Basic Shit Posts

[basicshitposts]

His arms are the only place I forget how tired I am of surviving

[basicshitposts]

You know you're making a bad choice when you purposefully skip his name in the wine night debrief with the gals

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I know I’ve said this before but vampires

don’t show up on camera

can fly/scale walls

immune to bullets

can break into any safe by turning into fog or some bullshit

could probably hypnotize security guards as needed

therefore I am in dire need of a heist film where a group of vampires band together to steal back their old stuff from museums

[theonewiththesoks]

Oceans 1100 AD

[bleachedshadow]

Very interested in the hardest part of this beign the vampires trying to trick someone into granting them permission to enter the premises earlier in the day

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I feel like this has several simple solutions!

they enter the museum while it’s open to the public (and the Welcome sign is on display). they turn into bats and hide in the rafters until the museum closes. the only hiccup is when the overhead announcement comes on and politely requests all visitors leave for closing. the vampire are forced to flee, but come back the next day with tiny bat-sized earplugs.

downside: this requires going out in daylight, leading most of the team members to show up in long black victorian formalwear, complete with lacy parasols, which they insist on carrying with them throughout the entire heist (much to the frustration of the team leader, who just wore sunscreen and a raincoat).

depending on how invitations work, it is possible any random human can invite them in. one of the vampires gets their Ultimate Frisbee buddy Oakley to tag along and invite them in after closing.

downside: the gang spends the rest of the heist gently mocking the idea of a vampire playing association ultimate frisbee (“so what, you turn into a bat and catch it with your fangs? do they make you crawl up the wall when it gets stuck on a roof? if you turn into a cat to get it down from a tree, do you end up stuck in the tree?”) this ends in a Climactic Twist Ending when Oakley reveals they don’t play ultimate frisbee, just dog park frisbee. In the sense that they met when the vampire transformed into a wolf to gatecrashed a game at the local dog park.

(Bonus points if Oakley is a werewolf. extra bonus points if this is revealed in a post-credits epilogue where, on the next full moon, the entire gang transforms into creatures of the night and joins Oakley at the park for a frisbee game of Bats vs Wolves)

Final option: to gain legitimate entry, an invitation is needed from a museum employee. this presents two possibilities:

the vampires pretend to be incredibly rich eccentric patrons who want a private nighttime tour of the museum. (this is convincing due to the fact they are rich and incredibly eccentric.) the vampires get inside, planning to hypnotize the Curator supervising their tour.

downside: they immediately discover the Curator has been left immune to hypnosis by years of post-grad exposure to droning history lecturers. the vampires leave their least competent member to distract her while they carry out the heist–in the ensuing 90 minutes, the vampire and the curator accidentally Fall In Love after bonding over their shared fury about british archeological theft.

(In the sequel they get married and spend their honeymoon robbing the British Museum in order to return sacred objects to the cultures from which they were stolen. this is made more complicated comical by the fact vampires are unable to interact with holy objects. also, they are lesbians.)

alternatively: the gang simply bribes a security guard into letting them in after closing. the security guard then tags along, offering helpful advice for disabling alarms and transporting antiques. it turns out Security Officer Greer only applied for the job bc they too were planning an Elaborate Acrobatic Burglary, but then their partners quit to join Cirque du Soleil and “I can’t exactly perform a Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special without a partner.”

downside: the gang becomes too attached to ask Greer to leave. They carry out the heist as intended, but this time pretending to be circus performers to explain their vampire powers. Turning into a cloud of smoke to bypass locks? Magicians never explain a trick. Spider walking across ceilings to bypass alarms? Contortionist. When it comes time to fly from roof to roof, they decide turning into bats would give away their secret, so instead they help Greer, in a sparkling moment of triumph, execute the perfect Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special!

Greer and the gang escape (by tightrope walking) into the night with all the plunder they can carry. Tearfully, the gang begins to say goodbye (bc they can’t keep up the pretense of being circus performers forever) when Greer casually asks how a bunch of vampire ended up working in a circus.

(Greer assumed from the beginning they were vampires, because of “how you dress, how you talk, and mostly because none of you showed up on camera back in the CCTV control room. Why did you think it took me so long to let yall in?”)

I cannot for the lives of me decide which synopsis I like best

(all ideas shared on this blog are public domain, feel free to go nuts. you can find more story ideas like this on my ko-fi)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[basicshitposts]

The marks you left on my body are almost gone now. How am I supposed to start forgetting you. Knew you for 3 days, will spend a lifetime thinking about you. You fixed what you didn't break. You were the universe's way of making up for everything that had gone wrong in the past few weeks. I don't think I've ever humiliated myself by begging this way before. I don't know what I'm begging for, but please? Love me, fix me, heal me, break me, end me, something, anything. Just please.

[basicshitposts]

Growing up is realising that some moments and some people are better off as memories

[basicshitposts]

You can never see your eyes the way people who love you will

[basicshitposts]

Wouldn't know year of independence if it weren't for all the discounted items ✨

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

there should be an alternative to marriage where you just ritualistically vow to have an on-again-off-again relationship for as long as you two shall live

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ok sure whatever hades and persephone have going on

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#divorced but we share custody of the relationship

[basicshitposts]

*My sister and I having the most emotional and loving conversation*

Mom walking into the room: Why do you guys keep fighting?!?!?!

[basicshitposts]

Most days, all I want is a way out of this loneliness

*proceeds to listen to Kiska Rasta Dekhe (Kishore Kumar) on loop*

[basicshitposts]

To all the people I wanted to ask 'What are we?'

