Steveâs crying on the porch of his parents' house, with a duffel bag and baseball bat, when Eddie pulls into the driveway.
âJesus, Steve, what happened?â Eddie crouches down to get eye level with Steve. Despite being dark out, the sun set long ago, and the outdoor lights werenât on. Steve turns to look at his parents' car in the driveway and thinks back to when the lock had distinctly turned shut on the front door. They were around to switch the lights on; they just didnât care anymore to do so.
Steve is grateful for the moonlight, as he can see the pretty lines on Eddieâs face. Even if they currently curve into a frown.
âHey Eds.â Steveâs voice cracks.
âStevieâŠwhat happened?â Eddie asks again, this time itâs gently. It cradles Steve and holds him softly. He wishes Eddieâs hands would do the same.
âDid you know hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backward?â Steve sniffles.
Eddieâs face scrunches in confusion, âWhat? Birds? You lost me.â
Steve pushes past Eddieâs confused face. âThey are the only birds to fly backward. Surprisingly, it wasnât Dustin to teach me that out of the munchkins. It was actually El. Sheâs apparently going through a bird phase. And I donât think the others are very interested. So I try to pay attention when she talks about it. And she taught me about hummingbirds.â
Eddie settles on his knees, âThatâs great, man and those little shits should listen to her more, but Iâm not sure what that has to do with whatâs wrong. You called me to come pick you up and hung up before I could even answer.â
Steve bites his lip, âSorry, my dad clicked the phone off.â Eddieâs face shows surprise, but Steve keeps talking before he can interrupt. âAnd well, I guess hummingbirds have nothing to do with anything. Itâs stupid, really.â
âNo, no. Itâs not stupid. Tell me about the birds, Stevie.â Eddieâs hand finally reaches out to Steve. He brushes the fallen hair out of his face, and something in Steve just sets him off.
âYou see, they can fly backward. And well, no, Iâm getting ahead of myself. You see, my cousin Tucker is here to visit. And let me tell you, he is the worst. Like Eddie, you would hate him. Conservative, capitalist enthusiast, real bootlicker kind of guy.â
âSounds like the worst. Especially if he made you use the big words.â Eddieâs hand falls away, and Steve mourns the loss. Normally, when people make jokes about his intelligence, it stings. It makes him feel small. But when Eddie does it, it isnât mean or a poke at how stupid Steve is. With Eddie, itâs almost like heâs reminding Steve that he is smart. That maybe Steve is the one making himself small.
âAnyway, heâs visiting, right? So my parents come home. And I havenât seen them in months, since before spring break. Itâs nearly October, and I havenât seen them, and I canât tell if Iâm excited or dreading their arrival. Itâs always a fight when they are around, how Iâm not good enough, how I should be more. Their visits always end up being cut short, and me feeling like shit. But this stupid, stupid part of me was hoping it would be different this time. They havenât seen me since the âearthquakes.â Surely theyâll be happy to see Iâm okay, right?â
Eddie stays silent, his face revealing nothing.
âOf course, itâs not. They only came home because my cousin Tucker was in town. All the way from Indy cause itâs so far. And my mom âmadeâ dinner, as in she ordered it and pretended she made it. It wasnât even that good, but we all pretended it was the best thing ever made. Cause thatâs what they do, pretend. And the dinner is fine, boring. Most of it is just me staying silent while my dad and Tucker talk about the business. Tucker runs the Indy office while my dad is in New York. Ya see, Tucker has been gunning to take over for my dad when he retires, which is another word for diesââ Steve letâs put a bitter laugh; he wonders if his parents are listening. He doubts it.
ââand they are going on for the whole meal, and Iâm almost through the home stretch when my dad brings up me, coming to work for him.â
Eddie reacts finally, âYouâre going to New York?â His voice is strained, like he is trying very hard not to yell, not at Steve, but at anyone who will listen. Steve is quick to correct.
