Spread Sunshine

"I was raised by Topanga and Cory Matthews. They're maniacs. They would walk through an avalanche for friendship, for the sake of family. I got that from them." Indie Riley Matthews RP blog. Currently under construction. Read the rules, please!

[baywindowprincess-blog]

[This blog is going to stay on hiatus for awhile longer because I came back to my Austin Moon RP blog (officialaustinmoon) and I can only manage so many blogs at once. Y’all can totally come play with me over on officialaustinmoon, though.]

[baywindowprincess-blog]

[Finals are coming up, so I will taking a mini-hiatus from this blog until probably December 14th. I love you all and I’ll miss you, but school comes first.]

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< Riley wanted to fight him, to tell him to leave, that she didn’t want him there, but she didn’t have the energy. So she rolled up her sleeve to reveal the small red marks on her arm, and the thin lines of crimson running away from the marks and down to the palm of her hand. There were other lines, darker and scabbed over, but none older than those. “This,” she said in a hollow voice. “This is what’s wrong.”

“I’m not ‘sunshine’ anymore, Farkle. I’m no good to anyone. You’d all be better of without me. I’m useless. I failed that test, because I didn’t study, because I’m fucking worthless.” The guilt came again. She broke into rough sobs and let herself lean on Farkle. She didn’t have the will to stop herself from collapsing.

“I’m sorry, Farkle,” she choked out, “I’m so sorry.”  >>

[fratboyfarkle]

<< Farkle couldn’t believe anything of what he was seeing or hearing at this very moment. The moment felt so surreal and unbelievable because his research would have never pointed to Riley doing any of that to herself; no.  It wasn’t something Riley would do; he knew Riley and– he also knew that she wasn’t even expecting this. “Riles…” he trailed off in a small voice, he was at loss of words.

He only did one movement as he felt her lean on him, he opened his arms for her so she could feel comfort. “Riley, you will always be my sunshine no matter rain or shine.  I don’t know what I would do if I did not have you in my life. And so what, you failed one test.  That doesn’t mean you’re useless or worthless.  You mean so much to me, Riles.” So much more than you think, he thought.

“Don’t apologize, just let all of it out. >>

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< Riley had been pretending for so long. She had been faking smiles and letting everyone around her believe that she was just the same Riley. It had all been building up inside of her, and the dam was broken. Everything she had been holding back for months flooded out in her tears.

She moved into his arms without thinking about it, clinging to him for comfort.  She couldn’t speak. She could barely breathe. His words filled her with guilt. She didn’t deserve his love. She cried harder. She cried so hard it hurt her throat and her eyes burned, but she couldn’t stop. Her body shook with sobs. She sobbed and sobbed. >>

[baywindowprincess-blog]

Betrayed/Betrayal starters

"You promised!"

"You were on their side all along?"

"I can't believe you."

"How dare you!"

"You used me!"

"I can't believe I trusted you like s fool"

"How could you?"

"I should have known."

"I thought you were better than this."

"You think that I would side with you?"

"You're nothing to me anymore."

"Why would you do this?"

"How could you betray us like that?!"

"You're pathetic."

"You're nothing but a hindrance to my goals."

"I was never with the good guys, anyway."

"I will not stand with you no more."

"You'd think I'd side with such naive fools?"

"Yes, I was the one who told the enemy our plans."

"I never trusted you, and this is why!"

[baywindowprincess-blog]

itsstillmyworld: "What are you doing here? You should be in bed."

<< “I can’t sleep.” Riley rubbed her eyes and sat down next to him at the table. “Whatcha doin? Those the papers we turned in the other day?” >>

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< Riley frowned. She’d almost forgotten about the test tomorrow. His reminder was like a kick in the stomach. “Right, big test, better get my rest.” Not that it matters, she added in her head, I’m going to fail anyway. She bit her lip. She probably should’ve studied more than she did, but she just felt so exhausted when she looked at her books, and she figured she’d fail anyways, so it just seemed pointless. 

“Just, out of curiosity, how much of my grade is that test worth?” >>

[baywindowprincess-blog]

💘 -Fratboyfarkle

<< They’re sitting in Topanga’s. It’s the middle of December, right before Winter Break. She’s leaning on him a bit, because he’s warm and he lets her. They’re supposed to be studying for the physics test they have the last day before break, but Riley is more focused on her hot cocoa than she is on the study guide and textbook that are sitting in front of her. Farkle, on the other hand, is actually studying. He furrows his brow in confusion and she can’t help but smile. He’s cute when he’s concentrating.

She loves this. She loves spending time with him, even though they aren’t saying anything. She loves how her head seems to fit in the crook of his neck like a puzzle piece. She just loves being in the same space as him. She feels safe, and loved, and happy. She wants to feel this way forever. And that’s when she knows. She’s completely, head-over-heels, irrevocably in love with him.

She feels a smile spread across her face, and she leans over to press a soft kiss to his cheek, “Hey, Farkle?” >> 

[baywindowprincess-blog]

fratboyfarkle

<< Riley didn’t even wait for him to say, “Hello,” before she was yelling. She was just so angry. He’d broken up with her over coffee almost two months ago and she was done crying over him and wondering what went wrong. She’d moved into the uncontrollable, Carrie Underwood style rage part of the break up. “I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU! YOU ALWAYS CARED MORE ABOUT YOUR CAREER THAN YOU DID ME! YOU THOUGHT THAT FANCY DINNERS AND SHINY GIFTS WOULD HIDE THAT FROM ME, BUT THEY DIDN’T.”

Her voice broke slightly, but she didn’t waver from her anger, “YOU’RE SELFISH, CHARLIE GARDNER. SELFISH AND GREEDY.” Riley took a breath, “You know what the worst part of this is? I loved you. I really, truly did. But you never loved me. Everything I thought about our relationship was either a lie, or all in my head.” Riley sighed.

“I guess it’s you’re loss, though. You lost someone who truly loved you. I just lost some scumbag who’s going to end up sad, alone, and miserable.” >>  

[boyinthefreezer]

Send “Come Here” for my muse to curl up in your muses lap.

Send “Hey” for my muses reaction to your muse climbing into their lap.

[baywindowprincess-blog]

One Tree Hill Starter Meme

"I'm a survivor, I'll roll with it."

"We don't like you."

"People always leave."

"Does _____ have to slap a bitch?"

"We're all crazy, some just hide it better than others."

"Somebody told me that this is the place where everything's better and everything's safe."

"I wanted you to fight for me."

"I just wanted them to leave me alone. I just ... I just wanted them to like me."

"I'm the guy for you, _________."

"I've just been sitting here, thinking about how much I love you."

"Who knew my subconscious could be such a bitch."

"It's always gonna be there, isn't it? You and me."

"I'm tired of feeling, okay? I'd rather feel nothing. It's better. It's easier."

"Why don't you do what you're really good at and disappear."

"Always and forever."

"I'll always protect you."

"I'm starting to wonder how much one heart can take."

"It's just hard to let someone go, y'know?"

"Without hope, I wouldn't be able to breathe."

"If you want to hear why I love you, I could go on all night."

"Giving your heart to someone, that's the hard part."

"You think it's easy to be me?"

"I'm afraid this conversation is going to end with goodbye."

"The hearts has reasons that reason cannot know."

"Either you say too much or you don't say enough and then they're gone."

"Is it me? Am I the reason people always leave?"

"So it's true then? That nobody wants me?"

"I know people think I'm stupid, but I'm not dumb. I just let you and the other girls have your way because that's how you need it to be. But I think he's right, pretty soon we're all going to graduate and I can start over. But it'll be harder for the people who need this place to make themselves feel special. People who use high school to build themselves up and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who you were in high school. People like you."

"Until you've faced all the mistakes you've made, you'll never change."

"I'm sorry that people do bad things like this, especially to good people, like you."

"But it never seemed like you never missed me, and I guess because of it I stopped missing you."

"And if we never talk again, that'll be fine."

"Maybe she just got scared of needing someone too much."

"Don't say I never gave you anything."

"Don't you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel like you are a two-faced, back stabbing bitch, because you are."

"_____ is missing."

"I can't stand the thought that you'll never come home again."

"It was hard losing you and it was hard seeing you again."

"I am who I am. No excuse."

"I need you to need me back."

"I hate Mondays."

"Everyday that I have to come to this school is just one day I don't have to come back."

"Everyone here is a loser."

"It hurts! It always hurts!"

[baywindowprincess-blog]

“BUDDY SYSTEM IS IMPORTANT, YOU MIGHT GET LOST! NOW GIMME YOUR HAND.” -Fratboyfarkle

<< Riley blushed deep red as Farkle took her hand. She shook her jitters away as quickly as she could. Farkle was dating Isadora. They were on a class camping trip, and Riley and Farkle were on wood gathering duty. The sun was just dropping out of the sky. It would’ve been kind of romantic, if they were out there under literally any other circumstances.

“I’m pretty sure I won’t get lost. It’s not like we’re not on a trail.” Riley chuckled, but she didn’t let go of his hand. >>

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< Riley looked up at the sound of Farkle’s voice. He wasn’t supposed to be there. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. Especially not Farkle.  She was Riley Matthews–she was sunshine and rainbows and sparkles. She was supposed to bring people up, not drag them down. She was being a burden on him, as usual.  “Right,” she managed, weakly. He should go back to class. This wasn’t his problem.

She could see the concern in his eyes–they were darker than usual. Her stomach turned with guilt at the thought.  He’d be better off without her. He shouldn’t have to worry about her. He shouldn’t have felt obligated to follow her out into the hall in the middle of a lesson.  “Please, don’t worry about me. I’m fine, Farkle. Just go back to class,” Riley insisted. She knew the tears in her eyes and the hitch in her voice betrayed her, but she hoped he would do as she asked anyway.

“Leave me alone.” >> 

[fratboyfarkle]

<< Farkle knew something was wrong but it wasn’t something small like a small fight with Maya.  Riley had tears in her eyes and her voice changed majorly as she spoke; something was upsetting her.  His eyes analyzed the scene before him as he tried to go through ever file in his brain but could come to no conclusion on what was upsetting Riley.  So, he did what any friend would do in this situation; he didn’t listen instead he leaned against the lockers and slid down beside her.

“Talk to me, Sunshine.  What’s wrong you looked so uncomfortable in class that I thought you may be sick or something but then I— Nevermind.” He didn’t want to push her of tell her that he saw what she had done to her arm but it was safe to say that Farkle Minkus was worried.  He was beyond worried for Riley because something about how she was acting right now didn’t feel right.

“I’m not going to leave you; I probably never will.” >>

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< Riley wanted to fight him, to tell him to leave, that she didn’t want him there, but she didn’t have the energy. So she rolled up her sleeve to reveal the small red marks on her arm, and the thin lines of crimson running away from the marks and down to the palm of her hand. There were other lines, darker and scabbed over, but none older than those. “This,” she said in a hollow voice. “This is what’s wrong.”

“I’m not ‘sunshine’ anymore, Farkle. I’m no good to anyone. You’d all be better of without me. I’m useless. I failed that test, because I didn’t study, because I’m fucking worthless.” The guilt came again. She broke into rough sobs and let herself lean on Farkle. She didn’t have the will to stop herself from collapsing.

“I’m sorry, Farkle,” she choked out, “I’m so sorry.”  >>

[baywindowprincess-blog]

itsstillmyworld: “It’s going to be okay”

<< Riley leaned on her father, dampening his shirt with her tears. She curled into him. She felt safe and protected in his arms. She rested her head on his chest. “I’m scared,” she whispered softly. She took a shaky breath and pushed a strand of hair out of her face,

“It doesn’t feel like it’s going to be okay.” >>

[itsstillmyworld]

“I know what youre saying Riley and I know how you feel, and maybe on some level youre right. It is scary, I’m not going to lie about that. But you cant let that scare you enough to not do anything, life is going to knock you down I’ve seen it happen to everyone, but what matters is that you get up dust yourself off and keep going.” he said gently he knew this wasnt exactly what she wanted to hear, but it was the truth. He couldnt shelter her from the truth. “There are few certainties in this world, one of them is that no matter what your mother and I are always going to be here for you Riley. Do you remember when you were learning to walk that your mother and I would always be there to catch you if you fell? Same thing here, we’ll always be here to catch you when you fall.” he added after a moment hoping this would help to comfort her. “Well, I had this one teacher for a very long time, and at first I wasnt really interested in what he did, but then as I got older I realized that I loved the subject he taught, and he taught so much more than just history. He taught your mom and me and Shawn about things in life that you couldnt read in any old book, and thats what I wanted to do, I wanted to inspire and reach out to young people the way he did with us.” he answered his daughter gently, he hoped what he was saying was helping her to calm down and see that everything was going to be alright, “You know I know its not uncommon for people to change majors when theyre in the middle of their degree or even when theyre almost finished. There is always time to change your mind and do something else if you set your mind to it and put in the time and effort that is needed.” he added after a moment. (its all good no worries :) )

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< Riley actually felt better. She hadn’t thought about changing majors as a possibility before, and the fact that it took her father awhile to figure it out was incredibly reassuring. She was still scared, but she didn’t feel as panicked as she had a few minutes earlier. She smiled up at him. “Thanks, Dad. I do feel better.” She made no movement to leave his arms, or to get up. If anything she curled further into him. 

“Don’t let go just yet, okay?” >>

[itsstillmyworld]

Hold Me Daddy

[itsstillmyworld]

Cory was ready for this flood of information and emotion, though he stayed firm, he needed to be her rock. To be the thing that she clung to to save her from getting swept up from the river of confusing feelings and the scary world that she was drowning in. Cory held on to her tightly and just let her talk, let her cry. “Riley, its ok to be sad.” he said after a moment or two, “Riley when did all of this happen? Did this happen right after your trip to Texas?” he asked her curiously he had a feeling that all of her emotions all of her depression started then, when she made choices that probably werent the best she could have made. “Riley sometimes people get sad and thats ok and sometimes when people get sad it lasts for a while. And thats ok too, the important thing you have to remember is to just take things just one day at a time, do things that make you happy, keep your friends around you. You’ll find your smile again, and your mother and I are here to help you find your happiness again.” he said gently as he continued to hold her. “What can I do to help you? I wanna see you be happy again, I wanna see you succeed in my class and in all your classes.” he said gently, he so badly wanted to help her and make things better for her, he wanted to see his little girl happy again.

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< Riley thought back to Texas. It was only a little over a month ago, but it seemed like an eternity. Was it because of what happened in Texas? Yes, she realized. “Partly,” she started, her voice still quivering, “I think that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“I’m not enough, Daddy. I’m not going to live up to you and Mom. And I’m not going to end up with Lucas, or anybody probably. I’m going to end up alone. Because I’m just this sad, awkward mess!” Riley sighed. She just wanted to go back to being the happy Riley she knew she was. But that Riley wasn’t enough, either. No matter what she did she would never be enough, so what was the point?

“It finally sank in when I was in Texas.” >> 

[baywindowprincess-blog]

itsstillmyworld: "What are you doing here? You should be in bed."

<< “I can’t sleep.” Riley rubbed her eyes and sat down next to him at the table. “Whatcha doin? Those the papers we turned in the other day?” >>

[itsstillmyworld]

Cory heard the firm tone she had and he knew better than to press his daughter, she needed to feel comfortable coming to him, that would work out better than to try and pull her out of this by force. “Ok honey, but you know anything thats going on you can always come talk to me or your mother. We’re here for you.” he said gently, as he looked up at her and looked into her eyes as he spoke and he could see the fatigue in her eyes, he could also see something else in there but he didnt know what it was. Cory was getting worried about her, her work was slipping but he didnt know what was going on with her, she was fall asleep in class, acting out, acting out of character for her, and of course her grades were falling. Luckily she had a high enough grade that she could absorb a few bad grades but if there was any more slippage he was going to have to step in and get her to open up by either willingly or forcefully. He looked up at her and was brought out of his thoughts when she called out to him, he smiled warmly at her, “Sure thing princess, and maybe we can talk a little bit.” he said gently as he got up and started to get a glass and a fill it with milk, “You know when you were a baby warm milk always knocked you out for the night, whenever you were restless and fussy a bottle of milk seemed to soothe you and you were out like a light.” he said with light in his voice as he reminisced to when she was a baby.

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< “I know, Dad.” Riley reassured him. She could talk to him, but she would rather not. She would rather keep it all to herself. She was breaking, but the thought of bringing other people down with her was almost unbearable. She pulled her lips into a soft smile as he reminisced about when she was younger.

“I don’t remember that at all,” she said earnestly, “But hopefully it’ll still work.” >>

[musiisms]

Send me 💘 for my muse’s reaction to realizing they’ve fallen in love with your muse.

[baywindowprincess-blog]

❝We’ve been married less than a period and you’re already jealous of someone else’s husband!❞ -Fratboyfarkle

<< Riley blushed and averted her eyes from Maya and Lucas. They’d been “married off” in health class to take care of a chicken egg for a week. It was meant to scare them into abstinence, although Riley couldn’t help but question the effectiveness of the method as she watched Lucas and Maya. They’d been paired together, and Riley had been paired with Farkle. They were supposed to be naming their chicken eggs, something Riley should’ve been excited about. Instead she was staring wistfully at her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend as they laughed and flirted, no doubt talking about their future together and how many stupid chicken eggs they wanted.

“I’m not jealous. I’ve said it a million times: I’m not thirteen, I don’t have a crush on Lucas anymore.” Riley’s eyes drifted back to the couple. A familiar ache throbbed in her chest. It wasn’t heartbreak, exactly. “I just…” Riley turned back to Farkle, “Don’t get me wrong, they’re two of my best friends in the whole world and I want them to be happy,” she sighed,

“But it still hurts, Farkle.” >>

[fratboyfarkle]

<< Farkle raised his eyebrow at Riley as she stared at the happy couple but he had a feeling Lucas and Maya may have a lovers quarrel by the end of this assignment as they adjust to ‘married’ life.  He honestly didn’t know why they had to take care of an egg out of all things. Heck, you could mistake it for breakfast, he thought.  He smirked and nodded smugly before realizing that this egg was supposedly his child. Sorry kid.

His eyes then shift back onto Riley as she started to speak and he nodded as he listened to her speak in a hurt tone of voice.  He smiled at her and placed his hand on her shoulder, “Let’s name him Bob.” he joked as he held up the egg in one hand as he pressed it softly against his cheek before giving her a loving smile.

“He’s totally my son.”>>

[baywindowprincess-blog]

<< Riley turned to Farkle and forced a laugh. He was trying, and that meant the world to her. His ability to genuinely cheer her up was one of the reasons Farkle was one of the few people able to see past her shiny, happy exterior--or rather one of the few people she let see past it. She wished that it was working then. She examined the sharpie smiley face that Farkle had drawn on the egg and shook her head. “Bob is a terrible name for an egg, especially one as handsome as this one.” She glanced back at Maya and Lucas one last time before pushing all thoughts of them away.

“I think he’s more of a Jegg Gyllenhaal.”  >>

[quotespaper]

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