SWAN DIVE!

do i ever really wanna wake up?

[bedaesung]

hello! i'm denver [sh/th, cst, 21+] and i'm stoked to be joining wannabe with hwang daesung, a character i've loved for many years and explored many renditions of 🫶 i have a pinterest board for him here if you're interested in taking a look at that, and you can read all about him under the cut! as per usual, please like this post if you're interested in plotting and i'll come to you asap!

i.

hwang daesung, english name dylan hwang, was born june 14, 2004 in queens, new york as the first and only hwang child. his parents, lee "mona" mirae and richard "richie" hwang always intended to have at least two children, but then they met dylan and they loved him so intensely that they didn't feel like they needed another.

family is important in dylan's story, so here's a rundown on the main characters: richie is a life-long dreamer, often getting carried away with the potential of what could be rather than what is. he's a fun-loving, enthusiastic man who spent his life playing in bands that never got as famous as he wanted. made most of his money as a studio musician, and shortly after dylan's birth, he opened a record store called just strings that became the family's financial stronghold. / mona is grounded in reality, rarely allowing herself to dream at all. she's a hairdresser, though any passion she had for it must've died in beauty school. but a job is a job, and it's what she's good at. she loves richie, which is why she doesn't pursue more than what she has. she's the stable one so that he can take risks. she's realistic, but never pessimistic. she loves her family and they are the most important thing to her. / edward "eddie" hwang is richie's older brother. as a teenager and young adult, he lived similarly to richie; but with age, he settled down with much less resistance. was an accountant for much of dylan's early life, and a frequent babysitter. arguably knows dylan better than his parents.

dylan's earliest memories consist of listening to and watching his dad play music. he was always at his dad's side; the gentler, more forgiving parent, and it didn't take long for dylan to decide he wanted to be just like him with both the music and the exuberant personality. he put on countless air-guitar performances for his extended family at holidays, and even more lousy stand-up comedy routines. he loved attention, and he got plenty of it.

finances started to dwindle a bit as time went on because richie seemed to be getting sick often and didn't have enough help to keep the record store open regularly; tensions rose in the family, but dylan was shielded from most of it. he did start to pull away from his parents a bit out of concern that they were keeping something from him.

TW CANCER, PARENTAL DEATH / eventually, months-long complaints of headaches and nausea followed by a bout of doctor visits saw richie getting diagnosed with brain cancer in summer 2016, which he had suspected by neglected to get checked earlier in a state of denial. by early 2017, he was gone. / END TW

mona used the life insurance payout to relocate back to seoul, south korea, where her parents were, as she felt the need to be close to them and suspected that she would need financial support and help raising dylan. eddie followed suit to stay close to dylan, and re-opened just strings in mapo-gu to honor richie.

for a while, things were tough. dylan immediately started going by his korean name, daesung, to avoid sticking out... but his newfound behavioral issues made him stick out all the same. grief manifested as anger; he was acting out at home and at school, and said a lot of things that he couldn't take back. didn't start to calm down until early 2018, when he completely threw himself into music. started getting more serious about the guitar especially. his mom, desperate to see him happy, gladly forked out money to buy him any equipment that he wanted/needed and paid for instrument and vocal lessons. did occasionally try to steer him away from music considering she watched her husband try and fail his whole life, but ultimately she knew that music was the one (1) thing that he felt connected to, and that it helped him feel close to his dad, so she agreed to support it as long as he was certain it was what he wanted.

let's speed-run through the rest of this... extremely average grades in school, excelled in creative after-school activities / started his band, backyard bones, in 2021 and really started to lighten up again since he had this thing that he was passionate and excited about / didn't plan on college, but his family talked him into it—enrolled in kyonggi university march 2022 as an animation major (because it "sounded fun" and his family just wanted him to have an education, any education) / has been half-secretly* aspiring to be an idol since 2018-2019. is happy playing independent music, but views idoldom as a shortcut to fame; and he wants to achieve the fame that his dad never did. *i say half-secretly because he's never passed an audition and tries to make it sound like a joke if he gets to talking about it to protect his own feelings, as he doesn't really feel that capable. is down for whatever happens first: his band getting signed, or becoming an idol trainee.

ii.

