How Funny—

I can't stop thinking until the moment I put a pen in my hand.

[ruinedchildhood]

[bratlinsmith]

Relatable

[airbluex-deactivated20180326]

hearing the girl you like calling you baby in a soft voice is like having your heart fall down 7 flights of stairs and exploding

[iitsnotivett]

Yuzuru Hanyu on Ice vs. off Ice

[omgkatsudonplease]

I’ve been watching this for 10 minutes and it still doesn’t stop being funny

[quinzel-isley]

48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.

[mybeltruns]

grandpa got game

[kelcf]

[damare-draws]

I upgraded my Bulbasaur to spring 🌸🌺

[cidham]

amir khusrow (1253–1325 CE)

[juniqs-blog]

this changed my life

[gaydine-ross]

this was written before the printing press was invented and it still sounds like a modern day shitpost

[emoglitter-deactivated20180731]

why has no one fallen in love w/ me yet i’m so bored

[trynsave]

[fredersen]

all english teachers are either chaotic good or lawful evil

[twitterlols]

[sexhaver]

“my busch lite is gone”

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

this video should have a million notes and a primetime emmy

[kaleochu0202-deactivated2022050]

i got diagnosed with SDD

[kaleochu0202-deactivated2022050]

stupid dumbass disorder

[tobeagenius]

[filenames]

[prokopetz]

Fun fact: cats don’t just wiggle their butts before they pounce out of excitement - they’re also making tiny adjustments to the position of their feet in order to more precisely aim the ensuing lunge.

Or, in other words: your cat is calibrating.

[raejin99]

Loading pounce.exe

Initiating…

Analyzing target coordinates

Trajectory adjustments required, initiate calibration protocol wigglebutt.exe

Wiggling…

Wiggling…

Calibration complete. Initiating pounce in 3…

2…

1…

Pounce initiated

Results: Slammed head first into wall. Please debug wigglebutt.exe

[forfuckssakejim]

Omg so I’m at the cafe by campus and this guy came in and went to hug this chick but she went in for a fist bump

[forfuckssakejim]

OK OMG SHE SAT HIM DOWN AND SAID “I think we should break up”

[forfuckssakejim]

I’m legit 3 feet away from them pretending to be invested in my science book

[forfuckssakejim]

She said “it’s not you it’s me” and before he could respond the barista called his name. It’s Bob. Poor Bob

[forfuckssakejim]

The move was effective. The lady looks defensive

Bob has come back.

[forfuckssakejim]

It was a few minutes of awkward silence as he took a sip of his drink. It’s the same kind as mine. Meaning he ordered Hot Chocolate

[forfuckssakejim]

He started out with “You know, I think.” And I could hear this lady’s eyes roll. No one cares what you think Robert

[forfuckssakejim]

FINGERS ARE FLYING. SHE POINTING AT HIM. SHIT IS GETTING REAL.

[forfuckssakejim]

she calmed down and he legit did that thing where you steppe you fingers together in front of your mouth and take a huge breath. Bro. Leave it. It’s done. She’s too pretty for you.

[forfuckssakejim]

He freaking snapped his fingers like he’s got this grand plan to make up for things.

[forfuckssakejim]

She Said she still wants to be friends. She starts this by asking about his day

[forfuckssakejim]

Apparently something bob said made her laugh.

[forfuckssakejim]

She has not been able to say a word since she got him talking. It’s too loud in the cafe for me to make out anything even tho I’m legit behind this chick

[forfuckssakejim]

He talking about his struggles now and how much he needs her. Run lady. Run. Run far away.

[forfuckssakejim]

She tried to get up and his hAND SHOT OUT TO GRAB HERS

[forfuckssakejim]

She’s literally folded in herself. Hands not going out further than the table. Limited hand movements.

Now she’s talking about her self. He doesn’t look that invested.

[forfuckssakejim]

“well some people are bitchy” -bob

[forfuckssakejim]

Lady does not have a drink. I don’t think she planned on being here this long.

[forfuckssakejim]

Bob is again talking about himself 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 no one cares bob.

[forfuckssakejim]

Well he said something that made her laugh again. It sounded fake tho.

[forfuckssakejim]

He’s talking about school. APPARENTLY HE IS A PROFESSOR

[forfuckssakejim]

“Promiscuousness leads to disease” -Bob again.

[forfuckssakejim]

I’m done with my hot chocolate and I don’t know if the bitter taste in my mouth is from the chocolate residue I drank or my disdain for Professor Bob.

[forfuckssakejim]

She adjusted her chair so she’s further away

[forfuckssakejim]

SHE GOT UP! She went to take her purse but bob said to leave and he would watch it. I think she’s headed to the bathroom.

[forfuckssakejim]

I can’t leave! But he’s doing that voice to text thing for his phone. Talking to someone about this? Idk?

[forfuckssakejim]

I’m trying to figure out what he’s saying by looking at his lips but I suck as this. Also where are his lips?? Bob is lipless. Further proof that lizard people exist.

[forfuckssakejim]

I just noticed the lady left her phone in her purse.

Ok she’s coming back. She is pretty. Too pretty for Bob. But probs old enough to be my mom.

[forfuckssakejim]

He’s talking about his students again.

[forfuckssakejim]

She was talking and he interrupted her and she was like “I was talking” and he like flinched and he apologized. Yes queen.

[forfuckssakejim]

“but this is why this democracy is at its purest.” Wtf Bob that doesn’t make sense

[forfuckssakejim]

They’re talking so quietly now I can’t hear them.

[forfuckssakejim]

“I should have said this a long time ago. But I can’t get anyone to love me” -Bob what the fuck.

[forfuckssakejim]

“I feel like I’m projecting my self onto you” -bob once again

[forfuckssakejim]

She’s leaving! She said something about picking up her son, Kevin, from school. Good job lady!

[forfuckssakejim]

HOLY SHIT HES REACHING INTO HIS PANTS WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

[forfuckssakejim]

*pocket. But still.

HE PULLED OUT A RING BUT THE CHICK IS ALREADY OUT THE DOOR. OMG

[forfuckssakejim]

OMG OMG OMG ITS A MENS RING!! HE PUT IT ON HIS HAND HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. HES PICKING UP HIS PHONE

[forfuckssakejim]

“Hey babe, nah sorry about not answering your call. I was in a meeting with a student. I’m leaving my office now. Yeah I can pick up dinner. Is Tanner home from school yet?”

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT