Знаешь, а от чего-то в этой жизни мы все же отказались из-за глупого страха ошибиться.
Странное понятие ошибки. В детстве все превозносят это как самую важную вещь, за нее ругают, за нее наказывают, а, когда становишься старше, все спрашивают, почему же ты не пытаешь и не прилагаешь усилий, ну ошибешься и ничего, все так делают.
Все?
Простите?
После этих слов вспоминаю то время, когда с родителями делал уроки, даа то самое когда допускал ошибку, а тебе вырывали лист и заставлял все это переписывать.
Вы все еще думаете, почему многие так боятся ошибиться?
Просто по тому, что многие за это не плохо так получали. Те крики все еще звучат в голове, и переучиться получается не у многих, даже если прошли десятилетия.
Оно оставило отпечаток на самом формировании личности. Личности без ошибок.
Идеальный ребенок. Идеальный подросток. Идеальный взрослый.
Сколько оно тянется за человеком?
Я похоронил в себе тягу к медицине и писательству.
Ладно, медицина, я бы может и бросил, как и первое свое образование. Тут уже не о чем жалеть. Если что друзья подскажут.
Но за писательство обидно.
Да, я все еще не понимаю, почему многие стоящие книги называют классикой. Я не проведу полный анализ произведения с подробным описание, кто и где соснул, но я горел тем, чтобы писать. Да бесполезные зарисовки, но через это я выплескивал большую часть душевно терзающих меня чувств.
Жаль, что это решили высмеять и выставить на обозрение без моего на то разрешения.
Был полный разбор ошибок и опечаток, но почему-то все забыли, что мне было двенадцать, и я себя только пробовал в новой стезе.
Спасибо Вам добрые люди. Теперь мне придется заново пытаться излагать свои длинные мысли в текст и хранить его где-то, где его не увидит никто из близкого окружения, чьи слова все еще имеют большое значение в моей жизни.
Hello!! If your requests are open do you have any plans on writing something similar to genshin men forgetting your birthday but with different characters? :D maybe diluc and/or kaeya for example
Sure can do! Angst will always be my favourite!
Characters Included: Diluc; Kaeya
Content: gender neutral reader; hurt/no comfort; angst; the boys don't realize their mistakes; cursing; not proofread yet
Word count: 1,3k words
Enjoy the heartbreak<3
Diluc
Being with Diluc was exhausting sometimes. And sometimes, it felt like you were in no relationship to begin with. You knew that protecting the city and it's people was important to Diluc, but.. sometimes you just wished to be his number one...
Sometimes, you really wonder how you managed to stay in this relationship for three long years without any issue.. then again, its not like it has always been this way.
The first two years were amazing. Diluc was an attentive lover, always concerned about your well being, that you felt comfortable with him. Only recently did that seem to change. He had less and less time for you, always coming back home in the dead of night and left before you woke up in the morning.
You tried to deal with it somehow, since talking to him about it was apparently no option, seeing as he always pushed you away when you tried approaching the topic with him.
But today... today might just be your last straw..
In all the three years with him, Diluc has always made it a point to make your birthday a most special occaison. Telling you weeks in advance to clear this day up since he wanted to spend it with you. He always planned something different, but you loved it each time.
This year, however, nothing came from him. No notice to keep your calender clean, nothing.
You thought, that when you spotted him in bed next to you this morning, maybe you just thought wrong and he wanted to surprise you.
But when he woke up, no words of gartulations left his mouth. Instead, he simply got up, got dressed and went out again, but not before telling you that he would be back for dinner tonight.. which was a rare occaison as well.
You tried so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt.. going about your day at the mansion, going on a walk in the nice, afternoon soon as people from the Dawn Winery congratulated you for your special day. You thanked them, while trying to keep your composure.
Nothing meant anything to you when the person closest to you didn't remember it themselves...
Night came, and with it came dinner time. Adelinde took the time out of her day to prepare a full on five course meal, all consisting of your favourite dishes. You told her multiple times that this wasn't necessary at all, but she wouldn't have it. So, as fate would have it, you were now enjoying the food... however, alone.