has an addictive personality, which is his achilles heel. does not know when to quit, does not care to know. since enrolling in university, he's gotten increasingly into partying/clubbing. (often hungover, which has cost him a few jobs—luckily, he always has the record shop and his mom's salon to fall back on when he's in need of work.) is obsessive, throwing himself completely into whatever piques his interest; a lot of times, this is a person who he'll make the center of his universe for a month of two and then ditch when the feeling of new-ness wears off. awful at maintaining relationships, romantic or platonic, and does not care to improve. many acquaintances, very few friends; and he's likely on thin ice with any friends he does manage to have. swings from high highs to low lows.

overall, he's kind. rarely (if ever) speaks maliciously, and never aims to hurt. in fact, he often aims to build people up. loves giving compliments and cheering up someone who's sad. in denial of the shitty parts of his personality, great at convincing himself he's not in the wrong. good comedic timing, somewhat charming, and usually down for whatever. a very fun person to be with in the moment; a difficult person to deal with long term, as he never seems to take anything seriously and, when it comes down to it, will almost always put himself first.

is in unreliable narrator and exists in a morally grey area. he will do whatever it takes to succeed.

iii.

open to all kinds of plots!!! but here are some basic ideas:

a long-term bff. maybe someone he met in early-mid 2017, shortly after he moved to seoul? this would be a somewhat tumultuous relationship as daesung is pretty inconsistent and self-centered, but i'd imagine they've stuck around because of how good a friend he is when he's present + a sense of obligation to look out for him? the only person who can reel him in when he starts to get out of control. i will go wherever you go. his rock, but as the person he's most comfortable with, they also get the worst of him. are they over it yet?

a new bff. someone who daesung might've known for a while, but only became close to in the past couple of months. naturally, they haven't seen his mood swings yet and haven't been a victim of his long-term ghosting/abandonment. peas in a pod. where have you been my whole life? of course, all things come to an end. it's just a matter of time.

some girl who gets her hair done by daesung's mom who absolutely adores her. every session is filled with mona talking her son up to this poor girl who might be humored or maybe just wants her to shut the fuck up and only keeps coming back because it's cheap. either way, mona's pretty sure this is daesung's future wife, and she will be arranging an "accidental double-booking" for her next appointment so that she's too busy and daesung has to be one to cut her hair.

+ any customers at the salon would be fun. daesung isn't actually trained/qualified to be cutting hair, but he's been helping out long enough that you'd probably never guess. or maybe you would. but there's bound to be some good conversation, right?

regulars at the record store too... lots of directions to go with this. someone who comes in to buy music and has to deal with daesung acting like their taste sucks and he knows more about music than they do? musicians who come in to buy supplies? where's the regular daesung's actually trying to charm and they couldn't possibly act less interested in him...

short-term exes. nothing serious. dated for a month or so, had a whirlwind romance, and then daesung got bored or they realized his heart wasn't really in it and ditched. does he still text? only when he's romanticizing what could've been. do they answer?

fans of backyard bones, if such a thing exists. someone who's trying to get closer to daesung, but whom he's currently holding at a distance out of fear of disappointing them / someone who never misses a show / a heckler who thinks this band that keeps playing at their favorite dive bar fucking sucks.

gaming buddies (pokemon, mtg, d&d, any card or board games really) / any previous victims of his ghosting really... close friends turned almost strangers. did he ditch when they needed him the most? people who will call him out. / previous coworkers, or current coworkers; he is a job-hopper and has a new job every two months or so. who's having to train him on some laggy pos system? / acquaintances from the indie music scene; drinking buddies, clubbing buddies / etc etc etc... again, i'm super open! please plot with me! <3

[bedaesung]

daesung watches the christmas concert. fuck project green. wc: 505 / tw for a very brief mention of depression.

daesung has a love-hate relationship with idol culture.

as a teenager, he thought certain idols were cool. with age, he's come to view many of them with a degree of condescension: down the nose, aren't you embarrassed? it's a prideful thing—a belief that nobody who makes a living singing and prancing around a stage can be taken seriously in life. then he reminds himself that being in a band is really not much different; it's just the same shit with less to show for it, and since when did he care so much about being taken seriously anyway? for a while, the attitude retreats and he's allowed to enjoy both the music and the dream again.

luckily, the holiday season's got him in a good mood. when he seats himself for the trainee concert, he's prepared to enjoy, not criticize. he's got a few friends who will be performing in the concert and he would never dare look down on them anyway. he's more concerned about how out of place he feels: a large portion of the other attendees seem to be young students and their parents. maybe this is embarrassing after all... no—he fights the feeling.

the female sr trainees open. admittedly, he's unimpressed; not that it's their fault, though. to open must be a huge job, and he's not the biggest fan of the song they're covering anyway. plenty of others seem to enjoy it. to him, the sr boys aren't much better. again, not their fault—just a consequence of what they're working with. he chokes back a yawn.

it gets better with studio delta. after all, this begins the series of what he came for. he's impressed by hyejin, but that's no surprise. he knew he would be. and having finally seen something he could deem worth his time, he's easier on the remaining performers; he doesn't have to be, though, because he can tell there's a reason the performances were lined up in the way that they are. project green closes it out, and he kind of fucking hates them for how good they are. if not jealousy, it's embarrassment that fuels his irritation; their cover of 'man in love' brings a couple nostalgic tears to his eyes.

good thing he couldn't get a friend to come with him, huh? no one to bear witness to his ridiculous sensitivities.

he applauds aggressively. content with the performances, ready to go home, mad at every trainee on that stage for being ahead of him—what more is there to say?

he cuts out during 'siren'. it's too good, and friendship isn't enough to stop him from being jealous, and he knows there'll be a tacky ending where all the trainees come out together; god forbid he has to see the sr kids again.

on his way out, he's got his hands clenched into tight fists in his pockets. there's something heavy in his chest; probably the onset of a deep what-am-doing-with-my-life? depression, but for the time being, he tells himself it's a newfound motivation.

[myungbe-deactivated20250515]

𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 —

written for 𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠 ( @bedaesung ) ♡

The small bell above the record store door jingles as Myungsoo steps inside, the warm hum of conversation and smell of aged vinyl hitting him immediately. The store is comfortably familiar by now, but it still has a way of making him feel like an outsider. Maybe it's the rows of well-worn album covers or the way the staff always seemed so effortlessly cool. Myungsoo feels like he stuck out, a polished veneer in a sea of clutter.

He wanders toward the shelves with his casual casualness, his eyes glancing over the titled fonts. He didn’t really know what he's looking for—he never does. The thought of asking for recommendations crosses his mind so he throws a glance toward the counter where one of the staff is flipping through a stack of records.

He should say something. He didn’t want to leave empty-handed again. After all, what was the point of coming back week after week if he wasn’t going to build his collection?

“Hi. I was wondering if you had any… recommendations? Possibly a collection of works…” he pauses, realizing how vague that sounded. “Something, um, classic but not too predictable? Cozy.”

The staff member turns, and Myungsoo could feel his heart sink. 'Here we go.'

[bedaesung]

at an early age, hwang daesung mastered the art of looking busy. at every job he's ever had, he's had a knack for letting the whole shift pass him by without getting shit done and without having a supervisor call him out on it—over time, the lack of progress would always speak for itself.

the good thing about just strings is that there is no supervisor to even think about calling him out because his boss is his uncle, and his uncle already knows how he is. so the shift passes him by, and he doesn't get shit done, and he's at ease with the fact. it's enough for eddie that he gets this stack of secondhand records priced and shelved by the end of the night. light work. it is, however, still work, and when a break presents itself in the form of a customer, he jumps at the opportunity.

recommendations—he loves giving them, he's rarely asked for them as a lot of the customers he gets already know what they're looking for (and are already familiar with his talk-your-head-off my-taste-is-superior attitude). "cozy..." what does that mean? he wonders. he knows what it could mean for himself, but it's such a loose term. "are you familiar with cocteau twins? their compilation album stars and topsoil could be a good match. it's a bunch of their stuff from throughout the 80's," he suggests. the more he thinks, the more certain he becomes that he's seen this guy in here a handful of times recently, and he's pretty sure he's never bought anything. not that that matters.

"i feel like cozy is pretty subjective—for me personally, i think songs with a noisy, fuzzy type of sound are cozy. if you like stuff like that too, you might be into portamento by the drums? that's actually what i have spinning right now." he gestures to the record player cabinet behind the register; on a shelf above it, the empty sleeve sits on display. "what are some albums you know that you like? if i have an idea of your taste, i'll be able to give better recommendations."