I don't need to anymore. I know what we are.

We're strangers with memories ☺️💕🌈🤌🏻💛

[basicshitposts]

In today's episode of mom and I waiting for our turn the dentist's, we discuss if the new neighbour she had a 20 minute conversation with yesterday inside his house, is 25 or 40 and if he lives with kids, parents, or alone.

We literally have no idea. Here are observations we tried to draw conclusions from

1. He's an architect who just started a few projects of his own

2. The doors were closed as if there was someone sleeping inside the rooms

3. The house was very tidy for 5pm on a Sunday

4. He has a 9 year old cat that doesn't walk around too much for her age

5. He owns the house

6. He used 'we' to refer to making changes in the house

7. The furnishings were modern and minimalist but not extreme in either category

[basicshitposts]

Every major brand should have a 20 year old telling them to roll back that ad campaign Jeffrey, you're going to get us all cancelled

[allwaswell16]

—Fics by allwaswell16—

[ Rare Pairs ]

but tonight (you're on my mind) [E, 36k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw, fic post]

Nick's friendship with the lead singer of Seventy Eight has come with a new circle of people including an entrancing, blue eyed drummer. But what brings them together can also tear them apart.

Need (part 2 of Until series) [E, 21k, Niall/Shawn Mendes, fic post]

Niall Horan loved his job. Who wouldn’t? He was the biggest pop star in the world, and he’d found his kindred spirit in songwriting and friendship, Louis Tomlinson. The sky was the limit now. He had the perfect place they could hide themselves away from the world and write his next album...his uncle’s horse ranch in Colorado. What he didn’t expect was the cowboy next door.

Do You Smile To Tempt a Lover [E, 18k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw, fic post]

Nick Grimshaw is entranced by Louis, his very beautiful, very cheeky new coworker at The National Portrait Gallery. He watches him day after day, wondering what he’s furiously typing on his laptop over lunch. With a little help from the very bored barista in the gallery cafe, Nick finds himself growing closer to Louis than he ever dreamed possible.

Interview with the vampire [E, 4k, Louis/Rob Pattinson, fic post]

Working at an alpha magazine wasn't always easy for an omega like Louis, but he's just landed his biggest interview yet with an A list actor who has asked for Louis especially. Unfortunately, the interview is with Rob Pattinson, the biggest pain in the arse alpha on the planet.

Inspired by Rob’s interview in GQ Magazine and not actually about vampires

Hesitate [E, 3k, Louis/Liam, fic post]

He’d always been in love with Louis.

From the time he was old enough to understand attraction, he’d been attracted to Louis, not that he’d been ready to do anything about it at the time. Instead, he’d just supported him like a best friend should. He was there for Louis when he came out to his mom. He was there for Louis when he landed the leading role in the school play. He was there for him when Louis didn’t have a date for the prom. He was there when Louis got his heart broken.

 And he waited. He’d waited until he couldn’t stand to wait any more.

A college au where Liam and Louis went from childhood friends to lovers to exes and back again.

Should Have Known [NR, 2k, Louis/Liam, fic post]

Liam returns from his internship abroad ready to tell his best friend that he wants to be more than friends. But when Louis starts avoiding him, he's no longer sure the timing is right.

Next Door [NR, 2k, Louis/Rob Pattinson, fic post]

When a stray cat starts coming round Louis' garden and bothering his dog, Louis and his best friend set out to capture it.

Or a famous/famous fic where Louis and Oli embarrass themselves in front of Batman.

[Back to masterpost]

[allwaswell16]

—allwaswell16 Fic Masterpost—

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You can subscribe to my fics here on ao3! 

[pathetic-dreamy]

Liam: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Harry: How can you still say that?

Liam: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

[lyridmeteorshower]

Tumblr Migration 2: Reddit Boogaloo

We all know about the Twitter immigrants, but there seems to be radio silence on what's happening now with Reddit users from certain subreddits doing a similar thing.

What's happening?

Reddit is restricting their API later this month and killing off third-party apps. An AMA (Ask Me Anything) with the CEO Steve Hoffman was held and it was clear that he would continue with the changes.

In protest, thousands of subreddits across the site are planning to go dark for 48 hours on June 12th. Some are planning to continue indefinitely until the changes are reversed.

Okay, so how does this affect Tumblr?

Some subreddits (mainly queer and left-leaning meme ones, don't worry too much about Reddit Atheists™ overrunning us) are encouraging their users to jump ship to our beloved - and beloathed - hellsite. There will be another influx of new users and many will be unfamiliar with how the site works.

What do us Tumblr users do?

Show them how to use the site; introduce them to the site's culture, tell them to reblog shit and curate their dashboard. Sorta like how we welcomed Twitter users back when they flocked here. Kungpowpenising optional.

I'm new from Reddit, what do I do here?

CHANGE YOUR PROFILE PICTURE AND BANNER TO SOMETHING OTHER THAN DEFAULT BECAUSE THIS SITE IS FILLED WITH BOTS AND YOU MIGHT BE MISTAKEN FOR ONE. This is the FIRST thing you should do after getting a blog.

Other folks can help you with stuff like curating your dashboard or creating sideblogs (or you can look shit up) but please, PLEASE just give yourself an icon and reblog some stuff so people don't mistake you for a bot

[saltyflump]

This is one of the first posts I've seen after trying to look at Tumblr again, so I've decided to head their advice and reblog this. I don't even know what a reblog is but I'll find out in time. It's a learning process

[lyridmeteorshower]

a reblog is what you just did! it's similar to a retweet on twitter and it's the main way things spread on tumblr