Diluc has yet to show up, but not wanting to let the food get cold, you decided to just start eating.
Later on, you realized that the dissapointment washing over you didn't even face you anymore, having expected this outcome already.
So, you ate quietly, until the door to the mansion opened, revealing the owner of Dawn Winery himself.
"Diluc!", you exlaimed, standing up from your seat, a smile on your lips. He came after all...
But he immediately put a damper on your mood as he raised his hand, a deep sigh escaping him as he threw his coat off.
"Please, not now, (name). I'm exhausted."
With that, he went directly for the staircase, not even acknowloding anything else around him.
"But.. don't you wanna join in for dinner? There's a lot left and-!"
"I said, not now!", he suddenly yelled at you.
You were shocked, looking at him like a deer caught in headlight. Regret briefly washed over him for raising his voice at you, but he chose not to say anything. Instead, he turned around again and made his way up the stairs where he immediately went into his office, looking himself away from you again.
You watched after him, slumping back into your chair as he was out of sight. You tried so desperately to hold back your tears but they came crashing out of you as soon as you saw Adelinde leave the kitchen, a big birthday cake in her hands.
She gave you a weak, sympathetic smile as she sat down next to you on a chair, patting your back gently as you let the dissapointment sink in..
Kaeya
You were maneuvering your way through the many people in your living room, trying to get to your balcony, hoping to get some fresh air and clear your thoughts.
Lisa planned this whole thing perfectly. Keeping you busy the entire day with her while everyone else was preparing your surprise birthday party in your home.
You had not expected anything like that, especially not after the dissapointment you recieved this morning already. Kaeya has never once failed to remember any special day during your relationship. Be it a birthday, an anniversary or anything like that. You never had to remind him, he just always knew and was prepared.
So, naturally, you didn't feel the need to remind him that your birthday was coming up, thinking that he was already aware of that fact.
However, when you woke up this morning, everything was far too normal. He was still sleeping beside you, cuddling with you for a few more minutes, before you both got up and he left for work.
No congratulations, no gift, no nothing. He didn't say anything at all...
You were feeling kinda down after that, slumping around in your home.. That's when Lisa came over and practically forced you out the house. She congratulated you, then took you shopping, to lunch and so on.
She kept you busy the entire day and the incident with you boyfriend went farther and farther to the back of your mind.
That was, until you returned back to your house. Suddenly, the lights switched on before you could even do anything. People jumping out from all around, yelling "Surprise!", at you, while laughing at your flabbergasted reaction.
A surprise party.. now Lisa's behaviour made sense to you. Your mood lightened up, thinking that it must have been Kaeya's doing and planning.
You thanked everyone that came up to congratulate you, making small talk with them while trying to scan the people for your boyfriend. When you didn't see him anywhere, you went to ask Lisa about him, but she said she had no idea where he was..
This dampened your mood again, so you decided to get some fresh air, maybe that would help cool you off again.
As you were outside on the balcony, you saw Kaeya approaching your shared home. Excited, you went inside again to meet him at the front door. But when you opened it, you were met with a seemingly bad mood from your boyfriend.
Before you could ask him what was going on, he already started complaining. "Seriously? Are you for real?"
"What?", you just said, confused on what he meant. But that just seemed to frustrate Kaeya even more.
"So, everyone leaves work, leaving all of it for me to deal with, just because you decided to throw a fucking party? I've had a fucking exhausting day, (name). How do you expect me to relax with this many people here, huh?"
"I-It wasn't my-!"
"Oh, don't give me that crap! Who else if not you would plan such a thing, and in our house as well? You know what, I'm gonna leave. I'll sleep somewhere else for the night!"
And before you could say anything else, he had already turned on his heels and was walking away. You had no idea what this was about and what caused his outburst..
You were so confused about what was going on, but you felt the tears running down your face as you fell on your knees right there at the open front door while the party was still going behind you...
Omg pls a part two for Kaeya and Diluc forgetting your birthday it’s so good I LOVE ANGST <3
Alrighty, fine. Since so many more people asked for a part 2, here it is.But I can't promise that everything goes fine..
