A Place For My Poetry

I think the saddest thing is remembering who you used to be but not realizing you had changed till it's too late.

[beanbagpoetry]

Where does the good go?

The air was thick with what we both knew

But neither willing to say

We are not meant to be

I finally am ready to let go

But something remains

Warm and heavy in my palms

I look down and see

Our left over love

It doesn’t just disappear does it?

No, but it must be put away.

Like the baby’s outfits she has outgrown

But carry too much memory to just give away

No, I’ll keep it here.

Safe

I fold up our love

Nice and neat

Pressed edges and clean lines

I place it in a box

With your jacket

Our pictures

Daisy and Donald Duck

Our sweet love blankets it all

Anoints the belongings of our left overs

Appoints it holy

And forever it shall remain

I close the box and put it on a shelf

In sight but put away

And I feel open

[beanbagpoetry]

In all my Glory

I have been feeling so low that

My heart has become a sunken ship

Buried beneath whatever dirt lay under

My dragging feet

But at least this way I am encased

In the mother earths undying love

At least this way I will be nourished

Bred beneath soil and water

soon I will become brave enough

To again break through the surface

To say hello to the sun

Even bloom enough to kiss the moon goodnight

In all her waking glory

She will bathe me

In femininity and wisdom

I will break and remake.

I will stand so tall and strong that the next time I fall

I will catch myself on my hands and knees

Brush off the mud

And smile

[beanbagpoetry]

Writers block

White pages stained with

Purple ink

Grease

And words aching to be rearranged

So beautifully-

To be shared out loud

And loved

the poet is stuck

The poem is there

Hidden beneath a heavy heart

A heart unwilling to clear a spot

For the poem to sliver through

So there it stays

Longing to be freed

To be told

To bounce off the walls and

Sigh itself into you

[beanbagpoetry]

And the record for person I’ve written the most poems about goes to...

You

With the green eyes and

Dimpled smile

The love I’ve always thought I’d never love again

But we could never just be friends

And we could never not be friends

Like magnets constantly being turned on positive and negative sides

sometimes we are connected

held together by forces I can’t explain

Suddenly that force turns us

we cannot seem to make sense

You tell me you love my eyelashes and I tell you I love your curly hair

You tell me you love when our body touches even when it’s just our hands and I tell you your captain America soul captivates me

we don’t talk about it but every time we’re together our hearts are synced

I see your eyes go soft only when you look at me I feel your hands running through my hair

You’re such a goofball that your hand always gets tangled in my straight her

but I don’t mind

I know being with me means something real

It means we would already be ten steps ahead of most 21 year old relationships

The idea scares me too but when I think of that future with you

it feels like forever may not be so bad

That’s where I fear we differ

You think of me when I’m not around

I know when you hold me-

when you kiss me

it’s only me and you

the world is gone

you’re in love with me

you haven’t truly said it but you don’t need to

I know you didn’t think it would be me all over again

You probably wanted something different

not because of who I am

But because of times passed

I could tell you this

I could read this poem to you

Link it casually to you in a text message attached to some wholesome meme

But I think for you it is all too real

You must like the idea of being with the funny girl with a big heart and soft eyes

but you don’t love the mother and woman who comes attached with her

[beanbagpoetry]

