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domwithpen-deactivated20140601

The last few months have been tough on our D/s dynamic. We’ve both been busy, and it’s easy to fall back into old habits. When I’m not around to take care of girl, I feel less entitled to make demands of her. When I feel less entitled, I make fewer rules. When there are fewer rules, girl becomes...

prettyinrope

Who wants to play a game?

Me me me!!! Fun :-D

inamidnightchoiritried

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therulesofagentleman

Be punctual Perhaps the greatest sign of respect, which is what a gentleman is all about, is being on time. Having people wait for you is the equivalent of telling them that you don’t care about them.

Project high moral values Even if you know that deep down you’re not, appear as if you were virtuous. A real gentleman always comes out of everything smelling like a rose. - In addition to the aforementioned rules, gentlemen (in training) should follow these additional rules when in the presence of a lady. Chivalry may be on life support, but it is not dead yet. Be one of the few to keep this flame burning for many years to come. Always open doors This is perhaps the most basic rule of male etiquette out there. It is also one of the easiest to follow so you have no reason to forget it. Whether she is about to enter your car, restaurant, club, or anyplace with a door, you should always hold it open. If there are many doors, then hold them open one after the other. Put on her coat Always help a lady put on her coat or overgarment. This is a simple but powerful action. Help with her seat If an unaccompanied lady is sitting next to you, it is important that you help her be seated by pulling her chair out for her and gently pushing it back into place, with the lady seated of course. Give up your seat If a lady arrives at the table and there are no available seats, you should stand up and offer yours to her. Stand at attention Always stand when a lady enters or exits the room. This rule has been somewhat relaxed, so you can stand upon entrance but remain seated upon exit. Nonetheless, if you can do both, you should. Give her your arm When escorting a lady (that you know) to and from social events, you should offer her your arm. This is a little more intimate, but serves well when walking on uneven ground — especially if she’s wearing high heels. Ask if she needs anything This is one that most guys already do, but helps complete the gentleman in all of us nevertheless. When at social events, make sure to ask the lady if you can get her something to drink (or eat, depending on the event). Show her that you care about her comfort and needs.

The Psychology of Slavery: Understanding Consensual Slavery

This is a guest post by Norische

Destiny waits alike for the free man as well as for him enslaved by another’s might. - Aeschylus

Throughout time millions of individuals have fought and died to free their brother, friend, and child from the oppressions of slavery. Every nation, every country, every culture has been touched by the strong-arm of involuntary slavery; nowhere in our society today can you find a man whose heritage has not in some way been influenced by the chains that bind a slave to hisMaster. Helen Keller stated “there is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his.”

Is it not man’s plight to free the enslaved, enlighten the oppressed, and educate the ignorant? How is it then that we, as free people, strive to enslave those that we feel worthy of such a status? How can we take away the freedom of one individual when we ourselves would gladly lay down our lives to free another? Men and women for generations have fought side by side to gain the rights and freedoms that we presently hold so dear; how can we in good conscience then take away that which we hold to such a high esteem.

Even with all its magnificent enlightenment, and pseudo democratic policies this world is anything but free. Based on a compilement of reports from governmental and non-governmental organizations, there are perhaps 27 million individuals currently held in non-voluntary slavery existing within our world today; between 700,000 and 4 million individuals were brought into America in the last 3 yrs alone. Hidden deep within the camouflage of cheap or immigrant labor; people are being “indentured” quite literally to death. Within organized crime, human trafficking is the second largest racket. Human trafficking is the third biggest illegal trade world wide, which makes annual profit of up to $5 billion to $7 billion after drugs smuggling and gun running. Children sold to sweat shops in third world countries, young women sold to brothels, young men sold to mines and farms, the list is endless. Over population and financial depression has created a new class of individuals.

In 1850 a slave would have been sold for the equivalent of $40,000.00. In today’s slave labor farms you can buy an individual for as little as $90.00 US. These individuals are considered a disposable commodity and find themselves living in horrible conditions, filled with disease and death. Today much of the slavery that exists in our world can be considered economic slavery; a mother needs money to feed her three children, so she sells her oldest child to a mine so that she can have the money to feed the other two. Unfortunately, when that money runs out she may end up selling another child, and another until she is left alone with no other option but to go into slavery herself. It is a vicious cycle that leads to a long road of suffering and despair.

The definitions of slavery have changed as the centuries progressed. In the past a slave was considered property, and treated as you would a fine piece of Chippendale furniture. You would make sure that they had food, shelter, and that they were kept in good health, after all they were an investment and you had to make sure you got your money’s worth. In today’s civilized society slavery has taken on several new meanings. In many areas of the world slavery is commonly understood to be a negative connotation, something that is atrocious and inhumane. In other more economically challenged areas, slavery is viewed as an economically sound way to obtain cheap labor…in these areas slaves are viewed as disposable. When an individual becomes ill, weak or old they are merely discarded or killed, at the convenience of the slave owner; it is far cheaper to by another slave than to buy the medicine to keep a slave healthy.

With all this inhumanity drowning the civilized society that we live in today, how is it that some individuals willingly go into slavery. How can an individual whose heritage is wrought with fighting oppression and discrimination, willingly allow themselves to be enslaved?

African American

In 1509 a trading expedition from Portugal brought to Spanish Florida, the first African Americans into our great nation. From that day forward the African Americans present within this nation have been fighting for equality and freedom. After centuries of struggle is it possible for an individual to strive to go back to a thing now considered immoral and inhuman?

When an African American decides to willingly give up their freedom and enter into consensual slavery, what type of psychological trauma do they go through? When someone that is of African decent makes this life choice, there are many things that may hold him or her back. Even if an individual were able to discuss their choices with his or her family, they would undoubtedly find rather stiff opposition; the same may be expected from friends. There may not be anyone to talk to that is of his/her own nationality or culture, no one that will not condemn them for making a choice that does not support their point of views. People will not see it as an individual seeking the comfort of a collar and the wondrous joy of being called slave, they will see an African American being trapped into slavery again; the difficulty will be multiplied if the Master or Mistress is Caucasian. The outside world will see the oppressed being pushed back down and crushed under the harsh thumb of the “Massa”.

To those outside the BDSM realm there are many ideas that contradict the pride and fulfillment of becoming a slave. For example: a collar is not something to be proud of; it is something to be ashamed of, something that negates centuries of struggle and progress. To be led by an individual on a chain, is degrading, not something that can be done with honor or dignity. To call someone Master is morally wrong, not something that you relish or dream of. To proudly admit to being a slave is to spit on the graves of all those who died fighting for your freedom. To willingly take the brand of your Master is to slit your own throat in the eyes of humanity, an act of barbarism, and an offence to the very God that gave you an existence.

Samuel Adams stated “The right to freedom being the gift of the Almighty God, it is not in the power of man to alienate this gift and voluntarily become a slave.”

Facing all this opposition, is it not evident the inner strength that must be present for someone to willingly give up all that they hold dear, all that they cherish, to exchange centuries of heritage for a small band of leather. The heart of a slave is not shriveled, starved for attention, frightened by the cruel realities one must face in our world today. No, quite the contrary a slave’s heart is over flowing with honor, dedication and pride; beating strong for both slave and Master/Mistress, living every second with the full knowledge that they are cherished and knowing well their place within this universe.

Is it now possible to understand more clearly the psychological turmoil that a slave must go through? Is it now clearly visible that one does not enter into this devotion easily? Do you now understand the opposition that each slave must face before they kneel for the first time before their owner?

Females

Two thirds of all illiterate individuals are females. 70% of the world’s poor are women, while women represent only 1% of the worlds wealthy. Women are paid 30% to 40% less than male employees, even though statistics show that they work 67% of the world’s working hours. 840 million individuals go malnourished around the world, 450 million women of reproductive age are disable due to malnutrition even though women produce 80% of the food in Africa and 50% of the food in South Asia.

Women were not given the right to vote until the 16th amendment, which was ratified on August 16th 1920; black men, former slaves, were given the right to vote in 1863. Women have been viewed as second-class citizens for centuries.

Susan B. Anthony was one of the strongest advocates of Women’s rights in the mid-19th century, and is a representative figure of this politically oriented types of feminists politics. . IN 1872 she was arrested after casting an ‘illegal’ vote in the presidential election. She was fined $100 but refused to pay. She delivered this speech in 1873. Friends and fellow citizens: I stand before you tonight under indictment for the alleged crime of having voted at the last presidential election, without having a lawful right to vote. It shall be my work this evening to prove to you that in thus voting, I not only committed no crime, but, instead, simply exercised my citizen’s rights, guaranteed to me and all United States citizens by the National Constitution, beyond the power of any state to deny.

The preamble of the Federal Constitution says:

“We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquillity, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union. And we formed it, not to give the blessings of liberty, but to secure them; not to the half of ourselves and the half of our posterity, but to the whole people – women as well as men. And it is a downright mockery to talk to women of their enjoyment of the blessings of liberty while they are denied the use of the only means of securing them provided by this democratic-republican government – the ballot.

For any state to make sex a qualification that must ever result in the disfranchisement of one entire half of the people is to pass a bill of attainder, or an ex post facto law, and is therefore a violation of the supreme law of the land. By it the blessings of liberty are forever withheld from women and their female posterity.

To them this government has no just powers derived from the consent of the governed. To them this government is not a democracy. It is not a republic. It is an odious aristocracy; a hateful oligarchy of sex; the most hateful aristocracy ever established on the face of the globe; an oligarchy of wealth, where the rich govern the poor. An oligarchy of learning, where the educated govern the ignorant, or even an oligarchy of race, where the Saxon rules the African, might be endured; but this oligarchy of sex, which makes father, brothers, husband, sons, the oligarchs over the mother and sisters, the wife and daughters, of every household – which ordains all men sovereigns, all women subjects, carries dissension, discord, and rebellion into every home of the nation.

