wide the package was.

Plastered on the top of it was a letter that said, READ FIRST. Under the lid, were he to read it, said, I MEAN IT.

Whattabitch.

Dear Molossia,

I hope that you didn’t think that I forgot about your birthday. I would have sent this in advance so that it arrived in time, but I wanted my prince to give me more advice about it, and he’s been busy lately, so I had to work in small pieces.

Anyway, I’m sure you’re cursing at this letter for being so long, so you can go ahead and open your present now.

You probably already have, haven’t you?

Anyway, Happy Birthday! I hope you got to eat a lot of cake. And if you didn’t, then visit me soon. I don’t require fancy passports like you do yet.

P.S. I wasn’t sure which plant you wanted to fill it up with, so I put venus fly trap seeds. I'm sure there's a lotta heat where you're at, and bugs too. And lastly, for it being late, I also crafted some plant knuckles at the bottom. They reminded me of you.

Well fuckin' finally. Present time! There was a hella ton of styrofoam, bubble wrap, and cardboard to shift through, but Molossia had infinite swag and would power through.

...And then--

A structure similar to this emerged from the wrappings. A flower pot with a twist, literally. There was no plant in it yet, but that would be sure to change soon. The curvings at the left were actually handles, and the wheel at the bottom would move if it was pushed. It was extraordinarily convenient; how often did a gardener have to take his pots inside when it was too hot or too rainy? The whole gift was like a baby carriage!

Knowing Benny and plants, whatever would be placed there would probably be treated as his baby. 

[barrenhomeland]

when benny plays games does he make comments like cr1tikal

I JUST NOTICED ALL OF THESE ASKS I HAVE IN HERE AND IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS ONE BECAUSE ITS SO ACCURATE BYE 

[paralianprince]

  Well, aye, but to be fair, yer a bit of a shit too, but a right forgetful one as well.

[ Relieved at his reaction, though, Peter’s expression lights up with a grin of his own. He shrugs his rucksack off his shoulders and swings it around— of course it went right to the bottom, when doesn’t it— with moderate effort, he unearths three shelves’ worth of a planter, one after the other. Without pre-installed flowers, but let’s just pretend. ]

[ He pulls out one with both hands, and frowns into his bag (like most people, Peter lacked a third arm) before placing one of the shelves on Benny’s head in order to retrieve the last one. ]

… Must be a bit difficult gardenin’ in a blinkin’ desert, init.

[ There’s a bit of a mischievous glint in his eye; he could never have thought of this if he hadn’t met Benny with his guard down, and there was no way he’d forgotten that by now. Still, his intentions were like ninety-five percent good. ]

[barrenhomeland]

[/He shrugs but does it in a way as if he's almost agreeing with him.] 

Yeah yeah, whatever. I just wanna see what ya got me already. 

[/Though he's not shaking in his boots with excitement, Benny is still pretty damn excited to see what Peter is gonna pull out his bag. His eyes follow the other's every move. His concentration is soon interrupted when the shelf hits his head. However, he hesitates to say anything in fear if he curses, Peter might take it back or something.] 

...Uh. 

[/Benny blinks for a few moments, totally unsure of what to say. He slides the shelf off his head and holds it to his chest. As much as he hates to admit to himself, he loves the gift entirely. Though he'd have to be dead before you can get him to say something like that.] 

Ya didn't have to do this shit ya know. I mean, ugh. Fuck, I dunno how to say it. 

[/It takes a minute or two of awing at his new little planter before he can spit it out.] 

Thank you? Thanks? I don't fuckin' know.

[chaico]

Dodger and Oliver by ~chacckco

I always imaged designs:)

[paralianprince]

[ Peter takes a few seconds to wiggle and scrunch up his nose, trying to shake away the feeling of being flicked. Contrary to his words, though, the grin stays far from his face, mostly because Benny looks so beyond gutted about the whole thing. ]

… Wot if I gave you yer gift late.

You might like it. An’ it’ll cheer you up. B’sides, right, we ‘ave not as much responsibili’y so you can just pretend, an’ move yer birffday but only for this year.

If you wan’ed.

[barrenhomeland]

...

[/That was unexpected. Benny's eyes immediately lights up and a smirk slowly finds its way to stretch across his face. ]

Ya bought a gift for me? Well I'll be damned!  Hell yeah, break that fucker out. I wanna see what ya got me. C'mon. 

[/The grin that was on his face before has turned into a full blown grin. He gives the kid a light punch on the arm, not enough to hurt but enough to get attention. Seeing as the others aren't around, Benny feels a bit safe to let his good side show. ] 

Peter, ya may be a shit sometimes but ya got some pretty great ideas. I ain't even gonna lie about that.  

[barrenhomeland]

I JUST LOOKED AT MY CALENDER AND I FORGOT MY OWN FUCKIN’ BIRTHDAY. 

HOW DID IT I— 

WHAT THE FUCK. 

HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SWAGTEENTH AND I FUCKIN’ FORGOT IT. THIS IS FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE. 

HERE I AM, WONDERIN’ WHY MY PEOPLE ARE CELEBRATIN’ AND SHIT. BECAUSE IT WAS FOUNDER’S DAY. 

NOW I GOTTA WAIT A WHOLE ‘NOTHER YEAR. 

FUCKIN’ BULLSHIT. 

[paralianprince]

… Mate…

…

Is this a sort of forge’in that is serious and a worrisome fin’, right, like a forge’in-me-own-impor’ant-country-stuff-fin’…

Or can I giggle abou’ it for a second.

[barrenhomeland]

Ya dumbass, I didn't forget the actual holiday...

I just got too damn caught up in the celebrations to remember to celebrate my own birthday...Guess I shouldn't be callin' you a dumbass since I'm the dumbass here.  

[/He rolls his eyes at the last comment and gives Peter a hard flick on the nose.] 

I knew you'd think this is funny, you 'lil shit. 

[barrenhomeland]

I JUST LOOKED AT MY CALENDER AND I FORGOT MY OWN FUCKIN' BIRTHDAY. 

HOW DID IT I-- 

WHAT THE FUCK. 

HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SWAGTEENTH AND I FUCKIN' FORGOT IT. THIS IS FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE. 

HERE I AM, WONDERIN' WHY MY PEOPLE ARE CELEBRATIN' AND SHIT. BECAUSE IT WAS FOUNDER'S DAY. 

NOW I GOTTA WAIT A WHOLE 'NOTHER YEAR. 

FUCKIN' BULLSHIT. 

[paralianprince]

GE’ OUT WHILE YE STILL CAN MATE YOU DON’T WANT ONE OF THOSE.

[barrenhomeland]

...

Why the fuck not? Ya make it seem like older bros are demons or somethin'. 

[barrenhomeland]

I've been thinkin' and ya know, I've always wondered what it's like to have a big bro. Don't even try t'say America's my big bro. He's a fuckin' dick and finds it's funny to think I'm not independent. (News flash: I am, motherfucker.) 

But some of ya son's o'bitches have siblings, doncha? 

Can I buy a big bro or a big sis? Or rent one for a day or somethin'. I really wanna know about that shit. Being a lone wolf gets boring sometimes, ya know. 

[microbabies]

じゃんぷ！