[bedaesung]

daesung's mom asks him what he's aiming for in 2025. he tells her. wc: 842 / tw for brief mentions of alcoholism

daesung’s been dodging his mom’s calls lately. you could call it a symptom of loserdom—he doesn’t want to talk to his mom because he doesn’t want her to ask him how he’s doing, to pry into his life. and as far as he’s concerned, any question she asks is prying. he doesn’t want to deal with the unsolicited advice, the condescension, the—

his phone is ringing. it’s his mom. he thinks about sending her to voicemail, but something stops him. that faux new year self-assurance everybody seems to become infected with for the first two weeks of january: this year will be different. this year, hwang daesung will be a better son.

he hits accept. “hey, mom,” he greets. it’s noon and he’s yet to brush his teeth. he cuts himself some slack because it’s his day off. no classes, no band practice, no work—however, last night’s whiskey is not as forgiving. the thick alcohol/regret odor seeps from the back of his throat to the air in front of him. his mouth is dry and his head hurts. what’s new?

“daesung.” he can hear it in her voice already: she’s about to lay into him. he hums out a noise of acknowledgement. but whatever he’s expecting, it doesn’t come as quick as he’d expected. she tells him about work, her regular clients, how the owner of the building she works out of upped her rent, how her parents are doing, how much she misses eddie this time of the year. he lets his guard down and then when she’s said all she has to say, she asks, “so… what are your plans?” there it is.

“what plans?” is his response, and really all the answer she needs.

“your… i don’t know, your life plans. i know what you want to do, daesung, but how are you going to make it happen? this year needs to be different than last—you need a plan.”

if he were 2024 daesung, he would evade the topic completely and probably get angry at mona for caring. but this is 2025 daesung, and 2025 daesung is better. for now. so he thinks; aiming to be somewhat honest while also giving her whatever she needs to get off his back for a while.

“my grades could use some work, but i’m on that already. i started seeing a tutor at the beginning of the semester and i think it’s really helping,” he tells her. a forced laugh, then, “could you imagine if i made the dean’s list? wouldn’t that be crazy?” what he means is: do you think i can? not that he gives her time to answer, anyway. on to the next thing.

“the band is doing pretty good, i guess. feels like we’ve been getting more recognition recently… i feel like if we play enough shows and write enough songs, we could get signed this year.” there are some things he wishes he could tell her, but that he keeps to himself. like how an agent was at their last gig, how he wanted to talk to them, but daesung was drunk out of his mind by the time the guy got ahold of him and an alcoholic frontman is a liability no label would knowingly take on. how he blew his own shot, the band’s shot. how selfish he still is. example a, “… but if i get signed on as a trainee first, i’ll drop the band. i don’t care which happens, i just want one to happen.”

there’s an awkward silence. he chooses to take it as her truly listening to him and letting his words sink in. really, he knows she’s biting her tongue on the shit he doesn’t want to hear because she’s already voiced her disapproval a hundred times over. she wants him to focus on school and stop wasting time on pipe dreams. he won’t. she wants him to choose either the salon or the record store and work consistently instead of bouncing between jobs and using family as a safety net. he won’t.

maybe 2025 daesung isn’t so different from 2024 daesung after all.

a minute passes with no one saying anything. he drops the bomb. “i want to stop drinking. or cut back, at least.” he’s got her on the hook now.

“i think that’s great, daesung. you know, if you need any h—”

he cuts her off. he’s not sure why. habit, maybe. “mom, i’ve got it. i think i’m okay. if i feel like i need anything, you’ll be the first person i contact, i promise.”

silence again. she’s probably hurt. that’s how it always goes—they talk until either or both of them get their feelings hurt, then feign business and go on their separate lives that used to be more aligned.

in a far away corner of his mind, the timer on a stove goes off. “hey, um, my food is ready. i’m gonna go eat lunch. i’ll talk to you later, okay?”

there is no food. she knows this. she lets him go anyway.

[noelxbe]

during winter

there was a lot of noel’s hobbies which were seasonal, swimming happened during summer, ice skating during winter, and skateboarding during summer as well. noel had a lot of hobbies, and continued getting more and more hobbies, he truthfully didn’t have time for them all, so a lot of his hobbies he pushed away until the weather seemed a better fit for his hobbies. skateboarding was something he did during summer, yet today he finds himself at the skateboarding rink, during winter, after it’s snowed.

“do you think this is a good idea?” he turns to look at daesung ( @bedaesung ) , a friend he got in the summer, though they haven’t had much time to spend together. normally noel wouldn’t be skateboarding at this season or with this weather, but he wanted to spend time with daesung, and this is what they came up with. “oh well” he shrugs “it might be fun to skateboard in this weather too” he shows a smile to the other.

[bedaesung]

the cold does not bother daesung. having lived over half his life under the grey skies of new york, he’s accustomed to it. layers of clothing keep him mostly warm and the beanie pulled down over his ears protects his head. still, he can feel the bite of winter; it’s in the numbness of his nose and the stiffness of his feet.

truth be told, he doesn’t think this is a good idea. the park—usually packed around this time of day—is mostly empty and numerous slick spots glimmer in the sunlight. still, he thinks it’s doable as long as they’re careful, and pride won’t allow him to turn back now.

he drops his board to the ground. clearly, he's itching to get started. “it’ll definitely be fun,” is all he has to say in response to noel. he meets the other's smile with his own, and then he's off. he simply expects noel to follow suit. he's headed towards the biggest bowl that the park has to offer, but he makes sure to hit a couple grind rails on the way as a minor warm-up.

once he reaches the bowl, he comes to a stop and kicks his board into his hand. the deep curvature has clung on to ice and snow a little more aggressively than the rest of the park; a big pile of it sits right at the bottom.

"are you up for it?" he asks, looking at noel. "it looks like there's just a little bit of snow at the bottom. i think our wheels will cut right through it. but i'm okay with just skating around a bit if it seems sketchy to you."

[bedaesung]

with @beheechul

daesung always gets a little sad post-holidays—something about a months-long anticipation gone in a flash. he tries not to let it get to him now; he & heechul had decided to take their tree down today and the chore really doesn’t need to be soured by a bad mood. heaven or las vegas by the cocteau twins plays quietly on the turntable. the album, one of daesung’s favorites, helps to stave off the new year blues.

“god, do you remember how hard this thing was to get together? do you think we’ll have as difficult of a time taking it apart?” he wonders, staring at the christmas tree. he’d bought it secondhand off of somebody in early 2024, and when the time came to put it together, he wasn’t easily convinced that part a, part b and part c were actually all from the same original tree. still, it looked alright when it all came together. he sighs, not looking forward to finding out the answer to his own question.

until now, he’s been holding a cardboard box labeled ‘ORNAMENTS’. it thumps dully when he tosses it to the floor. in the back of his mind, he wonders if he’ll still be living with heechul come next christmas. it’s a decent setup they’ve got and daesung’s in no rush to get out, but life changes so fast and they’re both trying to achieve big things.

with that in mind, he grabs another box from the hallway closet. might as well separate their ornaments now to avoid having it do it later.

“i don’t know about you, but i feel like christmas just came and went so fast,” he suggests. “the whole year did, really.”

[bedaesung]

with @behyejin

truth be told, daesung’s never had the strongest work ethic. he’s spent the past two years coasting from job to job, searching desperately for something that was work but didn’t feel like work and would still pay his rent. so far, the closest thing he’s found is this setup at a cat café with hyejin—half thanks to the job itself, half thanks to her company. he seeks said company out now during a slow period at work; she’s at a table, he takes a seat across from her. the weight slides from his shoulders.

“only an hour to go,” he reminds. not that this is a job worth counting down the minutes for; it’s just that he always feels like it’s been an exhausting day, and he’d had to clean up a couple gooey hairballs around lunchtime. talk about an appetite killer. still, his spirits are high. he’s excited for the prospective plans that he’s arranged in his mind—all he’s gotta do now is try to convince hyejin to commit to those plans as well.

he leans back in his chair. he notices a cat approaching them in his peripheral vision, a siamese that had been at the café longer than he had. before long, she’s winding between his legs; then, he sees her circle the table to go towards hyejin instead. secretly, he’s a little jealous considering he had cleaned up her hairball earlier. whatever.

“do you have any plans after work?” he asks, no longer focused on the cat. fingers crossed.