After Johnny died, Simon never thought he’d drift again.
Frankly, he didn’t plan on going anywhere near a jaeger period, but loyalty always was his weak spot.
So when John found him at his new wall construction job and pleaded with him (okay he didn’t plead, John wasn’t the type of man to do that. It was mostly a lot of logic and some vague threatening) to come back, he said no. And then two category 5 kaiju emerged at his work site.
Never had two kaijus of that magnitude shown up in that close of proximity, and he was powerless to stop it. Without a jaeger, he was just a bug to be squashed. He watched his coworkers die, innocent families in the surrounding town with them.
He was on a flight the next day. After Johnny, he promised he’d never watch someone he cared about die again. That’s why he took such a remote position, but apparently that meant jack shit. He still was watching people die, just with a worse view.
He told himself drifting with someone else didn’t betray Johnny’s memory. He told himself Johnny would have wanted him to keep fighting. He fought back the urge to puke at the sight of the jaegers.
He figured John would have given him the decency of picking out his own partner, given that they’d need to be drift-compatible and all, but John always was a control freak.
Simon shoulders his duffle higher on his shoulder, John couldn’t even let him get settled back in before he was tossing him back in the fray. He looked up at the insane height of the jaegers, recalling how it used to humble him. Now he just felt trapped.
Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, admiring the new and improved jaeger that he used to share with his…with Johnny. He looked away before he could analyze too harshly how the metal on the right side was clearly different from the left, newer.
Seeing you, nothing like Johnny, standing in front of their reconstructed jaeger went down about as well as a million razor blades. He tried to keep his expression lighter, but he knew he was sending you a nasty glare.
“Simon, meet the top contender for your new drift partner.” John puts out his arm in your direction.
You flip around, realizing you have an audience. You try not to make the staring so obvious, but it isn’t every day you meet one of the greats, or someone who wears a mask wherever they go.
You stick your hand out, “hello! I’m—“
“Top contender, huh? I don’t get a say?” He cuts you off, speaking directly to the captain as if you weren’t there.
John faces Simon. Both of their bodies turned away from you, making you look like some odd voyeur into a conversation that’s about you.
“Simon, we’ve been over this. At your skill level, you need someone equally as skilled. I’ve brought you the best of the graduating class. If you don’t drift well together that’s another story, but we’ll start here.”
Simon scoffs, “my skill level? Please. No one has touched my scores, no one except—“
You’ve had enough. “With all due respect, Lieutenant, how about you see what I’m capable of before you jump to conclusions about me.”
He seems shocked that you’re still here. He takes a closer look at you, then his eyes flicker up to the jaeger before flinching away like it hurt. He mumbles a whatever under his breath before slinking away to the living quarters.
“Well…that went well,” Price puts his hands on his hips proudly.
You don’t dignify him with a response.
When you graduated from the jaeger pilot academy, you didn’t envision your pairing to go this way. To be honest, you’d already had someone in mind to drift with: your two closest friends from the academy, Farah and Alex. It wasn’t just that they were your best friends, but you worked well together. Whenever you ran simulations your compatibility was always in the 90s range. And you were told by your instructor that they were looking for a trio to pilot a new jaeger. It was practically fate.
But then you got the call from John Price. Initially you’d been thrilled, I mean who doesn’t want to be recruited to an elite team right out of graduation, but then he mentioned Simon Riley.
In the academy, people call him Ghost. Partially because he’s about as deadly out of a jaeger as in one, and also…because his drift partner died. While attached to the drift. Simon would have felt all of it.
You didn’t call him that. Felt it was disrespectful. But still, being placed with someone with that much baggage wasn’t easy. Drifting without a clear mind could get dangerous, and if he wasn’t over what happened with Soap, this would never work.
You were proven right when John allowed you do to an initial chemistry drift simulation.
It started like any simulation, relaxing your mind, letting it be entered invaded by someone else. Then the memories came.
In order to be completely in sync, you had to know all of your partner. Which meant full access. Every memory seen. It was an incredibly vulnerable position to put yourself in, and here you were, in it with someone who couldn’t even look at you without grimacing.
His life started flashing before your eyes, a childhood that was less than pleasant, the first time he saw a kaiju, joining the academy, meeting Soap…
It all flew past like it was supposed to, until it got to the recent memories. To Soap’s death. He chased it. Latching onto the memory, and diving into his own mind, losing the connection you were forming.
“Simon!” You tried to call out, but he was deep in it, following the vision of his late partner.
It was too far gone, the compatibility scores plummeting. You rip the neural link off your head and stand abruptly.
He comes out of it slower, but when he does he doesn’t even spare you one word before he’s storming out.
He knew this would be a shit show before the plane even landed. How did he possibly think anyone could replace Johnny? Even if you were the most capable pilot of all time, you still weren’t him.
He was certain after drifting together it would never work.
But before they could just get it over with, Price insisted you build chemistry outside the drift. What a waste of time. Compatibility is compatibility. No amount of trust falls or ice breakers will change that.
He had you start with sparring, both to show off your skills and to let Simon release a little steam. Plus, matching each other’s skill in battle was essential for piloting a jaeger together. John only felt a little bad for siccing him on you like this.
To your credit, you held your own. Well. As begrudging as he was to admit it. It was actually…quite invigorating to be back sparring with someone on his level. You made it interesting.
It didn’t solve all your problems overnight, however. For one, you were way too nice. Chatting up everyone, and learning people’s names. Checking in about people’s kids and dragging him into conversations he couldn’t avoid because you blocked the exits. Another thing, it’s like the sparring opened the floodgates to you thinking touching him was acceptable. Suddenly it was hey Simon in the hallways, patting his shoulder as you passed, or great job Simon after he pulled off a hard move, somehow managing to bump your fist into his. What was next? A hug? Who did you think you were?
And then you started sitting with him in the mess. Shamelessly encroaching on his alone time, chatting his ear off while he tried to enjoy his lunch. You got a scoff out of him once and suddenly you think you’re the funniest person alive.
…then there was the time you got hurt during training.
It was a normal sparring session, you were both getting more comfortable, trying harder moves, pulling punches less. Unfortunately, that meant when you got distracted by your name being called over the intercom, he got a solid hit in with his training rod.
Your head whipped to the side as you went down hard. It was a move you normally would have easily avoided, he didn’t think he’d actually hurt you.
He panicked. He couldn’t help it. The way his heart started to race, and that horrible familiar feeling of ice filling his veins.
He fell to his knees next to you, flipping you on your back. A trickle of blood came down your forehead, your eyes still shut.
“No…” he barely whispered.
He grabs your shoulders, shaking violently, “hey! Wake up!”
He puts his head to your chest, pleading to hear that beat. He waits in anticipation, the blood pumping in his own ears making it confusing, but finally he hears it as you groan.
He whips up, no longer touching you as you wake up.
“Uhhhg…what the hell, man…” your hand goes to your head, coming up on your other elbow to prop you up.
“I apologize…I thought you’d dodge. I’ll go get a medic.” He’s up and out of the gym before you can say another word.
Simon had to find another solution, even trying to poach the captain’s drift partner, Kyle.
“C’mon man, how long have we been friends? You don’t want a change of pace from the captain?” He questions over lunch, placing his tray down on the mess table across from Kyle.
“No, man, I told you. I happen to like the captain. He’s a great partner.” Kyle takes a bite, “besides, what’s the reluctance? I heard that kid had the highest scores since you. Surely that’s your best bet?”
“No!” It’s louder than he intended, Kyle’s eyebrows raise. “No,” he continues softer, “we’re just…not compatible.”
Kyle chews for a moment, seemingly contemplating what he wants to say, “how do you know? You haven’t fully drifted yet, right?”
“No…just a sim,” Simon says sheepishly, avoiding Kyle’s gaze by looking around the mess. He knows there’s really no surefire way to tell before trying, and if he’s being completely honest…the score would probably be high if he didn’t start chasing his memories again. But he won’t be admitting that.
“You sure it’s not just because…” Kyle is talking softly. The way he talked to him…after. “…you’re being reminded of Johnny?”
His head snaps back to Kyle, unwanted and unrestrained anger filling him, the type that was all he could feel after waking up in that hospital without Johnny. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”
Kyle’s hands come up in surrender, “didn’t mean anything by it, Simon. Just…I see some similarities. And…I know I’d be reluctant to drift again in your situation.”
Simon stands abruptly, “yeah, well, you’re not in my situation.” He needs to take a walk.
Somehow he finds you. Probably the last person he wanted to see, but you have a habit of appearing in his path. He went to his spot…their spot. Where he’d go with Johnny before mission, the scaffolding above their jaeger with a great view of the ocean. They’d talk up here for hours. About their nerves, debriefing mission, about their future. And there you were. In his spot. Trampling on his memory once again.
He stops short, hard footsteps echoing on the metal, hard to miss. You look up, looking dejected and then apologetic. “Sorry! I can leave,” you offer, even though you were here first.
“Don’t.” He says before thinking. Why doesn’t he want you to leave?
He walks the last steps over, somehow it feels like walking the plank, like he’s sealing his fate, and sits down beside you, legs dangling through the railings.
“This is where…Johnny and I used to sit. To think. To talk.” It’s less than eloquent but…it’s an olive branch.
“That’s…” you sneak a glance at his side profile, the orange of the sunset is coloring his eyes, “…the first time I think I’ve heard you mention him.”
You flinch. You didn’t even know him, you don’t get to flinch. The anger is back.
“You’re mad.” You’re looking at him now, abandoning any pretense of watching the sunset.
“No…no I think you’re mad because…because he left.” You’re treading dangerous waters right now.
“What do you know? You can’t just walk in here and pretend like you know everything, like,” his voice breaks and he moves on like it didn’t, “like you knew him, like you are him.”
You let the silence linger. Let him sit with his thoughts, and you with yours. You’ve never been very good with emotions, always found that you didn’t know the right thing to say. But getting to know Simon, the real Simon, not the Ghost he pretends to be, makes you forget about needing to say the right thing. Instead, you think it’s enough to just say what you feel.
“I’m not.” You finally settle on, “I’m not him. I could never be him. You’re right, Johnny is dead.”
“And I am so sorry you lost him.” Your finger grazes his. “I’m not here to replace him. That’s not something you can replace, Simon. I’m not a stand-in or substitute or cheap copy…I’m just me. Who wants to help people. Help defeat the kaijus. Help you. I’m not here to patch the hole he left in you, that’s something you have to come to terms with yourself. But when you’re ready…I’ll be here.”
You stand up, knowing you didn’t say everything right, but knowing you said how you felt. You just hope he understood what you were trying to say, and that maybe…you could both move forward.
The next day, John lets you try drifting for real, in a jaeger…in Simon’s jaeger.
Simon joins you in the cockpit…without a mask. It’s the first time you’ve seen his full face. He spares you a glance and a nod before it’s covered with the neural link fast enough.
Like before, Simon’s mind starts flooding with the events of his last time in a jaeger. But unlike last time, he doesn’t grab hold. He lets the events flow past him, the fight, Johnny’s horrible death…Johnny’s last words. You hear a whispered I love you before the memories are gone and the link is complete. You’re back in your own body, looking to Simon only to find him already looking at you.
A number pops up on screen.
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