Webster, Worcester, and Bouvier all define a citizen to be a person in the United States, entitled to vote and hold office.

The only question left to be settled now is: Are women persons? And I hardly believe any of our opponents will have the hardihood to say they are not. Being persons, then, women are citizens; and no state has a right to make any law, or to enforce any old law, that shall abridge their privileges or immunities. Hence, every discrimination against women in the constitutions and laws of the several states is today null and void, precisely as is every one against Negroes.

After women such as this have suffered for freedom, have marched for equal rights and have picketed the steps of the white house, how is it a woman can lower herself to kneel at the feet of a man. How can a women dare to ignore the oppression, the degradation and humiliation of decades of subhuman treatment. Can a woman in all good consciousness allow another to claim her as property when women for ages have fought to break the cycle of servitude?

With all the oppression that has held women at bay and forced them to accept what few choices were presented to them, is it possible to kneel before someone without feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. Giving up the opportunity to achieve greatness in exchange for the opportunity to wear a collar, owned…not equal, a possession, or a trinket to be showed off.

With the constant struggle for equality in today’s society, it is a great sacrifice for a woman to give up that equality in exchange for the certainty of being owned. To find comfort in giving up one’s individuality in exchange for the boundaries and demands placed on you by another is viewed by most as a clear sign of insanity.

Males

In a world surrounded by male supremacy is it not blasphemy for a man to kneel at the feet of a woman? How can a man in all good conscious give all that he has so rightfully earned away, to humble himself to the most unspeakable depths of his existence? How dare a man lower himself to kiss the shoe of another?

From the time that a child is old enough to learn, society begins to mold their mind into its own patterns of thought. Man and woman are engrained into a child’s mind; the roles and specific characteristics that are acceptable to each gender are fed to them on a daily basis. Men are supposed to be the leaders, the strong, and the intelligent ones. Women are supposed to be the weaker, demure, and emotional ones. A male plays with trucks, and guns while a female plays with dolls, and tea sets. The fossilized ideals of this society leave no leeway for independent thought or individualism. A male that plays with dolls is labeled as gay, or a sissy even at such an early age. A female that wishes to climb trees and play sports is labeled a tomboy.

Society has a strict order of what is acceptable in all forms of life when it comes to gender. If a male is sexually active at an early age then he is a “stud”, but females are expected to remain a virgin until their wedding day. A male is expected to get a job that pays well, while a female is expected to marry a good man. A male is expected to be the head of his household and “wear the pants in his family”; a woman is expected to be a loyal and dutiful wife. A male is expected to be analytical and unemotional, while a female is expected to be uncontrollable and an emotional volcano.

The ideal of male superiority touches all realms of life, from the political, to the spiritual, from the physical to the financial. Politicians are normally thought of in a masculine frame. The Pope, Cardinals, Bishops and Rabbis are all male. Men are presumed to be stronger, smarter and more stable than women. Within the financial world men earn an average of 30 – 40% more in wages than women.

With all of these forces directing a male to be in power, how can a male give up that power and kneel before another. How can a man strip himself of generations of stereotypical behaviors and suddenly give up all his authority to the will of another. Does not the act of surrendering ones will emasculate a man within society itself? Is not submission or slavery the act of social castration? How then can a man take all that he has been bred to believe, the very origin of his persona and toss it away for the privilege to kneel at the feet of his Master/Mistress?

Each individual that makes the decision to become a slave is fighting generations of conditioning. Giving up your mind, body and soul to another cannot be taken lightly. With each slave there comes a point when they must examine their role within society. They must look at who they are and understand what the choices they make mean, not only to themselves but also to society in general.

There are those that state that slavery is a coward’s way out, a means of escaping reality and relinquishing responsibility to another. There are some that may see slavery as easy, but what they do not see is the true nature of slavery. Slavery is viewed by most civilized societies as being a negative connotation. For generations we have fought to free ourselves from slavery, to rid ourselves of discrimination and to elevate ourselves above the level that of those that find human life to be so irrelevant. Men and women of all races, all ages and all nationalities have died so that we might have freedom. How dare we forsake their sacrifice and return to the roles of Master/Mistress and slave.

Perhaps when we take into consideration those that died for our freedoms, we should also acknowledge the fact that those same freedoms that we hold so precious are ours to keep or to give away as we see fit. How dare anyone tell us that we do not have the right to give away our own freedom; that if by informed consent we surrender our power to another that we do not have the right to do so. How dare they hold freedom in such high standards but refuse to allow us the right to do with our lives what we choose. If we are truly free them we have the right to be Master/Mistress or slave/sub as we see fit.

The True Nature Of A Slave

The true nature of a slave is a prismatic wonder of honor, pride, and self-sacrifice. Within all its glory and surrounded by dedication, obedience and infinite patience, a slave is truly one with the universe. A slave has a great need for structure and form, but they also crave flexibility and acceptance. A slave seeks no recognition, nor award for dedication; they selflessly give of themselves and ask only that they be allowed to serve.

There is nothing so wondrous as to look into the eyes of your slave and see the reflection of your heart laid out before you. I have never known pride until I saw it though the eyes of my slave. To understand at that moment, that it is because of my slave that I am allowed to be whom I wish to be, a Mistress.

There is a purity of spirit within a slave that can be matched by nothing else. There is a sense of respect and honor that knows no bounds. A pride that shows for all to see, and an understanding of self that is beyond most. A slave must know him or herself and must be secure in who they are and all the choices they make in order to serve. When a slave kneels at a Master/Mistresses feet and looks up into those eyes, they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are exactly whom they wish to be. Even in a world so devoted to forcing its will upon them, at their Master’s /Mistress’s feet they know freedom.

As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is [email protected].

Photo by Bootstrut Barbara (CC BY 2.0)

#bdsm #psychology #slavery #consensual #bdsm article #doms #masters #submissive #slaves

onlysavinggrace

Let’s Explore: Aftercare

This page has been compiled from Wikipedia, Wipipedia and our own research. It also appears on this site in the new Encyclopedia under Aftercare.

Aftercare is the negotiated time after a scene or play time where you recover and take care of each other’s needs. This is also a time to reconnect to reality and re-establish roles outside the scene. Some scenes are very intense emotionally and psychologically and the Dominant may need to help the submissive unwind and recover. Dominants also need aftercare; some like a massage or sex, but at the least you should both get re-hydrated and rest.

Aftercare is an often forgotten part of the negotiation process and there are many BDSM practitioners that do not perform aftercare after a scene, believing that it is the personal responsibility of the parties involved to take care of their needs after play. It is also less common for aftercare to happen when playing in a casual once only sort of event such as a play party. This is because the Dominant and submissive are there for selfish reasons and not for a dance of power between a well connected relationship.

Often, the first thing they will need is a drink of water, followed by a trip to the toilet. Lots of tender affection, cuddling and kissing will often comfort the person and improve their mental state.

Aftercare Information From Informed Consent (now defunct)

What are Endorphins and what do they do to your body?

In 1975, Endorphins were discovered by Dr. John Hughes and Dr. Kosterlitz. Endorphins have both neurological and spinal effects. Twenty different types of Endorphins have been discovered in the nervous system. The word Endorphin is abbreviated from ‘endogenous morphine’ which means a morphine produced naturally in the body. Endorphins are renowned worldwide as anti-stress hormones that relieve pain naturally. They are secreted to remove stress or pain when you have pain or stress. In other words, they block the signal of pain to the nervous system. This being an effect that reduces the pain and causing an euphoric effect to occur.

Endorphins enhance our immune system: When endorphins are secreted, they activate natural killer cells (NK cells) and thereby increase our immune system. Under stress, your immunocompetence is reduced remarkably. NK cells are likely to lose their effect under stress. NK cells, which take responsibility for the immune system by killing defective cells, also have the ability to kill cancer cells.

Endorphins block the lesion of blood vessel: As the endorphins are secreted more and more, the shrunken blood vessels return to a normal state allowing blood to flow in a normal manner. Most adult disease start from clogged blood vessels. Endorphins help to improve the circulation of blood.

Endorphins have anti-aging effects by removing Superoxide: The oxygen coming into the body from breathing can change into a Superoxide. This is one of the biggest enemies for humans, causing diseases and aging. Endorphins can remove this harmful Superoxide by facilitating the production of ‘SOD’ (Superoxide Dismutase). This is possible because the endorphins can keep the brain cells young and healthy. SOD is the enzyme which neutralizes the toxicity of the harmful Superoxide. Therefore endorphins have anti-aging effects.

Endorphins are anti-stress hormones: The ability to cope with the stress is in proportion to the endorphins levels we have in our body. We will encounter great difficulties in removing our stress unless sufficient amounts of endorphins are released.

Endorphins have a pain-relieving effect: Our nervous system secretes neuro-transmitters when it receives the signal of pain. Once the endorphins are released at that moment of pain, endorphins combine with endorphin receptors on the neuron, which hinders the first neuro- transmitters from being secreted.

Endorphins help improve your memory: You can improve your memory by the help of endorphins because they can keep the brain cells young and healthy. They will help you to maintain a harmonious relationship with your colleagues. You will also be able to think creatively and have more endurance.

Endorphins are mood regulators: Amongst the twenty different kinds of endorphins identified several of them have been found to be effective mood regulators.

Endorphins, when they are secreted continuously, spread to the whole body including the brain – hence the feeling of euphoria but also the ability to process pain at a different rate. Unfortunately Endorphins cannot work for a long time because our body also makes enzymes, called endorphinase, which chew up the Endorphins. This is the reason why Endorphins can stop working when a scene ends and pain can then set in. It is not an uncommon thing to take a good deal of pain in scene and then the next day find ourselves saying, “What WAS I thinking?”

What are the Adrenal Glands and what do they do to your body?

The Adrenal glands, are small, pyramid-shaped organs that secretes many important hormones. The body has two adrenal glands, one on top of each kidney. The adrenals, also called suprarenals, measure about 2 inches (5 centimeters) each in diameter. Each adrenal gland consists of a medulla (inner core) and a cortex (outer shell).

The adrenal medulla is controlled by the nervous system. Nerve signals stimulate the medulla to secrete epinephrine (also called adrenalin) and norepinephrine (also called noradrenalin) into the blood. These hormones help the body adjust to sudden stress. For example, they increase the rate and strength of the heartbeat, raise the blood pressure, and speed up the body’s energy-producing processes.

The adrenal cortex secretes many hormones, some of which are essential to life. These hormones, called corticosteroids, belong to three main groups—(1) glucocorticoids, (2) mineralocorticoids, and (3) sex hormones.

Glucocorticoids regulate the use of digested foods and help the body adapt to stress. The most important glucocorticoid is cortisol, also called hydrocortisone. The secretion of the glucocorticoids is controlled by adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH). ACTH is produced by the pituitary gland, a small organ near the base of the brain. Physicians use cortisol, and synthetic compounds that resemble it, to control inflammation.

Mineralocorticoids regulate the excretion of sodium and potassium by the kidneys. Aldosterone is the most important mineralocorticoid. Renin, a hormone secreted by the kidneys, controls the production of aldosterone. Overproduction of aldosterone causes high blood pressure in some people.

The adrenal glands produce only small amounts of sex hormones, chiefly the male sex hormones called androgens. The adrenal androgens help regulate the development of pubic hair and other early sexual characteristics in both males and females during the period just prior to puberty. (As this only occurs in this stage, it is really just an addition fact here and has nothing to do with what occurs to an adult body within the confines of a scene)

SO… Now that you know what both our adrenal glands and endorphins are and what they do to your body, it is easier to actually understand what happens during a scene and then also look at how your body (or the body of another) is reacting after a scene and to compensate for some of the negative after effects that can come about.

During a scene, our bodies push both and, in effect, our bodies are thrown out of balance because of the massive chemicals it puts there to compensate. The MOST important reason for aftercare is to assist the body in re-adjusting to its normal state. It is not healthy NOT to do that frankly.

The down sides to Endorphins and what our adrenal glands give us in scene:

The body doesn’t normally produce huge amounts of endorphins usually and even when it produces more than usual (such as when you are in scene) the endorphins will also activate opiate receptors, which is the process that allows you to process the pain easier but it can cause some other side effects as well sometimes. Opiate receptors can inhibit other things in the body aside from pain receptors – things such as seratonin.

Seratonin can affect things such as appetite, sleep, memory, learning, temperature regulation, mood, sexual behavior, cardiovascular function, muscle contraction, endocrine regulation, and, of course, depression.

It is theorized that it is the endorphins affects on the seratonin levels during scening that causes many of the after affects that need to be dealt with in aftercare and most especially could be responsible for the severity of the “drop” phenomenon some encounter anywhere from immediately after ending a scene to up to 270 hours after a scene. (Yep that is 11.25 DAYS later folks – although this is extremely rare – it has been known to happen in a few cases).

The down side to what the adrenal glands do is that it virtually STARVES your body of some things such as potassium and sodium. Also the adrenalin rush causes the body to burn fluids at a much higher rate as well so you are rapidly dehydrating yourself at the same time.

Can you see the picture of a drop now?

Reduced or inhibited serotonin levels, lowered blood sugar, potassium and sodium levels, lowered body fluids. This causes (depending on the depletion levels) lethargy, depression, muscle weakness and/or cramps, nausea, headaches, dizziness, irregular body temperature, lack of mental focus, irritability, and can lead to unconsiousness and even more severe problems.

One other thing to note (thank you my friend for pointing this out). The signs mentioned above – they are NOT solely occurring in the bottom/submissive/slave – the top/Dominant/Master expends energy in the form of both mental and physical exercise – this WILL cause much of the same things to occur in their bodies as what occurs in their partners – depending on their physical make up, the strenuousness of the scene, etc. – they may actually drop harder than their partner at times.

It is therefore important to not only be aware of what is occurring with your partner but also with you if you are the top/Dominant/Master. I have known of a few instances where a Dominant pushed themselves past where they should have gone and they collapsed after a scene.

Reading the Signs and What to Do:

The second most necessary thing for the human body is water. The first is air. Water serves a dual purpose in the body. Water in the human body is 70 percent of our muscles and 75 percent of our brains. Therefore, replenishing any reduction of water to our bodies is the first most essential thing to do after (and during) a scene.

The second benefit of water is the bodies ability to flush itself with water. The more water you push through it, the more quickly you will flush the body of those chemicals which are causing the imbalance. It will also push the nutrients you are putting into your body to replenish your losses at a faster rate as well.

So if you take nothing else away from this, take this piece, WATER – drink lots and lots of water. Even if you do nothing else, this one thing alone will reduce several of the after effects and the length of time you experience them.

From there, you need to be reading the signs. Is the person cold? Are the shaking? Are they coherent? Are they rational? What do they MOST desire? All of these questions will help you to determine the symptoms and from that you can basically determine what the body needs.

Signs of Dehydration:

sunken eyes dry or sticky mucous membranes in the mouth the skin may lack its normal elasticity and sag back into position slowly when pinched up into a fold (poor skin turgor) decreased or absent urine output (oliguria or anuria) decreased tears deep and rapid breathing delayed capillary refill with severe dehydration — lethargic or comatose

Signs of HIGH Blood Sugar:

frequent urination excessive thirst hunger fatigue blurry vision Signs of LOW Blood Sugar:

Fatigue General discomfort, uneasiness, or ill feeling (malaise) Nervousness Irritability, or even aggression Trembling Headache Hunger Cold sweats Rapid heart rate Blurry or double vision Confusion Sleeping difficulty Paleness Muscle pain Memory loss Palpitations, or feeling your heartbeat (heartbeat sensations) Hallucinations Fainting Different size pupils Dizziness The Biggest Nasty of them All

Remember that I mentioned that endorphins can affect other things in the body? There are five main chemicals that govern our brains emotional center. Opiods (endorphins), Dopamine, GABA, Serotonin and norepinephrine. The first and last I mentioned in the first post. But here is the real kicker to all of this.

Opiods start the process – if those levels are off they trigger the others. So high levels of endorphins, lowered levels of the others usually, and when the endorphins are dissipated by enzymes, those lowered levels will cause anxiety, depression, and lots of other icky feelings to remain in place. Thus sometimes causing severe sub and top drop.

The really bad thing is that your body can get caught in a loop almost with this and if it is not corrected, it can go on for days and in very severe cases weeks, months and even years. This means that these signs really need to be watched for carefully. Especially in those that already suffer from bouts of depression and/or anxiety.

So how do you Treat the symptoms?

As stated dehydration is the easiest to treat once it hits but the best way to deal with this is not to let it occur in the first place frankly. Keeping fit, eating right, drinking the proper amounts of fluids each day all lend themselves to have LESS problems after a scene.

Still sometimes we stress our bodies to the max in scenes (that is sort of the point sometimes I think) and then the after effects can be anywhere from minor to very serious when we do that. Therefore knowing how to read the signs and what to do when they come is just as important.

Know the difference between high and low blood sugar – feeding sugar when a person is spiked on sugar can cause them serious harm. Most scenes though will result in lowered blood sugar levels but do not assume that is the case with everyone – diabetics and hypoglycemics can react exactly the opposite sometimes. So know their medicals before playing with them (that goes BOTH ways folks).

Low blood sugar can be easily treated with both natural and raw sugars. The body will normally respond within 20 minutes or so – if it doesn’t you are probably suffering from additional problems on top of lowered blood sugars.

Dehydration will often cause the body to be lacking in potassium and calcium so eating things with salt like crackers, salted nuts, preztels help. Bananas and Strawberries are high in potassium so they are excellent fruits to have on hand after scening (or even during). High potassium drinks and smoothies with bananas in them are beneficial.

The body is going to want to balk at eating for the most part normally, but small portions will usually go in and stay in.

Potassium is slow to return to the body so it will normally take 24 to 48 hours for the symptoms – muscle cramps and charlie horses in the extremities (low end), nausea and runny bowel movements (medium end), body cramps, vomiting, diarreaha (sp?) (high end) – to dissipate and your body to return to normal. HINT: Many times cases of food poisoning – are actually severe irregularities with Potassium levels. Course food poisoning can cause depletion of Potassium so it is difficult to tell which is actually occurring while it is occurring.

Sleep helps give the body time to adjust itself but get that water into you first. Even an hour will help usually.

And where do the cuddles and such come into all of this? That is the area that deals with stress. When you scene you put your body into stress (both of you do basically). THAT is where the body reacts and your neurotransmitters go all wonky and that affects all five of the neurotransmitters and so it is necessary to break that cyclical thing your body will do when this occurs.

Hugs, laughter, orgasms (yep they are NOT just enjoyable they are GOOD for you too), human touch, all of those things aid in breaking that cyclical thing that keeps you in a lethargic and/or depressed state. Other things are up to you – what tends to make you happy – or even just calms you when you need to calm down – that is what the key is, what brings you up or balances you when you are down or anxious. Think about those things and plan to access them within the next few days after a scene.

#Aftercare #bdsm #dom #submissive

Male Submission – Selfishness

The title of this article may seem self-contradictory but submission means different things to different people and also almost all human beings are selfish to at least some degree at some point in our lives. Many submissives gain pleasure directly from the pleasure of their dominant and they are clearly not the target of this article. However, this issue comes up surprisingly frequently for some male submissives.

One definition of selfish (from the Encarta Dictionary online) is “concerned with your own interests, needs, and wishes while ignoring those of others.” I think that most agree that regardless of your BDSM orientation it is beneficial to be concerned with your own interests, needs, and wishes. If your needs are not being met in a relationship, then it is usually in everyone’s best interests to address the situation.

However, when someone does not also care about the interests of others, especially of a partner, that is where it becomes selfish.

But isn’t the nature of someone being submissive mean that they are not selfish by definition? Perhaps, but that depends upon the individual and on their definition of submissive. Also, we are all human beings with some level of irrational emotion, and occasional selfishness is common for many people. Selfishness may even be beneficial at times to overcome an issue, but that is not a topic for this article.

One definition of submissive (from Encarta) is “giving in or tending to give in to the demands or authority of others.” For BDSM submission I would add to that definition “…to whom we have agreed to submit.” However, many people who identify as BDSM submissive do not necessarily fit that definition. And therein lies potential difficulty in compatibility.

On FetLife I frequently see many dominant women post that male submissives are very difficult to find. At first when I read comments like this I would figuratively thump my head with my hand and say to myself “There are plenty of male submissives, that’s one reason Pro Dommes are so popular!” However, in delving further into the discussions, these dominant women are referring to the dictionary version of submission, someone who obeys the authority of a dominant, whereas many guys who identify as submissive are actually what we refer to nowadays as a bottom. That is just one of many potential reasons for incompatibility but it seems to be somewhat common.

For example, a guy who enjoys being whipped but does not want to cede authority will often refer to himself as a submissive but based upon the dictionary (and the understanding of most within the BDSM community, I believe) he is not submissive at all. Or maybe a guy enjoys yielding a certain level of authority to a dominant holding a whip during a session, and in that case while he is submissive to a certain degree it is very limited. There is nothing right or wrong, or better or worse, for wanting to be submissive to a small degree or not at all, but it may be confusing to others for a guy to refer to himself as submissive without further explanation.

There are plenty of male submissives, even considering the dictionary definition, but I believe that the psychology behind the submission of some guys is another potential reason why some of them are incompatible with many dominant women. Namely, many submissive guys are selfish, and very few dominants want a selfish sub. For clarification, I am not indicating that all or most submissive guys are selfish, it is simply that many sub guys appear to be selfish based upon their own comments and interactions in focusing only on their own desires without expressing any care for the desires of potential partners.

From what I read, there is a frequent disconnect in guys who are not submissive or are very limited in their submission sometimes contacting dominants with messages of “I will do anything you say!” which is clearly not the case. This is a communication and self-realization issue, not one of selfishness.

As I indicated in my previous Submissive Guide male submission article about Fantasy vs Reality, many male subs (and bottoms) have fantasized for a very long time about their version of submission and many have detailed and specific fantasies which have been rolling around in their minds for many years, developing to the nth degree. In some cases these sub guys do not want submission in most any other form, and if a dominant will not do what fits their fantasies then the dominant isn’t worth their time. For example, a male sub may want to be treated as a school boy in a role-play scene and anything else might not be enjoyable. In my view this is not selfishness per se, because people have needs to be addressed and addressing needs is not being selfish, but often male subs when contacting a potential dominant partner will focus only on their own needs or desires and not express any caring about the needs or desires of the dominant. This is often very annoying and unattractive to a dominant because dominants have needs and desires, too, they are not put on earth for the purpose of satisfying a sub’s desires. I have read dominant women refer to this issue as being thought of as a “fetish delivery system,” something which very few would enjoy being.

A simple version of this type of interaction is that the male sub indicates that he wants A, B, and C and when the dominant brings up his or her own needs and desires, a selfish sub completely ignores that and returns the focus to A, B, and C. For example, “I will let you tie me down and whip me, I will worship your feet and butt, I will let you grab my hair and yell in my face!” While the language appears to be one of a submissive (“I will let you…”), this example is actually an indication of specific requests and in many cases if the dominant wants to modify A, B, and C or otherwise address the dominant’s desires then that would be unacceptable to this sub. Again, expressing desires is not selfishness but if this male sub does not reciprocate by paying attention to the needs and desires of the dominant, as is sometimes the case, then that is selfish and typically leads to a very unproductive discussion unless the dominant happens to exactly enjoy A, B, and C and doesn’t mind putting up with a selfish sub.

Is it wrong not to compromise in what you enjoy? Not at all, that isn’t the issue, we each enjoy whatever we enjoy. It may be difficult to find a partner who fits exactly what you want, but if you need or want A, B, and C and nothing else would be enjoyable, then in my view it is not helpful to deny that. In fact, it is in my view best to be open about that and not pretend otherwise.

However, if you do not also care about the needs and desires of a potential dominant, then that is a selfish attitude and typically not desired by dominants even if BDSM interests coincide.

I am sure that selfishness exists in some people from all BDSM orientations, and perhaps for some subs it may be desirable to partner with a selfish dominant as long as the sub’s needs are met. Selfishness is not a trait which I would desire in a dominant but to each their own. However, in my view very few dominants find selfishness in a sub to be a desirable trait so it would benefit those who portray through their own interactions that they are selfish to do a reality check and recognize that the desires and needs of a partner are important.

In other words, as a discussion with a potential dominant partner progresses to the appropriate point to discuss BDSM needs and desires, while it is important to discuss your own needs and desires it is beneficial to you to pay attention and address the needs and desires of the dominant. Being a selfish-seeming sub will likely not find you a partner, unless you are willing to pay money for it.

In fact, if you actually do not particularly care about the needs and desires of a partner, then a Pro Domme is probably your best option because then you can get what you want while a Pro Domme would get at least part of what they want which is the payment. Pretending to care about the needs and desires of a partner is usually not a good approach because the truth will usually be revealed at some point.

On the other hand, if you do care about the needs and desires of a potential partner, communicate that. If in your discussions you focus only on your own needs and desires, then you may appear to be selfish even if you are not actually selfish.

Many dominant women post on FetLife that many male subs are fakes in that the guys claim to be submissive but are not. Many dominant women on FetLife receive a glut of messages from guys who want to play, often with a list of specific kinky desires and in some cases the messages are sent without even having read the woman’s profile. Many of these messages may be ignored or given a brief and polite negative response but there are also some sub guys who lie in pretending that they want to fulfill a dominant’s desires. Lies are much more harmful because a dominant might be led down the garden path thinking that the interactions will be mutually enjoyable, only to be left with at best an experience of wasted time or worse an experience in being used for another’s pleasure, something which rarely appeals to a dominant. Usually, though, a dominant will at some point recognize the selfish liar and the liar will not get what he wants.

More often than lying, many sub guys are just unsure of what they want. Their fantasies may be indicating to them what they want but the reality of whether or not they would actually enjoy it is unknown to them ahead of time. This is a very common issue, especially for those who are new to acting upon their own BDSM desires which in many cases is later in life, so that they may think they know what they want but it is new territory for them. It is not lying and not selfishness, just unknown and in that case it would be most beneficial to be open and honest about the situation. “I have strong desires for X, Y, and Z but I am inexperienced and not 100% certain that I would enjoy it.” Being open and honest is a very beneficial approach in most every situation.

This entire article may seem strange and confusing. From what I read, some submissives sometimes go in the other direction in wanting to please their dominant with not enough attention to their own needs and desires.

So, as a submissive, how do I know whether or not I am being selfish on the one hand or not addressing my needs on the other hand? There is no cookie-cutter answer but as long as you express a desire for your partner to have their needs and desires met, and consider carefully what they say, while also addressing the importance of your own needs and desires, then you are probably on safe ground. The Submissive Guide has many good articles about ensuring that your own needs and desires are addressed without being or appearing to be selfish.

I am not immune to selfishness myself, of course. My BDSM desires are mostly for consensual non-consent which, although not confined to a small set of specific activities, are important to me. In my 20s before I met my Princess who is my wife of over 15 years, I did not know much about submission (there was no Submissive Guide or even the internet back then) and I focused only on my own desires. I was lucky enough to enjoy one BDSM scene back then and looking back I now know why the dominant never called me back for another session, because I was selfish and in our discussions before and after I only focused on my own needs and desires. I am glad that I did not meet my Princess in my 20s because, being much more selfish back then, and I was not ready.

In summary:

Many male subs portray themselves through their own words that they are selfish in that they do not actually care what a potential dominant partner wants or needs

Having specific desires or wanting very limited or no submission is perfectly fine, and it would be beneficial to be open and honest about this instead of pretending otherwise

If you identify as a submissive but truly do not particularly care about the desires or needs of a dominant, it is often harmful to lie about it and you will likely not get what you want, and you risk hurting others and yourself in the process; it is probably best to consider going to a Pro Domme who, if you find the right one for your desires, will likely do what you want for a fee

It is not selfish to ensure that your needs and wants are addressed, it is only selfish if you do not care about the needs and wants of your dominant

Listen to what a dominant potential partner wants. You do not have to accede to it, because being a BDSM submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone, but it is helpful to recognize a dominant’s desires and have a care for fulfilling at least some of them so that you may have a mutually beneficial relationship.

#Bdsm #male submission #selfishness

Being Responsible – From a Dom’s Perspective

This is a guest post by Dennis Burns.

The burning touch of the flogger, etches pleasure upon your flesh, the wielder administers another caress, you scream your release; emotions held no longer. The wind from flying tails, kiss raised welts, built-up endorphins storm through your brain, stellar music from within vibrates a refrain, held by thick, coarse leather belts. Your world is black, resistance near broken… Your wrists are shackled, ankles chained… You are helpless as you feel your passionate desires inflamed… Beyond the veil of lustful flame, terribly joyous words are spoken… “DO NOT MOVE…. THE BLADE IS SHARP!”

The weighty heft of responsibility one carries is sometimes lost in the pleasure of the moment. When one enters the realm of a Top, Dom, Master/Mistress, one sometimes forgets to see or feel the load one is bearing, because of that incredible lightness of being… being a controller of another. Many of us have learned through trial and error, (that latter word we try to ignore, but in reality can not.)

We have learned just what that responsibility is and means in our life, sometimes the hard way. That first time you took another to the brink and let them gaze into the abyss of their soul, others can tell you all about it but until you experience it, it is just puffs of air, words that have no true relevancy until you are holding that person and soothing them as you strive to bring them back. For some who will admit it, there is an element of righteous fear that accompanies that first reentry process from a deep probe into the other side of the mirror. One may even wonder why do we accept this responsibility of another’s flesh, mind and spirit within the palms of our hands. Why do we risk all that we do? Because it is who and what we are! Sounds like a pat answer, so let us explore it a bit deeper.

We are literally wired to do certain actions and to accept certain stimuli as pleasurable, painful, lustful etc. The neural pathways within our brain follow routes plotted by congenital mapping, the combinations of our experiences and the modalities or ways and means of how we learn. Somewhere in that grand scheme of mental engineering, we become hard wired in several ways, some are exclusively one way, while others in varied combinations. Some of us are wired for care taking, in other words, one sees a need in another and tries to fulfill the other’s need, either because we can or we are willing to learn how. Others are wired for self-need and seek others who are a mirrored reflection of that need, thereby fulfilling both. And some are wired to just take and if that works for the other, that’s just gravy for the dish. Yet for the latter even though it is not spoken of much, they have a sense of responsibility to their partners to some extent or they would find no one who will play with them, so shhh… even Sadists have a sense of responsibility, other wise they would be sociopathic, and that is one or two steps beyond our world.

There are even some who find they have a need, a desire to instruct another either from their own experiences in the life as a bottom, sub or slave, or just from an internal need to learn from instructing (one way to learn about something is to teach it to another.) Whatever the reason(s) that the wiring was laid down the way it was, it is just a reflection of the modality that we operate from. What is the common link, that common concept that flows through most of us? It is a sense responsibility mixed with personal code of ethics in regards to those we deal with.

According to Webster’s first definition of the word: Responsible: answerable or accountable, as for something within one’s power, control or management. That’s what is expected of us, by others and by ourselves. According to Webster’s second definition of the word: Ethics: a complex of moral precepts held or rules of conduct followed by an individual. The first definition dealt with group ethics.

We are wired to do as we do, because it gives us many things we need, not necessarily desire, for desire speaks more of wants, while need addresses a requirement. This is a requirement that compels us to be controllers of others, to be responsible for their welfare, guidance, growth and development, within the confines of a set of ethics. How each of us achieves these ends is a matter of personal requirements and a clarified personal world view. To each their own, and as always this is just my own view and not the only view. Take what you like and leave what you don’t. The following is a portion of my own personal code, which I have incorporated. It was written on the wall of a very old Dojo for swordsman!

Jinkaku no kansei ni kissuru koto (My goal is perfection of character!)

Rei to setsu ni shushi suru koto (I will behave with respect and discipline!)

Shingi o omonzuru koto (I will uphold righteousness!)

Sentan-banren ni tessuru koto (I will do my best and never give up!)

Kekki no yu ni hayaru bekarazaru koto (I will never lose self-control!)

Take Care and be well. Dennis “DragonDiver/Dragon~Lord” Burns

Photo by Robert Course-Baker (CC BY 2.0)

Dennis is the Dungeon Master and DM trainer for APEX (Arizona Power Exchange). He has been the Dungeon Master, from 1998-2001. He served as a board member from 1999-2000 and served as a Co-President for APEX for 2000. He was the host of the Men’s night, a male only monthly party during 1999-2000, and the founder and currently co-facilitator of the Dom Roundtable, a group for dominants only, to discuss issues that deal with our life.

#Bdsm #responsibility #dom #perspective #information #bdsm article

Finding a New Love – The Impact of Time on Your BDSM Checklist

Falling in love is easy, so is falling out of love-especially when it is the love of a toy. One of the assignments that I assign to the people I mentor involves this occurrence. When I came into the lifestyle, I had two main loves-rope and floggers. To me, there was nothing better than getting to play with one or both of these items. Floggers were always a favorite because the rhythmic heavy thud was like a massage to me. It was wonderful. I loved it so much that I was the first living, breathing, responsive bottom for more than one person who was ready to flog someone, not something. Rope had the same love for me. It was like a puzzle and there were a lot of times that I would stealthily slip out of the ties only to realize that I had gone too far and suddenly needed to hide the fact that I was actually unbound.

That was almost five years ago. And a lot can change in five years.

As my comfort level grew, so did my desire to experience new things. I tried things that I had never expected to even attempt, much less enjoy. I took rope bondage to a new level and tried suspensions. And, despite a less than stellar first flight, I tried it again less than a year later, with a much more experienced top and soared in a way that could have easily lulled me to sleep. To enhance flogging, I tried fire flogging with a very well respected top whose knowledge of fire is pretty deep. In doing so, I found a different version of flogging that was oddly relaxing and exhilarating at the same time. I did not replace my loves, they just evolved a little bit. They grew as I was growing.

There is a pretty extensive list of things that I have tried that easily became my new favorite “loves.” And all of them are things that I would have marked as a “no” on my initial BDSM checklist. Artistic cuttings and blood play for example. I was stunned at how very erotic each of these can be-obviously I am a great deal more selective in my top for these activities.

The favorites I have changed for me as the friendships became stronger, as I became more confident and as time peeled back the many layers of this world. This evolution of loves has never ceased to intrigue me. So, the people I mentor now must complete an assignment where they pretend that they are allowed to have one implement and only one forever. Conversely, they are allowed to banish one implement as well. After a year, it is interesting to revisit this assignment to see just how their thoughts have changed about what they love and what they hate.

It is always nice to see how far we have come in our journeys. I hope that each of you might consider doing your own version of this assignment. Or, even better, do your BDSM checklist over. Compare it to where you were when you came into the lifestyle. Then do it again in a year. I bet that you have more than a few changes yourself.

#bdsm #time #trial #toys

A Discussion of Edges and Limits (And a Confession from the Reverend)

A couple of September posts discussed issues around the shame that can come from admitting we’re into BDSM. I talk about how reaching into new territory, whether getting involved in the kink community for the first time or trying something new with a partner, can sometimes surprise us by triggering feelings of shame, like there’s something wrong with us for being into “this kind of stuff”. It might be a little twinge that’s easily dismissed or it can be paralyzing, keeping us from experiencing the depth of connection and enjoyment we want, within ourselves or with our partners. If you’re interested, you can find those posts here: Beauty and the Beast: BDSM and Shame Triggers; BDSM and Shame: Why and How to Deal

What this has to do with Edges and Limits

First let’s talk about my working definition of “edge” and “limit”.

I was first introduced to the concept of “the edge” in Hatha Yoga in my early 20s. It helped me with my yoga practice, but it’s also one of those things that’s helped me in life, in a myriad of ways. The concept as I learned it basically says this: the edge is where the “no problem” part of a pose, meets the “challenging”; where it goes from being easy to somewhat uncomfortable. It’s desirable to meet the edge, because pushing it is how we make progress, learn something new.

The edge is the “growth zone”. It moves as we get better or worse at whatever we’re trying to do. It might even be different on different days, depending on a lot of factors like overall health, weather, what we had for breakfast, how long it’s been since our last workout, our mood, stress, etc.

We all know it’s desirable in a fitness model to meet and push the edge, we also know it’s important to respect the edge, because if it’s not met gently, with awareness and care, it’s the place where injuries and mistakes are most likely to happen. If we want to make progress and expand our comfort zone, then the best approach is to warm up well (preparation), slow down when we notice we’re approaching the edge, then gently push into it a little at a time, paying close attention to our body and it’s reactions. Then we back off from the edge a little, catch our breath and lean in again gently.

I call this “dancing around the edge” and it works the same whether we’re talking about exercise, learning new skills, meeting new people or whatever, including BDSM activities. The edge is challenging and growthy; risky and invigorating with a minimal chance of doing any lasting damage. It’s less risky to find the edge and hang around there than it is to cliff dive.

Pain is our friend in this way: if we hurt/panic/break down, we’re going too far and/or too fast. Back off or the likelihood of seriously hurting ourselves goes WAY up. If damage happens, we have to stop and take an extended break from the activity until we recover. It may even cause scarring or injury that ever after limits the way we can participate in that activity.

Discomfort is our friend in this way: if it’s not actually painful, but merely uncomfortable, lean in slowly and see what’s there. Tune in and push a little beyond where it stops being comfortable. This approach makes it possible for us to do more, go farther with a thing if that’s what we want.

A limit marks the point at which you will not/can not/should not go any further; an edge is the place where you might or might not push on, but if you do, it’s not going to be very comfortable, yet the benefits are worth it. Does that make sense?

Looked at another way: A limit is “no, no more, definitely not, STOP”. An edge is “Whoa…Okay, gently here…what happens when I lean into it a little…bit…more… ack. Wait… *deep breath*… okay…leaning in…” It’s challenging, but not so much that it shuts you down or injures you. Limits are red; edges are more yellowy (or for those of us who like edgy play, “amber”: well into yellow, but not quite red. Myself, I kinda’ like the amber zone).

Why Edges Are Yummy

I contend that edgy is GOOD. Every time we extend ourselves into an experience that isn’t crossing our hard limits, but is at least somewhat uncomfortable, we’re potentially expanding our capabilities, our strengths. If nothing else, we’re learning what we do and don’t want, we’re learning about ourselves.

It’s also my favorite place to play. The amber zone is intense, juicy and rich emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, physically, sexually. *rawr* It’s super intimate to explore unknown or somewhat challenging territory together.

Good times.

How Shame, Edges and Limits Intersect

Edges and limits can take many forms: psychological, emotional, spiritual and physical.

As a sadistic Dominant, shame pockets represent an emotional/psychological “edge” for me. I talk about edges a lot. Edges and limits are related, but where a limit is the end point beyond which you cannot go (for now or forever) without damaging your psyche, emotional being or body, edges are simply the boundary where known territory meets unknown territory and the comfort zone ends. At the edge, things might get a little dicey and awkward, but also sort of interesting. You might decide you don’t wanna’ do that again or you might decide it was worth it for any number of reasons, but there’s not likely to be any lasting harm done.

Limits can change, but rarely do and if so, they change sloooooowly; edges can change a lot as we try new things and get comfortable in new territory. Just like the yoga stretch, as you gently push into new territory, what was unknown becomes known and the edge is now farther out that it was before.

Partner X: I’d love it if you would dress up like a zebra, put an electric mixer in my cunt and call me “Morty” while you turn it on and fuck me with it. That would be sooooo totally hot…

Player Z: ummm…no. No, I’m not gonna’ do that. Not now, probably not ever. I can’t even think about it without wanting to throw up. So, no- absolutely not.

Player X: Okay. Will you call me Morty while you fuck me?

Partner Z: Sure. If it makes you hot like a flame thrower, I’ll call you Morty. My grandma had a terrier named Morty, so it’s a little edgy for me, but it might be fun. Let’s try it. I’ll tap out if it’s too weird.

Partner Y: Excuse me, but when you’re done, I think playing with kitchen appliances is really hot. If you’re free to try that with someone else and would like to talk about it, hit me up…

Limits only need to be discussed in the sense of “here they are”. Edges are up for discussion and in fact, should be discussed carefully if you plan to play there.

One of my personal edges is around “consensual non-consent”, which involves carefully negotiated permission to ignore words like: stop, no, don’t, please stop; or activities that look like forcing: pinning someone down while they fight back, holding someone in place and flogging them while they try to get away. It’s consensual in that we’ve discussed it and my partners wants to do it too. So we’ve talked thoroughly about check ins and what safe words we’re going to use, given that “no” is not a safe word in this scenario. It’s a great way to play with power exchange.

It’s super edge territory for me. I want it, have fantasized about it for years, find it very powerful and erotic. I also carry a lot of shame around the desire. Recently I’ve had opportunity and felt ready to venture into that territory some, but I’ve been pretty cautious about how fast and far I’m willing to move. I’m not ready for a consensual rape scene, for example.

Which may be a hard limit for many of you, I realize. At present it is for me too. It was only a few years ago that I admitted to finding rape fantasies hot out loud. It still makes me twitch a little.

And I just said it out loud here, on the Dominant Guide. Phew.

Point to all that being: We’re the only ones who know where an edge becomes a limit. You wouldn’t try doing the splits when you just started doing floor stretches last week. Respect the limits, whether physical, emotional, psychological, by not doing crossing your own lines or the lines of others; respect the edge by paying extra attention, going slowly and gently, checking in.

The Shame Edge

For many, shame is a psychological edge that can be very powerful. Just as with physical edges and limits, it’s important to respect the shame edge in ourselves and others. If we have strong shame about something and we barrel past our own limits or push someone past theirs, it can do psychological harm. Playing around a shame edge can be very powerful, potentially healing, but definitely approach with caution, just as you would a physical limit that you know is going to be challenging for yourself or yoursubmissive. If it’s a particularly powerful edge, more frequent checking in might be needed. Move on the slowish side as you get a feel for the new territory. You can always do more if it’s working out well.

A good example of playing in edgy territory is humiliation play, which is related to shame. For many people, humiliation play is a desire, but depending on the reasons for it, it can be very tender territory. It can be a turn on, but it can also go too far and be devastating. Some people have very particular “off limit” areas when it comes to humiliation: “you can call me a slut, but don’t ever call me a whore. I will shut down or maybe deck you and we will never play again”. Explore with awareness, lots of prep and good communication and it can be beautifully intimate territory. Go to far too fast or in a direction that’s too sensitive, and you may need a few therapy sessions for both of you to patch up the mess, if it can be patched up at all.

A Few More Important Points About Edges and Limits

When playing in edgy territory, be aware that after care is even more important than it always is. Negotiate aftercare very carefully before hand. Make sure you know what’s needed and are committed to following through.

Make sure you talk with your partner about edges and limits. Some people do not like to play at the edge. Or maybe they’re tired tonight and just don’t want to go there right now. It’s important to know and respect these things.

Limits can move, but don’t try to make them move. If someone has a limit, including you, respect it. It’s not honorable or healthy to push at a limit. Asking repeatedly is pushing. If at some point, you find you really really need something to feel fulfilled and your partner isn’t able or willing to give it to you, the two (or however many) of you need to get creative about you getting your needs met without pressuring the unwilling partner to go against their own limits. Maybe another partner or maybe the relationship needs to be renegotiated.

And finally: YES, Dominants, Masters, Tops and Sadists have limits too. The shame edge can actually be stronger for Dominants and sadists (look up “top guilt”). There are things we Dommy types just aren’t going to be into and it’s important that we and our partners respect our limits. Some things squick me (creep me out or turn me off), frighten me or maybe I just don’t feel capable in some way. As Dominants, we and our partners need to be aware when we’re playing in edgy territory too. I’ve sometimes need reassurance after a particularly edgy scene in which I’ve done really mean stuff to my partner, who asked me specifically for that mean stuff. I may know rationally that it was consensual, but I may have some shame triggered, particularly if I really enjoyed it.

You may use the terms “edge” and “limit” differently than I do. That’s totally fine. The important thing is to know what you mean by your terms and discuss them with the people you play with. It’s important to make sure we’re on the same page. It’s also completely fine if you’re not into pushing the edges at all. Just because the amber zone lights me up doesn’t mean you have to go there. Know yourself and find someone compatible. It’s your scene, your dynamic, your thing. This is just my take. As always, mileage will vary.

Rev Morgan

#shame #bdsm #edges #limits #hard limits #Doms

Making Him the Dom of Your Dreams – Working With The Man You Have

Oftentimes we find our desire to be submissive or kinky when we are already in a relationship and are not sure really how to proceed with that. It can come as a shock to try to force your desires on your partner and if you address the subject without their thoughts in mind it could end badly. (KnyghtMare came over here and said, “this isn’t going to be some horrible Cosmo article where you tell them to force changes on their men, right?” It’s not, trust me here.) So, here’s my advice.

First, accept that not everyone is wired to enjoy kink or be Dominant/submissive. Just because you have someone who exhibits a dominant personality does not mean they will want to be Dominant in the relationship. Just because your partner got a little kinky that one time during sex does not mean they have a kinky bone in their body. So be prepared to broach the subject with them gently.

I understand that most of you in relationships don’t want to even consider leaving them for one reason or another and I’m not asking you to. But keep in mind that you may not have the Dom of your dreams in-the-making right there in the next room. There ARE things you can do to feel a little bit of submission or a little bit kinky even if your partner is straight laced vanilla and that’s what I’m going to try to help you achieve and work with. You don’t have to be Albert Einstein to figure out that if that doesn’t work for you – the next step may be opening up or ending the relationship.

First things first, you need to talk to them.

I’m certain that comes as no surprise that you need to talk to your partner and see if they might be on the same page with your desires. It’s going to be hard to talk to him about these things, but do it. He’s your partner and he wants to be with you, so get over your discomfort and talk to him. There are some fantastic essays on this site about talking with your partner.

Initiating a Discussion about BDSM Interest with Your Partner – ted_subby – Part 1 of a 3 part series. Highly recommended.

Ask SehAnru | Communicating Kinky Needs to a Vanilla Partner – SehAnru

Establishing a Safe, Trusting Environment for Talk – lunaKM

Helping Your Partner Become More Dominant – lunaKM

Now that you’ve sat down with your partner and talked about them you have a bit more information – especially on what they think of your new desires and interests. It’s time to process what they said. Don’t take everything as negative or positive. Just think rationally about what they have said. You may need to take some time and read more of the essays I listed above to understand where your partner is coming from.

Figure out what you can do yourself to feel submissive.

Yes this is hard, but it’s possible. Think about the things you do on a daily basis that could be service to your partner. From making his coffee, preparing meals, making appointments for them, being sexually available, dressing in clothing you know they like and so on. Just start putting these things in the “I submit in this way” category. Start treating it as submissive actions. It’s very likely if you have an attentive partner they will notice that you are happy doing these things. It’s not a direct feeling because your partner isn’t actively asking or expecting you to do these things, but it should fill you with a sense of fulfillment as your partner learns what is driving you.

Take some time to have discussions with your partner about what you are doing and what the changes in focus are doing for you. In these discussions you want to use “I” statements and don’t accuse them of not being enough or doing enough to develop your submissive desires. The purpose of these is to keep the communication lines open.

Start incorporating kinky things in the bedroom slowly.