Characters Included: Diluc; Kaeya
Content: gender neutral reader; hurt/comfort; angst; hurt/no comfort; one is gonna be forgiven, the other one not
Word count: 1,9k words
Please enjoy reading!
Diluc
Gods, he was so exhausted.
He wished for nothing more than to just walk over to his bedroom and fall asleep on the bed, but he couldn't. He had some important matters he still had to attend to before he could go do that.
He was currently hunched over his desk, scanning over some documents that needed his attention. It was late at night, yet there was still light shining from under the door, as well as footsteps coming from the mansion.
Diluc paid that no mind however, trying to focus back on his work. However, when he heard a pair of footsteps walk up the staircase, he put his pen down, listening to them.
He was fairly sure that it was you, so he listened to it, hoping that you would come inside to check on him. He knew he shouldn't have lashed out at you like that earlier and he wanted to apologize to you for it.
However, the person outside kept walking, past the door to his office and instead went into the next room, which was the bedroom that belonged to the both of you.
At first, he didn't think too much of it, maybe you were just really tired and going to bed now. But, as he continued to listen, it got more and more strange to him. Your footsteps hadn't quietet down at all. You were apparently still walking around the room, he could hear the opening and closing of drawers and closets.
He had half a mind to walk over there and ask you what you're doing in the middle of the night. Then again, he wasn't really any better and he really had to finish this, but when suddenly a second pair of footsteps climbed up the stairs, his attention was taken to them.
A few seconds latter, soft knocking was heard on the wodden door, followed by Adelinde's voice asking to enter the study. Diluc allowed her inside but turned his attention finally back to his work.
He noticed her approaching the table and putting a plate down in front of him. He glanced at it, laying his eyes upon a nice looking piece of cake.
"Did you bake that, Adelinde? It looks delicious. I'll eat it once I'm done here."
He was about to dismiss her, but the fact that she hadn't said a word made him look at her with his full attention now.
"Master Diluc.. do you really not remember?"
"Remember what, Adelinde? You'll have to be more specific than that."
She looked at him for a few more seconds, it almost seemed to him like her eyes were boring into his very soul. Then, she turned around and approached the door again. She stepped out into the hallway, moving to close the door but before she did so, she said one last thing to him.
"Today was their birthday."
Then Adelinde closed the door, leaving Diluc in the room all by himself.
Hearing those words put him into a shock. No.. this couldn't be..
He...forgot?
Suddenly, thousands of times and situations played in his head where you tried to grab his attention and he had dismissed you every single time.. how long had he been treating you like this?
Then, a loud sound rang from the bedroom next door, and Diluc suddenly got ahold of himself again.
He immediately shot up and ran outside, bursting through the door to your shared room, startling you in the process. But the sight before him made his heart clench like never before.
The sight of you, stuffing some of your clothes and other belongings into a bag, your eyes red and swollen, probably from crying.
"D-Diluc? What are you... why are you here?"
You asked him, but he didn't answer. Instead, he walked over to you, steps quick, and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly.
"D-diluc? What-!"
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, (Name)."
Suddenly understanding what this was about, you relaxed a bit, but didn't do anything else. You didn't reciprocate the hug, either, and no words left your lips..
"I'm so sorry.. for everything. I didn't even realize how badly I was treating you." He fell on his knees in front of you, taking your hands into his, holding them tightly.
"Please, believe when I say that this was never my intention. I love you very dearly, (Name). I know I didn't show it for some time, but I do. Nothing can ever change how I feel about you. So please... don't leave.."
By the end of it, his voice sounded broken, silent cries leaving him as tears streamed down his face. You looked down on him, seeing him all broken down in front of you, and you feel your resolve begin to waver.
Maybe.. maybe you could try again with him..
But then you remembered the last few months, how he pushed you away every single time you tried to adress something with him... how he pushed you away on your own birhtday...
Gently, you pull your hands out of his grip. Diluc immediately understood what this gesture meant, yet he wasn't willing to accept this.
