Don't talk to me

lol why did u find this 16//Vent account

[beconcernedforme-blog]

“People on Binweevils are the nicest people you will ever meet. As kids, they treat you with respect and make the game a better place.” Write a blog post of your choice to argue your response to this Question.

- Basically doing this in the Question Format of Question 6 in the English Language AQA mock. If you find it and this helps you with your revision then I’m glad; but it’s 7pm and shit. They’re changing to spec from this one so....

Time to begin. 

As a 16 year old, most people feel like they have began to grow up in a sense. You’d do anything to cling onto the last forms of your childhood left, and for me. I think I found that in Binweevils; a place where I can be stupid and shit around kids without looking like a total creep because well. Y’know, I don’t perv on them and shit, because I’m a grown up. 

I’ve honestly loved this game for a while now, it has changed a lot since I first went on it, but it honestly is such a nice place to be in. I will probably continue to use it. 

What disgusts me is the people. 

It’s funny that, as a kid, I would have died to get this attention that I experience now. But now the concept of being AFK a tad bit to long forces people to simply think that I have done so. “Is he dead??” No, he’s spending a moment away from your ironically boring comments. I can’t even spend two seconds without you coming up and aggravating me in ways I never possibly imagined. 

It must sound stupid to you; but when you join a game to talk to someone and spend time with them. When other people come along you have to think wait, When did this happen? What have I put myself in for? Do kids really view me as the type of person to be a role model?

Because frankly, I’m not the sort of person people should be looking up to and even if they do, they aren’t setting the example that I would want someone who idolises me to portray. 

Constant swearing, bullying and harrasment is what has happened to our future generation. Most kids on there can’t go two glorious seconds without mentioning “vASS” or “Count”. The uses of these worse absolutely disgust me, these kids are about 8 or 9. I didn’t even THINK about swearing when I was that age; because I knew it was wrong. But now I look at this generation and think why?

Is this really what people think being “cool” looks like?

No sane person would use the word “Cxxt” against a kid; so why are they using it on a website. For someone who goes to bed at 8 o clock, I’d be expecting a better upbringing than this. It isn’t what people expect and I believe that we shouldn’t. Who in their right mind would ever want to hear that word from a kids mouth? I know I wouldn’t. 

Maybe I’m overreacting; but imagine going to watch your favourite tv show again after years of not seeing it. But, Alas, when you turn the tv on it is a remake that has made your favourite characters sexualised and they usually throw offensive terms to each other. How would you feel? Shocked? Angry? 

That’s how I feel every single time I talk to one of these children upon this website; when I shouldn’t have to. 

I don’t want to hear a girl go on about her ass all the time. Then call me a bitch when I leave? Well, sorry to disappoint you honey. But I’m not a male on that website and I’m not interested in your probably bad ass because no one pays attention to it. As a woman, I’ve had men sexually harrass me before by pinching it, you don’t want people looking at your ass. It makes you horribly self conscious and by going on about it to a website that is probably STILL filled with peadophiles, well? Well done, we get you like your ass. But you are putting yourself in a position that you don’t want to be in. I can’t help you because well, you don’t know anything about me and I don’t even know who you are. :) 

People such as window, teao and Handy actually scare me. Is this the future of my generation? Rude, obnoxious attention seekers that cannot STAND when they don’t get attention and no Lxxna, you being 8 does not give you an excuse to act the way you do. It makes it fucking worse. 

I really cannot stand it when people contradict me; it makes me fucking angry. Answer a simple question for once in your life? What don’t people understand about answering a question??? I don’t get it. Teao avoids it, Lxxna makes up more fucking points than I like and I’m stuck here like. Wait. Hold on. Slow the fuck down because I am fucking confused. 

For once, people have to stop looking like the good guy and accept their flaws because guess what; one day you could be a celebrity, famous even and guess what, I’m going to be the one who shows the public how the fuck you acted when you were younger and if you go campaigning. I will be here to remind your actions. Because let me tell you now, it’s not fair to let me and the bay take the blame for being the bad guys because, guess what, we fucking aren’t and I’m fed up of taking the blame. 

People on Binweevils are not nice, it’s a fact, and the future generation fucking scares me as a fact. Maybe they will grow up and act better? 

Right now, I have no hope. 

[beconcernedforme-blog]

maybe she just wanted attention

Attention that I like: 

- People coming to speak to me for being me; If someone is coming to say hello to me for being my own person; it really makes me happy. Due to the fact that it’s not all your so and so’s bud!! Yes, I am, well done. :)

- People complimenting me/Being genuinely nice; Knowing I’m so conscious means that I’m too scared to believe much. But when people say nice things it genuinely brings a smile onto my face. 

- Asking me to add them after conversations; Idk, I like the idea that someone is as nervous as I am so they’re like please can you add me? Of course I will! I’m terrible at checking friend RQ so I can do it str8 away. 

Ill add some more later thats all i can think off

[beconcernedforme-blog]

We need trees to survive...

I don’t think anyone should read this. 

As a person, I am shit. 

That’s a good first sentance isn’t it? Pretty much attention seeking; but I know I am shit. So before we get into this rant I want to make a few things clear. This is my own rant, and if you find it, this is going to be a lot of the feelings I have felt over this situation over the past 2 months. Or whatever long it is. 

I know as a person I seem overly possessive and shit, and I hope people have noticed I’ve tried to be better. I talk to people now. When I’m not feeling involved, I don’t get upset anymore. I’d rather just sit to myself and think about things for a while. I’m worried that people don’t get that; like please talk to other people. i’m getting over my horrible stages I used to be like all the time. Thank you so much for being there. still. 

It was months ago now, when we first met our ‘Handy’ friend, I’m calling her hand because i thought that was fucking smart for a name. I had never seen her before and tbh I was intimidated by her ideas and opinions and the way she acted because she was the type of person I never wanted to be, it is something I see more now. It sounds totally stupid, but I never wanted to be the confident person she was over time. I liked being in my own cliché with my own friends without worrying about anyone else. She was popular and I was not, it was kind of a scary experience for me. 

For the first few weeks, she seemed perfectly cool. I was very glad the bay had a friend in such a popular person; I liked the fact that they had met over youtube and they had a giggle’s over things. She could treat me however she wanted to because at least she made my best friend happy. Something I know i felt at times I wasn’t doing; rambling on about things that she didn’t really want to talk about because of my stupid mind, but I could never admit that and that’s seemingly why I let it progress; there was no need for me to step in and talk to her too much, we had like two conversations without the third person in this situation and from the ideas that we gave off, it was simple enough for the both of us to let this situation continue on the way it was.

That was until the typos started.

I will admit, I found typos funny once. That was for about a week; until I realised something. about them. These kids made statements that I used to make as a kid. “Dunno.” “freind”, maybe these words were funny to other people, but to me they never could be. I started to distance myself from this, replyin like i found them funny but most of the time. Errasing myself from the narrative. I used to have a go at my friends spellings, I used to do those things and I know how upset it made them. Why was I going to do it again to people I didn’t even know?  Maybe I could have said something about not liking it, but we go back to the thought of making people happy and upset. I couldn’t stand to make my best friend sad. I just couldn’t stand it, and I had to move myself.

Of course though, there are some things you can’t escape. 

Smurf’s was fun, but soon enough it was always about blue bird, erasing myself from the narrative made me erase myself from a lot of fucking things. It was always typos, I could talk or listen to about nothing else. My spelling was going down, and even I felt self conscious over what I could type to everyone now. Laughing about them once was funny, but the same thing on repeat every day upset me. I felt like shit, because it was always fucking Binweevils. It was never truly real life, it was about 20 typos an hour and I was getting sick of it, I was getting sick of Handy just because I was sick of the fact my life was being involved around bullying children. I picked out small things “Dumb things??” It’s not dumb, it’s how a kid says something, let them learn for at least fucking once, the comments in there were things I say, and I know I’d get upset if someone called me dumb just because I said something they didn’t get. I'm not the good Samaritan, but for a period of time I just felt shit because I was sick of fucking typos and fucking bullying. It was always look at these fucking typos, and I didn't want none of it. I was feeling lonely and was so ready to quit binweevils, just because I felt it was a society that I was beginning to feel like such a bitch in. I wasn’t helping people or being nice like I should, I was patronising them for something they could not help with when I done the exact same. That’s why I stopped talking, or getting involved. Because I was physically sick at my own actions, and there were times I just couldn’t take it anymore; I wanted to do something else apart from judging little children, the one thing I had feared when I was their age. 

Soon enough it was always Golden Bunny (Handy) and my bay. I never got a moment in really when she was there, I didn’t want to speak at all to her. I tried sometimes. But theres only so much “Um.” and “Haha.” you can put up with. She didn’t acknowledge me as much as I liked, but I knew it was my fault. I didn’t really care, I just was upset I never got time on Binweevils with the person who I had only joined it for. It wasn’t what I was thinking of a year ago, and it just made me lonely. It made me sad because I couldn’t stop hearing about typos and then always went silent. Always the one to make my friend have to go off to facebook just because I didn’t want to talk on binweevils; I was never a true friend. I was selfish and every time it happened, I just felt worse. 

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve had to make my best friend hide in the game that she obviously didn’t really want to hide in. I’ve felt like shit because of it, and I know I shouldn’t. but I accept responsibility for my part in this situation; it just developed worse and now I just feel bad about it all the time. I’m not sorry about the way I treated Handy, I don’t know, I just have a small piece of anger at them for a lot. Not even trying with me again after I didn’t say hi once or twice. I’ve felt like quitting the internet all together because of this situation, and now it’s been unfolded in spying. I don’t feel safe. Still to this moment to I feel sad and angry and everything, because I’ve let the bullying of children happen when it shouldn’t, I still am the one making people do things they don’t want to do and I know. I still never shut up about my fandom to cover how I feel up sometimes, I make people feel sick of it. 

Everything else i wanted to say has already been said, I just feel like sharing my story was something I needed to do and let off my chest. People know my petty points, but the outlined story was something I would rather just keep here. Maybe brood on my thoughts a bit. 

:)