âNo, no, Iâm not. This was news to me to Eds. I have no interest in my dad's business, and as far as I was concerned, he didnât want me a part of it either. Guess that has changed. Has? Had? I donât knowâŠâ Steve trails off.
âDonât call me that. It makes me think youâre mad at me. Besides, it doesnât fit me anymore.â Steve bites.
âSorry, Steve. Iâm not mad. I promise. Just, what do you mean?â Eddieâs head tilts to the side, his curls cascading down his shoulder. It reminds Steve of a river, dark water rippling in the moonlight.
âI was so shocked, Eds. When he said that. That I was quiet, I should have corrected him, maybe. Maybe I could have fixed it. But Tucker was so quick to act. He was pissed. He knows my working for my dad means me being set up to take over. And Tucker, heâs worked too hard to make sure he does get the business. But instead of yelling, he just gets this concerned look on his face. And heâŠâ
Steve wrenches his eyes shut as he recalls the rest. As he recalls the way Tuckerâs face faked worry as he struck. Like he has been waiting for the right moment to ruin Steve. He manages to open his eyes eventually, only to see Eddieâs face once again. The honest look on his face is enough to push Steve on.
âIn the summer, Robin was feeling sad. This was before you guys knew about each other, and I was the only one who knew about her. And she was sad cause nothing had happened with Vicky and she felt so alone. And I hated seeing her like that. And so, so I took her to Indy. And, andââ Steve starts to hyperventilate.
Eddie takes him by the shoulders. âBreathe for me, Steve. Come on, baby, match my breaths. Itâs okay. Itâs okay.â
Steve matches Eddieâs breath. Ignores how the word baby calms him down instantly. âTucker told my dad that he saw me in Indy. That he saw me come out of a gay club, Eddie. And he went on about how they should focus more on getting me help, than putting me in a power position, again Eds, which I donât even want! And how I would be a bad look for the company. How would it look if a company whose whole image is family values, only successor, turned out to be gay.â
Eddie flinches a bit, but doesnât let go of him. Steve feels instant regret. âThat isnât what I meant, Eddie.â
Eddie shushes him, âI know, sweetheart. Youâre just upset. I know. Did you tell him that you werenât there for you? Or maybe that Rick was mistaken; it was a regular club?â
Steve rubs a hand down his face, âAnd what? Tell him that my two best friends in the entire world are gay? So that I can be shipped off to New York and never see them again? Yeah right. Iâd rather face the bats again than be removed from you two. And Iâm not going to out you guys like that.â
Something warm crosses Eddieâs face, âSo, you lied then?â
âBefore I could say anything my dad reacted.â
Eddie freezes, a darkness swims in his eyes. âHe put his hands on you?â
âNo, no!â Steve panics, and he purposely leaves out the ânot this time.â Eddie isnât necessarily a violent person. But he does have a protective streak. As admirable as it is, Steve doesnât want him to get hurt.
Eddie relaxes but only slightly.
âHe was actually pretty calm, which is even more terrifying. I expected him to yell, throw things. But instead he just turns and says, âIs this true, Steven?â. And what gets me is they didnât even question why my cousin was anywhere near that club in the first place. Why did he see me there? Instead, he just asks me if itâs true. And itâs the first time in a long time, if ever, that my dad asks me this. He always just assumes Iâve fucked up. And this time, he really asked me about the truth. And I couldnât, I couldnât lie. I donât know why, but it felt wrong to. So I didnât. I just told him, âYes. Itâs true.ââ
Steve throws out a bitter laugh, âAnd you know what? He still doesnât freak out. He just tells me I have five minutes to get my shit and get out. That I needed to call a ride because the car was under the name Steve Harrington, and I was no longer a Harrington. And he was so calm. And my mom just sat there, and I just listened. I didnât fight. I am so tired of fighting.â
âSteve, why not just tell them the truth? Tell them you were there for a friend?â Eddieâs tone isnât scolding, only curious.
âSee, thatâs because I started thinking about hummingbirds, Eddie. I started thinking about how they fly forwards and backward and how they are the only ones that can do that. Isnât that fascinating? These small birds are so strong and interesting, and can do something no one else can do. But no other birds understand; the rest of them just fly forwards Eds. And IâI feel like that sometimes. That Iâm not flying in one direction, ya know?â
Steve feels like he isnât making much sense, but then Eddie nods and looks at Steve. Like really looks at Steve, and sees him. And Steve feels raw, stripped of his skin, exposed, and it should hurt, but it feels so fucking good. And Eddie stares deep into Steveâs eyes and says, âYea, I know.â
âI didnât want to lie. Because even though Tucker was wrong, he was also right. I wasnât there for me, but I think I needed to be there. To get it. And I think that Iâm flying backward, Eds. And Iâm worried itâs wrong of me, that it shouldnât be allowed. And that there is no purpose to me flying backward if I can just go forwards. If I can just fly with the rest of them. But I donât think, I donât ever really taken flight before. Not before I understood I could also go backward.â
Itâs in this moment, where Steve is covered in tears and snot that Eddie finally takes his hands and cradles Steveâs face. Steveâs never felt safer.
âListen to me, sweetheart; there is nothing wrong with you. Okay? Nothing wrong with you. Just because you can fly forwards doesnât mean you have to, doesnât mean you should. Sometimes youâre going to have to fly backward; youâre not going to have a choice. Itâs just the direction youâre fast, huge, hummingbird heart takes you. And it might take you a bit to learn that. To understand that, but I will make sure that you do. Because you, Steve Harrington, are fucking fearless and fucking beautiful, and I am so goddamn proud of you.â
Steve finally reaches his breaking point and collapses in Eddieâs arms. Full body, ugly sobs wreck Steve. He is sure that he is soaking Eddieâs favorite Black Sabbath t-shirt to the bone, but he canât find it himself to care. His fingers dig into Eddieâs back as he clutches tighter as his breathing picks up.
âBreathe, baby, breathe. Remember that. I got you. I got you.â Eddie whispers into Steveâs ear.
Steve picks his head up when he finally calms down, and looks at Eddie. âYou.â
âWhatâs that?â Eddie says softly, rubbing circles through Steveâs polo.
âI called you. Because, I thinkâno, I know, that Iâve been flying backward, to you. For a while now. And I knew that, even if you werenât too, youâd still show up. And I justâjust need you to know that. I am so grateful you showed up.â
Steve knows he should feel nervous telling Eddie all this, but he isnât. He strangely feels like his dad at this moment, calm and unmoving. Steve doesnât understand many things in this world, but he understands that even if Eddie doesnât love him like that, Eddie still loves Steve in plenty of other ways.
Itâs still nice, though, when Eddie leans forward and kisses Steveâs forehead. Steve closes his eyes and releases a breath.
Eddie slides his head down slightly so their foreheads are pushed together affectionately. âStevie, Iâll always fly backward to you.â
Although itâs awful how they got here, Steve canât help but feel happy at this moment. He also canât help the silly giggle that comes out of him, âI think we have just lost all meaning to this metaphor at this point.â
Eddie snorts, âOh, have we? And here I thought we were having a nice moment, a poetic one at that, telling each other âI love you.ââ
Steve blinks at him, âYou love me?â
Eddie frown lines finally turn upwards, âYea baby, I love you.â
Eddie cuts Steve off. âTell me in the morning. When your tears have dried, and Iâve woken up with you in my arms. I want to hear it in the daylight. Okay? Letâs go home.â Eddie stands, offering a hand to Steve.
âYea home, got to fly back to our nest.â
Steve canât help the snort he releases, âDork.â
Eddie just smiles, âThought I told you to save the âI love youâ til the morning.â
Steve smiles back as he takes Eddieâs hand, âI didnâtâŠâ
Eddie squeezes Steveâs fingers, âYea, ya did.â
Iâm back, not dead, and in my feelings. Thinking about expanding on this one. I hope you guys like it. đ§Ąđ§Ą