"(Name), please-!"
"No, Diluc. I can't anymore. Who's to tell me that you won't go back to treating me like this after a few weeks again? I tried it. I tried to deal with it and I tried to talk to you, but you never wanted to. You always shut me down. Well, I hope you're happy because I am done. I can't keep feeling like I'm worth nothing to you.
Thank you, for all the time I had with you, but it's over now."
You gave him one last, mournful look, then grabbed your bag and walked past him.
He let you... there was nothing else he could do..
He listened to you walking down the stairs, listened to the heavy front door open, and then.. It feel closed again.
And just like that.. you were out of his life..
He lost you and this time, he had noone else to blame but himself and his own stupid decisions..
He broke down again, crying so hard like he hadn't done in years. If only he wouldn't have been so stupid..
Kaeya
Tired and still angry from the events that had happened yesterday, Kaeya was sitting in his office again, stationed at the Knights of Favonius headquarters.
He was looking through files and documents he didn't get to finish yesterday because he suddenly had the workload of four other people pushed onto him.
He was still angrily mumbling to himself when a knock on the door resonated within his office. He didn't bother giving an answer, yet the other person took that as permission to enter, pushing the door open to reveal Lisa to the stressed out Kavalry captain.
"Kaeya, there you are! We were missing you at (Name's) party yesterday. Why weren't you there?"
Oh, now that pissed him off even more. He put his utensiles down, trying to control his emotions and actions. He looked at Lisa, smiling at her, yet it was obvious how faked and forced it was.
"Well, I think the bigger question here is, why were you at a party during work hours in the first place. I wouldn't mind you going, but why convince everyone else along, leaving all of the work for me alone to handle?"
"..Why wouldn't I go to the party I, myself, organized?", she questioned, looking at him confused. Like she was trying to figure something out.
"You were organizing that atrocious thing? Well, in that case that begs even more questions. Again, why pull everyone else along except me? Also, why plan it in my and (name's) shared house, of all places?"
She didn't answer immediately like the times before. Instead, she was still looking at Kaeya, until a few seconds later, her entire face lit up in realization.
"Oh, you idiot..", she mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Excuse me? I do think it's not-!"
"Kaeya, you idiot! You really forgot?"
"...Forgot what?", he asked, now being confused himself. Why was she reacting this way?
"You really did... it was their birthday yesterday! That's what the party was for! Also, wasn't this whole thing your idea in the first place?"
At her words, his eyes widened in shock, realization hitting him now as well. He did.. He forgot your birthday.
Immediately after that, he thought back to yesterday.. the words he spat in your mouth.. the way your eyes teared up in front of him.. and he just ignored it, walked away like the entire world just revolved around him alone..
He took one look at Lisa, who was just nodding at him. He did so as well, grabbing his coat and then he started running.
Kaeya ran out the headquarters through the streets of Mondstadt, only having one destination in mind. He never slowed down, not even for a second to catch his breath. Only when he was finally standing in front of his own door did he do so as he was trying to fish the keys out of his pocket.
He unlocked the door and immediately entered.
"(Name)?", he shouted as soon as he closed the door behind him. He listened for a few seconds, but... nothing. No answer, no sounds.
He panicked a bit as he began to search the place. The house was still a mess from yesterday, but he didn't care for that right now.
Kaeya searched through every room, shouting your name to try and grab your attention.
The panic began to settle a bit as he opened the bedroom door, seeing you still asleep on the bed.
He approached you, finding you clutching his own pillow close to you, like you have been searching for some comfort. Your eyes were all red and swollen up, because of your crying.
'The crying that you, yourself, caused..', he thought, feeling sorry for what he had said to you.
He went on his knees on the floor, next to the bed. He inspected your, now peaceful looking face, for a few more seconds.
"(Name), wake up, please.", he said gently, stroking some stray hair out of your face.
You began shifting in your sleep and soon enough, you opened your eyes.
Seeing Kaeya, you remember his hurtful words from yesterday night right away, so you were trying to create some space between the both of you.
