Barry

Yes, I am a pro golfer. No, I won’t show you. I do not waste my time for free. ooc: 23f, SFW silly little ask blog!! Please read the pinned post!

[barrykl3mp3r]

Important Blog Info:

Hi. I guess.

sigh

I’m here to give professional golfing lessons to amateurs who want to improve their craft. I will not do the work for you, I am here to help you reveal your true potential. I don’t do examples, I don’t do straightforward teaching, and I don’t do conversations.

If you see a tall blond man lingering nearby, that’s Jack. He’s a friend. Don’t bother him, because he’s not the one giving important golf lessons. If you see me taking medication, mind your own business. If a pro doesn’t take care of himself, how will he ever take care of his shot?

I believe you have to become one with the tee. Don’t ask what that means; it’s important to come to your own conclusions if you wish to thrive. If you aren’t ready to take golfing seriously, go back to the mini golf course. And you won’t get your payment back, no refunds. Sorry. That’s just the way the stale, metaphorical cookie crumbles.

OOC: call me Emm! Everything in pink is ooc! Please try to keep asks sfw, because I am uncomfortable with nsfw stuff! I can also answer ooc questions, just specify who you’re asking. <3

I made this for grins and giggles, and I’ll try to be as accurate to Robert Sean Leonard’s portrayal of the character as possible!!

Things about Barry:

The character is schizophrenic, which is mainly expressed through delusions of grandeur

His father was awful to him and is a deadbeat

Jack Palmer, his caretaker of sorts, is more of his father figure than anything else

Barry thinks he’s a professional golfer

Headcanons about Barry:

The occasional twitching shown in the film adaptation of the play suggests Barry has anxiety, or possibly a mild form of Tourette’s. For this blog and to remain respectful, I will headcanon this as anxiety

Barry is pretentious and although he’d never admit it, he longs for positive attention—hence why he has delusions of grandeur

His mother is absent; she left after he was four because he was “difficult to raise”

Barry can’t drive

When overwhelmed, he shuts down and goes into a silent, unresponsive state (as shown in the film)

Warning: blog will likely contain spoilers for the film, and heavy/triggering topics—albeit fictional—may be discussed!

[barrykl3mp3r]

I’m okay as well!! and yes! i love seals, they’re awesome.

also, yes! you are my favorite. As well as the best golfer out there.

-🦭

It’s been a bit. I’ve been, uh, busy. Don’t ask Jack about it. And the inbox has been slow.

But wow! What a kind compliment! No one’s ever told me that I’m the best golfer—I mean, I know I am, but… it’s good hearing it once in a while. A nice reminder, if you will.

Seals remind me of dogs. I’m scared of them sometimes, but they’re alright and cute from afar.

[barrykl3mp3r]

Hi, barry!! How are you?? Is my favorite boy doing well?

-🦭

Wow, a seal emoticon! Seals are neat, curious creatures, I’ve heard. Lucien has a book about seals, I’ve read it a few times.

Anyway, I suppose I’m sort of okay… and I still can’t get over being called someone’s favorite. That usually isn’t me.

Jack says it’s a social nicety to ask how one is in return. So this is me asking.

[barrykl3mp3r]

hi barry!! golf accident anon here, i went through a bit of exposure yesterday when my friend brought a golf club and ball to school (for a project similar to show and tell) i held it and i wasnt as much of a wimp as last time. so yay progress!!

How wonderful. That is great to hear. Progress is always good, and as Jack tells me, progress includes the ups and downs. So if you ever find that you fall back into fears you thought you overcame, it’s all part of the process.

But again, that’s just what Jack says.

[anrchgrrl]

jack's very wise :] and so are you

[barrykl3mp3r]

You are so kind. I’m not used to strangers being nice. Thanks! :^>

[barrykl3mp3r]

hey Barry!! what's your favorite season? I like winter a lot, and fall is pretty cool, too :]

- 🪶

I believe that is a feather emoticon, so I shall call you Feather. Unless I’m wrong.

I like every season except for spring. And summer. Too many bugs, and too hot. So I guess I also like autumn and winter as well.

[barrykl3mp3r]

favourite artists/albums?? and, have you ever considered wearing one of those pastel golfing outfits to the field? sent by the first anon!!!

Hello, again, First Anon!

I like classical music. Or maybe some Led Zeppelin. I’m not sure, I don’t really listen to music too often. Sometimes, it makes me hear things.

Also, no. I don’t think they’d look good on me. I also think I’d blend in with the amateurs.

[barrykl3mp3r]

barry

… How-How did you find this photo of me?

[eben-byers]

Sounds to me like you got a stalker Barry!

[barrykl3mp3r]

Please, no. Not again. Or maybe this is like last time, Jack says no one was stalking me. I sure hope this is like last time.

[barrykl3mp3r]

hi barry!! golf accident anon here, i went through a bit of exposure yesterday when my friend brought a golf club and ball to school (for a project similar to show and tell) i held it and i wasnt as much of a wimp as last time. so yay progress!!

How wonderful. That is great to hear. Progress is always good, and as Jack tells me, progress includes the ups and downs. So if you ever find that you fall back into fears you thought you overcame, it’s all part of the process.

But again, that’s just what Jack says.

[barrykl3mp3r]

barry

… How-How did you find this photo of me?

[barrykl3mp3r]

fav color?

Dark green. :^}

I am not a fan of bright colors. They hurt my eyes.

I think I’m getting better at making faces with the keyboard.

[barrykl3mp3r]

Hi, Barry!! >///< How’s my favorite boy doing? :D

… I’ve never been called someone’s favorite before.

:^)

I just learned how to make the little face. I feel that this is the best occasion one could use a little face for.

I suppose I’m alright.

[barrykl3mp3r]

hiya barry! i need some advice.. i got hit in the head with a golf club a few years ago, and now im a little scared of anything that has to do with golfing. any ideas on how to get.. less scared?

Oh, wow… I apologize that that happened. That sounds scary.

It’s difficult to imagine something I love scaring someone, so I don’t know where to begin. I suggest taking tiny steps and exposing yourself when you’re ready.

I’ve had to do exposure therapy. It was rough. Still is. But it helps, or at least it helped me.

Good luck!

[barrykl3mp3r]

are you mentally ok

[barrykl3mp3r]

Barry I like your hair! Do you do anything to it?

Wow, thanks… no one’s ever said that before.

I don’t do anything. I don’t even brush it. Jack lectures me about the importance of keeping it maintained, but I don’t think something as trivial as dead cells being pushed out of my scalp should be washed or combed.

ooc: there are like 10 gifs of Barry on this site, so I apologize if I’m using a lot of repeats

[barrykl3mp3r]

do you draw or do you just golf?

Drawing is therapeutic. My therapist told me. But I don’t do it as often as I should, I guess. I don’t like how I draw and I hate making mistakes. It always feels like what I make is never good enough.

[robingoodfelloww]

barry klemper sketches i haven't drawn him in ages aw barry

[barrykl3mp3r]

do you like genshin impact

Huh?

I’ve never heard those words before in my life. Is that a type of golf club? Sporting wear?

We learn something new every day, I suppose.