I'm Just Here For Goofs

[relelvance]

Someone should invent a word for when you’re jumping and popping

[vympr]

pumping

[relelvance]

Not quite but I would never correct a woman

[vympr]

im a white boy

[relelvance]

*collars you* You’re my pet now 

[inthesensethat-deactivated20240]

[twentybrokenipodclassics]

[powerburial]

i like to pour a little dr pepper in my pockets and let it dry for my ladies who love a sweet smell

[organatwins]

Sibling asked how ppl in star wars dance to jizz music and I had to give her an example

[dickgirlsdaily]

[organatwins]

its literally not a typo,,,, thats what the genre of the music in the video is called in star wars canon

[dickgirlsdaily]

[wizardpostsdotorg]

fuck my gay wizard life i’m so used to talking out my ass like a nobleman that at the doctors today i said “is it within your power to prescribe me something like that?” and she LAUGHED AT ME “i like the way you phrased that, yes it’s within my power”

[sewerfight-deactivated20250114]

Imagine a bee rn in a hive muttering "the beekeeper is not real because he is not intervening or helping me at all with this disastrous relationship I have with another bee". now imagine that's you talking about the good lord. now imagine a dog with a propeller hat on

[xenobotanist]

[61below]

Filing this in my memory right next to this thread:

[flowerbleedme]

is anyone imagining a dog with a propeller hat on

[felix]

whenever i complete chores i get an achievement banner pop up in my head dark souls style

[felix]

[courtofthevampireking]

[killer-arcade]

[courtofthevampireking]

[gavamont]

Not my white ass locked in the duke’s dungeon again because I fucked his favorite jester 😩

I didn’t know he was so territorial over the silly little guy 🙄

[moreyradder]

Pro Tip: Avoid this in the future by inviting the king to your chambers and presenting the situation as;

" Just warming him up for a surprise threesome. You looked so stressed, sire, so let us help you relax."

[gavamont]

The Duke would, at best, be the fourth

The Duke’s wife is the third from time to time, and I feel like he’s not gonna be happy about that

And most importantly, the Duke is a fuck boi, he’s not invited

[moreyradder]

Ah, but I said the king, my good wizard!

If you get the king in on this, the duke can do nothing without risking insulting his monarch.

This could not possibly backfire!

In fact, I'll go perform this right now and report back my success shortly.

[moreyradder]

Dungeon

[gavamont]

Welcome to the club

[wizard-gobling]

surely the duke can’t catch all of us????

Gonna try hitting up the jester when the duke goes out for another raid and report with results 👍

[wizard-gobling]

Dungeon.

[ratazom]

Wow. I don't respect anyone in this thread.

[wizard-gobling]

feels like somebody’s mad they didn’t get the chance to fuck the duke’s favorite jester

[gavamont]

Make a pass at the jester and there’s always a chance

That you’ll be be doing that old “chained in the dungeon” dance

[sabertoothwalrus]

I was inspired

[ashstfu]

“are you sure you want to unsubscribe?” no i just scrolled to the bottom of the email and clicked the link just for the thrill of opening another tab

[pokeyscrypt]

[bunniope]

oh youre bi? why dont you "bi" me some time with a distraction while i crack this safe ya fuckin goon

[himborc]

you got it boss (makes out with the bank teller and his wife)

[vitariesocks]

please look at this flyer I saw on my walk today

[funnytwittertweets]

[bookshop]

ALL of the replies are people going "Mental is hocus, health not pocus" until OP turned off replies, and that is the stuff that keeps my mental hocus healthy and pocused

[ineverfini]

MENTAL IS HOCUS, HEALTH NOT POCUS!

[evilscientist3]

steps into a big pot of bubbling oil and sits there like its a hot tub and i snile at you so nicely that you step in after me and youre immediately boiled til theres nothing left

[evilscientist3]

well you see,

the sniler

[inkmo]

drew a pic of myself hanging out with The Sniler in her cauldron

[killcatboys]

SAW TRAP write 1-2 paragraphs on a discussion post and respond to two of your classmates

[marcitlali]

[quinoaphoenicks]

me after smoking half a bowl and drinking one bourbon on a weeknight

[marcitlali]

me after taking Yak tranquilizers in a berlin warehouse

[smallrat36wagon-deactivated2021]

you need to change your life styles or you might pass away .

[gunkmusher-deactivated20240613]

%90 of lgbt representation on big tv shows looks like this