Dick: This family is like me after I've had to chase down Killer Croc in the sewers
Jason: ??????
Dick: A hot mess
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@batfamchats
Dick: This family is like me after I've had to chase down Killer Croc in the sewers
Jason: ??????
Dick: A hot mess
Server: so what would you like to eat today?
Damian: the souls of criminals!
Tim: a bagel
Damian: NO!!!
Tim: Two bagels
Dick: Hey, Tim! Any advice for Gothamites looking to "pull a Timmy" and stay up for days without sleeping?
[Dick aims his camera phone at Tim's harrowing, pale face, zooming in on the dark circles under his eyes]
Tim: [in an incoherent mumble] Yes, actually. My advice to you is: don't.
Dick: ...You mean, "don't pull all-nighters?"
Tim: No. Don't sleep. Ever. Sleep is a lie. If you fall asleep, you prove yourself to be nothing more than a weak, fallible human... no better than the rest. And the Shadow People will never accept you as one of their own.
[Tim looks beyond the camera into the dark shadows of the batcave]
Tim: [whispers] They're always watching....
Dick: [laughs nervously] Timmy, there's no one here butー
[Tim covers Dick's mouth with his hand quickly, causing the camera to shake as his eyes dart around the room]
Tim: Shh! They'll hear you...
Jason: stop
Alfred: Excuse me, Master Jason?
Jason: Stop, take a break, I'm making dinner tonight
Alfred: I do not believe-
Jason: *shooing Alfred out of the kitchen* go, my kitchen now, shoo, shoo
Alfred: Master Jaso-
Jason: shhhhhhhhhh, you do enough, I'm making dinner tonight and you're going to rest
-Later-
Tim: oh wow this is really good!
Damian: for once I agree with you Drake
Jason: *smug*
Alfred: *sighs* Alright Master Jason. Twice a week and no more
Jason: Deal
For stuff that isn't chats follow the admin, @dove-among-bats! (headcannon requests currently open, you may even see a convo based on them here!)
Dick, after learning about Jason being close with Roy and Kori: Lol, looks like I'm not the only one with a redhead gang now!~
Jason: Yeah but you're only dating one (Babs) Right now, I'm dating two
Bruce: *blinks*
Tim: *spits out drink* wh-
Damian: *falls off of perch on the couch*
Alfred: *stops in his tracks*
Dick: *jaw drops to floor*
Jay: *smug smile*
Steph: No way! Have you seen him?? he would totally win
Damian: Dream on Brown, it isn't just about brute strength, tactical thinking is very much involved
Steph: You're looking too far into this, there is no way my guy'll lose
Damian: Then I suppose we return our attention to the battle?
Steph: 'Battle' so dramatic
Jason and Tim: *arm Wrestling*
Tim: *wins*
Jason: ????Wait what the fuck???
Steph: .......*slips 50 bucks to Damian*
Damian: *smug*
Steph: you and Tim are a very frightening team, I miss when you fought 24/7
Jason: I second Steph's opinion
Tim: Whatever, common Damian, lets go grab some pizza or something
Jason: Here, kid, stay hydrated
Damian: *takes soda can and lifts eyebrow*
Jason: What?
Damian: This bitch empty, YEET *throws soda can and hits Tim in the head*
Tim: WHAT THE FUC-
Jason: *doubled over in laughter* oh god have you been on tumblr
Damian: Hacked Drakes account
Jason: I am such a proud brother hooly sshiiittt *practically on the ground, gasping between peels of laughter*
Jason: stop
Alfred: Excuse me, Master Jason?
Jason: Stop, take a break, I'm making dinner tonight
Alfred: I do not believe-
Jason: *shooing Alfred out of the kitchen* go, my kitchen now, shoo, shoo
Alfred: Master Jaso-
Jason: shhhhhhhhhh, you do enough, I'm making dinner tonight and you're going to rest
-Later-
Tim: oh wow this is really good!
Damian: for once I agree with you Drake
Jason: *smug*
Alfred: *sighs* Alright Master Jason. Twice a week and no more
Jason: Deal
Tim: I Lo-
Damian: We get it, you love coffee, coffee is your life, coffee is your one true love, you couldn't live without that rich dark bitter caffeinated drink we GET IT YOU LOVE COFFEE, GOD, SHUT UP ALREADY DRAKE
Tim: I was going to say I loath you but that works too
Jason: Oh, damn
Tim and Damian: *Working together on a science project for the science fair at Damian's school*
Jason: When did you two start getting along
Tim: After we talked shit out, maybe you and Bruce should try it sometime
Damian: *trying and failing to suppress his snickers*
Dick: What
Tim: The
Stephanie: Hell
Cass:.....
Damian: *hugging Jason after receiving amazing art supplies from him*
Jason: *smug as fuck smirk* I guess now we know who the best sibling is~
Cassandra:......
Jason:......
Cassandra:..........
Jason:........
Cassandra:.....*nods*
Jason: *smirks and nods*
Cassandra and Jason: *rapidly reach out and knock Tim out via pressure points*
Cassandra: Well done...Brother
Jason: Not too shabby yourself, Sis
Jay!Bats: -And that's the plan
Dick: Kay li'l bro
Tim and Damian: Pft as if
Jason: Excuse me?
Tim: It's just not feasible Jay! I'm sorry but the science doesn't add up
Damian: While you were prattling on, Drake and I came up with a plan with a much higher probability of success
Jason: *sighs* fine, lets hear it
Jason: Here, kid, stay hydrated
Damian: *takes soda can and lifts eyebrow*
Jason: What?
Damian: This bitch empty, YEET *throws soda can and hits Tim in the head*
Tim: WHAT THE FUC-
Jason: *doubled over in laughter* oh god have you been on tumblr
Damian: Hacked Drakes account
Jason: I am such a proud brother hooly sshiiittt *practically on the ground, gasping between peels of laughter*