If kink is your desire, most people are willing to spice up their sex life a little bit so don’t overwhelm your partner by saying you want to be tied up, whipped, flogged, made to cry and then fucked silly. While that sounds hot in fantasy, it’s hard to pull off as a novice and is way too much to plan. But you can experiment with one thing at a time. Bondage is something creeping into the mainstream and with the press on 50 Shades of Grey you can likely find kits in your local sex shop that might entice your partner to play your Christian if you play Ana. Ask your partner what kind of fantasies they have and try to incorporate them into your sex life. Even group sex fantasies can be enacted in some cases without having other people involved through the use of toys and videos.

Finally, don’t forget that communication should happen regularly and be non-threatening. Sometimes you just can’t bring the Dominant in your partner out and you have to make difficult decisions. Hopefully, you will both be able to talk to each other and see what the best solution is.

#bdsm #bdsm article #vanilla #Dom #submissive #introducing #kinky #toys

Ask Anything: What’s the Difference Between a Dominant and a Master?

A reader asks: “Is Mastery a natural thing that is innate and a part of a person, or is it something that can be learnt? example, for a Dominant who wishes to progress and further himself in the lifestyle- can he learn what it takes to move on from being a dominant into a Master? Or is that something that you ‘either are, or are not?’”

Dear Aspiring Master:

This is such a good question. I’ve often wondered the same thing myself. And I’m not sure how to answer it. There are a lot of variables and a lot of different viewpoints. For myself, at this time, I don’t think “Master” is something you’re just born with or not. Just as musical ability, math skills or any other area of strength: we might be born with an interest, but whether we ever do anything about it or get any good at it depends on what we do about it. So as far as I can see, a Master is something someone can become if they desire.

Certainly, as in some spiritual and martial art traditions, for example, one can become a Master of that tradition by years of practice and study, after meeting certain requirements as lined out by said tradition.

Obviously, it’s a little trickier in the BDSM world. Unless one belongs to a group that has a course of study or some way to measure one’s progress, there’s no way to know or “prove” that one has indeed achieved mastery. There are such groups- leather families, BDSM organizations and communities, but if you don’t happen to live near one or belong to a group like this, how do you go about achieving Master status? It’s tricky.

Some people think that being a Master happens by being in a relationship with someone who identifies as a slave- it’s a relational title, describing the chosen dynamic between two people. But I also see Master used in the BDSM community by people who aren’t in an M/s relationship. How did they get the title? Any number of ways these days.

My thinking currently travels along one of two lines in terms of the title of “Master” as a valid one (and I do not claim to have the right to determine validity or not; I’m simply expressing my viewpoint as it stands now):

1) One can be called Master by one’s slave. In this case, others may adopt the title when addressing one, if they feel inclined or the Master could ask to be addressed that way by the community as a whole, with no apparent basis other than the person has self-identified as Master and wants to be called such. The community will agree or not as individuals see fit.

2) One can complete some path of learning and skill building that involves improving personal characteristics or abilities. This can be accomplished by embarking on a course of study laid out by an organization. In the absence of such an organization, an individual can lay out a course of study for themselves, acting as their own monitor and/or relying on the judgment of respected friends, mentors and community members for feedback as to progress. It then becomes the individual or the community’s task or some combo of both, to determine when and how the conditions of “Mastery” are met.

The last option might be preferable even when there is a community organization available with a way to earn one’s Mastery. It could happen that the values as laid out by that organization don’t fit one’s personal creed, in which case it would be an option to follow a self created path in line with one’s own values.

I more than answered your question there. Yes, I think it’s possible for someone to learn Mastery, develop to a degree that Master is an appropriate title. It’s not a case of “you are or you aren’t”. Like everything else in our lives, we create most of what we are and aren’t. So it is with “Master”. If that’s what calls to us, then we just need to figure out “how”, which as far as I’m concerned (and as is probably obvious from the rest of the post) is the tricky part.

I hope that helps! It’s a great question. I’d love to hear input from others, perhaps folks who identify as Masters in the community. Comment or drop me a line if you would.

Check out this guest post from Mistress Steel for another viewpoint that may have some information you find useful as well. Let me know how it goes!

Rev Morgan

#master #dom #bdsm #difference #information

Turn Tickling into Torture – A Primer

This is a guest post by Kali Williams from Erotication.com.

There’s nothing quite like the sound of hysterical, un-stoppable laughs and giggles filling the air. It’s contagious, the happy glee and it’s impossible not to join in. So when sexual energy and consensual kink is thrown in the mix, there is a lot of fun to be had!

Tickle torture is a popular sexual kink that creates an exciting dichotomy…… you can ‘torture’ someone….by tickling them! It’s a sexy experience that can easily swing between light-hearted fun & intense, relentless sensation.

So let’s break it down….what IS “tickle torture”?

According to Wikipedia tickling is “the act of touching a part of the body so as to cause involuntary twitching movements and/or laughter.

Typically fingers (or other tools) are used to elicit helpless laughter and squeals. It’s a technique frequently used by elder siblings to terrorize younger siblings (in fact a number of tickle fetishists can trace their sexual focus back to a childhood event. Not all, but some.) It’s a way to flirt that people of all ages use to enjoy playful touching that may not be overtly sexual.

As usual, in the BDSM contest the word “torture” is overly theatric because within a consensual kink scene nothing is ever actual torture. Instead it’s intended to convey the intention of inescapability of the tickling session, the mercilessness of the tickler and the ‘cruel’ fate that lies ahead for the ticklee.

Now that we know what it is, let’s get to some fun ways you can enjoy tickle torture!

First of all, you should determine whether bondage needs to be involved or not. That has entirely to do with: comfort level with restraints, whether the ticklee is a ‘squirmer’ and the kind of energy you both want during the tickle fun.

If you’d like to add some restraint it can help for the ‘ticklee’ to relax and wriggle as much as they want without actually being able to ‘get away’, which adds a very sexy element of helplessness. This is especially key when it’s a tickle “torture” scene, vulnerability plays a big part in the psychology of the experience. With bondage of course safety is always important but when the ‘ticklee’ is actively moving around any restraints need to be carefully monitored to make sure they don’t tighten dangerously. During all the giggling and wiggling and fun and it will be easy to forget about checking the restraints so make sure you get them settled ahead of time and check them whenever you can.

There are stereo-typical places on the body that tend to be ticklish, but it’s not a guarantee. Every body is different with various levels of sensitivity. It’s a fun treasure hunt to discover what areas on your partners body respond with those soft caresses and finger-nail scritches. The usual suspects include: behind the knee & elbow, the ribs, thebottom of feet and of course armpits. But other surprising spots can be tickle triggers like: the side of the neck, the tip of the nose, the nipples, the top of feet and where the thighs hit the torso.

Using your fingers is the classic way to tickle (plus it’s the handiest…get it….the ‘hand’-iest!) and there are a few different sensations you can create with your digits. If you have long-ish nails you can use light scratches or use your bare fingertips. Soft, incredibly light strokes work perfectly for some people, getting the giggles you’re looking for. Sometimes more pressure is needed, like digging slightly into the ribs using the firmer sensation to make ‘em wiggle. The level of pressure will probably need changing through-out the scene too, a persons sensitivity changes from when the tickling starts through the peaks and valleys of sensation.

But our fingers aren’t the only tickle tool in our arsenal! Feathers are frequently associated with tickling but surprisingly a lot of people don’t get much of a reaction from using them. There are two types of feathers, the whisper soft kind (like a peacock) and those that are less flexible (such as turkey feathers) so each will cause a different response. Other tickle tool ideas include: plastic combs, chopsticks, paintbrushes, gardening tools and even pens.

As I mentioned earlier, for it to be a ‘torture’ scene there should be an unrelenting energy motivating the scene. Perhaps there’s a specific physical response you’re seeking such as making them cry or pee their pants (this should be pre-negotiated!) or you can use an ‘interrogation’ theme trying to make the ‘ticklee’ share some super-secret bit of information.

Remember, it’s always in good fun and even with all the laughs and silly shrieks, don’t forget about safety. If either of you need a moment to catch your breath call a time out. If asthma is an issue make sure an inhaler is near-by. Any bondage should be secure to keep it from tightening. Use a safe-word if you’re trying it out for the first time.

Now get to tickling!

(Kink Academy links are affiliate links. All membership subscriptions from these links benefit and support Dominant Guide.)

#bdsm #tickling #torture #primer #exploring

Coming Out to Friends: Time to Reveal Your Kinky/Submissive Side

Ever since realizing my role in the lifestyle, I have been faced with a lot of…decisions that I’ve had to make. In some instances, I’ve had no issues with making those decisions. But then there are those instances where the decisions I’ve had to make, aren’t always so easy to make. I’ve had to put a lot of time and thought before making specific decisions, thinking about how they would impact my life, not only at the time, but later down the road. One of those major decisions that I’ve had to make is whether or not to tell my vanilla friends about my life as a slave.

Telling your vanilla friends about one’s activity in the BDSM lifestyle can be extremely an extremely tricky thing to do. That best friend that you’ve had for decades and shared almost everything with and have shared numerous life experiences with still may not be able to cope with finding out about the kinky fuckery and submission that you enjoy both inside and outside of the bedroom. Yet on the other hand, their reaction may completely shock you.

When I came out to my friends, I got a lot of mixed reactions. Some good, some not so good, and some that just made me want to bang my head against the wall. I don’t really want to bore you with the details of my experiences with coming out to my friends because I’m pretty sure most of you already know what kind of reactions I got because all of you have probably experienced the same. It’s no fun being rejected by people who you think are your friends especially when so many of us are rejected on a regular basis by society, and not because of participating in the lifestyle, but because of all the other bullshit that we have to deal with out in the vanilla world. I know I can’t speak for everyone, but I know that for me, those I consider my friends are those who I can turn to for anything, no matter what and who are going to love and support me no matter what I may enjoy to do in the privacy of my own bedroom and because I choose to wear a collar as a part of my daily wardrobe. Especially in the grand scheme of things, just because I choose to submit and have my ass beaten, doesn’t change the person I really am. If anything, it enhances me because I am then truly free to be who I am without having to hide.

