worm

Bug • 28 • they/she • less sexy main that i follow from • ur fave dyke worm 🐛

[naelmasn]

[mewvore]

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

[louisegluckpdf]

the first time i heard the phrase “i need that like a hole in the head” it didn’t even occur to me that many people don’t live with passive suicidal ideation at all times so i just assumed it was a way of saying that you really really needed something and i have continued to use it that way ever since

[s0fich]

[s0fich]

happy in his blankeyy

[talontarget]

jkr is literally posting upskirt photos to her social media. when will it finally get through to harry potter fans that their support makes her feel confident and correct enough to do things like this

[dodykeahedron]

If the holocaust denialism SOMEHOW wasn't enough for you to shut up about your favourite kids book as an adult; JK Rowling just committed a sex crime IRL against a transgender woman.

When do we start to care.

[johnnysmissingass-deactivated20]

😭😭😭

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

793.85

card tricks

[kaida427]

what's the dewey decimal number for foreskin. coward

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

611.642

the prepuce (aka foreskin)

is a simple "please" too much to ask?

[kaida427]

prostrating myself at your feet for my lack of composure thank you for your wisdom

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

179.92

forgiveness

[snoopylovessoup]

[samijen]

Knight, mage, and archer fairy 🧚‍♀️✨

[cograch]

August 24th, 2009

[codes-and-stuffs]

i do think we should normalise being like. platonically enamoured with someone. perhaps i love and admire you dearly and there's nothing romantic about it

[kumkaniudaku]

And then you can’t even say shit about bc people start trying to put you in a jacket and shit. Like omg it’s so strict???

[makingtrouble]

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

[makingtrouble]

Actually I've decided this is a poem

[hustlerose]

NOT being a good girl today. barking and ripping things up and just freaking it

[cometiny]

[what-even-is-thiss]

I still like the term parental unit that we used to use as a joke in middle school and high school. Did everyone else do that or was it just a my social circles thing?

Anyways telling the kids to go collect their parental units at the end of an event is a) funny b) gender neutral and c) just refers to the person currently doing your parenting

Also if you’re on joking terms with your parents “greetings, child” “greetings, parental unit” is a top tier greeting. Makes you sound like robot aliens.

[hinamie]

it's not living if it's not with you

[pastel-pink-psycho]

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable