The Taboo of Suffering
**Excerpt from Practical FLR: Destroying The Taboo**
This is a spiritual book. Volume two, Practical FLR: A Woman’s Guide To Gentle Dominance was a sexual book. The reason I decided to write a third book is because so many people will never experience a female led relationship because taboo won’t let them. I wanted to examine taboos, and help expose their limitations, so that as many people as possible can see them in a new light and move beyond them.
Taboos are really nothing more than thoughts implanted within our minds by society. Taboos create mindsets that involve judgment rather than experience. Just the idea of a dominant woman for example, is one taboo that creates so much judgment, that many women don’t even believe they’re capable of taking charge on any capacity. Yet deep inside, they know they want to take charge, or at the very least, express themselves more fully, and communicate more openly.
Many don’t because the taboo says that’s not acceptable, there is difficulty finding encouragement within family, friends, and culture. Resigning women to settle for less than they know they deserve. It’s a taboo that does not help women become empowered enough to call their partner out when they’re not being in touch with her emotionally or mentally. It creates an automatic confusion between understanding the opposite sex. As a result, the conventional relationship typically suffers from a lack of harmony within the relationship.
It is for this reason that I have decided to write this book. Whether people know it or not, the ultimate goal of human life is to spiritually awaken and free ourselves from suffering. The problem is, most people don’t even know what suffering is, or even deny that they are suffering. Suffering is, but not limited to, stress, anxiety, insecurity, anger, depression, annoyance, greed, narcissism, and apathy. Suffering is negativity. Suffering is pessimism. Suffering is limitation. Suffering is ignorance. It is suffering that keeps the life we want, just out of reach.
The nature of suffering is thought. It is our thoughts that limit our perspectives, reactions, replies, and behavior. All of us are born with a core personality, that does not require thought. Some of us are naturally talented, others naturally charismatic or quirky, we all have unique qualities to offer the world. The problem is, it’s difficult to offer those qualities when we have covered them up with thoughts. All humans want to feel good, the reason we suffer, is because we think feeling good, has to come from a condition. An achievement or accomplishment of some kind, or from someone else. The need to feel validated, recognized, or complimented.
The moment we allow these conditions to determine how we feel, we will suffer. We have become experts at this, we identify with our vehicles, homes, jobs, money in the bank, and so on. We do this so much, to the point of forgetting our real identity, because we can’t be that person when we have bills to pay. At least, that’s the lie we tell ourselves to validate our suffering. So we have assumed the identity of the person struggling to pay bills, and we get stressed out, depressed and lonely. We then get into a relationship with someone, as that person. It doesn’t typically turn out very well.
One unique quality of suffering, is that it’s very good at defending itself. Our mind will always come up with an excuse of some kind, as to why things are the way they are, and why we’re helpless to do anything about it. Or it’ll defend itself through the comfort zone, and not see a reason to change. It may also point the blame to others, stirring more conflict and suffering. Recognizing this defensive nature of suffering is the first step to overcoming it. It’s this recognition that gives you a yearning for change, which opens up the possibility for it.
This is what makes a female led relationship so unique. It’s a relationship that is designed to work with our core personalities, allowing each partner to be their genuine selves. It’s a relationship that helps each partner overcome their suffering, by allowing each other to become mentally and emotionally naked. It’s a foundation that is built from the very beginning, on integrity and trust.
It’s not a type of relationship where you can pretend, put on an impression, or try to prove yourself. It’s designed to draw out the best qualities of both partners, and the moment that stops, it’s noticed, it’s felt, and it’s not tolerated. But that non tolerance doesn’t result in the typical argument, or fight. It’s openly communicated, and recognized as something both partners can work toward solving, often through some form of D/s agreement or discipline, or deeper intimacy and acceptance.
It is a way of self analysis and that creates room for change. When a couple enters into this space together, it’s extra powerful because it automatically creates a support system. It generates trust in each other as they explore, which enables them both to feel safer, and more accepted. It’s a kind of spiritual growth.
It’s also a kind of personal growth that brings each partner in touch with their own emotions. Emotions bring clarity and understanding that awakens us from suffering. Arguments and lack of connection only occurs when there is a resistance or reaction to emotion. It’s through emotion that we figure things out and connect with others. The biggest secret to fear, is that fear doesn’t like to feel itself. In other words, we overcome suffering when we allow ourselves to feel emotions, even if they’re uncomfortable. All suffering is fear based in some way or another.
When we are children, we are very good at feeling all kinds of emotions, and letting them go right away. For example, if someone insults a child at the age of 6, that child is going to cry for about 5 minutes, before they’re back to laughing and playing in the playground, likely with the same person that insulted them. The child doesn’t take it personally any longer than that 5 minutes. Yet, if an adult gets insulted, it’s going to ruin their day, and they’re going to be mad at that person, for weeks, and they might not get over it for months or even years! We might want to ask the question who is more mature?
Adults have to relearn how not to identify with emotion, and simply just feel it as it arises. They must create a space and witness the emotion. Who we really are, is not emotions or thoughts, we are the awareness that has the experience of them. So we have a unique ability to witness emotions, and when we do that, our identity with them is removed, and they are let go. What’s beyond that, is who we really are, and the end of suffering.
The point of a female led relationship, or at least, the point I wish to emphasis, is to rise above the mediocre of the typical relationship and move into new heights of human consciousness and personal growth. A female led relationship is really about facing taboo’s and inhibitions, to change how we think and feel by opening up to new possibility and potential.
Few relationships experience a lasting harmony because the couple fails to grow personally and spiritually. Routine sets in, minds close off and that results in failure to innovate and bring fresh romance to the relationship. Even fewer people attempt to understand their own sexual nature, and explore with a willing partner. This results in a lack of sexual charge, which reduces sexual attraction to their partner over time.
Sexual charge is not the same as simply being horny. Sexual charge is allowing the feeling of being horny, to rise up through the entire body, providing a much stronger sense of being alive and connection to ourselves. Sexuality is about far more than most of us have been led to believe.
It’s important to understand this sexual charge, because sexuality unlocks key aspects of our core personality that contain our inner desires. It brings an extra dimension to the experience of life. When someone is sexually charged, they will discover the beauty of sexual fulfillment. Sexual fulfillment brings the experience of bliss and joy, or at least, peace, into daily life. It’s like a cheat code for invincibility in a video game, and so few people ever discover their sexual depths. Never mind having a relationship based on it! A female led relationship works with this sexual nature, automatically bringing intuition, wisdom, and emotional intelligence to both partners.
There are many taboo’s that prevent people from exploring beyond their normal range of thought. One taboo that many people tend to gravitate toward when it comes to female led relationships, is the idea that women are superior, and that the world should live in a matriarchy. This is a radical idea, and this book is not about that in any way, shape, or form. This book is about giving women back the power they deserve which helps to make the world a better place, one relationship at a time.
Men and women are interdependent upon each other. Both genders have unique qualities to offer. More importantly, on an individual basis, regardless of gender, we all have individual unique qualities to offer. There are dominant men, and there are submissive males. The same applies to women. A female led relationship certainly does not appeal to everyone, and it won’t work for everyone. It will only work for those that match the required unique qualities that compliments their own. Every female led relationship is different, there is no one size fits all. The one size fits all model, is just another taboo.
To create a harmonic female led relationship, first we must understand where our sense of identity comes from through self analysis and see beyond the ego trap. How did we get like this?
Want to continue reading? Please purchase the book! Thank you for your support :)
Available in E-book and paperback!
Practical FLR: Destroying The Taboo