It’s really tricky when deciding to come out to those who aren’t in the lifestyle and before coming out to people, you have to be able to live with their reaction, whether it be positive or negative. If you do get a negative response, you have to be ready to deal with whatever they’re going to throw at you, because believe me, they’re gonna throw some nasty stuff in your direction. Not only do you have to be able to deal with whatever nastiness they’re going to throw your way, you have to be able to deal with the possibility that you’re going to lose some friends. It’s never fun to be given an ultimatum where you have to decide whether you’re going to stay friends with a person or give up the one thing in your life that makes you feel happy and complete. Been there, done that, and have more t-shirts that I’d rather have. But, when it boils down to keeping a person in my life who isn’t going to accept me for who I am or to live the life that makes me happy, I’m gonna pick what makes me happy. It’s never easy to make these kinds of choices even though you’re better off in the long run.

I don’t advocate hiding who you really are, but I know there are times where it needs to be done and that can’t be helped. But before you decide to come out to people, make sure that you’re comfortable doing so. I know it’s completely nerve wracking and that you will come up with a list of about a hundred million other things that you would rather do than to have this conversation, but be as prepared as you can. There’s numerous resources out there, and two I would highly suggest is “When Someone You Love is Kinky” by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt. I’ve not read this book personally, but I have heard great things about it and also, Kink Coming Out Day’s website. They can also be found on Facebook and Twitter. I highly suggest checking out these two sources before coming out kinky to your vanilla friends.

Coming out kinky to someone who isn’t is an extremely difficult decision and one that can’t easily be undone. There’s no way to figure out beforehand what kind of reaction you’re going to receive, so you can’t really brace yourself and know what to expect. I highly suggest before doing so, practice what you’re going to say(but not too much that it sounds rehearsed)and find a support system to help you make your next move.

#Bdsm #out of the closet #reveal #kinky #information

domwithpen-deactivated20140601

just wanted to say I read a lot of your q/a’s and I love You! Do You have any tips for a new Sir, still finding His way?

DwP writes:

Thank you so much. Yes, I have LOTS.

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Orgasm Control My thoughts and opinions on orgasm control as an essential part of any D/s...

Watersports FAQ

via Albany Power Exchange

This article deals with the most frequently asked questions about watersports. As always, it is almost impossible to deal with all questions, so no, we are not complete, neither striving to be. There is a lot of good information around on the subject. But this is a basic primer on things you should know about this play form and fetish.

How can you touch that stuff?

It is far from unnatural to feel resistance or shame when it comes to watersports. In fact - as always - if you don't want it, don't do it. You don't have to and you, and only you, are the master of your own sexuality. And as explained, watersports does not necessarily have to incorporate physical contact with urine, or drinking it. On the other hand, the intake and other forms of contact with urine or urine-derivatives is not as uncommon as you may think. Want a few examples? OK, here we go.

There are many cultures in which touching of urine is part of some practical or cosmetic activity or fertility ritual. There are people, for example in equatorial Africa, who use urine together with clay and ashes to form a paste which is very effective protection against insect bites.

Certain arctic cultures sometimes use urine for personal washing, especially in the winter when it is too cold to bare your genitals outdoors and when liquid water is precious. Any experienced survival expert will tell you that drinking urine may keep you alive just a day or two longer and that drinking your own morning urine - as some do in Arab countries - is a perfect "kick start" for your metabolic system after sleep (for which purpose rabbits eat their morning excrements and human kind usually drinks coffee in the morning).

In the U.S., during the Civil War, Confederate women collected their urine and processed it into potassium nitrate for the war effort.

Looking for a fun one? In pre-Christian northern Europe, elder males consumed a drink made from the mushroom, Amanitas muscara. This particular mushroom contains a psychoactive drug which is passed, unaltered, in the urine. More junior members of the group gathered and drank the urine of those who consumed the original drink, and got high also. This ritual is still performed in some obscure Russian secret conventions. (BTW - if you think this mushroom may be a good idea to use as a recreational drug, don't do it. It is extremely toxic and some of the varieties of this particular mushroom are very efficient killers).

If I want it, how do I get past my shame?

It may very well be watersports is something you want, but thinking about it, let alone trying it, is a difficult subject. If this is something you really want, go about it carefully and preferably on your own first. For example, try taking a shower and pee over your own hand. This allows you to familiarize with the feel and the sensation of urine on your skin (which is something you will not really feel, it is mainly the idea of doing it). Remember that all components of urine are water-soluble and will wash away immediately. There will be no residue whatsoever and you can explore freely without having any fear.

Once you have been able to familiarize yourself this way, why not ask your partner to join you in the shower and experiment with it exactly the same way, only together this time. The next step will be to try and turn the water off and experience just the urine flow this time (if it scares you, you can turn the shower on again immediately and wash it off).

If you have the option of outdoor water available (such as a lake or maybe even the ocean), try standing in it together, embrace and let the urine flow. You will notice the flow as well as the difference in temperature and still there is enough water around to dissolve it quickly. Going outdoor in the summer rain, get all wet and pee at the same time is another great exercise (and can even be very, very romantic as well).

Watching each other pee without touching the stuff, making your partner wait before they are allowed to relieve themself or just plain and simple communication about the subject without actually having to do anything are also very good ways to familiarize with watersports in a non-threatening way. You may even want to get creative when it comes to watching each other and order some different positions. Or order your partner to relieve themself in unexpected moments or places, such as during a stroll through the woods or an evening walk through the park.

How can I communicate about it?

Well, we assume you have already experienced that talking about your deepest desires - coming out to your partner - is not as difficult as it may seem. You are into erotic power exchange, aren't you? So you probably will have done it before. Ok, watersports is a bit more touchy then talking about whipping or bondage. But then again, we did tell you all of this is about communication and being open and honest to each other, including deep, dark and scary fantasies.

"Hey honey, I want to piss on you, bend over," is probably not a very good idea to start with. So what do you do? Well, here is one way - which again doesn't have to be THE way, but it may help. Pick an intimate but relaxed moment and start talking about how much you enjoy touching your lover. Tell your partner about the parts of his or her body you enjoy and maybe do some real touching. Then start talking about secret fantasies. Open up yourself and finally introduce your watersports fantasy. But don't make it sound like you wanted to talk about it all along and just manipulated him or her into it. It should be sincere and open communication, of course.

If that doesn't work the first time, let it rest for a while and try again a few weeks later. Maybe that is a better moment. Another effective way to bring the subject up is via ordering your partner to hold their pee for a while and maybe have them ask for relief. That is a non-threatening way of introducing the subject within your play.

Want some more ways? Try wet massage for example, using lots and lots of lubricant in the genital area and DO try vaginal ejaculation. Making love, cuddling and hugging in the shower, washing each other are also perfect ways to become more intimate with each other.

Okay, the urine is not so much the problem, but can we do anything about that smell?

If the odor is the problem, diluting your urine may be a very good idea. That reduces the smell considerably. Drinking fruit juice for example - or mineral rich water - helps reducing the smell of urine. So does beer (which will also help in producing more urine if that is what you are looking for).

Fish, eggs, meat, but also peas and peanuts will increase the smell of urine. So if you have had a rich meal the day before, or had a lot of peanuts, trying to dilute your urine is a very good idea. Remember that it is not what you have eaten a few hours ago is what is causing the problem. It is what the things you ate the day before. Never, ever eat asparagus prior to watersports, it creates a terrible smell and also remember that if you are sweating a lot - because of sports activity or just because it is hot - your urine will also be more concentrated and hence smell more intense.

Finally, drinking lots and lots of water is good for your body anyway, because it will help cleaning it and it will dilute your urine as well. The more water you drink the less smelly (and less "tasty" by the way) your urine will be. Two liters a day (half a gallon) will make urine almost taste like slightly salted water.

What about the mess?

It is obvious that - unless you prepare yourself and have either lots of foil or rubber sheets available - the bedroom is probably not a good place for watersports. The bathroom usually is a very good choice (and you will be amazed how many submissives especially get a kick out of "tiled areas"). If you really want to do it in bed, special disposable maternity mattresses (available from special pregnancy shops) will hold amazing amounts of fluid and can be very helpful.

We do need to warn you here for over enthusiastic diaper play. Don't try to have an adult completely empty themself in a diaper and order them to keep it on. You won't be the first to experience the embarrassing splash when the diaper can no longer hold the weight and ends up on the floor between your partner's legs. Of course for a humilation scene this may be exactly what you're looking for.

As for environmental issues, there is nothing against peeing outside. Dogs, cows and all other animals do it all the time. But do take a little care about where you do it. Preferably not on a spot somebody else is likely to pick for a picnic spot the next day. And please refrain from watersports in swimming pools. Another word of warning, in some areas and countries peeing in public is an offense. You can get fined and - when in Asian or Islamic countries - can get yourself in very, very serious trouble.

A few final tips...

The San Francisco sexual information office states that if the top is using drugs and the bottom drinks urine the bottom will test positive for drugs. This could ruin a career.

The US Army survival manual states never drink urine that has been stored, it will be filled with dangerous bacteria.

A cybersub who was ordered to drink all of her urine for too long a period was hospitalized with a severe kidney infection. Keep things reasonable.

#advice #how to #watersports #play

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