"No, no!", he exclaimed, getting up from his knees and putting his arms around you, hugging you close to him.
"I am so sorry about yesterday, (name). I don't know how it could have possibly slipped my mind, but it did. Words can't describe how awful I feel about the things I said, but please know that I meant none of them.
I love you, and I'll do anything for you. You have every right to be angry with me and never forgive me for what I said and did, but.. please.."
After he finished, you stayed silent, not knowing how to respond to this. Then, you felt something wet against your shoulder. First it was only one time, then it got more and more and you knew that Kaeya was crying against your shoulder right now.
You then, finally, hugged him back.
He was so relieved that you did this, hoping that this meant one step into the right direction.
Maybe.. someday in the future, you can forgive Kaeya for this...
Мой старый друг, его со мной нет много лет
Но память вдруг ударом в бок напомнит, как
Ты не всегда будешь о чем-то помнить, до определенного момента.
Жизнь кинет тебе неожиданный flashback. Картинку из прошлого или даже момент, который был прожит и ты снова попытаешься что-то вспомнить, но этого не произойдет.
Твои воспоминания об этом моменте давно стерлись или находятся так глубоко в завалах твоих воспоминаний, что черт ногу сломит в их поисках.
2000 баксов за сигарету и даже пол-жизни не жалко за это
Чуть-чуть покурить и до рассвета будем летать, чтобы снова отдать
2000 баксов за сигарету и даже пол-жизни не жалко за это
Чуть-чуть покурить и до рассвета будем летать, чтобы снова отдать
2000 баксов за сигарету и даже пол-жизни не жалко за это
Чуть-чуть покурить и до рассвета будем летать, чтобы снова отдать
2000 баксов, 2000 метров, 200 минут еще до рассвета...
20 секунд чтобы решить...20 секунд...
Я правда стараюсь о нем вспомнить, но все что мне удается это странные синие тапки в виде собаки с черными ушами и руки которые тянутся (Обнять?Отдать?Что они хотят?). Это воспоминание как гифка раз за разом повторяется.
Дай закурить!
Если бы я осталась, ты был бы жив?Столько лет прошло, а меня все еще это гложет. Я так хотела в свои 18 поехать искать тебя, но лучше бы мне так и не сказали, что тебя нет.
Мой первый друг?
малышка, взгляни на свои руки, потому что эти кости будут строить и создавать нации, будь сильной, будь дикой, будь свободной, но не оставайся красивой. стань уродливой. пусть волосы попадают в твой рот, а песок – в глаза. кусай людей, которые ранят тебя, рисуй кровью. занимайся сексом в общественных туалетах, а потом вспоминай это со смехом. поцелуй девушку с голубыми глазами из твоего класса, на которую ты не можешь перестать пялиться, пусть блеск её помады останется на твоих ключицах. перестань затихать, когда неприятные люди перебивают тебя, говори громче них, говори, пока не убьёшь их своим пронзительным взглядом, покажи им, что тебе плевать, нравится им или нет то, что ты говоришь, ты всё равно закончишь. если кто-то называет тебя «сукой», подмигивай. будь уродливой. перестань разрывать свои сендвичи под столом, чтобы есть, как фея. перестань пытаться быть изящной. обрежь свои волосы. делай пирсинг и татуировки где захочешь, закатывай глаза, разговаривая с родителями. не скрывай свою боль, показывай её, перестань думать, что потревожишь кого-то. верни мир, в котором ты успела разочароваться. сделай его своим. не уходи без криков.
ты не обязана быть красивой. ты не чьё-то произведение искусства. малышка, взгляни на свои руки. самое важное, что ты можешь абсолютно всё. в тебе так много потенциала, и именно это делает тебя значимой. ты намного больше, чем твои скулы или ширина твоих бёдер.
быть красивой – значит суметь воплотить в жизнь любое своё желание. перестань быть красивой. стань уродливой.
И снова меня мучают кошмары. Оказывается несколько раз вздрагивала во сне и скулила так, что пришлось успокаивать. Такого еще не было, даже когда снились самые страшные кошмары.