We walked away from the fall carnival

Away from the smell of kettle corn

The sounds of mischievous clowns

Screaming girlfriends scared by masked demons

We reached the parking lot

I suddenly regret meeting her here

I want to drive her home now

Feel her hand in mine at a stop light

I kiss her goodbye

Her lips soft and pink

Slightly parted

I pull away and she smiles

Green eyes flashing at me now

She begins to walk toward her car

Her red hair dancing in the cool breeze

Fireworks begin cascading into the sky now

Happy Halloween

I turn to look at all the colors

All the reds and oranges and yellows

All the autumn celebration

I should've stayed a little longer

Held her under these lights now

A fog appears

Denser and denser

I turn back to her and she is at her car

She looks so beautiful and so blind to it

Almost like she's frozen in time

Unlocking her car door

Click

She stops now

Her head is bowed and my heart is begging for her to look up

To see the emerald city in her eyes once more

She slowly turns and I giggle

She's teasing me like she always does

Her arms are slowly spreading out now

Gripping for one last hug

BOOM

I turn distracted by the festivities

But the fog

It's so thick

Where are the lights

Just muted colors behind thick clouds now

She is closer

Fingers wrist elbows

Seem to be Shaking now

Stop playing and come give me a hug

I yell out

But she is

Frozen in time

Frozen in beauty

CRACK

A branch is breaking now

I turn to a bush and see a fox

Bright orange

Running now

Her head is still bowed

Her eyes refusing to meet mine

I can feel her warm breath on my cheek

Her wild hair is brushing my nose now

There is rustling in a nearby tree

I jump and look and turn toward her again

But She is gone now

Her car is gone

Her presence in this parking lot is gone

Begin Running

Sprinting away now

I slide into my car and start the engine

I turn to clean the back windows of fog

She is there

In my backseat now

Head rising to meet mine

Lips gray and cracking

Nose decaying skin melting off bone now

Where are her eyes

Black holes of nothing replace them

Stretched out arms are reaching for me now

Nails digging into my neck now

Blackness taking over my eyes now

Her once childlike giggle is a cackle now

It's my turn to be gone now

And she

She is walking back now

She is just as beautiful as ever

Stepping on toes first full of glee

She turns to me before getting in her car

She smiles her sweet smile

Thick pink soft lips

Nose upturned and buttoned

And there they are

those emerald city eyes

They just kill me

One last time

[beanbagpoetry]

Being a mom is like

I need my phone back baby

Being a mom is like

I'm sooo tired

Being a mom is like

I've got a funny pain on my side when I'm hungry

Being a mom is like

But I'm too tired to go to the doctor

Being a mom is like

My favorite part of today was when I pooped

Because I was alone for a minute

Or ten

Being a mom is like

Wow how could I love anything more than this

Being a mom is like

No don't put that in your mouth

Being a mom is like

I love you more than I did yesterday

Being a mom is like

No don't throw that

Being a mom is like

You're the most peaceful beautiful thing on earth

Being a mom is like

HEATHEN BE QUIET

WHO HATCHED YOU

Being a mom is like

"Dear God in heaven please bring us home safely to sleep in our beds"

It's like seeing God

It's like seeing his masterpiece up close

It's like believing

It's like I can't believe it gets better!

And worse but in like a better way

It's planning ahead for solid future years

And forgetting to plan for tomorrow

It's setting limits for yourself so there are none for her

Its "I deserve better because she deserves better"

It's somedays being super mom, it's some days being bad mom, it's some days- wait-Wait- I need some wine to carry on

Being a mom is having depression but dealing with it because that one toothed smile is everything

Being a mom is making yourself look crazy for that special giggle

Being a mom is memorizing her favorite songs so you can sing to her in the car when she gets lonely

Being a mom is everything to me, It's being closer to God

Because by God

She's an angel

[beanbagpoetry]

Someone Else’s Heartbreak

The worst thing

I have ever been

Is someone else’s

Heartbreak

Their first love and

Their first cut

I know how that feels

I remember all my heartbreaks

I remember crying all night

Feeling worthless

I must’ve done something wrong

They don’t love me because

I’m too this and

Not enough that

I’m nothing

And I’ve made someone

I love feel that way

And now to feel close to them

I drive home at night

Listening to Self Control

Frank Ocean

And I feel close to you

I feel this bitter sweet happiness

For you

I know how hard it is to move on

And I’m so happy you did

Leave a space for me

I’ll sleep between y’all

It’s no thing

[beanbagpoetry]

I drove by your house the other day

I wish I could say I had the courage

To park for a second or two

And then leave

The way I used to

When we first stopped talking

I got up to the yield sign

And went the other way

I caught a glimpse though

I remembered

our old short-lived life

I remember it cold

Brown leaves cracking beneath our feet

The taste of ice cream and waffles for breakfast

Cases of water bottles stacked in the hall

Holy oil and prayer before bed

But when I looked at your house

And for second I could not remember

For a second..

Which house was it?

The first or the second?

Third?

I passed by because of happenstance

But I took a closer look to feel..

Closer to you

But I’ve never felt so far away