So to wash the taste of the MCU’s most recent disappointments out of my mouth (and hopefully yours), and just because I like showing off my encyclopedic knowledge of the REAL Marvel comic books, here is a list of some of my favorite totally 100% canon trivia tidbits about Marvel lore:
Adolf Hitler did not commit suicide in the Marvel Universe. He was assassinated in his bunker Inglorious Bastards-style at the end of the war by the Human Torch (the original robot one, not the Fantastic Four one; yes, there are two).
The Marvel Comics company exists in-universe. They publish autobiographical comics of dubious quality about the “real life” superheroes, which are sometimes officially licensed and sometimes not. Captain America — back when he had a secret identity — briefly worked as an artist at Marvel, and even drew his own comic book. Also, She-Hulk once used some of said comics in a court case.
The combined Summers-Pym family (linked via Kang the Conqueror and Havok’s daughter with Janet Van Dyne) has a family tree so vast, tangled, sprawling, and complicated from decades of overlapping stories and retcons that Cyclops could be considered the father-in-law of one version of Galactus. This combined family also contains multiple robots and links to two royal families, one the royalty of an alien empire.
Speaking of Galactus, Iron Man has had sex with so many people that — if you trace the idea that when you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with everyone your partner ever slept with — Tony’s dick reaches Galactus. As proven by this chart made by Wizard Universe Magazine. Which, bear in mind, is out of date; Tony has scored more people since.
Not one to be outdone, She-Hulk has directly had sex with the Juggernaut. Maybe, as Dan Slott felt need to suggest that maybe it was an alternate universe version of her in a gag story suggesting any out-of-character or continuity-breaking moments were alternate versions of characters touring in 616 universe.
Namor once caused an incident with the U.S. military by coming ashore to get a bagel in what was mistaken as an Atlantean invasion of the surface world.
There was an entire storyline about Iron Man’s armor coming alive and becoming an abusive boyfriend to him, complete with threatening to kill if he tried to leave.
New York has an Alcoholics Anonymous style support group for supervillains trying to reform from a life of crime. This support group has very few successes. There is also a bar that caters to supervillains — the Bar With No Name — which has to regularly change locations on account of raids and attacks by law enforcement, superheroes, and violent vigilantes.
During a time where a Superhero Registration Act was in effect, Howard the Duck tried to register only to be told that he did not need to as the US government does not consider him a legal citizen (on account of being a talking cartoon duck). Howard’s complaints of discrimination were quelled when he realized this means he does not have to pay taxes.
The Great Lakes Avengers have gone through four different superheroes named Grasshopper. The first was killed within 5.8 seconds of joining after having a sai thrown in his face, the second accidentally jumped into orbit, one was murdered by Deadpool, and the last turned out to be a Skrull and was promptly killed as a traitor.
Because many of Iron Man’s early comics involved him fighting communists (it was the Cold War), Nikita Khrushchev is considered a member of Iron Man’s rogues gallery; he was called Comrade K and was regularly depicted sending out villains to fight Iron Man.
Doctor Doom has pulled the “actually a doombot” trick so many times that there is a persistent fan theory that the Doctor Doom has never actually appeared in any comic or isn’t even human anymore.
Relatedly, the only defeat Doctor Doom has ever suffered that has not ever been suggested to have been a doombot is the time he got beaten up by Squirrel Girl. Squirrel Girl, by the by, is canonically the most powerful superhero, with power ratings that go above Captain Universe.
Leonardo Da Vinci was a time-traveling superhero. His arch-nemesis was Sir Issac Newton, who was an immortal supervillain that murdered Galileo and liked to leave gold apples as a calling card at the scenes of his crimes.
The reason gamma radiation kills or gives people superpowers is because gamma radiation is produced by an eldritch entity called the One Below All, which lives in the lowest dimension possible (i.e., Super-Hell). The One Below All is the dark mirror of the One Above All (i.e., God); think Zoroastrianism.
Puck, a dwarf (as in has dwarfism) superhero from Canada, is the rightful king of Hell, having gone there when he died and subsequently pummeled the ruling devils into submission. He did nothing with his kingship other then use it to leave Hell and return to Earth. This is only one of his many achievements.
Jubilee spent a bizarrely long time as a vampire before any writer thought to cure her.
Quasar and Beta Ray Bill are both atheists/anti-theist despite personally knowing multiple gods, including the aforementioned One Above All. Quasar, at least, was willing to eventually shift his viewpoint to more or less agnostic; him talking to his dead father in the afterlife was not the incident that provoked this change.
Deadpool has had so many contradictory origin stories and backstories given that he eventually had to break the fourth wall to declare that his past does not matter and to waste any more time on it was stupid.
Spider-Man had an “Ayn Rand phase” in college that he is deeply ashamed of.
Spider-Man also once tried to sue J. Jonah Jameson for libel with She-Hulk as his lawyer. During the trial, he lied under oath by claiming to be a black man simply to frame Jameson as a racist. She-Hulk and Spidey were forced to withdraw their case when Jameson tried to call on Peter Parker as a character witness.
Luke Cage has a persistent and deeply personal arch-rivalry with both the Harlem NYPD’s coffee machine and the vending machine in his own office.
There is an X-Men villain named Sauron who is a former British explorer and Tolkien fan (thus the name) that became a were-pterodactyl with laser eyes. He is an accredited scientist in multiple fields, and was once the psychiatrist of Cyclops’ brother.
The aforementioned Sauron lives in the Savage Land, which is a sort of primordial lost world under Antarctica filled with dinosaurs, Cenozoic mammals, cavemen, and a dude called Garokk who may or may not be a minor deity. This is accepted as a totally normal part of the world by now.
The Avengers have had to deal with their government liaison demand they make their line-up more racially diverse to comply with affirmative action multiple times. Iron Man accidentally made himself look racist when complaining about this, while Wasp developed white guilt.
Magneto has had to be deaged multiple times to preserve his Holocaust backstory. Sunfire has not received the same treatment, despite his original origin story involving Hiroshima; they just pretend that was never mentioned.
Black Panther once punched the devil in the face.
