This Crazy Little Thing Called Life

Hi. I'm Becky. I'm 23. I made it past college, I made it to an adult job. What do I do now?

[yesterdaysprint]

Daily Mirror, England, January 22, 1909 Image © The British Library Board. All Rights Reserved.

[phlurp]

My friend claimed he could play Flight of the Bumblebee and accompany himself. Then he did this.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

God I was at that restaurant in Annapolis yesterday that serves those 4 lbs milkshakes and these two dudes were just finishing one together and people were asking them for tips and they were like “you have to get like mint chocolate chip or something because if there’s no texture it gets too boring to finish” and all I could keep thinking was that it can only be a matter of time before some god wipes this town off the map and we will have earned it with our disgusting hubris

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Everyone who has ever finished one of these will have it weighed against a feather when they die

[bearisthename]

Doable? Maybe

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Listen. After the Burger Incident of 2016 I’ve learned to accept my fragile mortality and live within the boundaries set for humanity by the Universe.

[bearisthename]

I’m a little nervous but my curiosity is overwhelming~ what, pray tell, is the Burger incident of 2016?

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

In 2016 the day Pokémon Go came out I worked up a big appetite with my friends and we went to Steak ‘n Shake and I decided that none of the burgers looked big enough which…..I don’t know if I thought the photos on the menu were actual size I don’t know what was going on but

I asked the server for the biggest one they had and she said “that’s the 7x7, it’s not on the menu…you don’t want that”

And immediately my friends knew I was fucked because I felt challenged which I blame on my middle child syndrome and also on that I am by birth just an idiot so I ordered it without knowing competitive food bloggers write entire articles about this thing.

I sort of knew I was in trouble when the cook came to see who’d ordered it but I wasn’t backing down and in the end I ate all 1300 calories and THEN the fries and ALSO my shake and I had to go to my friend’s and take a three hour nap and when I woke up I was so fucked up that I just started eating leaves straight off her mint plant because antacids weren’t going to cut it.

Then I complained for like two days and Ultimately I learned absolutely nothing.

[sissy-butch]

In case anyone wanted a visual for the 7x7

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Hubris

[dragonkingofthestars]

When you can’t decided between pride and gluttony so commit both sins at the same time.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

This is the only comment allowed now

[moonemojii]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[the-greentext-guy]

[urbanxdivinity]

What pleases u in bed?

sleep

[tastefullyoffensive]

My kind of party. (via _cooper)

[dutchster]

Wait! there’s more!

this is the best thing ever

[beansprean]

best way to get Azula to be nicer to u is turn it into a competition

[dekoi2501post]

[spectregoesboo]

[bannock-and-biopolitics-deactiv]

A lot of adulthood is shouting “AUGH MY LAUNDRY” hours after you put it in the washer/dryer and running to go fetch it

[curlicuecal]

oh shit my laundry

[mishafletcher]

reblog to save someone’s laundry

[venom-fucker-deactivated2021050]

fuck

[taptroupe]

A Bomp

[eternal-starry]

[ryanribbitys]

[beekirby]

[video-cakes-deactivated20190914]

[waloogy]

[rubberhosed]

family

[beckyb1329]

Men are really good at throwing themselves a pity party when it's not even their problem.

"but you didn't cum!" Okay, I'm aware, and I'm fine with it. I'm not bothered one bit. "but you deserve to cum too!" Great, I know, but I didn't because my body just wasn't that into sex tonight. But I wanted to have sex because I love you. Stop being so upset you couldn't make me orgasm, because I wouldn't have been able to either.

It was not a big deal. I just wanted it to be over so I could go eat some Oreos.

[greelin]

always going to be thinking about my nurse last night who gave me motrin + morphine and said "i like to call this.. m&m's" this one's for you jessica

[greelin]

“that didn’t happen” cranky bc a woman with a motherly aura in mickey mouse scrubs didn’t put your motrin in a little cup for you and carefully inject morphine into your iv, aren’t you

[whitepeopletwitter]

[insiggious]

Cop’s name is Philip Brailsford

He shot Shaver 5 times in the chest when Shaver, while crawling on all fours towards the officers, reached to pull his shorts up

Shaver was unarmed during the encounter, crying, and desperately begging for his life. In the official police report, Brailsford claimed he believed Shaver was crawling towards the police to put himself in a better position to shoot them, despite Shaver initially begging to be handcuffed while he was laying down to lower the risks of being shot. It was only after police ordered him to crawl towards them that Shaver began crawling

The dustcover of the rifle Brailsford used to kill Shaver was engraved with the words “You’re Fucked”. The judge decided this was inadmissible as evidence, despite prosecutors arguing it was a clear indicator of his mindset at the time of the shooting

Brailsford was found not guilty on the charge of second degree murder two years after the incident, and reinstated to the Mesa Police Department. This reinstatement was for the sole purpose of allowing Brailsford to apply for work-related disability (PTSD), at which point he was granted early retirement from the force with a 2.5k a month pension

Every. Single. Cop. Is. A. Bastard. They are either murderers or they are enablers. There is no such thing as a good, or even a decent, cop

[tastefullyoffensive]

Photos by Chasity Lollis (via TheRealDerv)

[nonetoon]

Don’t get be wrong axolotls are adorable and deserve the love but I don’t see enough attention for their freaky cave hermit cousins the olm

[nonetoon]

Like if u think the woman on the right is just as beautiful as the women on the left