The Best Golfer Of All Time

Eben Byers of Pittsburg

[eben-byers]

It’s me. Eben Byers. I’m sure you’ve heard of me and my legendary win in the 1906 amateur golf championship against George Lyons. I’m also the chairman of A. M. Byers & Company. If your a loser and haven’t heard of my company then I’ll explain it to you in simpleton terms you can understand: we are the biggest iron pipe manufacturer in Pennsylvania. If you still haven’t heard of me you may know me by my alias: foxy grandpa. My ladies came up with that. If you somehow still haven’t heard of me check out my page on Wikipedia.

Eben Byers - Wikipedia

Eben Byers - Wikipedia

OOC: any slurs used can be reclaimed by me(but not by Eben). Im ok with nsfw. Don’t take anything seriously. Eben is a rich snob.

This blog takes place 1916-1928(after his game with Bobby Jones but before the affects of radium poisoning).

*Hint: Eben is sensitive about his 1915 game with (14 year old)Bobby Jones.

Main: @atomicbug

[music-wrestling-nascar-fangirl]

@citrisz, @chromehorn

[eben-byers]

Someone fetch their child off the field. I only play against Men now.

[coolthingsguyslike]

[eben-byers]

What a fake golfer.

[whitecherrylavender]

Fuck golf. Turn all the golf courses into public sex forests.

[teaboot]

be the change

[eben-byers]

Who said you couldn’t have public sex on golf courses?

It’s my personal favorite spot.

[postcard-from-the-past]

Golf themed vintage postcard

[opendirectories]

[eben-byers]

Damnit! Where else am I supposed to play?

[eben-byers]

Imagine having a stalker almost 100 years after your death

[indianapolis500]

look i don’t know anything about golf but this arch seems excessive

[barrykl3mp3r]

barry

… How-How did you find this photo of me?

[eben-byers]

Sounds to me like you got a stalker Barry!

[barrykl3mp3r]

I challenge you to a game of golf!

-Eben Byers

Ah… oh… uh… a familiar name.

I usually don’t… battle… my students when I teach them how to golf…

I suppose I’m strongest when I watch and observe. But if you want a golf battle, I’ll have to… check my schedule. Yes. I’m very busy! Very busy.

[eben-byers]

I’m not your student!! Haven’t you heard my name? I am Eben Byers of Pittsburg! The greatest golf player of all time! And I challenge you to a game of golf!

[barrykl3mp3r]

Oh… oh, yes. I actually have. Hello, Mr. Byers. I suppose I didn’t recognize the name without my glasses.

I thought you were, uh, sick.

[eben-byers]

It was merely a broken arm. Nothing that would inhibit our golf ‘battle’.

[atomicbug]

Byers is such a prick

[eben-byers]

Call me what you want but that player was incredibly slow. I said what everyone else was thinking.

[trinitit3]

she eben on my byers til i radithor

[antimnemonic]

im here eating chiken wangs and they're playing some golf thing on the tv and one of the golf guys got thrown in the water, unable to get out. he thrashed a bit and threw his hat at the dude who threw him. then the thrower hoisted the dude out of the water with his brawny arms. then they rolled around play wrestling on the ground. on live tv?? what in the rpf

[sluttyquarantinetheory]

Golf is a lot of things. Boring, a waste of water resources, an absolute bullshit privatization of land, but also it's just the least sexy sport on earth. No blood or sweat or grime involved. Just one bitch standing in the dumbest way possible to swing a stick. Absolute loser behavior.

[eben-byers]

I beg to disagree. You know how much pussy I’ve gotten after they see the length of my club?

[absolutelashers]

[eben-byers]

I can’t believe some of these people. They play with their legs so far apart you’d think they’re a wicket in a game of croquet! Haha! Fucking losers.

[barrykl3mp3r]

I challenge you to a game of golf!

-Eben Byers

Ah… oh… uh… a familiar name.

I usually don’t… battle… my students when I teach them how to golf…

I suppose I’m strongest when I watch and observe. But if you want a golf battle, I’ll have to… check my schedule. Yes. I’m very busy! Very busy.

[eben-byers]

I’m not your student!! Haven’t you heard my name? I am Eben Byers of Pittsburg! The greatest golf player of all time! And I challenge you to a game of golf!